Being discouraged from breastfeeding

xalot

Dont want to take the board off topic but one other bit of advice I just remembered, my little fella wouldn't take a dummy and essentially used me as a pacifier, and would regularly fall asleep at the breast. I noticed this early on and asked the health nurse at my breastfeeding group who told me it was fine and to go with the flow (seemed to be their answer to everything - very frustrating).

anyway, I really wish I'd stopped this habit early on because it wasn't long before he needed to suck to go to sleep and every time he woke during the night I had to latch him on or he would go mental. It was a tough habit to break and it could have been very easily avoided! Wish somebody had said it to me!

mulbot

xalot wrote: »

Dont want to take the board off topic but one other bit of advice I just remembered, my little fella wouldn't take a dummy and essentially used me as a pacifier, and would regularly fall asleep at the breast. I noticed this early on and asked the health nurse at my breastfeeding group who told me it was fine and to go with the flow (seemed to be their answer to everything - very frustrating).

anyway, I really wish I'd stopped this habit early on because it wasn't long before he needed to suck to go to sleep and every time he woke during the night I had to latch him on or he would go mental. It was a tough habit to break and it could have been very easily avoided! Wish somebody had said it to me!

exactly--bf babies dont need to drink as much or as long as bottlefed as the milf from boob has denser calories,fat etc so when u feel the baby not really feeding for the milk or has fallen sleep it's time stop as thats the main reason for continuous seeking of the boob-it's for comfort

monflat

Op i can feel where you are comin from .
My mother in law thinks its " disgustin" and has the attitude of cover uuself up there and make yourself look decent.!

I fed first two and plan to feed the next one due sept
However i would suggest if you do want to try it
Surround yourself in like minded people go to groups and continue to go if you are sucessful.

Peoole can be so bloddy insensitive.

My mother didnt feed us but supports me in a way but when im feedin she can be found covering me up with a blanket makin sure im not exposing myself ! She means well but its annoying but as she didnt BF she dosnt really know what she is doin is annoying me.



Im the only one from my husbands large family that has BF .
However they all act like its sonething to be ashamed of even thou some tried but were not successfull *( but still critisise me )


Prepare yourself is all i can advise !!
Also get the support of your partner too which can be invaluable.

I remember after my second has emm c section was in ribbons and only home a day.
And a few of husbands family called to door .
He answered and just said ye should have text i was feeding and could be there a while.
They flung present at him got bak into car and went to his mothers complaining that our house was like " fort "knox"
Ya cant please em all but you do need a supportive other person . Makes a big difference!

wicklori

I am the first in my family to have a baby and no one breastfed. Were it not for my DH I may not have survived! I am currently feeding our 14 month old and he has never had a drop of artificial formula. Go for it!!! Don't mind any of them. If they see you getting on with it and everyone healthy and happy you'll soon make them question some of their predjudices! But just don't expect support necessarily from those quarters!

emz8

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

wicklori

Oh no you poor thing. Did o one tell you the second night is the very very worst!! Please, please persist. I promise it gets easier. No one's baby actually sleeps perfectly at this early stag it just seems like that because your head is addled! If you have a good latch that is all important- that took me weeks and I'm still feeding 14months later so imagine how much easier you will find it than I did?
You probably wanted to breastfeed because it it is the natural thing for your baby- you are producing the perfect food for her- exactly what she needs and wants- tailor made!
Perhaps you could post i the breastfeeding support thread? There are some fantastic experienced ladies over there who give great advice- O wosh I could go into the hospital to you and give you a hug! It will get easier- you are doing great- the most important first start you can give your baby. Just get from one feed to the next for now- and get someone to hold that baby while you have a nice long shower!

wicklori

Is there a lactation consultant on the ward you could speak to??

vibe666

i know i'm *only* a dad, but i think it's very important for breastfeeding mums to get as much support as we can possibly give them.

and on that note, i think this "buddy system" is a great idea for breastfeeding mum's: http://www.friendsofbreastfeeding.ie/wp/support-2/buddy-system/

this also looks great, a very honest look at it from a mum's perspective, i'm really looking forward to it, even as a dad.

http://breastmilkthemovie.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocp6gwlqGBU

emz8

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think to ask about a lactation consultant! The midwifes are being really supportive and lovely. Feel like **** though. can't even put her down without her screaming the place down. OH will be in after lunch so he might pep me up a bit. Hes pushing for breastfeeding!

monflat

emz8 wrote: »

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

Congratulations on your new baby

god help you i know exactly how you feel its tough but it will get easier for you . The first 10days are very hard.
But dont compare yourself to others their babies will go through waking/ crying / sleep patterns too.

