Why do you want / not want to get married?

woodchuck

A sort of follow on from the why do you want / not want children thread.

I'm just wondering if there are many women who choose not to get married or share their life with a partner and how it has worked out for them (not just people who just don't find the right person, get divorced etc). Has anyone made the conscious decision that they just don't like the idea of sharing their life with someone and want to go it alone? One of my friends is like that. She's hasn't so much as gone on a date in nearly 10 years and is completely happy with herself and her life. She has no interest in finding a man and is planning her future (mortgages etc) for herself. I really admire (and am quite jealous if I'm honest :P) that she's is so sure of herself and happy with her life.

Likewise, what about people who get married etc. Has it lived up to your expectations or would you do things differently if you were to do it all over again?

From my own point of view, marriage is something I had always pictured for myself and ideally would still like to get married some day if I find the right guy. The idea of being all alone in an empty house isn't very appealing to me. On the other hand, I appreciate how much hard work relationships can be and heartache if things don't work out. Or even on a more basic level, the fear that you could just get bored/annoyed if you live with the same person for too long. I can certainly see the appeal of doing things alone. In a lot of ways it seems like the 'easy' road to me, but I haven't resigned myself to that just yet. Having said that, as I don't have someone in my life atm I don't want to put my future on hold either, so plan to look into the feasibility of mortgages etc on my own. I figure I can always rent a room out if I'm lonely as a last resort :P

(Btw I certainly don't think someone should define themselves and their happiness by who they are with, but marriage is a big part of our society and a major life step for a lot of people, so I'm interested in everyone's opinions)

baby and crumble

Well, much as I'd love to, I can't get married. Roll on the referendum, eh?

But I have been with my partner for over a decade now. It's not easy, but it's also really great. I sometimes think it'd be great to be single and have no one to answer to whatsoever- I'd probably have moved out of Ireland to find work by now. But I don't envy people who want to find someone to share their life with who are finding it difficult to meet someone compatible. Neither state is 'better' than the other. One is just more socially acceptable. I know as a gay person, once people hear I'm in a long term, committed relationship they settle down and don't freak out about the gay thing as much.

baby and crumble

baby and crumble wrote: »

Well, much as I'd love to, I can't get married. Roll on the referendum, eh?

But I have been with my partner for over a decade now. It's not easy, but it's also really great. I sometimes think it'd be great to be single and have no one to answer to whatsoever- I'd probably have moved out of Ireland to find work by now. But I don't envy people who want to find someone to share their life with who are finding it difficult to meet someone compatible. Neither state is 'better' than the other. One is just more socially acceptable. I know as a gay person, once people hear I'm in a long term, committed relationship they settle down and don't freak out about the gay thing as much.

Two big social injustices there B&C.

I'm 27, single. Was in a relationship that was headed down the serious route last year but had to abandon ship. He had plans, I had plans that were just about to come to fruition after ten years of study and work. I knew I'd never be happy long term if I put aside my ambitions for him, and his ambitions were too important to put aside for me. There was a lot of love, but I guess there wasn't enough and it was too hard. I bailed before it got any harder.

When I think about getting married, it seems such a remote thing at this point in my life that it doesn't seem likely. I only have to meet the right person at the right time for all that to change though.

Pythia

I like a third option - share my life with someone but not get married.

eviltwin

I'm married 5 yrs, we have been together for 18 yrs in total. We really only got married to protect ourselves financially. We love each other and all that but we had our house and our family and we felt content with that but were worried about inheritance tax if one of us died and wanted to be each others legal next of kin so we got married very quietly without any fuss.

I don't feel any different, nothing has changed from how it was before. I think if there had been an option to have a straight version of a civil partnership we would have gone with that instead.

I'm not anti marriage by any means and think it can be wonderful but I don't really see the point not when we had been living as a married couple for so long. I am always a bit surprised that most women I know wouldn't dream of having a child outside marriage if they could avoid it and a lot of them feel its an insult in a way if their partner doesn't want to get married. I certainly have no regrets about marrying him but its not really added very much to the relationship we had before.

woodchuck

Pythia wrote: »

I like a third option - share my life with someone but not get married.

