Younger man, older woman (in general)

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:30am #1

Hi all,

First of all, I have to admit I am confused on the matter.

In the last two, three years I have been often approached by younger man who would express they interest in me (not to say like admiration and desire) either be it for the short fling (e.g. reel me into bed) or for a long term relationship.

And it is making me genuinely confused. I would believe that guys in their late twenties/early thirties would be really and truly interested in girls in their early twenties, for example.

I mean there are so many beautiful sexy and gorgeous girls of that age just walking around the city so relationship with me? Why? I just don't get it.

I tried to ask myself am I always using my age just as a defending mechanism. These guys, and you know some of them are my friends for couple of years now, are in age range from 25 to 33.. good looking.. and they all say that age means nothing, it is just a number, but I wonder is it..

Well, I have to admit that I was in a 4 year relationship with 10 years younger guy that I ended a year ago. It took him long time to persuade me to give it a try but he was persistent and we were together eventually, 6 months after we met. I had my doubts of course, as I was never attracted to younger man before. However I ended it because yes, maturity is the issue.

Anyway, not sure my question is clear but I already said i am confused : ). Is there something wrong with these guys? Is there something wrong with me?

So just wanted to ask, do you have any thoughts on the matter, and thanks a lot .

kylith · 30-07-2014 9:33am

AIUI they are attracted to older women because of their maturity, confidence, and the fact that they know what they're doing in bed.

snaphook · 30-07-2014 9:34am

Give me an attactive, experienced and mature woman over an attractive, inexperienced, immature girl any day.

FearDark · 30-07-2014 9:34am

Op you need to post pics of yourself.

Muise... · 30-07-2014 9:35am

So you want admirers and reassurance?

Macavity. · 30-07-2014 9:37am

I guess it's just their preference, I'd be the exact opposite myself though.

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:40am

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

lufties · 30-07-2014 9:41am

Well, personally i find older women less arrogant and stuck up. Having kids is important to me
though.

whiskeyman · 30-07-2014 9:42am

They may say 'more experienced in bed', but they're probably looking for women to 'mammy' them.

osarusan · 30-07-2014 9:42am

Without knowing how old you are, it's hard to say.

lufties · 30-07-2014 9:43am

Joya wrote: »

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

I had a few older ladies in my time but just short term things, being honest, the sex was all I was interested in.

Muise... · 30-07-2014 9:44am

Joya wrote: »

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

I'd be more concerned about what's going on in your mind, OP. Why are you second-guessing men who express an interest in you? They're being honest and upfront and you're not - what do you want?

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:47am

Muise... wrote: »

I'd be more concerned about what's going on in your mind, OP. Why are you second-guessing men who express an interest in you? They're being honest and upfront and you're not - what do you want?

I am just fine with friendship to be honest. I do enjoy the company, have lots of laugh etc, you know, really good time

.

So when they start to express a wish for something more I start to feel unease and something changes in me making me starting to feel uncomfortable.

Ken Shamrock · 30-07-2014 9:47am

Well to be fair, in order for anyone to really make a useful comment we need to know your age and your personality, i can only assume that you are an attractive woman but that does not always have to be the case, if you have a flirty personality, are outgoing and very friendly then men will be attracted to you and see you as a potential ONS or in some cases a long term GF.

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:48am

FearDark wrote: »

Op you need to post pics of yourself.

not sure it is important for a general discussion but that's me in my avatar.

30-07-2014 9:49am

Joya wrote: »

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

You are culturally set to think men would only be interested in a woman the same age or younger than themselves, you think like that because that's what you see all around you, that does not mean its the same for everyone people have different preferences that all.

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:49am

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

Well to be fair, in order for anyone to really make a useful comment we need to know your age and your personality, i can only assume that you are an attractive woman but that does not always have to be the case, if you have a flirty personality, are outgoing and very friendly then men will be attracted to you and see you as a potential ONS or in some cases a long term GF.

ok, never ask a lady for her age :d) but for the sake of discussion i think its fair so (very) late thirties..

Ken Shamrock · 30-07-2014 9:49am

Joya wrote: »

I am just fine with friendship to be honest. I do enjoy the company, have lots of laugh etc, you know, really good time .

