Your funniest school stories

Green Giant · 19-08-2014 11:54AM #1

OK I admit I'm sort of piggybacking on the 'unreasonable school rules' thread here but some of them reminded me of a few of the funniest incidents I've seen in my school days.

The 'no jackets in class' rule popped up a few times in the thread I mentioned and it was a policy in our school as well, even in prefabs in the depths of January.

In one of the rooms in the older part of the school, the heating failed on a January morning. Of course we were all shivering like nudists in Norway and, not wanting to catch pneumonia, left our jackets on. Before long the teacher orders us to remove our jackets, only to be met by several complaints. She angrily told us that "There is nothing wrong with the heating in this school."

At which point a radiator came off the wall

Banjo String · 19-08-2014 11:58AM

There was a cock eyed teacher in our school.

She couldn't control her pupils.

jimgoose · 19-08-2014 11:58AM

I don't seem to remember anything particularly amusing happening in school per sé. For me, school was generally a dull, tedious affair. Except hanging around behind the bike sheds smoking and chatting up young wans. That bit was good. :cool:

fleet_admiral · 19-08-2014 12:00PM

I had a teacher that we nicknamed wiggy for obvious rasons. However on the first day in third year the wig was gone but he had grown a beard over the summer. It was like his head had been flipped upside down.
Straight away he was known as wigless

Reedsie · 19-08-2014 12:01PM

The day we let the dog in.

MRnotlob606 · 19-08-2014 12:07PM

Religion teacher once asked which person got stoned to death
and a pupil replied "Bob Marley".

Banjo String · 19-08-2014 12:08PM

GerB40 wrote: »

I used to put my eyebrow piercing in before Irish class on wedn

GerB40 wrote: »

I used to put my eyebrow piercing in before Irish class on wednes

How many eyebrows hav...

Oh wait.

irish_goat · 19-08-2014 12:08PM

Put Mr.Sheen on the floor at the top of the classroom. Teacher walks in, nearly slips, has a chuckle to himself and tells us all about how they used to polish the floors in school back in his day. Few seconds later he spots the Mr.Sheen can sitting on his desk and called us all bastards but obviously knew he couldn't punish us after admitting to doing the same. :pac:

Turtyturd · 19-08-2014 12:09PM

One of the blokes in our class had an older brother who had the same class teacher we did but 5/6 years earlier. His brother told him about an unused roll up projector screen that his class had covered in insults about the teacher. Cue the bloke coming into class one morning and pulling down the screen only for the teacher to walk in a few seconds behind him.

Fairly sure he got suspended as they didn't believe his story.

FloatingVoter · 19-08-2014 12:10PM

Teacher turning up drunk and doing an English class that maybe only Peter O' Toole or Richard Harris (at their drunkest) could have delivered.

Another teacher (Irish:rolleyes:) taking off his shoe and beating a student around the head with it. Even the kid was laughing until one of the blows hurt. Then he decked him.

Another ****wit (60 if he was a day) who used to play pocket billiards. Never learned a thing from him. Watching a guy masturbate in front of a roomful of teenagers is a memory I don't cherish.

There were one or two normal ones but they mainly took early retirement or hit the Valium.

GerB40 · 19-08-2014 12:10PM

I used to put my eyebrow piercing in before Irish class on Wednesdays, inevitably get kicked out and go down and get the freshest sausage rolls in the canteen. When I told a few of my friends this they all found a way to be removed from class until there was around 12 of us getting kicked out of class on purpose for the finest canteen cuisine.
We got In some shít when the headmaster found out but for a while we felt like anarchists..

longshanks · 19-08-2014 12:11PM

The day the class fatty put their hand up and called out Mammy, instead of Sir, Miss etc.

smash · 19-08-2014 12:12PM

We used to go to the local newsagent every week and he'd let us take any of the old magazines that after he'd ripped off the front cover to send back to the supplier. There were stacks of them in a trolley waiting for us every Friday and being the great man that he was, this included all the top shelf stuff. So off we'd go with a few playboy and penthouse mags back to school. We'd get the most graphic pages, fold them up and slip them into the pockets of various teachers. It never got old to see a stuttering teacher try and control a class after dropping a folded up spread eagle photo on the ground while he rooted for his chalk. Of course, they were always folded perfectly so that you'd see a full on vag when they took them out of their pockets.

