Younger man, older woman (in general)

Joya

Hi all,

First of all, I have to admit I am confused on the matter.

In the last two, three years I have been often approached by younger man who would express they interest in me (not to say like admiration and desire) either be it for the short fling (e.g. reel me into bed) or for a long term relationship.

And it is making me genuinely confused. I would believe that guys in their late twenties/early thirties would be really and truly interested in girls in their early twenties, for example.

I mean there are so many beautiful sexy and gorgeous girls of that age just walking around the city so relationship with me? Why? I just don't get it.

I tried to ask myself am I always using my age just as a defending mechanism. These guys, and you know some of them are my friends for couple of years now, are in age range from 25 to 33.. good looking.. and they all say that age means nothing, it is just a number, but I wonder is it..

Well, I have to admit that I was in a 4 year relationship with 10 years younger guy that I ended a year ago. It took him long time to persuade me to give it a try but he was persistent and we were together eventually, 6 months after we met. I had my doubts of course, as I was never attracted to younger man before. However I ended it because yes, maturity is the issue.

Anyway, not sure my question is clear but I already said i am confused : ). Is there something wrong with these guys? Is there something wrong with me?

So just wanted to ask, do you have any thoughts on the matter, and thanks a lot .

kylith

AIUI they are attracted to older women because of their maturity, confidence, and the fact that they know what they're doing in bed.

snaphook

Give me an attactive, experienced and mature woman over an attractive, inexperienced, immature girl any day.

FearDark

Op you need to post pics of yourself.

Muise...

So you want admirers and reassurance?

Macavity.

I guess it's just their preference, I'd be the exact opposite myself though.

Joya

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

lufties

Well, personally i find older women less arrogant and stuck up. Having kids is important to me
though.

whiskeyman

They may say 'more experienced in bed', but they're probably looking for women to 'mammy' them.

osarusan

Without knowing how old you are, it's hard to say.

lufties

Joya wrote: »

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

I had a few older ladies in my time but just short term things, being honest, the sex was all I was interested in.

Muise...

Joya wrote: »

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

I'd be more concerned about what's going on in your mind, OP. Why are you second-guessing men who express an interest in you? They're being honest and upfront and you're not - what do you want?

Joya

Muise... wrote: »

I'd be more concerned about what's going on in your mind, OP. Why are you second-guessing men who express an interest in you? They're being honest and upfront and you're not - what do you want?

I am just fine with friendship to be honest. I do enjoy the company, have lots of laugh etc, you know, really good time .

So when they start to express a wish for something more I start to feel unease and something changes in me making me starting to feel uncomfortable.

Ken Shamrock

Well to be fair, in order for anyone to really make a useful comment we need to know your age and your personality, i can only assume that you are an attractive woman but that does not always have to be the case, if you have a flirty personality, are outgoing and very friendly then men will be attracted to you and see you as a potential ONS or in some cases a long term GF.

Joya

FearDark wrote: »

Op you need to post pics of yourself.

not sure it is important for a general discussion but that's me in my avatar.

mariaalice

Joya wrote: »

Ok sorry I wanted to talk generally about this ..

I wish I can understand what is goin on in the mind of guys of that age in regard the above because I feel in unease whenever it happens..

I also do not want to hurt anybody but yes i do have to reject them at some point, and i am thinking it is always better earlier than later. I do have a good time with them when we go out etc, but I do try to be clear and to stress that from my side it is friendship only.

Perhaps I should not even be a friend as it may give the wrong ideas??

:unsure:

You are culturally set to think men would only be interested in a woman the same age or younger than themselves, you think like that because that's what you see all around you, that does not mean its the same for everyone people have different preferences that all.

Joya

Bob.Carcass wrote: »

Well to be fair, in order for anyone to really make a useful comment we need to know your age and your personality, i can only assume that you are an attractive woman but that does not always have to be the case, if you have a flirty personality, are outgoing and very friendly then men will be attracted to you and see you as a potential ONS or in some cases a long term GF.

ok, never ask a lady for her age :d) but for the sake of discussion i think its fair so (very) late thirties..

Ken Shamrock

Joya wrote: »

I am just fine with friendship to be honest. I do enjoy the company, have lots of laugh etc, you know, really good time .

So when they start to express a wish for something more I start to feel unease and something changes in me making me starting to feel uncomfortable.

