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In the Noclight: koth

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  • Registered Users Posts: 71,799 ✭✭✭✭Ted_YNWA


    Mylina wrote: »
    I think you'll find I had the most questions :P :pac::pac:

    "Someone" gave me a block of 800 questions,


  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Will you now be changing your official title to contain the words "current noclight champion of the nocuverse"?
    I doubt I'll have it for long. No doubt the future threads will be flooded also :P
    Ted_YNWA wrote: »
    I had the most questions, Koth has the most posts, should it be pistols at dawn for that title ?
    Yes. But I get the loaded one! :pac:

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,601 ✭✭✭Lyssa


    And, just cos I am in a giddy mood (I finish work today for Xmas!)
    • How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep?
    • Are there female leprechauns?
    • Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
    • Do fish sleep?
    • Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?
    • Why do all the days of the week end in "y"?
    • Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
    • Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
    • If God created everything, and He knows everything ahead of time, why did He create Satan?
    • On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
    • Do pigs pull ham strings?
    • Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
    • Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?
    • Why do people say heads up when you should duck?
    • Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?
    • Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
    • If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
    • Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
    • If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?
    • If you own a piece of land and there is an volcano on it and it ruins a
    • nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?
    • If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
    • If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,601 ✭✭✭Lyssa


    Ted_YNWA wrote: »
    "Someone" gave me a block of 800 questions,

    Oh, I didn't know that.... well then, turnabout is fair play :P

    Kothikins...... Here ya go :) x
    • If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?
    • If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
    • If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
    • If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
    • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
    • If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
    • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
    • If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
    • If God dropped acid, would he see people?
    • How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
    • How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
    • If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
    • If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
    • If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
    • If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
    • If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
    • If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
    • If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
    • If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
    • If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
    • If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
    • If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
    • If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
    • If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
    • If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
    • If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
    • If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
    • If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
    • If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
    • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
    • If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
    • If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
    • If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
    • If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
    • If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
    • If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
    • If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
    • If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
    • If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation? If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
    • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
    • If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
    • If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
    • If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
    • If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
    • If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
    • If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
    • If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
    • If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
    • If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
    • If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
    • If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
    • If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
    • If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
    • If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
    • If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
    • If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
    • If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
    • If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
    • If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
    • If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
    • If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
    • If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
    • If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
    • If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
    • If you take a shower, where do you put it?
    • If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
    • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
    • If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
    • If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
    • Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
    • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
    • Is it possible to be totally partial?
    • Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
    • Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
    • Is there a Dr. Salt?
    • Isn't hot water already hot?
    • Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
    • Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
    • Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
    • Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
    • Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
    • Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
    • Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 47,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭cyberwolf77


    Ted_YNWA wrote: »
    I had the most questions, Koth has the most posts, should it be pistols at dawn for that title ?

    Yes, and that is why we have the 50 question a go rule now


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  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Mylina wrote: »
    And, just cos I am in a giddy mood (I finish work today for Xmas!)
    Hate you! :P
    How does a shepherd count his flock without falling asleep?
    Barcodes ;)
    Are there female leprechauns?
    No. They reproduce by mitosis!
    Do judges and lawyers do jury duty?
    Yes, and it's very awkward when they have to judge and jury for the same trial! :eek:
    Do fish sleep?
    of course. "sleep with the fishes" must indicate they're very deep sleepers :P
    Would it be possible for a solar car to travel faster then the speed of light?
    Yes. Or at least until the battery depletes its charge.
    Why do all the days of the week end in "y"?
    Because they wouldn't allow it to end in "m" :(
    Isn't it scary that the word "therapist" is the same as the words "the" and "rapist" put together?
    well it is now!! :pac:
    Do sheep get static cling when they rub against one another?
    Yes, but it makes for some really electrifying sex!:P
    If God created everything, and He knows everything ahead of time, why did He create Satan?
    If he knows everything ahead of time, does free will really exist? :eek:
    On a telephone, why does ABC start on the number 2 and not 1?
    because 2B makes more sense;)
    Do pigs pull ham strings?
    constantly!
    Do dumped farmers get John Deere letters?
    *groan* :P
    Yes.
    Why do radio operators say "niner" instead of just "nine"?
    It's shorthand for cuddlykins.
    Why do people say heads up when you should duck?
    because they're hoping to hit them! :eek:
    Why did Superman wear his briefs on the outside of his tights?
    He's Superman. Who's gonna give him sh*t? :P
    Does anyone actually kill two birds with one stone?
    Yes. You hit the bird flying above the other. Stunned bird knocks other bird out of the air. Hey, presto, two birds with one stone!
    If you had x-ray vision, but closed your eyes, could you still see?
    of course!
    Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
    But I would have a lot of famous quotes:D
    If a water spins clockwise when it drains in the northern hemisphere, and water spins counterclockwise when it drains in the southern hemisphere...which way does it spin at the equator?
    It doesn't. It floats in the air and screams! :p
    If you own a piece of land and there is an volcano on it and it ruins a nearby town, do you have to pay for the property damage?
    Only if you're a sloppy villain and survivors.
    If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?
    No. you'd have inverse vision and see air surrounding objects.
    If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind?
    Yes as the air is still moving past you:P

