Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Younger man, older woman (in general)
Options
Comments
-
Cold Vapour wrote: »It's very simple, cut contact with these men who you know are harbouring some form of "romantic" feelinks for you. If you actually care about them that's the best thing you should do for them, while telling them to cop on.
ok, thats very clear
so as i see majority of you guys here thinks that all of these guys are morons or scu*bags since they were indecent over a period of time to me not telling me or secretly having thoughts....
that's good to know cause i thought those are good people btw..
and also, that would qualify me to same category then since, (i had a thread on that before that was closed), yes i am attracted to my much younger flatmate.
haven't told him and i - again - have no clue if all stuff he does for me are just friendly or there is something more.
i mean, how can you tell? how can you be absolutely certain.
i wish i can.
so because i cannot, i decided a week ago that i will cut those feelings from myself, and behave friendly, told myself "he's way out of my league" to make it easier
or you think i SHOULD tell him immediately, just so i am not a scu*bag as my friends. even since we live together it may make things awkward.
what i wanted to say with the above story is that life is not just black or white...
what am i missing here???..... :unsure:0 -
-
Fat Christy wrote: »People say that sometimes as a joke.
Only the creepy ones send you sexy messages. :pac:
ahahah, thanks
.... 0 -
Only in affairs of the heart. Would you think anyone was even approaching sensible if they hung around in a one sided relationship hoping for more, even when they've been told it's not going to happen? For five years? I doubt it. It's a waste of time. That's a person putting an overinflated value on the object of their "love" and an underinflated value on themselves. A mindset that pretty much guarantees the object of their affections will be turned right off the idea of them.
You don't know the situation first hand nor do you know either person in question, the guy could easily love joya as a friend but be struggling to hide and fight his other feelings towards her it isn't as simple as one or the other, i have had very attractive female friends that i have thought damn i think i have feelings for her but i managed to keep them bottled up and move on as good friends, maybe some people are not as lucky as me, it's not black or white like you make it out to be.
You've pretty much answered your own question BC and you and a couple of the other lads are jumping in to keep the supply lines open as we speak. Read back through the thread and have a read between the lines. I'll bet the farm many of the women reading are seeing it. The relationships equivalent of the "friend" who comes out with "oh I can eat whatever I like and never gain a pound. I wish I could be more curvy like you" *does a petite body twirl*.
Get a grip, another generalization on your part, there are people who think their ugly when their actually gorgeous and are not seeking attention but genuinely believe this.
Well now hang on a cotton pickin second there B. Wut? So a 35 year old woman going out with a 25 year old man is fine, but the reverse is wrong in your eyes? Even if it was a 30 year old man with a 25 year old woman? Men can be vulnerable too. Very much so. Though there are more women who present with mental illness more men commit suicide. Where do you think this "Pickup artist" nonsense finds such a willing audience ready to buy into it? A large chunk of men out there feel very vulnerable. A large chunk of men out there are bloody lonely and feel adrift socially and especially romantically. Basically put, vulnerability is no respecter of gender or age or age gap. It's either there or it's not. I've even seen the older person in an age gap relationship being the one who was emotionally used and abused.
As i stated this is my opinion and you can call it what you want and criticize it all you like, i don't mean emotionally vulnerable i mean physically vulnerable as in taken advantage of by an older man and too afraid to speak out, it's sick.
Romantically naive men can be extremely vulnerable to emotional manipulation, or spinning a romantic lie in their own heads even without any manipulation. Never mind young men, take the OP's examples of some of the men in her life on board. In one case you have an otherwise scarily intelligent and accomplished individual, a leader in his field, who is waiting around in the limbo, rather the purgatory of "unrequited love" for five years and still thinks he has a chance and he's been directly told he hasn't. Eh... A more emotionally and romantically mature man(or woman) would have given that up as a dead loss years ago and moved on.
You would indeed. I'm loving the "almost all guys in the class were kind-of in love with you" part.
In any event that's not in play with the men now. You know how they feel and yet...
No worries. Just call me Google.
IMHO M, you're wrong. :pac: TBH(to be honest) and BTW(by the way) I hadn't a fecking clue about most of those interweb truncations and many a time had to hit Google for answers. AFAIK(as far as I know) threw me as did AFK(away from keyboard). I still get caught out with some of them.
Bolded are my replies0 -
-
Advertisement
-
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,075 Mod ✭✭✭✭
Join Date:Posts: 59004
Ah no MA I get ya.Maximus Alexander wrote: »I know I'm probably one of the younger men you're referring to but I'm taking a pretty light-hearted approach to the thread, so not too much should be read in to anything I've said.
It is MA, but the situation was brought up and I was just giving my observations on it.I do however think you're being a bit harsh on the girl, I mean if the situation she describes is true then it's a worthwhile topic of conversation.
