Being discouraged from breastfeeding

Isolt

Hey ladies, apologies if this topic has been done to death over the years. I am a newbie to all of this. I am currently 20 weeks pregnant and my midwife told me to look at some antenatal classes, including a breastfeeding class as I mentioned I'd love to try feeding the baby myself.

I come from a very large family and believe it or not only one person in my entire extended family has ever breastfed and I have noticed some negative reactions to the idea already.

My aunt asked me if I was going to bottle feed and I said I hoped to breastfeed and her reaction was ''oh.. that wouldn't be for me at all''. Then my father, who overheard, said ''you're not really hoping to breastfeed? You'll have the baby stuck to you all the time, you'll never get a break''. Family members have also said that breastfed babies cry more because they are always hungry. My cousin even said ''are you going to give the child formula or do that 'other thing'?''... This girl is 24 years old, I was stunned by the attitude.
This is all very discouraging though.

It's not what I've researched at all, but then, I've been reading all the articles from breastfeeding support groups. What I'd really love is feedback from mothers who've tried it and loved it, tried it and realised it just wasn't for them and who never wanted to try it. I know it's a very personal choice but all of a sudden I'm doubting what I've always wanted to do and it seems a lot of people don't really think breastfeeding is worth it. This is totally contrary to everything I thought!


*** just to add, I'm not of the opinion that one is better than the other or anything of the sort, I know this topic can cause some strong opinions. I would appreciate opinions from all walks of life! Thanks

emz8

I've no advice as my baby isn't due for another week but just to say I've had this as well!

Can't believe how many people have told me I'm mad to BF. I want to try anyway, better for baby so is worth trying. Probably going to express as well as breastfeed if all goes to plan, so dad has a chance to feed the baby when I do need a break.

How Strange

I call myself an accidental breastfeeder as I was/am the first to breastfeed in my family. I come from a long line of formula feeders. I wouldn't have even thought of breastfeeding but my husbands mother and aunt waxed lyrical about it and how I could eat a cream cake everyday and be stick thin (not true btw!).

My mother was horrified and I don't think she ever fully changed her mind. My whole family treated me and my son (first child) like a curiosity that they didn't quite know what to do with. He was born in January so fires in sitting rooms were lit and we were expected to decamp there when he needed to feed. Eventually I got fed up with that and I just fed him in the living room. My dad is the type of man who would spontaneously combust if he saw nudity on the tv so there was A LOT of intense staring at the tv to begin with but gradually he relaxed and soon didn't bat an eyelid as I fed. My brother ran out of the room the first time he saw me feeding and recently said he couldn't understand why more women don't breastfeed. I duly reminded him of his earlier disgust and sofa jumping!

Your family will get used to it and might even see it as just a natural process. But you're going against the tide and that can make your mum, sisters, aunts etc feel you're undermining how they did things.

I fed my son until he weaned at 1 and my daughter just turned 1 and still likes a feed at bedtime.

All I can advise is that you surround yourself with other breastfeeding mums when the baby comes as they'll be your primary resource of knowledge, help, support etc. I was very lucky that I got fantastic support from the midwives when my son was born and my phn was thrilled to have breastfeeding women as they are as rare as hens teeth where I live. However support will get you through tough days so create a network as soon as you can. I don't think breastfeeding is tougher per se but it poses different challenges.

Best of luck with your pregnancy

How Strange

By the way my daughter rarely cried as I fed her on demand which isn't as time consuming as you'd imagine. On my son I tried to put a routine in place and we had a lot of crying. Breastfeeding works best when it's baby led.

FurBabyMomma

Seriously, what do people think babies were fed before formula was invented? Why does a natural process seem to offend modern sensibilities?

I'd like to try breastfeeding too but the issue is if anyone thinks that they are entitled to a say in how I choose to feed MY baby then they have another thing coming. Don't let anyone dictate the parent you want to be.

yellowlabrador

I came across this attitude 30 years ago when I had my daughter. No one breastfed then, in fact my healthvisitor didn't have any experience at all of a breastfed child and made me come in once a week to weigh my daughter and make sure I wasn't depriving her. She soon changed her tune when my daughter thrived. It's hard without support but don't forget that it's the natural way to feed a baby. I ended up never using a bottle and breastfed both my children with a bed time feed till the age of 2. An old lady chowed me how to manage a feed discretely when I was out and I never looked back after that.
My mother was convinced I would waste to nothing and that I would become sick. I didn't.