So when they start to express a wish for something more I start to feel unease and something changes in me making me starting to feel uncomfortable.

I will take a wild guess and say that you are very attractive and not really interested in sex however all of the men talk to you all night to try and get you into bed and when you realize this is the case it upsets you because you feel you can't just have a good time and be friends??

iDave · 30-07-2014 9:49am

Hey just enjoy being a cougar

30-07-2014 9:50am

whiskeyman wrote: »

They may say 'more experienced in bed', but they're probably looking for women to 'mammy' them.

There's nothing maternal about me and my 10 yrs younger man's bedroom antics!

Or is mammy some new kinky position that I dont know?

Not just about sex either, we've been together 9 years.

Shenshen · 30-07-2014 9:51am

Why would age matter?

I can't say I've often heard anybody comment on a 25 year old woman going out with a 35 year old man - why would it be odd the other way around?

And yes, people can be attracted to maturity. There's a lot to be said for a level-headed partner who knows what he/she wants, and is realistic and sensible in a relationship.

Muise... · 30-07-2014 9:51am

Joya wrote: »

I am just fine with friendship to be honest. I do enjoy the company, have lots of laugh etc, you know, really good time .

So when they start to express a wish for something more I start to feel unease and something changes in me making me starting to feel uncomfortable.

Then say so. Be direct and continue the friendship if they want that too. The admiration is a lovely compliment. Put it in your pocket and take it home. Don't put it on the internet for a needy autopsy!

Ken Shamrock · 30-07-2014 9:52am

Joya wrote: »

ok, never ask a lady for her age :d) but for the sake of discussion i think its fair so (very) late thirties..

I never actually asked

late thirties really isn't that old at all, i am mid twenties and have friends who are 40

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:53am

iDave wrote: »

Hey just enjoy being a cougar

yea you know I have heard for that expression and somehow i found it to sound offensive Lol

IF i would be the one chasing younger guys then i presume it would be appropriate perhaps to call me that, but it is the opposite..

So also me being single since a year ago few of my friends (well I thought they are friends only) came up to tell me about that they had other thoughts many times etc..

I refused because i do not want to jeopardize friendship - but certainly made me start looking things differently...

Joya · 30-07-2014 9:56am

Shenshen wrote: »

Why would age matter?

I can't say I've often heard anybody comment on a 25 year old woman going out with a 35 year old man - why would it be odd the other way around?

I agree with that.. but somehow it is different.. maybe because of our "body clocks" as they call it..

BikeQueery · 30-07-2014 9:56am

I would take a woman over a girl every time. Guys like maturity and experience too. Young girls are all kind of the same and a bit vacuous. There's a world of difference.
You're obviously attractive, I would say if you like one of these guys then there's no harm in having a fling or something. But be clear about what you want.
As a general rule, if someone is into you and you don't reciprocate it's best not to lead them on in case feelings develop.

Macavity. · 30-07-2014 9:56am

I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone that much older tbh. I mean the idea of me reaching forty and still being able to attract women in their thirties, possibly twenties but instead I'm with a fifty year old... it would play on my mind quite a bit tbh.

I guess that may not be an issue for some dudes though.

lufties · 30-07-2014 9:59am

Macavity. wrote: »

I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone that much older tbh. I mean the idea of me reaching forty and still being able to attract women in their thirties, possibly twenties but instead I'm with a fifty year old... it would play on my mind quite a bit tbh.

I guess that may not be an issue for some dudes though.

I know lad who married a much older woman, she had money though and plenty of it..I kinda lost respect for him after that.

pickarooney · 30-07-2014 10:02am

You're older, foreign and, apparently, hot. Treble the mystery.

iDave · 30-07-2014 10:02am

Joya wrote: »

yea you know I have heard for that expression and somehow i found it to sound offensive Lol

IF i would be the one chasing younger guys then i presume it would be appropriate perhaps to call me that, but it is the opposite..

So also me being single since a year ago few of my friends (well I thought they are friends only) came up to tell me about that they had other thoughts many times etc..

I refused because i do not want to jeopardize friendship - but certainly made me start looking things differently...