Sorry, that's what I meant; sharing your life with someone in any way (marriage just being an example of that) or remaining single.

meeeeh

We are engaged the last 8 years or so. I have no sentimental (can't find better word but I don't mean it in negative way) desire to get married but we might do it some day for practical reasons mentioned above. I'm a drifter, I don't do plans, I react to situation. Because of various reasons my current relationship is my only long therm relationship. I did not plan it or particularly longed for it, it just happened and it makes sense to be with someone I love. It is likely I would feel more pressure when younger if my friends wouldn't be more or less single at the time.

Sometimes I feel that marriage has it's merits but I dread having to organize a wedding. I also like to think that not being married makes me a little less middle class. It is complete nonsense of course because I am completely boring and predictable in every other way but it still makes me smile.

baby and crumble

When it comes to wanting to be married, I want to know that each of us have the protection of a legal framework if something goes wrong, like one of us gets sick. Luckily both of our families would be ok with us being involved in decisions, but legally I'd have no rights to be with her if she was really sick, although tbh if anyone gives me grief I'll be her sister if needs be. As we get older I think that's something I think about more and more.

I also want protection if we ever have kids.

SmokeyEyes

We've been together 11 years next month and got engaged on our 10 year anniversary in June, we got together when we were 19 and engaged at 29. We felt no pressure to rush into it because we were young and always knew exactly how committed we were to one another so always felt as good as married. It felt like the right time recently entering a new decade but it doesn't change one iota how committed or in love we are with one another.

It'll be a great celebration of our love but it'll also provide the security and comfort knowing we're seen legally as a unit and will give us more rights with one another.

IvyTheTerrible

I've been with my partner for the last 8 years and we have a young son together. I'm honestly not pushed about getting married (we are already in a sort of civil union, called PACS, in France, which protects us financially to some extent). We have been talking about marriage just for practical reasons but if we do it, it will be a very quiet "do", no church, just at the town hall with our immediate families only. I've been to friend's "big white weddings" which I've really enjoyed being a part of, but the idea of having one myself nearly makes me feel sick (I hate hate hate being the centre of attention, any occasions like that result in migraines etc!)

SmokeyEyes

IvyTheTerrible wrote: »

I've been with my partner for the last 8 years and we have a young son together. I'm honestly not pushed about getting married (we are already in a sort of civil union, called PACS, in France, which protects us financially to some extent). We have been talking about marriage just for practical reasons but if we do it, it will be a very quiet "do", no church, just at the town hall with our immediate families only. I've been to friend's "big white weddings" which I've really enjoyed being a part of, but the idea of having one myself nearly makes me feel sick (I hate hate hate being the centre of attention, any occasions like that result in migraines etc!)

We both feel the same about the giant wedding, we'd die of embarrassment and nerves! Something small and intimate sounds nice and to be honest if we could do it with just us and no one else would mind we would because it's a very personal moment!

Das Kitty

I got married after 9 years. I knew I wanted to marry him early into our relationship, and we started talking about it after less than a year, but being youngsters, we knew it couldn't happen until we were out of college, etc.

When the time actually came, I didn't think that there would be any difference. We'd been living together for 8 of the 9 years, pretty much grew up together. I was surprised that it did actually feel different afterwards. And I can't even describe how, other than it's really lovely and I like it a lot.

I think with me, the fact that I'm naturally monogamous really plays a part. It feels very natural to me to be married to him. And he's the same. Commitment? Give it to us now! I realise we're likely in the minority in that sense, but we're fortunate to have met each other young and realised what we had when we saw it.

I love being married.

Princess Peach

I'm engaged about 10 days, kinda can't wait to be married! It was a funny thread title to me because when I thought about it, it's so hard to put into words. Its just a feeling I guess. Loving someone and wanting to make that next commitment . Even being engaged feels different to just living together, it's great!

sullivlo

I think I like the idea of marriage. I'm not sure about the reality. I'm 28, single and not really actively looking at the moment. I'm just getting to know myself and I'm not ready to let anyone in currently.

I'm not sure I want to get married down the line. I suppose I won't know until I meet "the one". If I ever meet them.

