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Inviting (horrible !) mother in law for christmas !

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    #92
    Glitzgirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,737 ✭✭✭Glitzgirl


    Aimeee wrote: »
    This is a very tricky situation. I think your dh is being unfair putting pressure on you at this time. Really he's passing on the pressure that the mom is putting on him.
    If she definitely said stuff to your child then that would be it for me to be honest.
    She's made her bed really, and I suspect in time she will see that. Obviously she can maintain friendships to a degree so will probably find her way back to that when everything settles.
    I think they are lucky to have you to be honest. Not every daughter in law would've stepped in as you did. You were able to give your fil a peaceful and comfortable end to his life. That is a blessing really and you should be proud that you were able to do it.
    I suspect you are a totally alien creature to your mil.
    Very best of luck in this situation. Don't let it damage what you have built with your dh.
    Would he consider talking to an outsider just to get a different perspective. He's caught between a rock and a hard place at the moment.
    Look after yourself.

    Thank you so much aimeee, your post made me laugh and cry, especially at the alien part :D like I said I will never regret caring for my FIL and I feel I may always harbor some resent towards my MIL for the manner in which she treated him and how it hurt him in turn. My FIL used to call me the daughter he never had and always wanted (even before his illness ) so I think it was easier to put up with my MIL's crap when he was alive as I felt there was a valid need to keep the peace for my FIL. Now I can't even look at her without thinking violent thoughts :D !

    She has no consideration of other people really I find most of actions to be quiet calculated and showy almost , you know the type plays the part when people are around who she wants to witness it. Personally can't stand that kind of fakeness in a person.

    I understand my partners position I really do, and to a degree I understand his sympathy for her now being alone and feeling obliged to care for her, but I have made my choice. I gave up 3 years of my life and our family life to care for my FIL he watched the mother he nasty and spiteful and hurtful to my FIL and I, so if his mother needs care he can do it, she is not my mother thankfully! If she is lonely he can help her find a hobby ill compromise on kids going up on alternate Sunday evenings as I have mentioned in previous post but I do not and should not be forced to spend time with her because he feels obliged to. Hopefully she will be able to re establish good relationships with some of her former friends and they can spend time with her! ( as I pointed out to my other half he frequently has to travel abroad for work from 6-8 months every 2/3 years, so she really didnt think this while "isolating herself from me " scenario through too well did she ;) )


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    #93
    Aimeee
    Registered Users Posts: 499 ✭✭Aimeee


    Yes indeed I know the type well everything good/for show on the outside. I find that type of person very difficult to be around for a decent amount of time.
    Google narcissist personality. I'm not sure if your mil ticks all the boxes but it may help in fathoming out some of her tactics/behaviour, and equip you for the future.
    The anger can be the worst when someone has died. I was just having this very conversation with a friend. She is very angry about something a relative did that hurt her mother deeply. Her Mother died recently and the issue, even though it was a few years ago, still make her angry mainly for how it hurt her Mother so much. I don't know if it's normal anger that comes with the grieving, or is it that the issue was never fixed/never resolved/thrashed out.
    Very destructive if it's not managed properly.
    Life is tough!
    Best of luck with your decisions.


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    #94
    Glitzgirl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,737 ✭✭✭Glitzgirl


    Aimeee wrote: »
    Yes indeed I know the type well everything good/for show on the outside. I find that type of person very difficult to be around for a decent amount of time.
    Google narcissist personality. I'm not sure if your mil ticks all the boxes but it may help in fathoming out some of her tactics/behaviour, and equip you for the future.
    The anger can be the worst when someone has died. I was just having this very conversation with a friend. She is very angry about something a relative did that hurt her mother deeply. Her Mother died recently and the issue, even though it was a few years ago, still make her angry mainly for how it hurt her Mother so much. I don't know if it's normal anger that comes with the grieving, or is it that the issue was never fixed/never resolved/thrashed out.
    Very destructive if it's not managed properly.
    Life is tough!
    Best of luck with your decisions.

    I'd say its the issues that (more than likely ) will never be resolved ! But thank you for sharing :) I truly feel for your friend , it is difficult to overcome :(


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