Expats visiting home!

mannika

Does it get on your nerves when people can't get off their ass and come even half way to see you when you get home once a year???? Yeah i know the sun doesn't shine out of my ass and people can't just drop everything but seriously with 6 months notice a little effort would be nice!

Same people have no problem emailing you to let you know they've booked flights (without even checking the dates with you) and cant wait to come and see you (stay with you!)

dobman88

Last year a mate of mine e-mailed me to say he was coming home in secret to surprise his family and friends. He didn't ask me for anything, just wanted to tell someone. My reply was simple: Tell me the arrival time and where he was flying into and I would be there to collect him. We had some laugh on the way home.

This year another friend is coming home from Oz, same again. E-mailed to tell me but they had travel plans from the airport sorted. So I booked a long weekend off work just before xmas and one in January so we can go for a few pints sometime.

I think you need new mates OP.

Jude13

Same people all the time. Been away five years now and give loads of notice. Then I get the moany texts with one day left at home to catch up.

Canis Lupus

mannika wrote: »

Does it get on your nerves when people can't get off their ass and come even half way to see you when you get home once a year???? Yeah i know the sun doesn't shine out of my ass and people can't just drop everything but seriously with 6 months notice a little effort would be nice!

Same people have no problem emailing you to let you know they've booked flights (without even checking the dates with you) and cant wait to come and see you (stay with you!)

Maybe they don't like you and just put up with you for free sunshine accommodation?

gramar

Maybe they see you as an immigrant instead of an expat.

mannika

Dobbman my best friend is like that. As soon as i look at flights i let her know and she plans around me as i did when she was away and when she comes here. The rest of them who are great people, just dont think, i cant wait til i am home to plan my time, need to know in advance so i can try and see everyone. When i leave it til i get home it never works! I am an expat, I live in Dubai, naturalization isn't possible and i wouldn't do it anyway. You might be right Canis, will tell em to come in summertime then they will never want to see the sun again!

clairefontaine

mannika wrote: »

Does it get on your nerves when people can't get off their ass and come even half way to see you when you get home once a year???? Yeah i know the sun doesn't shine out of my ass and people can't just drop everything but seriously with 6 months notice a little effort would be nice!

Same people have no problem emailing you to let you know they've booked flights (without even checking the dates with you) and cant wait to come and see you (stay with you!)

Yeah. When I lived in NYC there was no shortage of people eager to travel 2000 miles to see me, yet I knew if I lived in Iowa somehow I would not be so beloved.

Now when I visit Ireland I sometimes don't even other telling people I'm there, I know too well what your talking about.

Although it not an ex pat, so it might feel a bit different. Have lots of technically family there though who don't bother their asses when Im over.

Zebra3

Immigrants come to Ireland, but we send expats abroad? :rolleyes:

mannika

Zebra3 wrote: »

Immigrants come to Ireland, but we send expats abroad? :rolleyes:

An expatriate (sometimes shortened to expat) is a person temporarily or permanently residing in a country other than that of the person's upbringing. The word comes from the Latin terms ex ("out of") and patria ("country, fatherland").

Sunnyisland

It's great to welcome anyone who has been away from home, IMO anyway.

Balmed Out

I think its different when people have kids, hard to plan for what can go wrong.

AnonoBoy

Sorry to be the one to tell you this OP but they had a meeting and all decided to ignore you when you got home this year.

They're bored of your stories.

"It's all Dubai this, Dubai that..... Why doesn't he marry Dubai if he loves it so much?"

mannika

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Sorry to be the one to tell you this OP but they had a meeting and all decided to ignore you when you got home this year.

They're bored of your stories.

"It's all Dubai this, Dubai that..... Why doesn't he marry Dubai if he loves it so much?"

If only that were legal! all the good stuff is banned!

anncoates

mannika wrote: »

Does it get on your nerves when people can't get off their ass and come even half way to see you when you get home once a year????

Will I tell you or will somebody else......

FTA69

The fact is that emigrating is a choice you alone made. When you choose to live in a different country then that will undoubtedly change the relationships you have previously had with friends and family. Any genuine friends you will retain, but at the same time there is no onus for them to bend over backwards to accommodate you when you decide to return home every once and a while. People have jobs, families and other responsibilities that they often can't drop just because you want to pop back for a weekend on the lash.

In other words, the world doesn't revolve around you simply because you emigrated.