I want children. Or child. But I'm pretty selfish with my attitude towards my relationship status to have kids. I know that most want to be in a stable relationship but I'm not there. I'm the product of a single parent family, and I turned out okay. So I guess I don't see a relationship as a pre-requisite to have children. I don't know if this makes me a bad person or not.

I don't have any "normal" relationships in my family, in the sense of boy meets girl, fall in love, get married, have babies. So getting married isn't ever something I've aspired to be/happen. It makes me question the nature/nurture thing!

I'm rambling. Apologies.

sullivlo

Princess Peach wrote: »

I'm engaged about 10 days, kinda can't wait to be married! It was a funny thread title to me because when I thought about it, it's so hard to put into words. Its just a feeling I guess. Loving someone and wanting to make that next commitment . Even being engaged feels different to just living together, it's great!

Congrats on the engagement Peach.

Malari

eviltwin wrote: »

I'm married 5 yrs, we have been together for 18 yrs in total. We really only got married to protect ourselves financially. We love each other and all that but we had our house and our family and we felt content with that but were worried about inheritance tax if one of us died and wanted to be each others legal next of kin so we got married very quietly without any fuss.

I don't feel any different, nothing has changed from how it was before. I think if there had been an option to have a straight version of a civil partnership we would have gone with that instead.

I'm not anti marriage by any means and think it can be wonderful but I don't really see the point not when we had been living as a married couple for so long. I am always a bit surprised that most women I know wouldn't dream of having a child outside marriage if they could avoid it and a lot of them feel its an insult in a way if their partner doesn't want to get married. I certainly have no regrets about marrying him but its not really added very much to the relationship we had before.

This is it for me really. We've been together for ages, and I don't think getting married would make any difference. In more recent times, we've thought it would probably be a good idea to get married for financial protection, as well as the next of kin issue. And we probably will do so quietly, without a wedding and all the stuff that goes with it. We might have a "party" afterwards, in order to avoid all of the input that people feel free to give when you label any life celebration a "wedding" :pac:

username123

I feel the same as Das Kitty, I love being married.

I describe my marriage as like a comfy blanket, its warm, cosy, snuggly and I like being in it!

My husband and I knew each other as teenagers when I didnt want to go out with him and he was chasing me, but we had a good friendship despite the romantic blunders. We then went our separate ways for a decade and when we bumped into each other accidentally one night in our late 20s we both felt like we were meant to be immediately.

I would have hated a big wedding, I dont like being centre of attention, and neither of us are religious so we eloped off and got married just the two of us with hotel staff as witnesses - it was lovely.

The best thing about our marriage is that we are great pals, we always were, we just "get" each other. I know for definite that I could sit in my rocking chair at 90 still having a laugh with my husband because we just get along.

We're not all that demonstrative about our love for each other but small things like him leaving a cup with a teabag in it by the kettle for when I get up in the morning mean a lot.

In saying all of the above, I know if one of us dies the other will be ok alone because both of us have loads of interests outside of each other and dont depend on each other for happiness.

lazygal

I'm one of those who wouldn't consider having children unless I was married. Call me old fashioned but I wanted what I had growing up, a boring, stable family with no issues about custody or maintenance. I know some people who parent alone and its a tough road. I also knew I wanted to get married rather than live with someone long term. I like being married, it did feel different the day we woke up after our civil ceremony and we were husband and wife. I like the security of it, I like the togetherness of it. On a practical level it makes financial and legal sense for us to be married, we've been sorting out some will related stuff and that is much more straightforward when you're married.
We knew pretty quickly we wanted to get married, moved in after a year, got engaged a few months later and were married a few months after that. I think when you reach a certain age you're able to be more upfront about what you want from a relationship, and I wouldn't have been with someone for any length of time who didn't want to get married.

Dutchess

I am married 3 year and 2 weeks today. Mostly a case of it making financial sense and it was fun to do. Also, I am not Irish and my last name makes that very clear. Since I am using my Irish husband's last name people's attitudes changed. From more responses to CV's to just friendlier behaviour from customer service on the phone. Sad but true.