I will take a wild guess and say that you are very attractive and not really interested in sex however all of the men talk to you all night to try and get you into bed and when you realize this is the case it upsets you because you feel you can't just have a good time and be friends??

iDave

Hey just enjoy being a cougar

whiskeyman

whiskeyman wrote: »

They may say 'more experienced in bed', but they're probably looking for women to 'mammy' them.

There's nothing maternal about me and my 10 yrs younger man's bedroom antics!

Or is mammy some new kinky position that I dont know?

Not just about sex either, we've been together 9 years.

Shenshen

Why would age matter?

I can't say I've often heard anybody comment on a 25 year old woman going out with a 35 year old man - why would it be odd the other way around?

And yes, people can be attracted to maturity. There's a lot to be said for a level-headed partner who knows what he/she wants, and is realistic and sensible in a relationship.

Muise...

Joya wrote: »

I am just fine with friendship to be honest. I do enjoy the company, have lots of laugh etc, you know, really good time .

So when they start to express a wish for something more I start to feel unease and something changes in me making me starting to feel uncomfortable.

Then say so. Be direct and continue the friendship if they want that too. The admiration is a lovely compliment. Put it in your pocket and take it home. Don't put it on the internet for a needy autopsy!

Ken Shamrock

Joya wrote: »

ok, never ask a lady for her age :d) but for the sake of discussion i think its fair so (very) late thirties..

I never actually asked late thirties really isn't that old at all, i am mid twenties and have friends who are 40

Joya

iDave wrote: »

Hey just enjoy being a cougar

yea you know I have heard for that expression and somehow i found it to sound offensive Lol

IF i would be the one chasing younger guys then i presume it would be appropriate perhaps to call me that, but it is the opposite..

So also me being single since a year ago few of my friends (well I thought they are friends only) came up to tell me about that they had other thoughts many times etc..

I refused because i do not want to jeopardize friendship - but certainly made me start looking things differently...

Joya

Shenshen wrote: »

Why would age matter?

I can't say I've often heard anybody comment on a 25 year old woman going out with a 35 year old man - why would it be odd the other way around?

I agree with that.. but somehow it is different.. maybe because of our "body clocks" as they call it..

BikeQueery

I would take a woman over a girl every time. Guys like maturity and experience too. Young girls are all kind of the same and a bit vacuous. There's a world of difference.
You're obviously attractive, I would say if you like one of these guys then there's no harm in having a fling or something. But be clear about what you want.
As a general rule, if someone is into you and you don't reciprocate it's best not to lead them on in case feelings develop.

Macavity.

I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone that much older tbh. I mean the idea of me reaching forty and still being able to attract women in their thirties, possibly twenties but instead I'm with a fifty year old... it would play on my mind quite a bit tbh.

I guess that may not be an issue for some dudes though.

lufties

Macavity. wrote: »

I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone that much older tbh. I mean the idea of me reaching forty and still being able to attract women in their thirties, possibly twenties but instead I'm with a fifty year old... it would play on my mind quite a bit tbh.

I guess that may not be an issue for some dudes though.

I know lad who married a much older woman, she had money though and plenty of it..I kinda lost respect for him after that.

pickarooney

You're older, foreign and, apparently, hot. Treble the mystery.

iDave

Joya wrote: »

yea you know I have heard for that expression and somehow i found it to sound offensive Lol

IF i would be the one chasing younger guys then i presume it would be appropriate perhaps to call me that, but it is the opposite..

So also me being single since a year ago few of my friends (well I thought they are friends only) came up to tell me about that they had other thoughts many times etc..

I refused because i do not want to jeopardize friendship - but certainly made me start looking things differently...

Your really overthinking this.
A few guys have had a thing for you and expressed an interest as guys do. I'm sure a lot of lads that are younger are not interested in you one bit.
Theres nothing particularly odd about this situation. I've fancied girls younger and older over time. My missus is 6 months older, ok not huge gap but there you go.

Macavity.

Macavity. wrote: »

I couldn't be in a long term relationship with someone that much older tbh. I mean the idea of me reaching forty and still being able to attract women in their thirties, possibly twenties but instead I'm with a fifty year old... it would play on my mind quite a bit tbh.

I guess that may not be an issue for some dudes though.

You still have a lot to learn about love, grasshopper!