Experience really, though thank god I never really got caught in the unrequited love satellite position. A couple of times I was the boyfriend though. That was interesting, watching her other male "friends" who clearly had a thing for her flip out and still keep doing stuff for her. It was actually dead handy for me. I could be lazy.I feel that perhaps you have some preformed opinions that are colouring your view a little here, but on the other hand, maybe I'm just not old enough to be as cynical as you yet. It was particularly interesting to see the differences between me and their satellite men. Chalk and cheese.
I have known a couple of guys get sucked into the satellite position with women who were real narcissists and man it wasn't pretty. TBH I didn't blame the women as such, they were just built like that, the men should have copped the hell on though. Lord knows I tried to help them out, but to little avail. They had built up an idealised picture of the woman in question and an idealised picture of the relationship they had. Daft. I suspect if they had ended up going with the women in question it would have never worked. The fantasy wouldn't have met with the reality. This can happen with any woman, narcissistic or not. Few enough women out there have not had some guy "friendzone" himself trying to get into her knickers. It's only some women who may egg it on(the minority in my humble). I wouldn't say it's cynicism either M. Don't get me wrong I am a cynic in a few ways, but in this kinda situation it's more coming from a reductivist "right so, what's actually going on here".
Nope. I would find an otherwise brilliant middle aged man holding a torch for five years a bit daft alright. However not a single person called anyone a scumbag. Have no idea where you're pulling that from. No one called them indecent for not telling you directly either. Interesting where the focus goes.Joya wrote:so as i see majority of you guys here thinks that all of these guys are morons or scu*bags since they were indecent over a period of time to me not telling me or secretly having thoughts....
Anyway.
You can't. That's the nature of things. Even though men are generally seen as the active ones the pursuers many can't tell either. I couldn't when I was younger, but you learn. If you've always been the pursued then you've a steeper learning curve. Easy answer to all this? Just put yourself out there and ask him. Then you'll know one way or the other. Simples.i mean, how can you tell? how can you be absolutely certain.
You didn't ask them to marry you. They didn't tell you no way, we're just friends. You weren't calling and texting etc in a one way romantic street. For years. Bit of a diff there BC. As for knowing the situation, I'm just going on the info at hand.Bob.Carcass wrote:You don't know the situation first hand nor do you know either person in question, the guy could easily love joya as a friend but be struggling to hide and fight his other feelings towards her it isn't as simple as one or the other, i have had very attractive female friends that i have thought damn i think i have feelings for her but i managed to keep them bottled up and move on as good friends, maybe were not all as lucky as me, it's not black or white like you make it out to be.
Indeed there are. However there are also people who exactly know their value and use that and hide behind the "I don't think I'm good looking" spiel. Both types of people do exist.Get a grip, another generalization on your part, there are people who think their ugly when their actually gorgeous and are not seeking attention but genuinely believe this.
You do realise that in 40% of reported domestic violence/physically abusive relationships it's the woman doing the abusing? Men are just as likely to be afraid to speak out. If not moreso, as there's not nearly the level of support for male victims of domestic abuse and the cultural baggage of "the strong man" is against them too. How many halfway houses exist for battered husbands and partners in Ireland? Exactly. So again; vulnerability, emotionally or physically has no gender or age and neither do the fists of the abuser.As i stated this is my opinion and you can call it what you want and criticize it all you like, i don't mean emotionally vulnerable i mean physically vulnerable as in taken advantage of by an older man and too afraid to speak out, it's sick.
Anyway, I'm out as this is gonna go around and around as it has done since nigh on the start. Peace out folks.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
0 -
You didn't ask them to marry you. They didn't tell you no way, we're just friends. You weren't calling and texting etc in a one way romantic street. For years. Bit of a diff there BC. As for knowing the situation, I'm just going on the info at hand.
That is what i'm saying diff people deal with it in diff way's i'm not saying this guy is innocent and is doing the correct thing i'm just pointing out that he could very well still be interested in a friendship and just because he has romantic feelings for her doesn't mean he is only pretending to be her friend, but yes of course Joya needs to be more strict on this type of behavior.Indeed there are. However there are also people who exactly know their value and use that and hide behind the "I don't think I'm good looking" spiel. Both types of people do exist.
So my point was that your assuming she is the latter, their is no real evidence for either case but if she wanted to be praised and have her ego rubbed why hasn't she posted pics of herself and asked for our approval?
No sorry i do not look at such stats, what part of it is my opinion and how i feel about the situation don't you get? statistics only tell you so much and the majority of the time are complete nonsense anyway, i doubt there are 17 year old girls out there abusing 25 year old men, you don't see men used for prostitution by women and you do not read stories in the newspaper of women drugging raping and killing young men every week, however that is a different topic.You do realise that in 40% of reported domestic violence/physically abusive relationships it's the woman doing the abusing? Men are just as likely to be afraid to speak out. If not moreso, as there's not nearly the level of support for male victims of domestic abuse and the cultural baggage of "the strong man" is against them too. How many halfway houses exist for battered husbands and partners in Ireland? Exactly. So again; vulnerability, emotionally or physically has no gender or age and neither do the fists of the abuser.Anyway, I'm out as this is gonna go around and around as it has done since nigh on the start. Peace out folks.