IvyTheTerrible

Dutchess wrote: »

I am married 3 year and 2 weeks today. Mostly a case of it making financial sense and it was fun to do. Also, I am not Irish and my last name makes that very clear. Since I am using my Irish husband's last name people's attitudes changed. From more responses to CV's to just friendlier behaviour from customer service on the phone. Sad but true.

That surname thing is so annoying, my son has his dad's surname simply because it makes his life easier over here. People sound exasperated when I have to spell my name etc for them. And it's rarely spelled correctly.

pwurple

When we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he had an accident in the house we lived in. I called the ambulance, but wasn't able to consent for the treatment he needed, had to call his mum. We had been living together for years at that point.

After that happened, we realised that we were legal strangers to eachother, so we got to know eachother legally.

Malari

pwurple wrote: »

When we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he had an accident in the house we lived in. I called the ambulance, but wasn't able to consent for the treatment he needed, had to call his mum. We had been living together for years at that point.

After that happened, we realised that we were legal strangers to eachother, so we got to know eachother legally.

This is what I worry about. Neither he nor I want to depend on his mother for these kinds of decisions.

eviltwin

pwurple wrote: »

When we were boyfriend and girlfriend, he had an accident in the house we lived in. I called the ambulance, but wasn't able to consent for the treatment he needed, had to call his mum. We had been living together for years at that point.

After that happened, we realised that we were legal strangers to eachother, so we got to know eachother legally.

That was a big fear for me, when my husband and I were dating he had a suspected heart attack, I wasn't allowed in to see him until his mother arrived and had been in to see him which took nearly 3 hours. They wouldn't even tell me how he was. I will never forget that feeling of complete helplessness sitting there.

Malari

eviltwin wrote: »

That was a big fear for me, when my husband and I were dating he had a suspected heart attack, I wasn't allowed in to see him until his mother arrived and had been in to see him which took nearly 3 hours. They wouldn't even tell me how he was. I will never forget that feeling of complete helplessness sitting there.

Jebus. Freaking me out now ladies

How do they establish if you are married, apart from just asking?

diveout

You can assign someone to be a health care proxy. You don't need a marriage certificate.

metaoblivia

I'm 32 and unmarried. I can't picture myself getting married, but that may be because I've never met anyone I wanted to marry. If I ever do meet someone I want to marry, that might change.

I grew up in the southern USA and there's a big marriage culture down there. Discussing your upcoming nuptials was a frequent topic of conversation for some girls throughout primary and secondary school. And usually by high school, at least a few girls had a very specific plan for their wedding - but no groom! And I never quite got that. How can you plan out your wedding when you haven't even met someone you want to marry? And how is getting married even a goal, really? For a while now, I've felt that building and maintaining a healthy relationship was the more important goal and then, if the two people decided that marriage was the right path to take that relationship down, then the planning could begin. I guess it's the pragmatist in me - one step at a time and crossing bridges when you come to them.

So I'm definitely not anti-marriage, but I'm not going to want to get married until I meet someone I want to marry, and that may never happen. And if it doesn't happen, that's fine - I like my life, I enjoy being on my own, and I'm perfectly content to go on this way.

baby and crumble

metaoblivia wrote: »

I grew up in the southern USA and there's a big marriage culture down there. Discussing your upcoming nuptials was a frequent topic of conversation for some girls throughout primary and secondary school. And usually by high school, at least a few girls had a very specific plan for their wedding - but no groom! And I never quite got that. How can you plan out your wedding when you haven't even met someone you want to marry?

You need to check out Pinterest.

lazygal

baby and crumble wrote: »

You need to check out Pinterest.

And The Knot.

Addle

diveout wrote: »

You can assign someone to be a health care proxy. You don't need a marriage certificate.

Unless one of the spouses aren't working, I really don't understand why people get married anymore.
I especially don't understand why the majority choose to do so in a church, and spend so much money on a wedding day.

Is a marriage supposed to be legally binding?
Because if it is, the vows people make to each other during their wedding ceremony must be the most flouted undertakings available.

lazygal

Addle wrote: »

Unless one of the spouses aren't working, I really don't understand why people get married anymore.
I especially don't understand why the majority choose to do so in a church, and spend so much money on a wedding day.

