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advice for man whose wife took everything?

  • 10-04-2014 6:37pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 590 ✭✭✭


    18 years of marriage he arrives hom to his wife and 2 kids (girl now 17 son 14)

    the wife has just had a new kitchen and new car mostly on the hire purchase
    he arrives home she says its over and she wants him out

    a week later she changes the locks and he cant get in

    next she takes legal advice and sends him a letter stating he cant see the kids

    he cant afford to fight it

    so hes now got £680 a month bills paying for her mrotgage, her new car, her new kitchen, he has no home either and his health has deteriorated

    he tried to get a council house but hasn't got enough points, hes managed to beg a landowner in his village to let him sleep in an empty property for a few weeks/months

    he has to pay all these bills until his son is 18 and has been barred from seeing his kids for 12 months

    he works 2 jobs , but the stress and upset has caused him to lose weight and crashed a car in his second job as a delivery driver

    he survived that
    ive known him about 10 years and hes salt of the earth hard working honest straight forward harmless
    his only fault is hes a bit naïve

    hes in despair really, heartbroken, especially as the kids have been poisoned against him too...his wife is one of 5 kids so she has support, but hes an only child so has no support
    they still live within a few miles so he has to face seeing them from afar every day without being allowed to be with his kids at all and yet still paying all the bills?
    he has a clean CRB has never ever been to jail , no crimes at all...nothing


    any advice for the bloke? and are there many more men out there in similar situations?


«13

Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,301 ✭✭✭The One Who Knocks


    Two wifis maybe?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 158 ✭✭dockleaf


    You're the naive one if you think someone can be barred from seeing their children for 12 months for no reason.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    I don't think she can legally change the locks, they're married so it's a joint property. He should call into citizens advice and also register for free legal aid.

    Or kill her. That'll be more immediate.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    any advice for the bloke?

    Yep. Tell him to go see a lawyer. He has rights too. His ex wife sounds like a right Cnut btw.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,656 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    If nothing has been decided and his missus is just pulling arbitrary numbers out of her arse, then he needs to stop paying for anything, and put the money towards getting legal advice ASAP


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 110 ✭✭HotHHead


    Is this in Ireland, as your quoting £ in your post... wife isnt legally allowed change the locks on the house, if he is paying the hire purchase loan take the car keep it for himself, or sell it and pay loan off...

    Court doesn't have to cost him anything he can represent himself.

    She also just can't decide he can't see the kids, as they were married he is an automatic guardian and joint custodian of his children.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,099 ✭✭✭TheMilkyPirate


    Bull**** like this puts me off getting married, Terible situation to be in


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭MonkeyTennis


    Citizens advice beaureau and Legal Aid

    http://www.legalaidboard.ie/


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,996 ✭✭✭✭Sand


    £680? Where is this supposed to be happening? And if he is paying for the car on hire purchase, then legally it is his car - it is in his name right? Has all this happened as a result of a court decision or is it just something he decided to do? There seems to be an awful lot left unsaid.

    As for the rest of it - without knowing what caused the breakup (I doubt it really was a bolt from the blue) and not really having a huge interest in finding out, Id say the best thing he can do is try to move on as best he can whilst making it clear he would welcome contact from his kids. When it gets to that stage - its done.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,124 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    Marriage.. not even once


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 19 swanronson


    Get to a solicitors straight away and start legal proceedings, she can't lock him out of his own home or bar him from seeing his kids


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,798 ✭✭✭Mr. Incognito


    I for one don't believe you


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭131spanner


    Now I ain't saying she a Gold Digger...


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,070 ✭✭✭Birroc


    Simple solution, stop paying...that'll bring people to the table.

    Same as in a mortgage problem...don't beg the bank for help, just stop payments and let them come to you, and then ignore them until they ease off the nasty stuff.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,813 ✭✭✭Gone Drinking


    Tell him to stop sharing bs stories from facebook.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,496 ✭✭✭Boombastic


    get in to house, live there, move his new girlfriend in to live there too

    if she wants to leave, she can.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,598 ✭✭✭emeldc


    I'm not sure I believe any of it but if it is true tell him to grow a pair and deal with it. And how do you poison the mind of a seventeen year old FFS, he old enough to make up his own mind if he wants to see his father.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 504 ✭✭✭Zed Bank


    This should probably be moved to personal issues by a mod.

    Its been scientifically proven that no ah'ers have an IQ over 100, you'd probably get better advice over there.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 158 ✭✭dockleaf


    Zed Bank wrote: »
    This should probably be moved to personal issues by a mod.

    Its been scientifically proven that no ah'ers have an IQ over 100, you'd probably get better advice over there.

    Hey! I resemble that remark!:mad::p


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 504 ✭✭✭Zed Bank


    dockleaf wrote: »
    Hey! I resemble that remark!:mad::p

    Shur so do I! The sooner we can get back to talking about sexy grinds teachers and the like, the better :)


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,990 ✭✭✭JustAddWater


    The irony!

    image.jpg


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,816 ✭✭✭✭drunkmonkey


    Bull**** like this puts me off getting married, Terible situation to be in

    Half of something is better than all of nothing!

    If your worried about them talking your half quitely build up a collection of Krugerrands and keep them somewhere only you know.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    OP, has your "friend" considered hitting the gym big style, growing a large, sophisticated moustache, purchasing some sharp outfits and then cracking onto the "ex", inveigling themselves into her affections, then, when she's hooked, send her out for some smokes and change the locks while she's gone. The joke'll be on her then.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 658 ✭✭✭jjpep


    Perhaps he could recount his experiences over a drum loop. Then at least he could have a career in hip hop.