Your really overthinking this.
A few guys have had a thing for you and expressed an interest as guys do. I'm sure a lot of lads that are younger are not interested in you one bit.
Theres nothing particularly odd about this situation. I've fancied girls younger and older over time. My missus is 6 months older, ok not huge gap but there you go.

30-07-2014 10:03am

Macavity. wrote: »

I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone that much older tbh. I mean the idea of me reaching forty and still being able to attract women in their thirties, possibly twenties but instead I'm with a fifty year old... it would play on my mind quite a bit tbh.

I guess that may not be an issue for some dudes though.

You still have a lot to learn about love, grasshopper!

Ken Shamrock · 30-07-2014 10:03am

Joya wrote: »

not sure it is important for a general discussion but that's me in my avatar.

Your Avatar is of a ying-yang symbol??

30-07-2014 10:06am

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

Your Avatar is of a ying-yang symbol??

Put your glasses on Bob.

Joya · 30-07-2014 10:06am

Muise... wrote: »

Then say so. Be direct and continue the friendship if they want that too. The admiration is a lovely compliment. Put it in your pocket and take it home. Don't put it on the internet for a needy autopsy!

i understand and i do.. I am quite open and i think to communicate is the best way..
i started the thread hoping to understand this better as it is effecting me..

i do analyse motives so was wondering is that just wish for se*ual experience behind it no matter what they say as that is certainly for me not enough to engage..

and if that would be the case it would make me sad in a way as if there would not be more than that... so yes, question is could guys in that age be genuinely interested in a relationship with someone in age like mine..

i mean going out as friends is one but also going out as a couple that is a different story, no?

Ken Shamrock · 30-07-2014 10:07am

Candie wrote: »

Put your glasses on Bob.

Haha sorry, it was a minute ago i swear!

30-07-2014 10:08am

I'm sure these guys are all individuals and as such don't all want exactly the same thing. If it's a casual encounter or something more, it'll reveal itself soon enough. Less of the navel gazing and more of just living your life would probably be the best approach here.

Muise... · 30-07-2014 10:10am

Joya wrote: »

i understand and i do.. I am quite open and i think to communicate is the best way..
i started the thread hoping to understand this better as it is effecting me..

i do analyse motives so was wondering is that just wish for se*ual experience behind it no matter what they say as that is certainly for me not enough to engage..

and if that would be the case it would make me sad in a way as if there would not be more than that... so yes, question is could guys in that age be genuinely interested in a relationship with someone in age like mine..

i mean going out as friends is one but also going out as a couple that is a different story, no?

The only way to understand what a particular man wants is to ask him. :pac:

If you're spending that much time analysing, I'd say there's not much desire on your part tbh. If you don't fancy a man to the point of throwing caution to the wind, why agonise over what you think he wants?

Joya · 30-07-2014 10:12am

iDave wrote: »

Your really overthinking this.
A few guys have had a thing for you and expressed an interest as guys do. I'm sure a lot of lads that are younger are not interested in you one bit.

absolutely. and thank god it is so.
because it sets something right inside of me, as in - that is how it should be, that is normal like.

but if i have for example 10 male friends and 5 of them are behaving in this way (not to say more than 5) then i had to start to question that....

and just thought hearing peoples thoughts on it may be helpful

30-07-2014 10:14am

Joya wrote: »

i understand and i do.. I am quite open and i think to communicate is the best way..
i started the thread hoping to understand this better as it is effecting me..

i do analyse motives so was wondering is that just wish for se*ual experience behind it no matter what they say as that is certainly for me not enough to engage..

and if that would be the case it would make me sad in a way as if there would not be more than that... so yes, question is could guys in that age be genuinely interested in a relationship with someone in age like mine..

i mean going out as friends is one but also going out as a couple that is a different story, no?

Nobody is going to be able to answer that for you because every man is different, the guy who is interested in you might only want a one night stand or he might be interested in a relationship, you know him if he is a friend of yours, so you are the only one who can make a decision about this no one can tell you for sure.

