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Text messages from husband's colleague

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Comments

  • #62
    GreeBo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,473 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »
    I don't know when it became ok for work place atmosphere to take priority over home life atmosphere. Or for a work colleague to send messages like that to another colleague.
    ladygirl wrote: »
    Family should come first!!

    All well and good, but arriving home saying "its resolved, I got fired" etc isn't going to be that great for home/family life.


  • #63
    ladygirl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 187 ✭✭ladygirl


    GreeBo wrote: »
    All well and good, but arriving home saying "its resolved, I got fired" etc isn't going to be that great for home/family life.

    No one is saying that he has to go down that route. However he can simply inform her that he is no longer comfortable with her text messages and that they need to stop. Also he needs to STOP responding if she texts and in the case that she will not refrain from sending messages, he needs to be willing to go to HR.

    I believe that she is sending these messages as he has in some way encouraged her - equally he now needs to dis encourage her for the sake of his marriage.


  • #64
    Engine No.9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,128 ✭✭✭Engine No.9


    HR won't entertain him for a second if any of this happens outside of working hours. Even work nights out are off the table unless its a company sanctioned event.


  • #65
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    GreeBo wrote: »
    All well and good, but arriving home saying "its resolved, I got fired" etc isn't going to be that great for home/family life.

    But where's that coming from? There is no mention of her being in any way senior to him and if she, as he claims, is doing it to all guys in the office, it's already common knowledge as to what she's like and she must have been rebuffed many times already.

    If genders were reversed, i.e. someone's wife was receiving lewd texts from a married colleague who chases all girls, the matter would have been resolved long ago. I highly doubt the husband would accept that she's entertaining them and replying just to keep a well known office creep happy.


  • #66
    ladygirl
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 187 ✭✭ladygirl


    pajopearl wrote: »
    HR won't entertain him for a second if any of this happens outside of working hours. Even work nights out are off the table unless its a company sanctioned event.

    I agree, but that in itself is a last case scenario. He just needs to address this head on with the girl from work and tell her not to text inappropriate messages anymore.. to be honest I think the only reason they have continued so long is because he has entertained them to date. If he tells her to stop and refuses to reply - the chances are that she will. His priority here needs to be getting his marriage back on track - not entertaining this ladys msgs.


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  • #67
    Engine No.9
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,128 ✭✭✭Engine No.9


    As well as that, the guy needs to make sure that if he indeed does tell her to back off, it must be done outside of office hours. If he does it during work hours, and depending on whether she has a vindictive nature, then she will have just cause to take a case to HR for letting outside factors interfere with work performance. He needs to be very careful. Could land himself in extremely hot water if he mishandles the situation... For good intentions or bad.


  • #68
    GreeBo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 27,473 ✭✭✭✭GreeBo


    ladygirl wrote: »
    I agree, but that in itself is a last case scenario. He just needs to address this head on with the girl from work and tell her not to text inappropriate messages anymore.. to be honest I think the only reason they have continued so long is because he has entertained them to date. If he tells her to stop and refuses to reply - the chances are that she will. His priority here needs to be getting his marriage back on track - not entertaining this ladys msgs.
    pajopearl wrote: »
    As well as that, the guy needs to make sure that if he indeed does tell her to back off, it must be done outside of office hours. If he does it during work hours, and depending on whether she has a vindictive nature, then she will have just cause to take a case to HR for letting outside factors interfere with work performance. He needs to be very careful. Could land himself in extremely hot water if he mishandles the situation... For good intentions or bad.
    mhge wrote: »
    But where's that coming from? There is no mention of her being in any way senior to him and if she, as he claims, is doing it to all guys in the office, it's already common knowledge as to what she's like and she must have been rebuffed many times already.