Is a marriage supposed to be legally binding?
Because if it is, the vows people make to each other during their wedding ceremony must be the most flouted undertakings available.

We didn't marry in a church and we take our vows very seriously. And it costs €200, not a cent more, to marry in Ireland.

pwurple

Malari wrote: »

Jebus. Freaking me out now ladies

How do they establish if you are married, apart from just asking?

They just asked me, and not knowing any differently, i didn't lie and say we were married.

The consent was just the thing that kicked it off. Once we thought about it we realised all the other bits. Like inheritance if one of us died. We were both working and had savings / property /insurance policies etc.

Then there was children. we were planning to have children, and he realised the difficulty for him, if anything happened to me during childbirth or pregnancy, he wouldn't be the legal guardian of his own child.

zuhuraswa

I have always wanted to get married, but only to the right person and when it all felt right, doesn't matter when that will be. I think it would be nice, especially if the said right person proudly showed me of as HIS wife. Not that marriage is always be a bed of roses, but I think it would be lovely to be husband and wife.

meeeeh

Addle wrote: »

Unless one of the spouses aren't working, I really don't understand why people get married anymore.
I especially don't understand why the majority choose to do so in a church, and spend so much money on a wedding day.

Is a marriage supposed to be legally binding?
Because if it is, the vows people make to each other during their wedding ceremony must be the most flouted undertakings available.

I'm no big fan of getting married and I could think about 1000 better reasons what to spend money for a big wedding on. However there are a few more good arguments to get married. When we were applying for a mortgage to build on land my partner was gifted from his parents, we would have to get married or have to pay stamp duty because I was not a relative. We avoided it by me just being a guarantor and the mortgage being in my partner's name. Married fathers have a lot more legal security than unmarried. Tax benefits are better, inheritance is easier to sort out and so on... I resent the fact that cohabitation is not considered equal by law but it is not. There is no denying that.

pwurple

Cohabitation being the same could get tricky though if it was the same, especially with relationship breakdowns and money. I think it makes sense to have to take a definite step, make that decision, rather than it be something you fall into by accident.

meeeeh

pwurple wrote: »

Cohabitation being the same could get tricky though if it was the same, especially with relationship breakdowns and money. I think it makes sense to have to take a definite step, make that decision, rather than it be something you fall into by accident.

Cohabitation already has legal consequences. It mostly lacks the benefits marriage offers.

SarahBeep!

Addle wrote: »

Unless one of the spouses aren't working, I really don't understand why people get married anymore.
I especially don't understand why the majority choose to do so in a church, and spend so much money on a wedding day.

Is a marriage supposed to be legally binding?
Because if it is, the vows people make to each other during their wedding ceremony must be the most flouted undertakings available.

The only thing that would make me consider getting married in a church would be if it was important to my partner. I don't believe in spending a fortune on a wedding either. My friends laugh at me when I tell them, but some day they're gonna get a phone call inviting them to a party and they'll turn up and realise they're as a wedding. All I want is everyone I love in one room, to help me celebrate my feelings for the person I'm choosing to build my life with.

Sure there's lots of legal benefits but I think knowing someone has stood up and tied themselves to you in the eyes of the law says a lot. Some people say they don't need that, or they think that if you're in a solid relationship you won't need that reassurance but I think that's what being in love is, doing all kinds of things to demonstrate your love.

LegacyUser

I would have said in the past that if I met the right person I would like to get married but this has not happened for me yet. Due to my age I would be unlikely to met someone.
I have accepted this and I am happy enough with my life.
I would like to have some more money but that is the same for the majority of us.

I have married and single friends. One of my friends is married, is very happy and has the family she always wanted after having ivf. One of my single friends is glad to be single. She enjoys her life, earns a good income and is not in debit.

Vojera

I got civilly partnered a year ago, but we'll be upgrading to marriage when it becomes available.

We sort of wanted to wait until we had full marriage rights to tie the knot because we felt a little like we were settling and sending the message that civil partnership is good enough when it really isn't, but our circumstances meant that we weren't comfortable to wait for something that doesn't have a date written in stone.