Have you help?
When are you goin home?
Enlist as much help as you can and once you feed baby when you get home you can get someone else to change /wind settle.

however you are doing upur best at the moment and with all those horrible hormones rushin around you feel terrible.

If you can stick at it.
But if you really feel you cant dont put your self under pressure if you dont enjoy it.

It is like that for everyone its not easy

Well done on tryin it see how next day r two goes
I remember that cluster
Feeding it was like " i cant give you anymore im tired sore "
Hoeever it will pass !

monflat

emz8 wrote: »

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

Congratulations on your new baby

god help you i know exactly how you feel its tough but it will get easier for you . The first 10days are very hard.
But dont compare yourself to others their babies will go through waking/ crying / sleep patterns too.

Have you help?
When are you goin home?
Enlist as much help as you can and once you feed baby when you get home you can get someone else to change /wind settle.

however you are doing upur best at the moment and with all those horrible hormones rushin around you feel terrible.

If you can stick at it.
But if you really feel you cant dont put your self under pressure if you dont enjoy it.

It is like that for everyone its not easy

Well done on tryin it see how next day r two goes
I remember that cluster
Feeding it was like " i cant give you anymore im tired sore "
Hoeever it will pass !

wicklori

The problem is- your ilk may be coming in- which affects ormones and makes you feel so fu$~ing teary- and then babs is at that needy stage and it's all a viscous cycle! My DH was the pro one aswell and believe me that was vital!! He will get you through the tough hours. so put her on his chest when he comes in and tell him to change her nappy and cuddle her for a while while you get the all important shower and have a nap!

Neyite

emz8 wrote: »

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

Prop yourself up with lots of pillows around you, table near to hand with drinks and things that you need nearby, and pillows to support the baby and doze while she nurses, dont even bother to try to do anything else. Its all natural, and she is doing what she is supposed to do - creating the supply for the demand she will have in a few days.
This is probably the hardest part of nursing, day 2. I wasnt expecting it and it got me that way too. You are doing great!

kandr10

emz8 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think to ask about a lactation consultant! The midwifes are being really supportive and lovely. Feel like **** though. can't even put her down without her screaming the place down. OH will be in after lunch so he might pep me up a bit. Hes pushing for breastfeeding!

Congrats on the new arrival! Keep going with thd breastfeeding. It gets so much easier. Especially when your milk comes in and also when you go home cos hopefully your partner will be able to give you s hand and let you sleep.

It totally gets easier though. You wont look back :-)

emz8

I decided to supplement with formula, so I'm still breast feeding as much as possible but if it's not filling her up then giving her 15mls after. Have only done it once so far today and she slept for three hours after which was a godsend!

Feeling more up for it now and currently enjoying having her skin to skin on my chest! Much more relaxed. Thanks again for your replies!

monflat

emz8 wrote: »

I decided to supplement with formula, so I'm still breast feeding as much as possible but if it's not filling her up then giving her 15mls after. Have only done it once so far today and she slept for three hours after which was a godsend!

Feeling more up for it now and currently enjoying having her skin to skin on my chest! Much more relaxed. Thanks again for your replies!

Ah great well you enjoythat time now !!!
Its the total overwhelming intensity of the whole suitation isnt it.

Well done and try and enjoy it .
Its tough but it does ease off and get better !

mulbot

emz8 wrote: »

I decided to supplement with formula, so I'm still breast feeding as much as possible but if it's not filling her up then giving her 15mls after. Have only done it once so far today and she slept for three hours after which was a godsend!

Feeling more up for it now and currently enjoying having her skin to skin on my chest! Much more relaxed. Thanks again for your replies!

hi,congratulations on the birth of your baby,i think by having already mastered the latch,you and baby are 3/4 of the way there:) ,this time last year we were in the same situation and did exactly as you are doing now-topping up with formula worked wonders and then when the milk came in fully,the boob was all she needed then-

ncmc

The second day sounds really tough. How did you manage that along with visitors as I'd imagine that's the day visitors would decide to come and see the baby? I wouldn't envisage a lot of visitors, just hubby's immediate family, but I could imagine even that could feel overwhelming if I was struggling with bf. I think asking them not to come would go down like a lead balloon.