Cool, see you later, if you can handle not having the last word
0 -
-
Maximus Alexander wrote: »^^
Anyone else picturing a heavy set 50 year-old neckbeard in the basement?[/QUOTE
Far from that , she's an attractive looking girl, from the pic, can she why she's gets hit on by the cubs0 -
-
Advertisement
-
Maximus Alexander wrote: »^^
Anyone else picturing a heavy set 50 year-old neckbeard in the basement?[/QUOTE
Far from that , she's an attractive looking girl, from the pic, can she why she's gets hit on by the cubsMaximus Alexander wrote: »I was talking about Fat Christy due to the comment "I like, I bang"!
I'm gonna take it that that comment was meant for me. :pac: Wy thank you secman, sexy PM sent. I'm free tomorrow at 7 if you are? Straight in, no kissing.
Sorry Joya, I never said I wasn't one of the creepy ones. :pac:0 -
-
-
-
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,075 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59004
FECK!! You bastid. You know me too well <_> >_>Bob.Carcass wrote: »Cool, see you later, if you can handle not having the last word And it's near the witching hour. Meh since I've been drawn back in... I blame you BC
OK so we've established that your opinion trumps any facts that may be out there. All too common on the interwebs I grant you, but still... BTW opinions are one thing and that's cool, but if one refuses to look at other angles, backed up by measurable facts it rarely bodes well and usually just exposes a particular worldview that's not open for debate. In this case I would say it's the "women must be protected, regardless" worldview. Ironically that is actually sexist as it removes agency, both good and bad, from women and places it in the hands of men. Very 1950's.No sorry i do not look at such stats, what part of it is my opinion and how i feel about the situation don't you get? statistics only tell you so much and the majority of the time are complete nonsense anyway
I thought I had and more than once.yea, so wibbs do you have actually to say something on the topic??
Again I thought I had. I shall endeavour to be more clear in future. In fairness that can be a failing in me, so mea culpa.i mean also either say it directly or not mention at all.
Me? Macho?at the same type portraying yourself as a macho.:D :pac: Eh hardly. I'm so not macho.
You do know that one can have empathy and learn from the experiences of others? I thought that was a given. Maybe not. Oh I have been a complete gobshíte after a couple of breakups. Major meltdown time and often a moron with it, but the unrequited love BS I just can't understand. It's crying and waiting and expending emotional energy over the loss of something that never existed in the first place. Makes zero sense to me.don't get me wrong i do not mind, if that is your truth so be it. ive no reason to question it. but you say "experience really" and few words down "although i was never caught in an unrequited love". so is it experience? :unsure:
Indeed M, nail on the head I'd say and apparently this has been the case since school. You might think after all these years someone might learn to navigate such treacherous waters more successfully.Even "stranger" to go on the internet and wail about it. OMG I'm so sexy, men keep falling at my sexy middle-aged feet - internet men, what shall I do? Help!
But M, maybe we're all getting this wrong. After all it's all apparently "in general". As I said a page or so back it is very redolent of "The relationships equivalent of the "friend" who comes out with "oh I can eat whatever I like and never gain a pound. I wish I could be more curvy like you" *does a petite body twirl*" You can see how it can work though M. Just look at some of the in defence responses on this thread at even the slightest critique.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
0 -
Indeed M, nail on the head I'd say and apparently this has been the case since school. You might think after all these years someone might learn to navigate such treacherous waters more successfully.
But M, maybe we're all getting this wrong. After all it's all apparently "in general". As I said a page or so back it is very redolent of "The relationships equivalent of the "friend" who comes out with "oh I can eat whatever I like and never gain a pound. I wish I could be more curvy like you" *does a petite body twirl*" You can see how it can work though M. Just look at some of the in defence responses on this thread at even the slightest critique.
When I called OP shenanigans Blanche DuBois, she said she really liked that play.
Ahem.