Fly59

Tried it and absolutely loved it. Was talked into supplementing her with formula by a nurse in the hospital, and then once at home weaned her off the formula and back exclusively to the breast as my instinct was telling me that this would be best. So experienced both formula and breast feeding. Bottle feeding has it's advantages as other people could feed her, but I found breastfeeding a lot less hassle, no sterilising and boiling kettles in the middle of the night, and you always had milk on tap whenever she got hungry. It's tough when you don't have the support of your family, my inlaws were a bit like that but they soon got used to it. I look back on it now as one of the best things I ever did, when breastfeeding a hormone is released that relaxes you, I definitely experienced this, and it was very beneficial for both of us.

pwurple

Opposite experience for me, whole family breastfed, mum, aunts, gran, in-laws, everyone. It didn't work out for me, various reasons, but I was gutted, felt like a complete failure. Tried it again this time, didn't work out again, different reason, but didn't give myself such a hard time.

All I'd say is, whatever happens, don't beat yourself up about it.

Mollybloom22

Hi. 32 weeks and plan on trying it too. There are some support groups. La leche etc which you can go to even before baby s born.

kandr10

I am currently breastfeeding my daughter and I'm glad it's still going well.

No one at all on my husbands side breastfed but they were nothing but supportive thankfully. I'm sure they might have thought at times that a bottle would keep her fuller longer, make her sleep through, give me a rest etc but they never explicitly expressed any opinions. I have a cover that I can slip over myself and the baby so I can feed wherever and feel absolutely comfortable. I'd highly recommend one. It's called bebe au lait.
My own family we're also very supportive but my sister breastfed so they were kind of used to it.

I'd say to give it a good go. It's very hard in the beginning and you may be tempted to give a bottle to get a break from it but as much as you can try to stick it out. That said, if you've given it a fair go and it's not working out, don't beat yourself up.

The most important person who you need to be onboard with it is your partner. It doesn't really matter what the rest of your family think. They'll be tormenting you with their views on every other aspect of parenting do you won't escape that even if you do bottle feed lol :-) I found that keeping my partner informed on the process and getting him involved as much as possible helped. For eg. If possible he would get the baby up, change her, hand her to me, then put her down when she finished. That helped to make the first two weeks easier .
I have to agree with how strange that feeding on demand leads to less crying. Though our baby didn't have reflux or anything which would affect that.

If you're as enthusiastic as you sound you'd be mad not to try it. You could end up converting some of your cousins! Best of luck with whatever way you choose.

Neyite

Its daunting when you dont have a close family member who hasnt breastfed. Their advice to you as a new mum will be, by default, probably offering a formula based solution. And its the little things. So join up with a BF group before you have your baby, so that you have a good network of support when you do have those little questions at 2am, someone is bound to be on facebook!

For instance, Breastfeeding was easy for me, took to it right away, but it was the little things: My sister in law showed me a trick to pull down gently just under the baby's bottom lip to get the lip position perfect. (they get the hang of it soon after themselves). But if she hadnt done that, I'd have very quickly ended up with sore nips. Another mistake I made was I didnt know about day 2 being a cluster feed day, and I got upset that baby was feeding and feeding and still wailing, so when the midwife suggested formula, I gave him a bottle. Not long after he sicked it up, but by that stage the gut bacteria was already altered and we had 3 months of colicky-type feeding which I now wonder that if I'd stuck to only breast milk, may never have happened. Who knows?

My inlaws were awkward about it, secretly worried I was starving the child. Meh. My partner thought I was awesome. He was my biggest champion and supported me practically by being more hands on in other ways so I could rest. My mother was proud that I followed my sister in breastfeeding, yet the old catholic hangup of feeding in front of my partner embarrassed her - she was the first to laugh and acknowledge it was a weird throwback to the way she was brought up, and made it clear it was her issue, not mine, to worry about.

So read up and educate yourself about what you want to do, how it benefits the baby, so that you can put the nay-sayers back in their box. But, I always felt (and still do) though that a happy mother trumps anything, so if its a case where you are finding it difficult or painful, then do not allow yourself to feel bad about switching to an alternative to breast. Far better to have a happy baby and happy mother than a stressed baby and a sad mammy. So I kept an open mind and said I'd give it a fair try, but if it was too difficult I was not going to punish myself.

For what its worth, I loved the fact it was on tap - no sterilising, no bottles, faffing around with powder, no temperature issues, no wondering if it had been in the changing bag too long and might be spoiled. No getting caught out somewhere with nothing to heat up the bottle with. And you have a hand free because you are not holding a bottle. Perfect for browsing the internet

On a personal note, if you are the type that cant sit still, its a way of forcing you to ignore the housework and sit and rest and bond with your baby, where you might otherwise hand the easy job to your partner/ relative and do the laundry/ dishes yourself.

Neyite

Oh, and it really can help you get back into shape a lot quicker after the birth, provided you are sensible about what you eat, and not consuming far in excess of what you need.

