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Is this feeling normal?

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    #122
    SF12
    Closed Accounts Posts: 87 ✭✭SF12


    I've just read the start of this thread with huge interest. I have an 11 month old.

    I was the same as you OP. I would never expect to hold someone else's baby unless they asked did I want to. When I had mine, something twisted in my gut every time someone took my baby in those first few weeks and months. It was the most visceral, primitive reaction that I had ever experienced, and it made no sense whatsoever to me at the time. There was a handful of people that I had absolutely no problem with having her, but everyone else - God, talk about a "mama bear" reaction. And it came out worst with my in-laws, and a couple of my own family members too.

    Funnily enough, I have a relative who is a PHN - she met me when the baby was 5 weeks and after watching me for a couple of hours told me quietly in my ear that I had to remember that I was the mammy, and if I didn't want to hand the baby around, that was my choice and I had to stand firm with it. She said I was totally normal to feel that way, and not to worry one bit about it. It made me feel better, but it was hard to stand my ground sometimes. The in-laws had a desperate need to "help" all the time, and I really wanted them to back off and let me just figure out how to do it myself. I didn't want the help (or even know what I wanted them to do to "help"). I wanted to be her mammy for those first few months, and I just wanted to be left in peace to do it my way. I've spoken to a lot of people since and realised that I am not the first or only person to feel that way.

    Like you, my babe is now unbelievably social and happy. She's loves nothing better than to get stuck in with kids and she's great fun.I wonder is that I kept her close for those first months that has resulted in that? I'm not sure. But I wish people would realise that not all new mothers automatically want to hand their baby over for people to "cuddle" or "help" with. It may seem selfish and ridiculous, and it may be just the hormones speaking, but I wish people would respect that, whether you agree with it or not.


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    #123
    carrieblack
    Registered Users Posts: 17 ✭carrieblack


    AvonEnniskerry wrote: »
    So I have a beautiful 4month old baby girl and she's everything to me. We have bonded well but my husband and myself were trying for 3years to conceive so understandably for the first 3months we (I) wanted to keep her to ourselves. Now that time scale is up I have a problem with people expecting to hold her. I suppose my problem arises from the fact that I would never expect the privilege of holding someone else's baby.
    I have no problem though when I feel like I have an elimant of control. However people keep making me feel like I'm the one with the problem.
    I do not believe I have post natal depression. I love my daughter to bits. I do not have issues with people holding her where I feel like they are not expecting to hold and kiss her. Why am I perceived as having a problem when a lot of the time I'm not even given the opportunity to explain myself. People don't seem to care what my feelings are towards her so long as they get what they want.

    Your lil one would be about one and half now? i was just reading your post so would be curious to see how is your baby now? and how are you?


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    #124
    AvonEnniskerry
    Registered Users Posts: 354 ✭✭AvonEnniskerry


    carrieblack wrote:
    Your lil one would be about one and half now? i was just reading your post so would be curious to see how is your baby now? and how are you?


    Thank you. I commented a few posts back with a quick update. I hope this helps.


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    #125
    Fagashlil
    Registered Users Posts: 450 ✭✭Fagashlil


    How Strange wrote: »

    Op my mother in law was a bit (a lot!) obsessed with my son. She'd wanted a grandchild for years and when he was born it was like she wanted to be his mother. That was very stressful at times. On a few occasions she refused to hand him back when he was very distressed and the other people around had to tell her to give him back to me.

    Are you me??:eek:

    What really annoys me is when my son is crying and fidgeting when he's hungry (he's breastfed) and they hand him to my husband saying, "oh you want your daddy" no, you know he's hungry, you know he wants me, you just have to control everything and you want me to bottle feed so you can do it.


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