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Mylina wrote: »
    Oh, I didn't know that.... well then, turnabout is fair play :P

    Kothikins...... Here ya go :) x
    You'll pay for this!!
    If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

    Only if they give him enough thyme to try and pay the penalty first!
    If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?
    Yes. It makes duck sounds.
    If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
    Yes, that's why trees hardly ever fall over.
    If a tree fell on a mime in the forest, would he make a sound and would anyone care?
    No. The invisible box would protect him.
    If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
    Both.
    If a woman can be a meter maid, can a man be a meter butler?
    Only if they turn up to work in a suit and carrying a serving tray.
    If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
    It's interactive theatre;)
    If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?
    because the oranger-namer just lacked imagination.
    If God dropped acid, would he see people?
    Definitely! :D
    How many people thought of the Post-It note before it was invented but just didn't have anything to jot it down on?
    Too many. And they all had notes tattooed on their forehead as a result!
    How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't grow in it?
    About 1,826.0844 metres.
    If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
    Leap years;)
    If 75% of all accidents happen within 5 miles of home, why not move 10 miles away?
    because you'd have an accident in transit:eek::P
    If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
    Yes.
    If a bus station is where a bus stops, and a train station is where a train stops, why do I have a work station on my desk?
    Because that's where the work stops!! :P
    If a case of the clap spreads, is it then considered a case of the applause?
    these are so very very bad!! No.
    If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?
    You've created the first perpetual motion engine!:D

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Mylina wrote: »
    If a chronic liar tells you he is a chronic liar do you believe him?
    Only if he tells me he was lying.
    If a dog sweats through his tongue, why does he have armpits?
    What sort of dogs have arms???
    If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you turned on your radio would you be able to hear it?
    Yes as the distance between you and the radio is static.
    If a mute child swears, does his mother make him wash his hands with soap?
    I'd hope she does it even when the child didn't! :eek:
    If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
    Time Cops.
    If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
    that or Fex Up. Though who would trust a courier whose own name suggests they would feck up.
    If inert is to be stationary, what is ert?
    about 75% Bert!
    If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
    -53 :P
    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why does he keep doing it?
    OCD :(
    If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?
    Same. Only now you've a nice resting place in front of you.
    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
    No-one said lust is blind.
    If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
    By using a secret layer of anti-TEFLON!

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Registered Users, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 68,370 Mod ✭✭✭✭Grid.


    Back again!:D

    Zombies have invaded the Earth, what would you do first?

    Who’d be on your fighting team?

    What best suits your role in the group?

    Describe your body type?

    What is in your zombie apocalypse survival kit?

    Where is the best place to make into a base?

    How would you rate your physical condition?

    What is ideal body protection?

    What is your transportation of choice?

    How's your tolerance for blood/gore, violence, and death?

    Do you own a gun?

    What is your favorite melee weapon?

    One of your group has been bitten, what do you do?

    Winter is coming, and the heat has been disabled for weeks now. What's your next move?

    Say you were on the run from a mob of zombies in a shopping mall , which store would you choose to hide in?

    Is there a cure to the Zombie Infection??


    Ta ta!;)


  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Mylina wrote: »
    If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
    Baby Trees.
    If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
    Sadly them's the rules.
    If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?
    Because of the infamous Poles'n'Holes parties of the 1800s.
    If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?
    wrestlemania!
    If quitters never win, and winners never quit, who came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
    The person who won after every one else quit.
    If soap is used to make you clean, why does it leave a scum?
    because it's cleaning the air around it.
    If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can't find himself?
    Yes, and that's why it's now illegal.
    If someone invented instant water, what would they mix it with?
    Vodka.
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill herself, is it considered a hostage situation?
    How do we know the personalities aren't all in on it together??
    If superglue is so good, why doesn't it stick to the side of the tube?
    kryptonite lining
    If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?
    because it's very political and #1 has friends in high places.
    If the cops arrest a mime, do they have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?
    the real puzzle is do they have to put him in a cell if he's already trapped in an invisible box?
    If the Energizer Bunny attacks someone, is it charged with battery?
    Yes.
    If the folks at the psychic hotlines were really psychic, wouldn't they call you first?
    No money in it.
    If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
    :confused:
    If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?
    because some yokels tried making phone calls with a beet.
    If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
    white meat:P
    If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
    What about caviar? do we get a glass of seeds to wash it down?
    If women ran the Pentagon, would missiles and submarines be shaped differently?
    No:P

    If you can read this, you're too close!