That might win your cousins over far quicker than any of the benefits to baby

ncmc

I can't offer any advice isolt, as I'm
Not due my first for a couple of weeks, but I think it's great that you're hoping to BF and it sounds like you've made the best start by doing a lot of research. I think reading up in advance and knowing the good and bad aspects ahead of time has been a great help to me. There is a breast feeding support thread stickied in this forum which I follow. I think knowing that there are days that will be so tough and where I'll want to jack it in have helped me prepare mentally. Especially when you read on and find out they do only last days rather than months for most people! Definitely helps to know that it isn't a walk in the park and you're not alone!

I'm also lucky that my sister BF all hers and had really mastered it by her third, so she's already been a great help and I know I'll have her on standby. I think it's sad that more people don't give it a go. I know sometimes it doesn't work out for various reasons, but I strongly think everyone should give it a try at least.

One great tip I picked up at my antenatal class was that new babies tummies are tiny. You can google it, but they are only about the size of a walnut for the first few days, so they don't need ounces and ounces of milk at a time. In fact that stretches their little tummies and makes them harder to fill going forward. So my midwife said not to worry that your baby isn't getting enough as they need so little from each feed at first.

madeinamerica

Thanks for starting this thread, Isolt.

I'm due my first in September, so don't have any experience yet but I've my heart set on trying it. My mother breastfed us in the early 80s, so she is on board, but she and some of her family are quite conservative and id say she'd have heart failure if I was to breastfeed out in public in the town i'm from, or even if there was someone else in the room. My cousin who lives in London brought her 2nd baby to see my granny in our town. She breastfed him at one point when she was my granny's house with my Mum, other aunts, granny there. You'd swear she started filming a porno in the living room! The scandal! And the other side of it then was they were bitching that she was doing it to spite another cousin who has kids same age but had to give up breastfeeding as she had problems, who wasn't even there. I'd be surprised if the London cousin even knew that she had issues. Women can be horrible to each other sometimes. They are still taking about it, even those who breastfed their own kids. So I know where you are coming from!

Trying to do something that might be hard, while dealing with other people's disagreement/disgust will be tough for me. I really like the advice given here by others to get to know breastfeeding-friendly groups and friends outside the family for support, thanks for that ladies. And itt is great to hear that ye stuck with it and some people got used to it after a while.

A friend of mine who breastfed her 2 told me some good advice along the same lines: "it is great but it can be hard. Don't go into it without knowing there probably will be issues, but that there are also lots of solutions and most do work. Be prepared for the problems and have some one help you with the solutions".

yellowlabrador

To establish breastfeeding, you need to ensure you don't get overwhelmed with visitors in the first few days. This happened to a neighbour of mine. She'd had a ceasarian and had so many visitors in hospital that she never managed to start properly and by the time she got home, she still had too many visitors to feel easy. You need peace and quiet to get going.

Jerrica

I'm due my first baby in July and I'm strongly hoping to breastfeed - it's funny how , despite having had boobs for my whole adult life, I'm not really sure how they work If you have the added pressure of people actively discouraging you then it's even harder again.

My Mum breastfed both my brother and I, but when I asked her for advice she just said "ah it'll be fine, you'll get the hang of it". Having hung around on various groups on facebook and heard many stories of difficulty from other mum's I know enough to know that it isn't always plain sailing and at times you really do help.

Surround yourself with people who are positive about breastfeeding - read and participate in the breastfeeding thread in the Newborns Forum.

Join some breastfeeding groups on Facebook - some are more... Erm... rigorous than others but you'll find one that suits your views.

Try and get to a Ciudiu/ La Leche League/ HSE breastfeeding group before your baby arrives - again, each group has slightly different views about breastfeeding but one of them will suit you and you'll be surrounded my experienced mum's who can spot troubles you might be having and know a solution. Going while you're still pregnant let's you see breastfeeding in a very normalised situation and you'll know a few faces for when you go with your new arrival

You might want to think about seeing a private lactation consultant for a class or one-to-one session. We're hoping to do this in June, mostly so that my husband is well prepped for how he can help!

And remember, there's no right or wrong, only what you're happiest with. Feic anyone who tries to judge that or the way you feed your baby (bottle, boob or both). All of us who are new mum's will all have different experiences and the best we can do is what suits us and our babies!

olaola

No regrets here, I'm feeding the little man, he was back up to birth weight by day 6 and I was back in my jeans by day 7. He's thriving! There were some terribly hard moments, it wasn't a walk in the park. But I was determined and to look at him now at 4 weeks, I know I made the right decision.