0 -
-
aw sure go'on all of ya
i got the answers i was needing so i am quite happy i started the topic and i really thank to everyone's contribution.
of course f anyone has something constuctive to add feel free to do so
just one point to wibbs - aw yes - you use word "moron" quite often it even does not sound good when you apply it to yourself. if you are a moderator you should know that, it is offensive also to people with real disabilities. (friendly notion ) 0 -
Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,075 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Join Date:Posts: 59004
It seems only if it agrees with your worldview and plays into what you're looking for. Asking a question when you expect a certain answer is not really asking a question.of course f anyone has something constuctive to add feel free to do so
Actually I applied the word moron only the once to a particular situation and qualified it as denoting a particular state in a particular frame of reference. Id est someone, a 40 odd year old man who hangs around for years on a promise of nothing. TBH I hope in some universe he sees this thread and applies his clearly evident intelligence and then calls it a day and goes for new and better pastures. I called myself a gobshíte in some cases, which for me is a grade below moron, someone who should have known better. But I did learn from it and that's the aim of life.just one point to wibbs - aw yes - you use word "moron" quite often it even does not sound good when you apply it to yourself. if you are a moderator you should know that, it is offensive also to people with real disabilities. (friendly notion )
The appeal to authority about "disabilities" is laughable and more than a little obvious a deflection. Moron is not a medical term, neither is gobshíte. Never mind the "you're a moderator" part. I'm not a moderator of After Hours. Even if I was, I would still be allowed a personal opinion, so long as I moderated the forum and damned right too. We're not just volunteer janitors cleaning up messes, regardless of the forum involved.Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.
0 -
i did not have a pre-formed answer, i formed it based on replies from people, it is called also conclusion or whatever. i really don't get what you are trying to prove but entertain yourself. perhaps somewhere else.It seems only if it agrees with your worldview and plays into what you're looking for. Asking a question when you expect a certain answer is not really asking a question.Actually I applied the word moron only the once to a particular situation and qualified it as denoting a particular state in a particular frame of reference. Id est someone, a 40 odd year old man who hangs around for years on a promise of nothing. TBH I hope in some universe he sees this thread and applies his clearly evident intelligence and then calls it a day and goes for new and better pastures. I called myself a gobshíte in some cases, which for me is a grade below moron, someone who should have known better. But I did learn from it and that's the aim of life.
The appeal to authority about "disabilities" is laughable and more than a little obvious a deflection. Moron is not a medical term, neither is gobshíte. Never mind the "you're a moderator" part. I'm not a moderator of After Hours. Even if I was, I would still be allowed a personal opinion, so long as I moderated the forum and damned right too. We're not just volunteer janitors cleaning up messes, regardless of the forum involved.
there is no authority it is a freindly notion and yes, moron is a term use for people with mental disabilities stuck in their mental development at certain age, google it if nothing else.
calling my friend names like that is offensive and i can also report you as that would possibly be the step two. you can keep to find excuses for yourself, but as far as i can see there are non valid.
all this being said - i'm still happy 0 -
Advertisement
-
When I called OP shenanigans Blanche DuBois, she said she really liked that play.
Ahem.
btw hahah i find that really funny :d))))))00
also there's a play in cineworld on 16th September of the streetcar with Gillian Anderson, if anyone's interested
www.cineworld.ie/whatson/nt-live-a-streetcar-named-desire-young-vic?cinema=75&date=all0 -
FECK!! You bastid. You know me too well <_> >_> And it's near the witching hour. Meh since I've been drawn back in... I blame you BC
OK so we've established that your opinion trumps any facts that may be out there. All too common on the interwebs I grant you, but still... BTW opinions are one thing and that's cool, but if one refuses to look at other angles, backed up by measurable facts it rarely bodes well and usually just exposes a particular worldview that's not open for debate. In this case I would say it's the "women must be protected, regardless" worldview. Ironically that is actually sexist as it removes agency, both good and bad, from women and places it in the hands of men. Very 1950's.
No my opinion doesn't negate the FACT that women abuse men stop being so condescending it doesn't suit you.
I never stated any facts because we are not talking about facts, JOya asked what people would think if they saw an older woman and a younger man walking down the road, she asked for peoples opinions not for facts or stats.
I stated i would not bat an eyelid, but that when the roles are reversed in extreme age gaps of very young women i feel uneasy. Everyday i read an article in the newspaper, on the tv, on the internet, that a 10-25 year old girl has been kidnapped,abducted,drugged,raped,killed,tortured, etc etc. EVERYDAY. Never do i see it the other way around.
That is the reason for MY OPINION, i was asked and i gave it, if you want to be petty and try pick holes in someones opinion fire away, i don't know if it makes you feel big or smart or whatever but tbh it just makes you look pretentious.0 -
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
Advertisement
-
Everyone is entitled to pick holes in everyone else's views if said view is offered here. Everyone is entitled to their opinion, of course, including if said opinion is that someone else's opinion is wrong.
"Do people know what this is?
Hey john do you like apples?
Nah i don't like apples i think they are too sweet
Well your opinion is wrong!!!"
Get a grip! opinions cannot be wrong, they are formed by individuals and do not have to contain facts they are simply opinions, saying someone's opinion is wrong is the definition of a pretentious ****ing wanker
Btw is it against the rules to control more than one account wibbs?
Anyway off to bed, night gents 0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSTd1LuiVUs
Advertisement