Isolt

Great question about visitors. I know it's recommended to ask people not to call for the first few days but I just couldn't do that to my family. They're all so excited & after losing the baby last year they've all really been through a lot with us. I just couldn't ask them to stay away for the first few days.
Any suggestions?

Neyite

ncmc wrote: »

The second day sounds really tough. How did you manage that along with visitors as I'd imagine that's the day visitors would decide to come and see the baby? I wouldn't envisage a lot of visitors, just hubby's immediate family, but I could imagine even that could feel overwhelming if I was struggling with bf. I think asking them not to come would go down like a lead balloon.

I decided to brazen it out and feed while they were there, with a muslin draped over the baby's head. If they were uncomfortable they muttered that they needed to go, time they were off etc. I cheerfully waved them off and thanked them for visiting. But most of the family were grand, or if they werent, didnt say anything to us about it.

Chattastrophe!

Holles St have a policy of no visitors except partners and grandparents, and it's clearly displayed on their website. Now, as we found out when we were in there, it is not enforced at all, not in our experience anyways (the lady in the bed beside me had around twenty very loud visitors in at one stage!) But it was great that the policy was there, so that when distant relations/friends/colleagues texted asking if they could drop in, I could say that unfortunately it was against hospital policy, but that we'd arrange something when I got home. At that stage, for the four days I was in, I was constantly either trying to latch him on or else pumping or else feeding him a pumped bottle, literally constantly, unwanted visitors would have been a complication I was grateful to do without!

Isolt

Can you pump that soon after birth? How did you find it?

Chattastrophe!

Isolt wrote: »

Can you pump that soon after birth? How did you find it?

Oh god, awful!

Well basically this is what happened with me.

I had been leaking loads from around 17 weeks pregnant, supply was never really an issue.

He was born around midnight. I had planned on breastfeeding all along. The midwives tried to latch him on shortly after he was born, but he just couldn't get it.

So I was sent up to the ward. For the first day, the midwives did try to help him to latch on, but he wasn't managing it. I'd have milk squirting everywhere, the midwife would be doing her best to manipulate my nipple and poke it into his mouth, he couldn't latch on and would be bawling with frustration. The midwives kept assuring me it was OK, he only needed a few drops and he was getting that much, he was fine.

Then he got quiet, and jittery. He was rushed up to intensive care at around 8pm that night with low blood sugar, and given lots of formula to get it up.

So when he came back down to the ward, he still wouldn't latch on, so I started pumping around two days in (I don't think they let you do it for the first 48 hours, they encourage you to hand-express if anything.) It was painful. I'd have the pump on for fifteen minutes per boob, and I might get 1-2 drops, literally that was all, per boob. I'd then mix those drops in with the next bottle of formula (his blood sugar was being monitored every couple of hours, he needed the formula.) After leaking so heavily all through pregnancy, it was so annoying that all of a sudden the milk wasn't there for him!

However on maybe the third day, my milk came in properly, and a good supply of it. The hospital pumps are great. I bought a Medela Swing to use at home.

I was referred to the lactation consultant, but we didn't see her til he was around a week old, maybe a little more. The latching problem was very easily solved, nipple shields were all that was needed, and he latched on straight away and was feeding perfectly. Such a simple cheap solution!

However at this stage I had such a negative association with breastfeeding, and with him having been rushed off to ICU so young, I just didn't trust my ability to feed him anymore. I did combined breast/formula for maybe another two weeks, then I switched to formula full-time.

I guess I should have read up more on breast-feeding while I was pregnant, maybe gone to a few meetings, etc. Then I might have known to try nipple shields when it wasn't working for us. I just assumed it would come naturally from the minute he was born!

Still, he's doing great on formula, and is thriving. I did beat myself up about it not working out at the start - especially every time I started into the painful sterilisation/bottle-prep routing, or every time I forked out €11 for a tin of formula - but now he's four months old, I can see he's thriving, he's doing great.