I try to stick to a 3 hour schedule and only feed on demand when he's going through a growth spurt. Which is working well. We have also introduced a large bottle of either expressed milk or formula at 11 which my husband gives him, so I can get an extra hour or two of sleep. It also gives me the option to leave him for more than 3 hours if I have to.

galah

Typed out a long reply just for the session to time out and post being lost. Grrrr. Jist was, do what you feel is right, happy mother = happy baby.

galah

Trying again.

Breastfed our first, and it was hard. So hard. Latch was all wrong, didn't know about the 2nd day cluster feed (where all baby does is feed and then scream for more food), was intimidated by all the advice in hospital (sure all nurses meant well but were really inconsistent, so i got talked into giving baby bottle top ups), had bleeding nipples and cried every time he feed, dreading the next feed. Used nipple shields (a godsend!) for 5 months, breastfeed for 7. Delighted i stuck with it, but can't say i enjoyed it much in the first few weeks.

On baby number 2 things were much, much, much easier. I knew what to expect, was forewarned, and we're flying it. Yes it can be exhausting, especially the growth spurts, yes you're stuck to your baby a lot, and they do get hungrier quicker, but it's so worth it in terms of convenience and cuddle time. No faffing, no rushing to make bottles, going out is so much easier, night time feeds are simple, it's great. I feed in public, and haven't encountered any issues or hostility, but then i feed my baby with the expectation that everyone thinks it's natural and normal, so i may be oblivious to other people's issues with it ;-)
And it's not like you wave your boobs into people's faces either, I'd say people can see more flesh on an average night out down the pub...

My mum wasn't that into it as she never breastfed, and keeps saying that the kids always seem hungry and i should really give them formula to sate them, but as long as they're putting on weight and are happy and healthy i ignore her :-p

Best of luck!

RentDayBlues

I was the first in my family to breastfeed. I have younger sisters who were fascinated by it, and brothers who were embarrassed!

My nieces asked lots of questions and were interested to see it, this I think is the key point. I never hid my feeding, if someone was uncomfortable with it, they left the room not me. And this happened.

I fed my first for 16 months and am now 3 months into my second. This time around it was different. Everyone is used to seeing me feed, I've gotten so much more comfortable so I think those around me feel that way too.

While no one discouraged me, there was definitely an unsupportive element within the family. If anything this made me more determined.

The one thing I can't emphasis enough is your partners support, I was always clear that no matter how hard it became I never wanted him to suggest formula, I would make that decision. Funnily today someone commented on making sure to give baby an extra large bottle before bed to make them sleep, when I said I was breastfeeding the response was: oh I couldn't do that, it's unfair on the mum to do all the work.

While this is the case, and sometimes it feels you'll never get a break, knowing that I can feed and comfort my baby when no one else can gives me a wonderful sense of achievement and gets me through the growth spurts and hard nights. I'm proud of feeding my children but if it hadn't worked out then I would still be a proud mum. Before my first if breastfeeding worked that was great, if not then formula would be fine.

If you really want to give feeding a go, have some support in place but remember that if it doesn't work out that's ok too, and don't let anyone ever say "I told you so"

Coopaloop

I really wasn't sure about breast feeding all through out my pregnancy, I kept thinking lots of different things, like what if I can't do it, the baby will be stuck to me the whole time, dad won't get to help out etc...These thoughts went on right up until the baby came and when they put my gorgeous son on my chest he sought out my breast and it felt like the most natural thing in the world. Thankfully he took to it really well and never had trouble with latching.
I breastfed exclusively for 4 weeks, to be honest at that time back in January it was cold, baby was only little (9 pound 6) so we weren't really going anywhere, and if people were visiting we asked them to give us a time so that I could have baby fed in advance. After 4 weeks I started expressing so that my partner could help out, I also introduced formula at this stage. I did the expressing up until about 8 or 9 weeks and eventually moved onto formula.
I'm proud of myself for doing it for that time and I have no regrets for stopping, I did my best and that's all anyone can do

No one is allowed to dictate to you on how you provide for your new baby, people will always have opinions, just smile and nod at the ones you don't agree with

It is a lovely way to bond with your baby, but you will have this bond immediately anyway since you grew them for 9 months. It is handy for night time feeds and it does help lose weight off the tum, your uterus will contract as you breastfeed to get it back to shape, I was back to my pre pregnancy weight after 2 weeks.

So basically do what you feel is right, don't beat yourself up if it doesn't work out, you will do great no matter what, and remember you know what is best for your child.
I find with the older generation ( particularly the mother in law) they will say oh we never had this, or it was done this way back then, and I smile politely all the while thinking well heaven forbid things may have changed since you had your last child 26 years ago.

