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Checking your partner's phone

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    #242
    Maximus Alexander
    Registered Users Posts: 13,080 ✭✭✭✭Maximus Alexander


    conorh91 wrote: »
    So the answer is that you would have no trust issues about your partner sleeping with her ex, say on a really nice bed, covered in rose-petals in a fancy hotel in Paris, with a complimentary bottle of champagne?

    What on Earth are you talking about? I would trust that she wouldn't do that.


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    #243
    conorh91
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭conorh91


    Maximus Alexander wrote: »
    I would trust that she wouldn't do that.
    But if, for some reason, she had no choice but to be there. You trust her "absolutely"… right?

    Because that's what absolute means. The reasons for being in these putative circumstances is irrelevant.

    Otherwise it would be like saying "I trust my dead wife with my chequebook". That's meaningless, because it can't arise, and so it isn't real trust at all.


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    #244
    Maximus Alexander
    Registered Users Posts: 13,080 ✭✭✭✭Maximus Alexander


    conorh91 wrote: »
    But if, for some reason, she had no choice but to be there. You trust her "absolutely"… right?

    So you're asking me if my partner's ex kidnapped her and brought her to a hotel room, would I consider that a violation of trust?

    Madness.


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    #245
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    conorh91 wrote: »
    But if, for some reason, she had no choice but to be there. You trust her "absolutely"… right?

    Because that's what absolute means. The reasons for being in these putative circumstances is irrelevant.

    Otherwise it would be like saying "I trust my dead wife with my chequebook". That's meaningless, because it can't arise, and so it isn't real trust at all.

    I would trust my partner 100% if that situation were to arise. I'm aware that he loves me, and only me.

    There is absolutely no situation on earth that would necessitate him to sleep in a rose strewn bed with an ex, anyway.

    If he absolutely, in some mad world with insane situations, had to - I believe the most he would do would be throw an arm around her in his sleep.

    With regards to those kind of situations - if my partner decided that he was going to share a bed with an ex, I'd break up with him. Not because I don't trust him, but because he's choosing to disrespect me and our relationship.


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    #246
    conorh91
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭conorh91


    Maximus Alexander wrote: »
    So you're asking me if my partner's ex kidnapped her
    No, I'm not. She's working in Paris. The rugby is on. The hotels are full. The hotel messed up the booking. Whatever.

    Tying to reject the proposition clearly shows that you accept trust is not absolute. If your trust were absolute, it would pervade regardless of the uniqueness of any circumstances which could conceivably arise.


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    #247
    Heat_Wave
    Registered Users Posts: 1,224 ✭✭✭Heat_Wave


    My work colleague forgot his online sign in details to his computer in work and as a result, asked me for my log in details, which means he can view everything that's on my desktop.

    I have a folder which calculates all the nutritional value in foods and I also a keep a food diary. I would consider this private and would be a little embarrassed if someone were to read through it.

    He probably assumed I was been hesitant because I had hardcore porn in there somewhere. Little does he know it's only a food diary!

    So I would assume the same applies to mobile phones. If a person's OH thinks it's unusual for their partner to want to keep their phone private then they need their head screwed on!


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    #248
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    conorh91 wrote: »
    No, I'm not. She's working in Paris. The rugby is on. The hotels are full. The hotel messed up the booking. Whatever.

    Tying to reject the proposition clearly shows that you accept trust is not absolute. If your trust were absolute, it would pervade regardless of the uniqueness of any circumstances which could conceivably arise.

    That situation doesn't necessitate staying with an ex. There are other options - flight home if funds permit, stay up all night in a 24 hour McDonald's, etc.


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    #249
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    Zippie84 wrote: »
    I did have a female friend who after having very personal conversations with her on facebook messaging, then happened to mention that she has an agreement that she and her husband both have access to each other's facebook messaging.

    Can't remember the exact reason, but was along the lines that they're such a part of each other's lives and share everything.

    Remember feeling that that's all well and good, but well you could've told me before sharing personal stuff with you that I was sharing that with a third party also. Was not too impressed at all.

    In this case it was her choice to share access with him, but I don't think it's fair on the other person whose stuff is being read (me in this case), and see it similar in this thread. It's not just about invasion of privacy of your partner, but of those who are having their communications with them read by someone other than the intended party. Complete invasion of privacy for them too.

    I don't mean to be coarse but please tell me that you didn't send her photos?


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    #250
    conorh91
    Registered Users Posts: 3,328 ✭✭✭conorh91


    Jenny Thalia wrote: »
    That situation doesn't necessitate staying with an ex. There are other options - flight home if funds permit, stay up all night in a 24 hour McDonald's, etc.
    So if there's 100% trust, why go to such extraordinary steps in the first place?

    The fact that she can't just accept the mistake and go asleep demonstrates that trust has broken down.


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    #251
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    conorh91 wrote: »
    So if there's 100% trust, why go to such extraordinary steps in the first place?

    The fact that she can't just accept the mistake and go asleep demonstrates that trust has broken down.

    Feeling disrespected and feeling a lack of trust are different things. As I've already posted - if my boyfriend CHOOSES to share a bed with an ex, I doubt he'd have sex with her. I'd still dump him for disrespecting our relationship and me.


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    #252
    Zippie84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,648 ✭✭✭Zippie84


    Mongfinder General wrote: »
    I don't mean to be coarse but please tell me that you didn't send her photos?

    what would even make you think that?


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    #253
    Mongfinder General
    Registered Users Posts: 1,992 ✭✭✭Mongfinder General


    Zippie84 wrote: »
    what would even make you think that?

    Maybe you two were heading towards having a fling?


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    #254
    Zippie84
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,648 ✭✭✭Zippie84


    Mongfinder General wrote: »
    Maybe you two were heading towards having a fling?

    Yes and maybe weren't. Was wondering why you would even think that, don't worry about answering.


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    #255
    DEFTLEFTHAND
    Registered Users Posts: 16,500 ✭✭✭✭DEFTLEFTHAND


    If I found out somebody was checking my phone I'd never be able to trust them again. Once trust is broken the relationships long term future is doomed imo.


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