Mint Aero

I don't mind as long as they don't make a big deal about their return :rolleyes:
I haven't visited any of my mates abroad cos lets face why would I want to?

FTA69

Mint Aero wrote: »

I haven't visited any of my mates abroad cos lets face why would I want to?

Because visiting places like New York, London and Australia is a good experience and generally great craic?

Mint Aero

FTA69 wrote: »

Because visiting places like New York, London and Australia is a good experience and generally great craic?

Yeah? I know that? what's that got to do with my stupid mates?

FTA69

Because enjoying yourself with your mates in a new city may also be fun?

mannika

FTA69 wrote: »

The fact is that emigrating is a choice you alone made. When you choose to live in a different country then that will undoubtedly change the relationships you have previously had with friends and family. Any genuine friends you will retain, but at the same time there is no onus for them to bend over backwards to accommodate you when you decide to return home every once and a while. People have jobs, families and other responsibilities that they often can't drop just because you want to pop back for a weekend on the lash.

In other words, the world doesn't revolve around you simply because you emigrated.

I made it pretty clear I don't expect people to drop everything and come running when I come home. Thanks for letting me know I should have stayed at home on the dole rather than 'choosing' to leave.

Holsten

I wouldn't class them as friends.

How often would you talk to them? I know people who say they miss their "best" friends, who never contact them from one year to the next and are busy when they get back.

These people are not friends.

mannika

Holsten wrote: »

I wouldn't class them as friends.

How often would you talk to them? I know people who say they miss their "best" friends, who never contact them from one year to the next and are busy when they get back.

These people are not friends.

Whatsapp most weeks emails/ every month. Not talking about randomers I wouldn't see year to year anyway.

mannika

I do my living best to not be the pratt coming home annoying people to meet up, what gets to me is the 'Ooo what time will you get to my place?' I'm not talking about people with kids or families or expecting people to take time off work.

BraziliaNZ

Yeah, people have lives to get on with, families etc. Their mate coming home for a bit isn't going to stop their world. I'm happy if people come meet me for a pint but if they can't make it it's understandable.

mannika

Ok example just been asked if can swing by Athlone on my way Limerick (& Cork) from Dublin?

Daqster

Oh don't talk to me. My brother came home last Christmas from New York and we couldn't have been nicer to him at the airport, we said:

"Welcome home Paddy, you mad bastard, what's the craic?'"

Sure what does yer man say back but:

"I'm Nathan now actually, never liked my name, too Irish".

Fecking Ex-Pats eh.

D1stant

Daqster wrote: »

Oh don't talk to me. My brother came home last Christmas from New York and we couldn't have been nicer to him at the airport, we said:

"Welcome home Paddy, you mad bastard, what's the craic?'"

Sure what does yer man say back but:

"I'm Nathan now actually, never liked my name, too Irish".

Fecking Ex-Pats eh.

Nathan Mac Giolla Ruadh. Hmm sounds Egyptian or something :cool:

DEFTLEFTHAND

With some 'friends' it's out of sight out of mind I'm afraid. It's amazing how quickly people will forget about you. I'm guilty of this, I don't make any effort really with people I know abroad. It's something I need to try and change because I do miss most of them. :pac:

my teapot is orange

Do you maintain the friendship from abroad OP, like with texts, phone, email, social media etc. and do they?

I'd find it odd if someone you were regularly in contact with made no effort on the rare occasion you're home, but I'm not sure what I'd expect from someone who doesn't hear from you from one end of the year to the other. Hard to know.

Daqster

Sally O'Brien was an awful woman for the expats coming home.

Timmyctc

I think the problem lies in the fact you refer to yourself as an Expat. I fupping hate that word and would never visit a friend who called himself such :pac:

HansHolzel

Daqster wrote: »

"I'm Nathan now actually, never liked my name, too Irish".

You're nuthin now, Nathan, gtfo

Eileen Down

We have a rule in our house for visitors: If you don't visit us during the winter, then you can't visit us during the summer.
Of course my family take no notice of anything I say.

Legs.Eleven

I usually have the opposite issue of having to keep my often short visits on the QT as friends will want to meet up. Hard to explain to them that I'm only home for a short time and home just to see my family. Xmas time is a big catch up session with everyone.


/thinly veiled "I'm so bloody popular it's ruining my life!!" thread.

mannika

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I usually have the opposite issue of having to keep my often short visits on the QT as friends will want to meet up. Hard to explain to them that I'm only home for a short time and home just to see my family. Xmas time is a big catch up session with everyone.