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    He might seem harmless to you, but lots of apparently harmless people rule a reign of terror behind closed doors.

    I know one person who managed to convince every last one of his friends that his ex was a bitter lying bitch out to ruin his reputation.

    I didn't believe him, because I saw the bruises and the x-ray of the broken rib.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    OP, putting aside your posting history (e.g. women v men type threads, poor Charles Saatchi) tell him to contact Amen and tell him what people are saying here - how is it that he is so convinced he has that few rights? I know things can be sh1t for men when it comes to family breakdown, but jeez... talk about throwing in the towel.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,598 ✭✭✭emeldc


    Candie wrote: »
    He might seem harmless to you, but lots of apparently harmless people rule a reign of terror behind closed doors.

    I know one person who managed to convince every last one of his friends that his ex was a bitter lying bitch out to ruin his reputation.

    I didn't believe him, because I saw the bruises and the x-ray of the broken rib.

    Was she beating him up as well :eek:


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,291 ✭✭✭✭Gatling


    What made him think he's instantly entitled to a council house


  • Posts: 26,052 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    emeldc wrote: »
    Was she beating him up as well :eek:

    I doubt it, but you never know. The point is things aren't always as they seem.

    Seems the thread is a wind up anyway.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    Gatling wrote: »
    What made him think he's instantly entitled to a council house
    Not sure there was anything said about him thinking he's "instantly entitled" to one, he just enquired. Nothing wrong with that, seeing as he's struggling financially.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,291 ✭✭✭✭Gatling


    Not sure there was anything said about him being thinking he's "instantly entitled" to one, he just enquired. Nothing wrong with that, seeing as he's struggling financially.

    The post said he tried to get a council house but hadn't got enough points ,
    Which it adds to the whole bogus story


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    Gatling wrote: »
    The post said he tried to get a council house but hadn't got enough points
    Doesn't that just mean he enquired as to whether he'd be eligible for local authority housing and was told he wasn't eligible?


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,291 ✭✭✭✭Gatling


    Doesn't that just mean he enquired as to whether he'd be eligible for local authority housing and was told he wasn't eligible?

    Its a bogus story and as long as his name is on the house he's not entitled to council housing ,

    Never mind the 12 month ban on seeing his kids without a court date


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Gatling wrote: »
    The post said he tried to get a council house but hadn't got enough points ,
    Which it adds to the whole bogus story
    I think he's mixing this up with his CAO application.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 297 ✭✭NormalBob Ubiquitypants


    Talk to Joe Monday through Friday 1850 715 815 or email joe@rte.ie


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 40,291 ✭✭✭✭Gatling


    I think he's mixing this up with his CAO application.

    Someone been mixing there prescriptions


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Talk to Joe Monday through Friday 1850 715 815 or email joe@rte.ie

    Don't be encouraging them.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,789 ✭✭✭✭ScumLord


    Tell him to pick up a guitar and write a song about it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Jonny Blaze


    My advice... Marry a richer woman!


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 6 deere_john


    Bull**** like this puts me off getting married, Terible situation to be in

    any man who is remotley assett rich would be crazy to get married in 2014 without hammering out a pre nup

    im never getting married , havent told my girlfriend yet


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,105 ✭✭✭beano345


    Advice?....don't get married again!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    deere_john wrote: »
    any man who is remotley assett rich would be crazy to get married in 2014 without hammering out a pre nup

    im never getting married , havent told my girlfriend yet
    Pre nups aren't available in Ireland, make sure you don't cohabit either.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Jonny Blaze


    Pre nups aren't available in Ireland, make sure you don't cohabit either.

    Really? That's crazy though.. Couldn't you just draw up a contract?


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 6 deere_john


    Pre nups aren't available in Ireland, make sure you don't cohabit either.

    " pre nups are not available in ireland " :eek:

    does she have rights from cohabiting ?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    Marriage confers next of kin rights and fathers' rights though.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,844 ✭✭✭py2006


    Regardless of the possibility of the post being a fabrication, this is a reality for a lot of men.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,318 ✭✭✭✭Menas


    The original post sounds like a country and western song.
    Assuming you are not trolling the best advice is to grow a pair and fight for what is yours and what are your rights.
    Fck me, she will be having you around to clean the windows if you don't.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,485 ✭✭✭dj jarvis


    deere_john wrote: »
    " pre nups are not available in ireland " :eek:

    does she have rights from cohabiting ?

    oh yea baby

    lock the doors and hide behind the couch - them harlots are coming to get ya !!!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,044 ✭✭✭Wabbit Ears


    He could just as easily break into his own house and change the locks again, nothing she could do about it. He could just not pay for the car and stop paying the mortgage and so on. Without a legal seperation he doesnt even have to provide for the kids.

    If this story is true ( which its not ) the guy's an idiot and pretty much deserves everything hes getting.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,440 ✭✭✭Stavros Murphy


    Candie wrote: »
    He might seem harmless to you, but lots of apparently harmless people rule a reign of terror behind closed doors.

    I know one person who managed to convince every last one of his friends that his ex was a bitter lying bitch out to ruin his reputation.

    I didn't believe him, because I saw the bruises and the x-ray of the broken rib.

    That's very true, yer man Kim Jong Un is always all smiles, buying rounds and cracking jokes with Denis Rodman, but as soon as the doors shut, he's a right cnut. My mate Alan said he's a proper street angel, house devil.


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