GerB40 · 19-08-2014 12:13PM

Banjo String wrote: »

How many eyebrows hav...

Oh wait.

Ya you got me, my new phone has a fùckin mind of its own..

eisenberg1 · 19-08-2014 12:14PM

Class were being very unruly and the teacher (his favoured method of "control" was to swipe everything off a desk with one hand and smack the other hand down on the desk, loudly) was having a hard time with it, so he lets out a load bellow, while at the same time clearing the desk with his left arm, while he is roaring, his top teeth flew out, on to the now cleared desk, and he proceeds to smack his right hand (with considerable force) down on to the teeth. The result being a smashed set of falsers with two or three teeth embedded in his palm.

Immediate and absolute uproar ensued.

Barely There · 19-08-2014 12:14PM

longshanks wrote: »

The day the class fatty put their hand up and called out Mammy, instead of Sir, Miss etc.

Makes you sound like a horrible bully.

Aglomerado · 19-08-2014 12:18PM

I had an owld bitch of a teacher in sixth class, who hated me with a passion. I used to write funny poems in class / draw pictures in my books etc. She liked to come to my desk when I was absorbed in non-class work and grab what I was doing and read it out to the class to embarrass me.

One day I saw her coming towards me and I got prepared.

She proceeded to read out to the class:

"I AM A DOPE" :pac:

I don't remember her coming after me again.

takamichinoku · 19-08-2014 12:20PM

The parish priest used to come down to the infants room once a week when I was there. He'd get all the boys to line up so he could shake their hands, would always squeeze each boys hand until they were crying. Been doing it for years, apparently.
Anyways, I couldn't see the point of it at all so one week I hid my hand up the sleeve of the jumper and held out the sleeve. Priest doesn't notice, goes to squeeze the sleeve, lets out a huge shriek and jumps back.
All the kids laughed their heads off and he hated me for the 8 years. Win-win.

There was a scumbag kid from a rough family who used to throw his weight around and most anyone he challenged would be afraid to do anything. One week this big fella, quiet lad, one of those kids who had older parents and talks like an old man as a result, decides he had enough, pushes scumbag to the ground and sits on him for the whole lunch break lecturing him about how he needed to grow up.

Sunnyisland · 19-08-2014 12:22PM

I spilled a tin of black paint over a teachers skirt one day,the class thought it was great she went absolutely mad and still hates me till this day,even though she probably died a few years ago...

Boom_Bap · 19-08-2014 12:22PM

Every day something new and hilarious happened in my school.

The day after Brian McFadden appeared on MegaZone wearing red dungarees and was beaten by a child in the game challenge was a thing of beauty.

The time when someone took a poop in the sink and everyone had to go take a look.

When a teacher threw a duster at a student, and the shocked look on the teachers face when the student threw it back and hit her on the t*t. There was a duster chalk mark on her t*t for the rest of the class.

When a bunch of lads put a moped at the top of the fire escape. The owner trying to get the moped back down was hilarious.

The time we were playing no contact rubgy, and I went full steam into the teacher and left him in a heap.

Did I mention the poop in the sink?

jimgoose · 19-08-2014 12:23PM

takamichinoku wrote: »

...One week this big fella, quiet lad, one of those kids who had older parents and talks like an old man as a result, decides he had enough, pushes scumbag to the ground and sits on him for the whole lunch break lecturing him about how he needed to grow up.