Either way, enjoy every minute with your bundle of joy, they are a gift and will turn your world upside down (but in a great way) xx

galah

Coopaloop wrote: »

I find with the older generation ( particularly the mother in law) they will say oh we never had this, or it was done this way back then, and I smile politely all the while thinking well heaven forbid things may have changed since you had your last child 26 years ago.

Heard that comment before as well, "we never had this back in our day", from an older lady. To which i was very tempted to reply "what, no boobs?". But I'm too nice ;-p but that generation must have been breastfed in turn, as i don't think formula is around that long?

Neyite

galah wrote: »

Heard that comment before as well, "we never had this back in our day", from an older lady. To which i was very tempted to reply "what, no boobs?". But I'm too nice ;-p but that generation must have been breastfed in turn, as i don't think formula is around that long?

Formula became widespread in the 1950s, so I'd agree that our parents generation were probably the first to use formula, and probably widespread heavy duty advertising, and medical professionals recommending it didn't help matters.

I do remember where the only women who breastfed in my youth - early eighties - were women in the travelling community. And lots of people held the view that only poor people in third world countries who couldn't afford formula, breastfed.

Then you had the stranglehold of the church, my mother remembers it being drummed into her to be modest, and that included her breasts being covered up. In addition, the likes of Page 3 'models' reinforced the view that breasts were sexual organs leading to the feelings that its inappropriate to put a tiny baby up to a body part that gives sexual pleasure.

I suppose with all that, its no surprise women went with what was widespread best practice.

xalot

I was the first on both sides of my family to breastfeed and my in laws thought I was really doing damage to the baby! But I was determined with the direction I wanted to go. It's so funny, I would never have any problem feeding him in public (with a wrap) but in my in laws house I always fed him in our bedroom, but that was my hang up.

If you want to breastfed then dont let anybody talk you out of it. Aside from the sheer convenience of being able to fed your baby at any time, it is the most lovely bonding experience. I'll always treasure those nights (though I didn't think so at the time!) when it was just me holding my little boy in pure awe as he nursed away.

It is difficult and that second day is particularly tough but if you can make it to three weeks you'll be laughing.

An osteopath I saw recently and she said that she thought Irish Granny's were the single biggest obstacle for breastfeeding in Ireland, because the grandparents want to help out and feed the baby and when you nurse you take that away from then. It's something I definitely agree it.

I hope it all works out for you and that's it will be your family who change their opinions about what is best for you and your new baby. Best of luck.

lazygal

I BF my first and I'm still BF my second. I wasn't discouraged from doing it but I got a lot of comments on it from family. I never had a hangup about feeding while out and about and after a few attempts at draping a muslin cloth I gave up and just fed. I was asked if I wanted to move to a quiet (i.e. cold room away from everyone else) to feed, but just said lightly I was happy where I was.
There's definitely a generation gap and a lot of myths from older women. My mum BF us but still had a few comments about cluster feeding, how tied down I was, as did her sisters/sisters in law. They all gave up BF very quickly or never tried it, and I did get the vibe that they thought I was a bit of a hippie/earth mother type. Add in the fact we also used cloth nappies and we definitely were categorized.
I try to be realistic if people ask me about it. I had a lot of problems with my first, she lost weight and we were told to supplement. I was a bit clueless, I had a c section so already felt I'd failed a bit at the natural birth thing, and I was knackered. So we gave a bottle. It wasn't the end of the world, I read a few forums and powered through, mainly just sitting on the couch or lying in bed cluster feeding. I fed her until she was one, when I was pregnant again.
Second time around I told hospital staff and the PHN I wasn't interested in having my baby weighed, that I was cluster feeding to bring the milk in and I didn't want to be distracted by numbers and charts and talk of supplementing. It nearly went too well, we introduced a bottle of formula at about six weeks just to give me a breather and that has worked well. I'm still feeding him at over eight months and still give a bottle and we're all grand.

Suucee

Im at the other end here. I wanted to try it. All through my pregnancy i had people telling me its not for them , its hard . My MIL even said i could use her bedroom to feed when in her house. My own mother said it would be awkwars having to go home every time baba needed a feed as i couldnt feed in public.

I was determined to prove them wrong. My sister bfed but we werent very close at the time. I read loads of threads and thought i was armed.

First day was fine but on day 2 between a mixture of bleeding nips. Screaming baba. I was an emotional wreck. I hadnt slept since before labour and was exhausted. Was starting to feel resentful towards my baba. My mum, sil mil all told me to give a bottle. OH left it to me and i gave in. She slept and i slept. I tried again whem next feed was due but just wasnt able.

This time i didnt try i went straight for bottle.

I do admire does who do it.