My mother was only comfortable with my sexuality on the surface and there was a very real chance that if anything happened to me that my partner wouldn't be allowed to see me in hospital or make medical decisions for me or have access to savings that belonged to both of us, so civil partnership was a way of putting those legal guarantees in place while also making it clear to my family that this relationship is here to stay (in fairness we were together for over seven years at the time!).

Of course, it was also an excuse for an almighty shindig and to celebrate our happiness with our friends and families And it turned out that telling my mother not to come to the wedding was just the kick in the ass she needed to cop herself on and now she couldn't be more supportive or accepting of us.

We did spend a lot of money, but we don't regret it. I have a huge family that only manages to get together for weddings and funerals so I was delighted to provide one of the happier occasions for a reunion. And since I'm from a rural area the fact that so many of them traveled over three hours to celebrate with us really cemented the fact that attitudes are changing everywhere. My wife looked so beautiful and thinking about how happy she was on that day still brings tears to my eyes. Her family accepted us all along and she loved being able to give them all a great party as a sort of "thank you".

If we hadn't gotten our civil partnership then of course we would still be together and intend on being together for the rest of our lives, but I felt there was something very special about standing up in front of the people who matter the most to me and telling them how much my wife means to me and that I intend to love her for the rest of my life, to always be her best friend and to do my best every day to make her happy.

vitani

To me, marriage seems like a nice idea but not something that'll ever happen for me. I've been single for most of my adult life so maybe it is just a case of having to meet the right person before things click into place. At the moment though, I'm happy as I am. I plan to buy my own place next year and at this point, I feel like I've been waiting so long to have a place of my own, that I'll need some time to enjoy it before even thinking about letting someone else into that space.

Neyite

I'm engaged, in a decade long relationship with a child. For me its mainly about the legal side of things, and guardianship of our child, or each other in the event of ill health.

Day to day, I dont think it will change anything for us as a family, or as a couple. Certainly some people might see us as more 'together' after it, but we already see ourselves as commited to each other fully and feel like a family.

Our wedding will likely be when we know our baby days are over so I see it as a ceremony that unites our family legally, and a celebration of our little family. I had lots of oars being stuck in when I got engaged so I've let that all fade away, will quietly book what WE want to have on our day, and present it to those with opinions on the matter as a done deal. I dont want the traditional format, thats for sure, something small, something simple, and something that reflects us as a couple is the kind of celebration we plan to have.

At the moment himself has bowed down to pressure from his mother to agree to have a church wedding, I'm not comfortable with that and I'm hoping to sway him with an alternative down the line as neither of us are remotely religious. Vegas could be good fun.

Addle

Neyite wrote: »

I'm engaged, in a decade long relationship with a child. For me its mainly about the legal side of things, and guardianship of our child, or each other in the event of ill health.

Day to day, I dont think it will change anything for us as a family, or as a couple. Certainly some people might see us as more 'together' after it, but we already see ourselves as commited to each other fully and feel like a family.

Our wedding will likely be when we know our baby days are over so I see it as a ceremony that unites our family legally, and a celebration of our little family. I had lots of oars being stuck in when I got engaged so I've let that all fade away, will quietly book what WE want to have on our day, and present it to those with opinions on the matter as a done deal. I dont want the traditional format, thats for sure, something small, something simple, and something that reflects us as a couple is the kind of celebration we plan to have.

At the moment himself has bowed down to pressure from his mother to agree to have a church wedding, I'm not comfortable with that and I'm hoping to sway him with an alternative down the line as neither of us are remotely religious. Vegas could be good fun.

What if something happens to you before you think your baby days are over?

Neyite

Addle wrote: »

What if something happens to you before you think your baby days are over?

Considering I'm 39 with infertility issues that we may or may not resolve in the next year or so, we will probably be getting married within the next couple of years.

I'll be returning to doctors in the very near future to get the ball rolling on trying for another baby and it'll be a bit stupid of us to use up whatever savings we have on a wedding when it transpires we could have used it for fertility treatment. Right now every penny counts for that should it be needed.

Addle

But what about the child you already have?
If one of your (and so many others on this thread) reasons to marry is to promote the legal relationship between father and child, why wait?

skallywag

I think it's very subjective.