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  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Mylina wrote: »
    If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?
    Because they're weird! Weird I tells ya!!
    If you ate pasta and anti-pasta, would you still be hungry?
    No. You'd actually create a singularity.
    If you bear a child, why do you have a cow?
    not all culchies are farmers!!
    If you can read the marking, isn't that end already up?
    :confused:
    If you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why do bars have parking lots?
    Because a liquor license is to operate a bar. Where else would the drunks sleep?
    If you dive into a pool of dry ice, can you swim without getting wet?
    Yes.
    If you got into a taxi and he started driving backwards, would the driver end up owing you money?
    Works better you offer to drive:P
    If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
    Odd.
    If you have a friend who works for the Psychic Friends Network, should you plan a surprise birthday party for them?
    Yes.
    If you have an open mind why don't your brains fall out?
    Forgot about the skull?:P
    If you have your finger touching the rearview mirror that says -- "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", how can that be possible?
    dirty dirty lies!
    If you keep trying to prove Murphy's Law, will something keep going wrong?
    Yes.
    If you play a blank tape at full volume and have a mime for a neighbor, will he complain?
    Yes, because you're creepy and weird!
    If you put freeze-dried coffee in the microwave, will you go back in time?
    If only:pac:
    If you spend your day doing nothing, how do you know when you're done?
    Clock.
    If you steal a clean slate, does it go on your record?
    Yes. The pun police take that sort of stuff very seriously.
    If you take a shower, where do you put it?
    No of your business!! :P

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Mylina wrote: »
    If you throw a cat out a car window does it become kitty litter?
    heaven forbid such a cat-astrophe should ever happen!
    If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
    Both.
    If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia can you read correctly?
    Only if it's Japanese.
    If you're traveling at the speed of light and you turn your headlights on, what happens?
    You get a free cake.
    Instead of talking to your plants, if you yell at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?
    How do you think we got Weeping Willows? :P:P
    Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
    Very.
    Is it possible to be totally partial?
    only during an eclipse.
    Is it progress if a cannibal learns to eat with a fork?
    Nah, teeth are better.
    Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
    Urban legend.
    Is there a Dr. Salt?
    Lost his license for causing high blood pressure in all his patients.
    Isn't hot water already hot?
    and an orange is still an orange?
    Can you grow birds by planting birdseed?
    only if planted in a rookery.
    Just before someone gets nervous, do they experience cocoons in their stomach?
    no. spontaneous butterfly-itis occurs.
    Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
    I think they should be closed down if they have burn victims:eek::P
    Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?
    most definitely.
    Shouldn't it be called a "near hit"?
    Potato/potato.......... That actually doesn't work in text form >.<
    Shouldn't it be some things in moderation?
    No. No exceptions!! :P
    Shouldn't there be a shorter word for "monosyllabic"?
    Folks who create words just like taking the p*ss. For example, hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is the fear of long words! WTF!! :eek::pac::pac::pac:

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,601 ✭✭✭Lyssa


    Koth, you are a legend!
    Thanks for the giggles, really enjoyed your Noclight x


  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    Grid. wrote: »
    Back again!:D
    Howdy!
    Zombies have invaded the Earth, what would you do first?
    Assemble the Noct Team!!
    Who’d be on your fighting team?
    The Nocts, McGyver and the A-Team!
    What best suits your role in the group?
    The guy who eats the paninis:pac:
    Describe your body type?
    Charles Atlas if he looked after himself:P
    What is in your zombie apocalypse survival kit?
    Justin Bieber mask. Zombies won't believe I have any brains then:P
    Where is the best place to make into a base?
    Batcave:D
    How would you rate your physical condition?
    Worse than a gold medal athlete, better than the recently deceased:pac:
    What is ideal body protection?
    Sure 24hour :P
    What is your transportation of choice?
    Jetpack:cool:
    How's your tolerance for blood/gore, violence, and death?
    Violence+death I can manage. blood/gore I can manage but some of the modern horror stuff would freak me out a bit.
    Do you own a gun?
    no.
    What is your favorite melee weapon?
    Dynamite:P
    One of your group has been bitten, what do you do?
    Point and laugh!!
    Winter is coming, and the heat has been disabled for weeks now. What's your next move?
    Set fire to my neighbours.
    Say you were on the run from a mob of zombies in a shopping mall , which store would you choose to hide in?
    sporting goods:cool:
    Is there a cure to the Zombie Infection??
    Chase a squirrel through a nettle field while naked:eek:
    Ta ta!;)
    :)

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,711 ✭✭✭C.K Dexter Haven


    Ted_YNWA wrote: »
    "Someone" gave me a block of 800 questions,

    What little bastid would go and do a thing like that, eh?:pac:


  • Subscribers Posts: 5,766 ✭✭✭girl_friday


    What is left on your 'to do' list for Christmas?

    What are your resolutions for 2014?

    What was your high point of 2013?

    What are your plans for NYE?


  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 47,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭cyberwolf77


    girl_friday's questions finish it for koth and this year's Noclights


  • Moderators Posts: 51,713 ✭✭✭✭Delirium


    What is left on your 'to do' list for Christmas?
    Drink:P
    What are your resolutions for 2014?
    Write more. Draw more. Get healthy.
    What was your high point of 2013?
    DICE comic convention :)

    What are your plans for NYE?

    get drunk with brothers :)


    Thanks everyone for the fun Noctlight.:)

    If you can read this, you're too close!



  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 47,797 Mod ✭✭✭✭cyberwolf77


    See you all in two weeks for our next Noclight venture. (Bulb should be cooled by then)


This discussion has been closed.
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