My GP said to me recently, "If only we could have our second child first!" It's so true! Not just as regards feeding, but with everything, I imagine it would be so much easier and less stressful second time around, when you have some idea of what to expect! You live and learn, I suppose. It's a pity breastfeeding didn't work out for us, but it's not a big deal, we're so lucky to live in a time where there's an alternative readily available, and he's doing no worse for it. Having said that, it's fantastic when it does work out, and who knows, maybe it'll work out for me next time!

yellowlabrador

In the old days, women had to be churched before seeing anyone after childbirth. They only saw close family for the first few weeks.
I felt very protective when my babies were very young and I couldn't bare any one touching them apart from my immediate family. Those first few days after a baby's birth are an emotional rollercoaster and people should respect that. It's about time that all midwives have the training to help establish breastfeeding.
Those first few days are so important.

kandr10

Isolt wrote: »

Great question about visitors. I know it's recommended to ask people not to call for the first few days but I just couldn't do that to my family. They're all so excited & after losing the baby last year they've all really been through a lot with us. I just couldn't ask them to stay away for the first few days.
Any suggestions?

Instead of putting people off completely we basically asked people to let us know when they were going to drop up. Most people will do that anyway. So if the time didn't suit around feeding, we could ask them to hang back a half hour or feed the baby a little earlier. Also meant that you could manage the amount of visitors in a day. Most of our friends weren't able to come til the weekend cos of work etc so I remember the weekend being particularly busy. It's tiring for sure but most visitors are going to be family/close friends and won't mind you saying after half an hour that you're tired or that.

I had no issues feeding in front of people. My situation was identical to yours chattasteophe. I couldn't latch her on and even with the nipple shields it was fiddly. Luckily I was able to pump a lot so it got me over the hump of week 1 and 2. By week 3 she was off top ups with bottle and shortly after wasn't using nipple shields. God it's funny looking back. I remember dreading feeding on the right side cos I used the shields on that side and it made it more awkward. Completely forgot that til now and it was only 6months ago so goes to show once it gets better you forget everything!

I'd totally recommend the cape style cover by bebe au lait for covering up.

How Strange

When my son was born the Coombe had a very strictly enforced no visitors policy except partners. My mother in law was totally overwhelming and decamped outside crying that she couldn't see her grandchild. I think I wouldn't have breastfed if visitors were coming in and out. My boobs were out pretty much all day. On my daughter I came home in 24 hours but I asked my parents to give me a couple of days to adjust. I think it's important to control visitors at the beginning if you feel overwhelmed as most of them are quite happy to stay for hours and you may be exhausted or have a baby who wants to latch constantly for the comfort and reassurance of being with mum.

Even more important though is not to let too many people hold the baby or pass him/her around. This can be very distressing for the baby as mum is the only person in the world that they know and you're biologically primed to be fiercely protective. The visitors leave and you're left with a distressed. Over stimulated baby.

olaola

Can I just say, I wish there was a public service announcement for people NOT TO HUG NEW MOTHERS! People rush in for the full body to body contact squeeze and our boobs are v.sore. Also, people who wear a lot of perfume when they visit your house to see the baby. On the outside of their clothes.

monflat

olaola wrote: »

Can I just say, I wish there was a public service announcement for people NOT TO HUG NEW MOTHERS! People rush in for the full body to body contact squeeze and our boobs are v.sore. Also, people who wear a lot of perfume when they visit your house to see the baby. On the outside of their clothes.

To be fair i would not even have considered this before i became a mother .
I hadnt a clue about b/f before i done it my self

kandr10

olaola wrote: »

Can I just say, I wish there was a public service announcement for people NOT TO HUG NEW MOTHERS! People rush in for the full body to body contact squeeze and our boobs are v.sore. Also, people who wear a lot of perfume when they visit your house to see the baby. On the outside of their clothes.

Aw I loved getting cuddles! Like everything to each their own :-)

madeinamerica

olaola wrote: »

Can I just say, I wish there was a public service announcement for people NOT TO HUG NEW MOTHERS! People rush in for the full body to body contact squeeze and our boobs are v.sore. Also, people who wear a lot of perfume when they visit your house to see the baby. On the outside of their clothes.

I'm with you there! Although for the hug-friendly new mums, the announcement could be - please make sure it is ok to hug before you do! I'd extend that to newly pregnant women too, the boob-crushing hugs I got when we announced we were pregnant owww.

back on topic - did you see this (kind of) ad campaign? AFAIK in Ireland it is illegal for anyone to ask you to stop breastfeeding or to leave a place because you are breastfeeding, which is great. I'll have to check out the laws in the american state I'm in....

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05/09/breastfeeding-ad-when-nurture-calls_n_5296492.html?1399665897&ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000037