    If genders were reversed, i.e. someone's wife was receiving lewd texts from a married colleague who chases all girls, the matter would have been resolved long ago. I highly doubt the husband would accept that she's entertaining them and replying just to keep a well known office creep happy.
    pajopearl wrote: »
    HR won't entertain him for a second if any of this happens outside of working hours. Even work nights out are off the table unless its a company sanctioned event.
    ladygirl wrote: »
    No one is saying that he has to go down that route. However he can simply inform her that he is no longer comfortable with her text messages and that they need to stop. Also he needs to STOP responding if she texts and in the case that she will not refrain from sending messages, he needs to be willing to go to HR.

    I believe that she is sending these messages as he has in some way encouraged her - equally he now needs to dis encourage her for the sake of his marriage.


    You need to be very careful with things like this, even if he is 100% in the right, accusing this woman of something could easily lead to her launching all sorts of attacks against him and his character; He then has to defend and refute any claims she makes.
    Even if its nothing he has done, depending on what his line of work is his reputation could easily be ruined within his company or indeed the entire industry.


  • #69
    Hannibal Smith
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,893 ✭✭✭Hannibal Smith


    GreeBo wrote: »
    All well and good, but arriving home saying "its resolved, I got fired" etc isn't going to be that great for home/family life.

    Fired for telling a colleague to stop sending inappropriate text messages? Seriously?


  • #70
    brooke 2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,472 ✭✭✭brooke 2


    GreeBo wrote: »
    All well and good, but arriving home saying "its resolved, I got fired" etc isn't going to be that great for home/family life.

    Sounds like his female colleague is the one who should be fired - if anyone is going to be fired!!


  • #71
    Tokyo
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,655 ✭✭✭✭Tokyo


    Hannibal Smith wrote: »
    Fired for telling a colleague to stop sending inappropriate text messages? Seriously?

    Because these things have never escalated in the past and the wrong person was held responsible?? If I were receiving such text messages, I'd be apprehensive of going to HR too, without trying more subtle options...


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  • #72
    Starokan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 746 ✭✭✭Starokan


    I dont think anything has happened between them both. The whole bad idea text pretty much draws a line under that for me.

    In general though your husband is being a bit of an ass, he probably thinks he is not doing anything wrong but he is being disrespectful to you & he is also leading the other girl on by not stopping her texting. Basically he is not letting her know there is no chance of anything happening. He is getting an ego boost from it without thinking of the consequences for you or her.

    Simple solution : he does not have to make any sort of big deal out of it, just stop replying and basically pull away a bit and assume more of a work relationship than a personal one


  • #73
    animum
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 134 ✭✭animum


    The op says she doesn't believe anything physical is happening, why should anyone on here think otherwise, we don't know the man nor their marriage.

    They should go to social event as op said she used to go to these things anyway. And it sounded, she was thinkin of not going over this situation, she shouldn't change her plans over this woman.

    Her husband is being a bit of an eejit. And not realising the hurt he is causing to his wife and seems to be dodging the conversation....
    Maybe he just doesn't want to have to keep repeating that nothing is happening.
    I agree he needs to be more sensitive and assertive about the whole thing, but ultimatums, threats, and other tactics are not going to help in my opinion.

    I personally would delete a message that came through from a pest, not hiding anything, I would just delete them.
    If I was hiding something, I certainly wouldn't admit to have deleting them.

    There are plenty of people that answer a question simply when it is asked...he did, and looks like he answered honestly.
    Texts have stopped...unless it happens again, I would want the topic dropped...and I wouldn't be hiding anything.


  • #74
    um7y1h83ge06nx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,029 ✭✭✭um7y1h83ge06nx


    I have to say if the husband is telling the truth I would feel sorry for him.

    He probably shouldn't have said he got an ego boost from it even though at least he was being honest about that. I would bet that most people (myself included) would get an ego boost if a member of the opposite sex was chasing us, especially when you've been in a relationship for years.

    Be a sickener to get into sh*t for cheating when you haven't.

    Anyway I don't have any additional advice really apart from maybe taking the advice of the more moderate posters here.

    Best of luck OP.


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