Many couples are perfectly content not being married, I am in this particular boat myself, i.e. having a child with my partner of 10 years, living together in a house we built together, etc. Neither of us see any real reason to get married, though it's not something we are against per se, and we may well get married at some stage in the future, who knows. I fully admit though that being legally married can make things easier for certain tasks (e.g. the right to use sperm for an IVF/ISCI treatment!) but it's usually just a case of some added expense to get things sorted.

I fully understand though that for other people getting married is very important indeed. In itself being married is clearly a throwback from the old days when there is no way you would be living with someone otherwise, unless you wanted to be struck down on the spot. But for some it clearly still retains a very strong symbolism, a form of comfort blanket if you will. In the same manner that 'my marriage' / 'my husband' gives a more committed feeling to some rather than 'my relationship / my partner' etc. Which is all perfectly fine, each to their own etc.

What I must say I find quite amusing is the manner in which an unmarried couple may often be asked (oft in jest mind you) to justify the fact that they are not married. To me it would be more logical to be asked to justify why someone has done something rather than the lack of the same (-:

eviltwin

Addle wrote: »

But what about the child you already have?
If one of your (and so many others on this thread) reasons to marry is to promote the legal relationship between father and child, why wait?

You don't need to be married to have legal protection, once the dad is made guardian of the child he has the same rights he would have on marriage. It was the inheritance tax issue that really got us moving, to think if one of us had died the other would be liable for a massive tax bill was too much to bear. I've had a quick look at revenue and it looks like you only get the first 15k of your home tax free and then you pay 33% tax on the remainder which neither of us would have been in a position to pay. That bill vs the 50 quid it was back then to have a civil wedding? No brainer really.

lazygal

Anyone hesitating about getting married to save for a wedding should just do the legal ceremony. No one has to know and you can have a big day at a later date.

username123

lazygal wrote: »

Anyone hesitating about getting married to save for a wedding should just do the legal ceremony. No one has to know and you can have a big day at a later date.

+1!!

I also think the HSE should reduce the notification time, particularly in light of the fact that it takes so long to get an appointment to notify in the first place - when I looked into having a civil ceremony in Ireland I waited 3 months just to get the appointment that allowed me to give 3 months notice. So the very quickest I could have done it was 6 months - thats nonsense, why not include time spent waiting on the appoint to notify in the 3 month notification requirement? Id be in favour of shortening the 3 month notification also.

lazygal

We got registered very quickly and if we weren't fussed about a date or time we'd have been able to get married quite soon. This was in Dublin a few years ago.

Neyite

Addle wrote: »

But what about the child you already have?
If one of your (and so many others on this thread) reasons to marry is to promote the legal relationship between father and child, why wait?

Why not?

Its one of our reasons, but there are others too. A wedding is not a priority for us right now. Other things are. And we are happy with that decision and we don't owe anybody an explanation for our decision.

meeeeh

skallywag wrote: »

I think it's very subjective.
What I must say I find quite amusing is the manner in which an unmarried couple may often be asked (oft in jest mind yanyou) to justify the fact that they are not married. To me it would be more logical to be asked to justify why someone has done something rather than the lack of the same (-:

But that's living in sin.

I caught bouquet at two separate weddings of my friends. They could just as well threw it away. The second time was the bride from the first wedding actually a bit annoying and wouldn't let go of the subject for the whole night. That was the only time I was really sick of answering the question. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it's the husband who is my friend so I couldn't be as abrupt as I would be with him.

skallywag

meeeeh wrote: »

But that's living in sin.

I caught bouquet at two separate weddings of my friends. They could just as well threw it away. The second time was the bride from the first wedding actually a bit annoying and wouldn't let go of the subject for the whole night. That was the only time I was really sick of answering the question. Unfortunately (or fortunately) it's the husband who is my friend so I couldn't be as abrupt as I would be with him.

That's a good point. To be honest most of the stick I get myself is more along the lines of ''ah will ye ever give us a day out'' etc, i.e. just a bit of banter. I would imagine though that at the same time there are people we know who are wondering what the hell is *wrong* with us for not wanting to get married.