I struggled for a while after with the guilt but screw it. I was bottle fed and turned out just fine. As so many others have saud happy mama=happy baba.

I hope it works for you. Dont beat hourself up like i did if it doesnt . And try not to listen to the others. Its your choice . I did get the whole i told you so which made me feel so much worse.

kandr10

I got a tip from someone on here about wearing a cami top under your normal tops to breastfeed. Its easier i think than nursing tops. You can set yourself up with the outer top covering you anc pull it up at the last minute so no one sees a thing. And you feel marginally normal being able to weaf your own clothes again :-)

mulbot

in response to OP,i think it's disgraceful that people would DISCOURAGE from breastfeeding-especially family..one of the most natural acts in the world should not have any shame or embarrassment attached to it.. and it seems to be a very irish attitude as this country has one of the lowest european breastfeeding rates,if not the lowest..

Flippyfloppy

Breastfeeding went great for me, my baby was and is very very content. It is tough going, but it's just something you just get on with and find the joy in, especially when it's your first.

I didn't get any comments about it because I didnt speak to anyone about it before baby was born. I just said I would breastfeeding if I was able, because I didn't know how it would go.

My inlaws probably did ask a few times when we would start using bottles but I was so busy breastfeeding I paid no heed! I think my own family were proud of me.

My advice, don't talk to anyone about it! Then let them deal with it after!! Same goes for picking baby names people can be very opinionated when it comes to YOUR child!

I was absolutely determined to breastfeed. I had advice on hand in the family. I also had a supportive partner.
However, it didn't go to plan. The first few weeks were ok, once I got the latch right (which can in itself be difficult).
I went to a local Cuidiu group but didn't really find it very helpful if I'm honest.

By 8 weeks I was on the brink of a breakdown with lack of sleep. My baby didn't sleep longer than 30-45 minutes, day or night. Cosleeping made things worse as I simply could not sleep when he was in bed with me. He would feed for 40 minutes at a time too, leaving very little time for me to sleep or eat.
I gave him his first bottle of formula at 8 weeks and he slept for 3 hours.
After that both my husband and I decided that for everyone's sake we needed to change things, so we weaned on to bottles and the difference was astounding, my baby was far more settled, happy, rarely cried and liked to close his eyes for longer than 45 minutes.
I tried taking Fenugreek and a lot of oats to boost supply, I drank tons of water and fed fed fed him constantly. He'd be on the boob from 7pm-1am most evenings. But looking back now with a clearer mind and a few years behind us, I think my supply was just crap and my baby was permanently hungry.

Definitely give it a go, lots of people successfully breastfeed with few or minor problems. If you find it too hard, then stop. Don't let a method of feeding sully your early days with your baby.

Oh, and I had a truly awful hormone crash after I stopped breast feeding. It was like having severe PMT for weeks. I've been told it's not uncommon.

witchity2

I am also from a very large family. I was and still am the only one who has breastfed, so i had absolutely no support from anyone in my family whatsoever. Basically any bad breastfeeding story they could think of they told me. Anything remotely negative about a baby was blamed on breastfeeding. I couldnt talk to any of my sisters or my mother, because if i was feeling a bit down or tired, anything, they just told me to give up.

I didnt!! My partner was fantastic. In the first few weeks it was difficult, but he constantly supported me. If during the night i felt like i wanted to give in and buy formula, he'd say, just see how you feel tomorrow - which was always better. After the first few weeks everything settled down and I loved it. So cheap so convenient, and a lovely way to spend time with your baby.

I kept on feeding until he was 2 and i was 5 months pregnant on my second. I have fed my second even longer, and i'm pregnant with number three now, and couldnt give a sh*t about what anyone in my family thinks about it. Funny, they dont know im pregnant yet, but still go on about how difficult it is (even though none of them even tried it!!)

Best of luck if you do decide to go ahead with it. It can be hard work but so worth it Oh an like some other posters point out, great for losing baby weight!

xalot

Dont want to take the board off topic but one other bit of advice I just remembered, my little fella wouldn't take a dummy and essentially used me as a pacifier, and would regularly fall asleep at the breast. I noticed this early on and asked the health nurse at my breastfeeding group who told me it was fine and to go with the flow (seemed to be their answer to everything - very frustrating).

anyway, I really wish I'd stopped this habit early on because it wasn't long before he needed to suck to go to sleep and every time he woke during the night I had to latch him on or he would go mental. It was a tough habit to break and it could have been very easily avoided! Wish somebody had said it to me!

mulbot

xalot wrote: »

Dont want to take the board off topic but one other bit of advice I just remembered, my little fella wouldn't take a dummy and essentially used me as a pacifier, and would regularly fall asleep at the breast. I noticed this early on and asked the health nurse at my breastfeeding group who told me it was fine and to go with the flow (seemed to be their answer to everything - very frustrating).