/thinly veiled "I'm so bloody popular it's ruining my life!!" thread.

Damn you caught me!

lufties

mannika wrote: »

Does it get on your nerves when people can't get off their ass and come even half way to see you when you get home once a year???? Yeah i know the sun doesn't shine out of my ass and people can't just drop everything but seriously with 6 months notice a little effort would be nice!

Same people have no problem emailing you to let you know they've booked flights (without even checking the dates with you) and cant wait to come and see you (stay with you!)

Its begrudgery.

Gott

FTA69 wrote: »

The fact is that emigrating is a choice you alone made. When you choose to live in a different country then that will undoubtedly change the relationships you have previously had with friends and family. Any genuine friends you will retain, but at the same time there is no onus for them to bend over backwards to accommodate you when you decide to return home every once and a while. People have jobs, families and other responsibilities that they often can't drop just because you want to pop back for a weekend on the lash.

In other words, the world doesn't revolve around you simply because you emigrated.

This. I come back from Edinburgh (not Australia but I'm not home frequently anyway) to find things have changed and it is unreasonable to expect that people will even be the same as when you left, let alone they'll drop everything and come meet you. You change when you're away, so do the people at home.
If they're proper friends they'll make the effort and come, even if they have to squeeze it in around work or whatever.

If not, then maybe you're as well not keep in contact with them.

mannika

I think i have repeated myself enough times saying i am in regular contact with these people (whatsapp, skype, email even a book club!) and i don't expect them to drop everything (6 months notice is hardly drop everything the queen is coming mentality) and I am well aware they don't live in a box while I am gone, neither do I! I was annoyed when i started this thread as having planned to drive the length of the country to see people that cant travel to see me i asked two people to travel 20 mins to their nearest town and they won't (not for work or family reasons) 'if i can get out to them it would be great though' I'm not going to ditch them because they aren't going to see me in all honestly I don't think they realise. I have only myself to blame I have done this for years even before i left home as i was one of the first to get driving so i traveled all over the shop to see people. I would just like the favour to be returned, anyway you don't give to receive. Thanks for the opinions. As someone that has left i would like to say i don't devalue my friendships by location and i think its sad that if you think people leave you shouldn't bother with them or not make an effort when you can. If i hear anyone from my home town or family of friends are out here for hols i try and meet them and show them around a bit.

keithclancy

I don't really make a big deal about visiting Ireland, will stick it up on Facebook and if anyone wants to meetup then that's cool.

I rent a car and make my own way around visiting family and meeting up with friends if their off.

Expecting people to do things will only leave you disappointed and really you are just comparing them to what you think you would do, which doesn't really work because they are not you.

Ireland is grand for a week or so, but after that I start missing my friends, the dog and my gaff and just want to get back home (living out of a bag doesn't really help)

April O Neill II

mannika wrote: »

I made it pretty clear I don't expect people to drop everything and come running when I come home. Thanks for letting me know I should have stayed at home on the dole rather than 'choosing' to leave.

We know moving abroad might not have been your choice, but sadly friendships often drift when someone has been away. I went to the UK to work after college out of necessity for a year, and had missed out on so much that some of my friendships were irreparably damaged.

April O Neill II

mannika wrote: »

I think i have repeated myself enough times saying i am in regular contact with these people (whatsapp, skype, email even a book club!) and i don't expect them to drop everything (6 months notice is hardly drop everything the queen is coming mentality) and I am well aware they don't live in a box while I am gone, neither do I! I was annoyed when i started this thread as having planned to drive the length of the country to see people that cant travel to see me i asked two people to travel 20 mins to their nearest town and they won't (not for work or family reasons) 'if i can get out to them it would be great though' I'm not going to ditch them because they aren't going to see me in all honestly I don't think they realise. I have only myself to blame I have done this for years even before i left home as i was one of the first to get driving so i traveled all over the shop to see people. I would just like the favour to be returned, anyway you don't give to receive. Thanks for the opinions. As someone that has left i would like to say i don't devalue my friendships by location and i think its sad that if you think people leave you shouldn't bother with them or not make an effort when you can. If i hear anyone from my home town or family of friends are out here for hols i try and meet them and show them around a bit.

Well, the issue here is that you've probably always been a bit of a pushover down the years, and its only now you realise this now that you only have limited time to see everyone!