In my experience men don't tend to over think this the way woman do, so I would say he is maybe attracted to you and wants to go out with you and see how it goes, and is not going around thinking about a one night stand verses a relationship.. he just fancies you

Ken Shamrock · 30-07-2014 10:15am

In reality MOST men, or rather ALOT of men regardless of age only want one thing....it has always been the case and will continue to be, unfortunately it is up to you to distinguish between who is actually a friend and who is looking for you know what.

Count yourself lucky that in your late thirties you are still very attractive and young men are crawling all over you!

30-07-2014 10:16am

I kinda like the idea of going out with an older woman, not least because they seem to find me a lot more attractive than girls my age do. :pac:
If someone is good-looking, in shape and good craic then I wouldn't be worried if she's a bit older. There's no ulterior motive. If anything someone who goes for an older woman is perhaps leaving themselves more vulnerable if they're going into a relationship with someone with much more experience than them.

Joya · 30-07-2014 10:19am

Muise... wrote: »

The only way to understand what a particular man wants is to ask him. :pac:

If you're spending that much time analysing, I'd say there's not much desire on your part tbh. If you don't fancy a man to the point of throwing caution to the wind, why agonise over what you think he wants?

hahah, fair point : )

but lets say i of course do find attractive some of them, unfortunately.. but also am thinking would it be just "a waste of time" lol... anyway do not know how to explain it but i do feel a barrier towards this - otherwise i'd just jump into it, wouldn't i........

Birroc · 30-07-2014 10:20am

what age are you?

Joya · 30-07-2014 10:22am

mariaalice wrote: »

In my experience men don't tend to over think this the way woman do, so I would say he is maybe attracted to you and wants to go out with you and see how it goes, and is not going around thinking about a one night stand verses a relationship.. he just fancies you

yes, it could be true, it si a common knowledge that male are "simpler" than woman - however this sounds.. perhaps it would be good for me just to relax and follow my instincts, so IF it comes that some of this would feel right for me at some particular point, i guess then i should just go for it.. till then, i better stay single as i wish to avoid mess :d))

if they feel hurt cause they are rejected well, i should not feel responsible for it??......

30-07-2014 10:23am

Joya wrote: »

yes, it could be true, it si a common knowledge that male are "simpler" than woman - however this sounds.. perhaps it would be good for me just to relax and follow my instincts, so IF it comes that some of this would feel right for me at some particular point, i guess then i should just go for it.. till then, i better stay single as i wish to avoid mess :d))

if they feel hurt cause they are rejected well, i should not feel responsible for it??......

Run for cover, you've done it now.

30-07-2014 10:24am

Joya wrote: »

if they feel hurt cause they are rejected well, i should not feel responsible for it??......

Why feel different than when you reject someone your own age?

Sprog 4 · 30-07-2014 10:26am

Birroc wrote: »

what age are you?

Late thirties, but had she not said that I'd have estimated somewhere in the fifties judging form previous posts. Late thirties isn't old by any means and being in a relationship with a 10 year old man is nothing out of the ordinary. Some people are mature for their age and struggle to find partners that are the same age/younger than them.

Joya · 30-07-2014 10:27am

Deleted User wrote: »

Why feel different than when you reject someone your own age?

no i mean, rejecting someone on the base of their age number, but i hope it is a valid reason...

honestly sometimes I'd think, hey god can you send me someone exactly like this but a bit older please? :d))

30-07-2014 10:28am

Sprog 4 wrote: »

Late thirties, but had she not said that I'd have estimated somewhere in the fifties judging form previous posts. Late thirties isn't old by any means and being in a relationship with a 10 year old man is nothing out of the ordinary. Some people are mature for their age and struggle to find partners that are the same age/younger than them.

Oh yes it is!

Sprog 4 · 30-07-2014 10:30am

Candie wrote: »

Oh yes it is!

Sorry, 10 years younger man. Mix up

(good job brain)

takamichinoku · 30-07-2014 10:32am

The main issue I'd have with dating someone significantly older than me is how I'd feel like I wouldn't have the right or it would be rude and inconsiderate to go on big "I've wasted my whole life, I'm nearly dead already and what have I done?!" type rants. Never have though so maybe I'd be grand with that.

Younger man, older woman (in general)

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