I title him Yokozuna. :cool:

fleet_admiral · 19-08-2014 12:24PM

smash wrote: »

We used to go to the local newsagent every week and he'd let us take any of the old magazines that after he'd ripped off the front cover to send back to the supplier. There were stacks of them in a trolley waiting for us every Friday and being the great man that he was, this included all the top shelf stuff. So off we'd go with a few playboy and penthouse mags back to school. We'd get the most graphic pages, fold them up and slip them into the pockets of various teachers. It never got old to see a stuttering teacher try and control a class after dropping a folded up spread eagle photo on the ground while he rooted for his chalk. Of course, they were always folded perfectly so that you'd see a full on vag when they took them out of their pockets.

You are my hero:D

Boom_Bap · 19-08-2014 12:26PM

There was also the day everyone brought in a bouncy rubber call to class.
At first, one ball was launched and bounced all over the room, the teacher was confused as everyone looked ahead ignoring the ball.
Then when the teacher composed himself and got back to what he was doing on the board, 2 balls went flying. Same reaction from all of us.
When he went back to the board, all balls from 25 -30 lads went bouncing everywhere. It was chaos.
The teacher ended up leaving the room...what we thought was to cry, but looking back, it was probably to laugh his as$ off.

longshanks · 19-08-2014 12:27PM

Barely There wrote: »

Makes you sound like a horrible bully.

Not really. It's one of those stories that happened in every class, a bit like the day someone managed to sneak a dog in.
But if you want to take offence you go right ahead.

Aglomerado · 19-08-2014 12:30PM

In secondary school our Science teacher brought the TV and VCR into the lab one day to show us some film about sex or something. She had trouble getting it to work and spent the entire 40 minutes with her back to the class fiddling with the cables.

When she finally turned around and faced us the floor of the science lab was drenched in water - we had been squirting each other with water and there were rubber bungs everywhere, we'd been throwing them at each other too.

She just swore at us. She was a legend!

GerB40 · 19-08-2014 12:32PM

longshanks wrote: »

Not really. It's one of those stories that happened in every class, a bit like the day someone managed to sneak a dog in.
But if you want to take offence you go right ahead.

I called a teacher mam before. She said "yes son?". We all laughed about it, no big deal..

longshanks · 19-08-2014 12:39PM

GerB40 wrote: »

I called a teacher mam before. She said "yes son?". We all laughed about it, no big deal..

Which is kind of my point. It happened in every class at some stage. Laugh. Move on.

takamichinoku · 19-08-2014 12:40PM

smash wrote: »

We used to go to the local newsagent every week and he'd let us take any of the old magazines that after he'd ripped off the front cover to send back to the supplier.

Local newsagents used to do that too, but not for the porn magazines... guess I can see why!

One week in final year a friend of mine mixed up the baskets of the old ones and the new ones, took a few Beanos because they had double lollies free with them that week. Shop owner goes up and reports it to the school, is able to identify him and all. Friend gets called out of class and we all laugh our arses off listening in on the apology
"Why'd you even want the Beano?"
"I didn't want the Beano, I wanted the lollipop!"

FloatingVoter · 19-08-2014 12:40PM

longshanks wrote: »

Which is kind of my point. It happened in every class at some stage. Laugh. Move on.

...especially if its an all boys school with mainly male staff. Then the lone female is bound to get it. Probably happens with grown men in Mountjoy to this day.

miss no stars · 19-08-2014 12:43PM

Funniest thing that ever happened in my school happened on a Monday morning. One of the 6th years had been out in a local nightclub the previous weekend and a young male teacher didn't recognize her as a student and tried to chat her up. When she asked what he did for a living he responded with "I'm a pilot". He arrived into the car park to see it full of 6th years running around pretending to be airplanes.

Male teachers NEVER lasted in my school unless they were ugly as sin.

Irish Halo · 19-08-2014 12:49PM

longshanks wrote: »

The day the class fatty put their hand up and called out Mammy, instead of Sir, Miss etc.

longshanks wrote: »

Not really. It's one of those stories that happened in every class.

I think the bit "class fatty" might be what they are taking offence to.

I'll stay out of this topic as I got banned from AH when in a similar topic I pointed out (albeit not very politely) that some of the posters were actually just bullying people (at least one person thought defecating on a teacher's desk was hilarious).

Your funniest school stories

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