anyway, I really wish I'd stopped this habit early on because it wasn't long before he needed to suck to go to sleep and every time he woke during the night I had to latch him on or he would go mental. It was a tough habit to break and it could have been very easily avoided! Wish somebody had said it to me!

exactly--bf babies dont need to drink as much or as long as bottlefed as the milf from boob has denser calories,fat etc so when u feel the baby not really feeding for the milk or has fallen sleep it's time stop as thats the main reason for continuous seeking of the boob-it's for comfort

monflat

Op i can feel where you are comin from .
My mother in law thinks its " disgustin" and has the attitude of cover uuself up there and make yourself look decent.!

I fed first two and plan to feed the next one due sept
However i would suggest if you do want to try it
Surround yourself in like minded people go to groups and continue to go if you are sucessful.

Peoole can be so bloddy insensitive.

My mother didnt feed us but supports me in a way but when im feedin she can be found covering me up with a blanket makin sure im not exposing myself ! She means well but its annoying but as she didnt BF she dosnt really know what she is doin is annoying me.



Im the only one from my husbands large family that has BF .
However they all act like its sonething to be ashamed of even thou some tried but were not successfull *( but still critisise me )


Prepare yourself is all i can advise !!
Also get the support of your partner too which can be invaluable.

I remember after my second has emm c section was in ribbons and only home a day.
And a few of husbands family called to door .
He answered and just said ye should have text i was feeding and could be there a while.
They flung present at him got bak into car and went to his mothers complaining that our house was like " fort "knox"
Ya cant please em all but you do need a supportive other person . Makes a big difference!

wicklori

I am the first in my family to have a baby and no one breastfed. Were it not for my DH I may not have survived! I am currently feeding our 14 month old and he has never had a drop of artificial formula. Go for it!!! Don't mind any of them. If they see you getting on with it and everyone healthy and happy you'll soon make them question some of their predjudices! But just don't expect support necessarily from those quarters!

emz8

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

wicklori

Oh no you poor thing. Did o one tell you the second night is the very very worst!! Please, please persist. I promise it gets easier. No one's baby actually sleeps perfectly at this early stag it just seems like that because your head is addled! If you have a good latch that is all important- that took me weeks and I'm still feeding 14months later so imagine how much easier you will find it than I did?
You probably wanted to breastfeed because it it is the natural thing for your baby- you are producing the perfect food for her- exactly what she needs and wants- tailor made!
Perhaps you could post i the breastfeeding support thread? There are some fantastic experienced ladies over there who give great advice- O wosh I could go into the hospital to you and give you a hug! It will get easier- you are doing great- the most important first start you can give your baby. Just get from one feed to the next for now- and get someone to hold that baby while you have a nice long shower!

wicklori

Is there a lactation consultant on the ward you could speak to??

vibe666

i know i'm *only* a dad, but i think it's very important for breastfeeding mums to get as much support as we can possibly give them.

and on that note, i think this "buddy system" is a great idea for breastfeeding mum's: http://www.friendsofbreastfeeding.ie/wp/support-2/buddy-system/

this also looks great, a very honest look at it from a mum's perspective, i'm really looking forward to it, even as a dad.

http://breastmilkthemovie.com/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ocp6gwlqGBU

emz8

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think to ask about a lactation consultant! The midwifes are being really supportive and lovely. Feel like **** though. can't even put her down without her screaming the place down. OH will be in after lunch so he might pep me up a bit. Hes pushing for breastfeeding!

monflat

emz8 wrote: »

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

Congratulations on your new baby

god help you i know exactly how you feel its tough but it will get easier for you . The first 10days are very hard.
But dont compare yourself to others their babies will go through waking/ crying / sleep patterns too.

Have you help?
When are you goin home?
Enlist as much help as you can and once you feed baby when you get home you can get someone else to change /wind settle.

however you are doing upur best at the moment and with all those horrible hormones rushin around you feel terrible.

If you can stick at it.
But if you really feel you cant dont put your self under pressure if you dont enjoy it.

It is like that for everyone its not easy

Well done on tryin it see how next day r two goes
I remember that cluster
Feeding it was like " i cant give you anymore im tired sore "
Hoeever it will pass !

monflat

emz8 wrote: »

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

Congratulations on your new baby

god help you i know exactly how you feel its tough but it will get easier for you . The first 10days are very hard.
But dont compare yourself to others their babies will go through waking/ crying / sleep patterns too.

Have you help?
When are you goin home?
Enlist as much help as you can and once you feed baby when you get home you can get someone else to change /wind settle.

however you are doing upur best at the moment and with all those horrible hormones rushin around you feel terrible.

If you can stick at it.
But if you really feel you cant dont put your self under pressure if you dont enjoy it.

It is like that for everyone its not easy

Well done on tryin it see how next day r two goes
I remember that cluster
Feeding it was like " i cant give you anymore im tired sore "
Hoeever it will pass !

wicklori

The problem is- your ilk may be coming in- which affects ormones and makes you feel so fu$~ing teary- and then babs is at that needy stage and it's all a viscous cycle! My DH was the pro one aswell and believe me that was vital!! He will get you through the tough hours. so put her on his chest when he comes in and tell him to change her nappy and cuddle her for a while while you get the all important shower and have a nap!

Neyite

emz8 wrote: »

I just had my baby two days ago and am breastfeeding. First night she was amazing, latching has come natural. Started cluster feeding last night and it's left me devastated. She was hysterical all night, no matter what I did.

All the other girls in the ward are formula feeding and now I'm thinking of just packing it in. Their babies are all sleeping perfectly and right how they are all enjoying their babies and I'm sitting here getting upset because I'm so exhausted. I can't even remember why I wanted to BF at all...

At a complete loss as to what to do

Prop yourself up with lots of pillows around you, table near to hand with drinks and things that you need nearby, and pillows to support the baby and doze while she nurses, dont even bother to try to do anything else. Its all natural, and she is doing what she is supposed to do - creating the supply for the demand she will have in a few days.
This is probably the hardest part of nursing, day 2. I wasnt expecting it and it got me that way too. You are doing great!

kandr10

emz8 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I didn't think to ask about a lactation consultant! The midwifes are being really supportive and lovely. Feel like **** though. can't even put her down without her screaming the place down. OH will be in after lunch so he might pep me up a bit. Hes pushing for breastfeeding!

Congrats on the new arrival! Keep going with thd breastfeeding. It gets so much easier. Especially when your milk comes in and also when you go home cos hopefully your partner will be able to give you s hand and let you sleep.

It totally gets easier though. You wont look back :-)

emz8

I decided to supplement with formula, so I'm still breast feeding as much as possible but if it's not filling her up then giving her 15mls after. Have only done it once so far today and she slept for three hours after which was a godsend!

Feeling more up for it now and currently enjoying having her skin to skin on my chest! Much more relaxed. Thanks again for your replies!

monflat

emz8 wrote: »

I decided to supplement with formula, so I'm still breast feeding as much as possible but if it's not filling her up then giving her 15mls after. Have only done it once so far today and she slept for three hours after which was a godsend!

Feeling more up for it now and currently enjoying having her skin to skin on my chest! Much more relaxed. Thanks again for your replies!

Ah great well you enjoythat time now !!!
Its the total overwhelming intensity of the whole suitation isnt it.

Well done and try and enjoy it .
Its tough but it does ease off and get better !

mulbot

emz8 wrote: »

I decided to supplement with formula, so I'm still breast feeding as much as possible but if it's not filling her up then giving her 15mls after. Have only done it once so far today and she slept for three hours after which was a godsend!

Feeling more up for it now and currently enjoying having her skin to skin on my chest! Much more relaxed. Thanks again for your replies!

hi,congratulations on the birth of your baby,i think by having already mastered the latch,you and baby are 3/4 of the way there:) ,this time last year we were in the same situation and did exactly as you are doing now-topping up with formula worked wonders and then when the milk came in fully,the boob was all she needed then-

ncmc

The second day sounds really tough. How did you manage that along with visitors as I'd imagine that's the day visitors would decide to come and see the baby? I wouldn't envisage a lot of visitors, just hubby's immediate family, but I could imagine even that could feel overwhelming if I was struggling with bf. I think asking them not to come would go down like a lead balloon.

Isolt

Great question about visitors. I know it's recommended to ask people not to call for the first few days but I just couldn't do that to my family. They're all so excited & after losing the baby last year they've all really been through a lot with us. I just couldn't ask them to stay away for the first few days.
Any suggestions?

Neyite

ncmc wrote: »

The second day sounds really tough. How did you manage that along with visitors as I'd imagine that's the day visitors would decide to come and see the baby? I wouldn't envisage a lot of visitors, just hubby's immediate family, but I could imagine even that could feel overwhelming if I was struggling with bf. I think asking them not to come would go down like a lead balloon.

I decided to brazen it out and feed while they were there, with a muslin draped over the baby's head. If they were uncomfortable they muttered that they needed to go, time they were off etc. I cheerfully waved them off and thanked them for visiting. But most of the family were grand, or if they werent, didnt say anything to us about it.