"Man Up" campaign by SafeIreland

iptba

(UK)

Charities dealing with men who suffer domestic abuse have seen pleas for help jump by up to 60% during the lockdown.

The Respect Men's Advice Line said some victims had told them they had sought refuge by sleeping in cars or in tents in the gardens of friends or relatives.

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-54237409

iptba

I haven't read this so far:
https://twitter.com/jenoconnell/status/1317371016864096262
https://twitter.com/jenoconnell/status/1317384248253435904

https://twitter.com/IrishTimes/status/1317401357800902656

iptba

Joyce Fegan: Covid-19 did not cause the surge in domestic violence
We are all more stressed because of Covid-19, but that cannot be blamed for the increase in domestic and sexual violence

https://www.irishexaminer.com/opinion/columnists/arid-40073114.html

Skimming down this, it looks like it only mentions female victims?

iptba

RTÉ coverage of Johnny Depp case. No mention of Amber Heard’s violence.
https://www.rte.ie/news/uk/2020/1102/1175400-johnny-depp-amber-heard/
Perhaps this is for legal reasons but this wasn’t a case from what I have read where the violence was all in one direction.

iptba

iptba wrote: »

RTÉ coverage of Johnny Depp case. No mention of Amber Heard’s violence.
https://www.rte.ie/news/uk/2020/1102/1175400-johnny-depp-amber-heard/
Perhaps this is for legal reasons but this wasn’t a case from what I have read where the violence was all in one direction.

Nope. It's a very one sided account.. listing the negative stuff that Depp said, but not listing the equally nasty things Heard said. Or did.

iptba

iptba wrote: »

RTÉ coverage of Johnny Depp case. No mention of Amber Heard’s violence.
https://www.rte.ie/news/uk/2020/1102/1175400-johnny-depp-amber-heard/
Perhaps this is for legal reasons but this wasn’t a case from what I have read where the violence was all in one direction.

I see there is already a specific thread on this case:
https://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2058050391 so probably best if the discussion continues there (but I'm not a moderator).

Dyr

iptba wrote: »

Some more from this long blog post:

• If you were a real man you wouldn’t put up with this


There's a lot of truth in it. I know of two men are suffering/suffered horrendous spousal abuse and it applies, neither of them ever had enough spine to stand up for themselves and its how they wound up in an abusive relationship in the first place.

Bambi

Bambi wrote: »

• If you were a real man you wouldn’t put up with this


There's a lot of truth in it. I know of two men are suffering/suffered horrendous spousal abuse and it applies, neither of them ever had enough spine to stand up for themselves and its how they wound up in an abusive relationship in the first place.

I think it's too easy to say things like this as someone standing on the outside looking in. I've had abusive partners, and while I didn't allow it to continue for long, I can see how someone could become trapped, for all manner of reasons. We really need to inject a little more sympathy into society for men... and less of this expectation that everyone "should be a man". Society has changed considerably even during my lifestime, and I know quite a few guys who wouldn't have been raised to be "manly", but rather to give in to females at every turn.

Women love to go on about how in the past, other women were held down by men, but the simple truth is that most of us were raised by our mothers, sisters, etc.. they had a great degree of influence over how we grew up, and that's even stronger now. Nah. Let's encourage society to be more sympathetic to men, and the problems they face, since, God knows, we're expected to do the same for women.

iptba

I was just reading about this bizarre and ridiculous claim from last year:

In the context of a debate in the House of Commons on the Domestic Abuse Bill (on which I have posted previously) the Parliamentary Under Secretary of State for Crime, Safeguarding and Vulnerability, Victoria Atkins, made this statement,

“…of the 2 million victims, we estimate that around 1.3 million are female and around 695,000 are male, and within that 695,000 we believe – it is very difficult to identify this, and there are problems in doing so – that the majority of perpetrators are male.”

This blogger uses numerous different sources to show it's not true:
http://empathygap.uk/?p=2952

iptba

Covid-19: Sharp increase in women and children fleeing domestic violence
Average of almost 2,000 women and 411 children in receipt of support each month

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/covid-19-sharp-increase-in-women-and-children-fleeing-domestic-violence-1.4404850

I'm sorry to hear this. But this organisation only supports women and children. So this story doesn't give the full picture.

iptba

isolation unit run by the HSE and Safetynet Primary Care

The Dublin centre, in operation since May, provides shelter to some of the most vulnerable people who may have contracted Covid-19 or need somewhere to self-isolate. Its residents include members of the Roma and Travelling community, women in domestic abuse situations, refugees who have arrived through family reunification, Irish people who have been repatriated home but don’t have anywhere to stay and people sleeping rough.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/health/covid-quarantine-centre-many-are-completely-destitute-they-have-nothing-1.4405527

So a HSE service only providing a service to women but not men in domestic abuse situations. But other men are welcome, just not those in domestic abuse situations.

iptba

https://twitter.com/greenparty_ie/status/1331613205823680512?s=20
I wonder whether much will be included for those who are willing to provide support for male victims of domestic abuse who currently get a paltry amount compared to the amount given to those who support women and (some) children.

iptba

One in five young [female*] people aged 25 or younger have experienced abuse by a current or former partner, a study commissioned by Women’s Aid has found.

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/one-in-five-young-people-have-experienced-abuse-by-partner-study-finds-1.4419015

* The report clarifies that this is one in 5 females https://www.womensaid.ie/assets/files/pdf/one_in_five_women_report_womens_aid_2020.pdf

For men, one in 11 reported experiencing some form of abuse by a current or former partner. The research, conducted by RedC on behalf of the domestic abuse charity, surveyed a representative sample of 500 people aged between 18 and 25.

Sarah Benson, chief executive of Women’s Aid, said the findings were “stark and disturbing”.

“It is a heavily gendered phenomenon. It is particularly women who suffer at the hands of male partners or former partners,” she said.

So 35% (11/31) of the victims were male. Not that gendered compared to domestic violence funding.

And this was a study commissioned by Women's Aid so there is a possibility that they are being selective in what they report.
https://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/one-in-five-young-people-have-experienced-abuse-by-partner-study-finds-1.4419015

One eyed Jack

Good storyline in Eastenders at the moment:


Why Mick Carter’s historic abuse ordeal in EastEnders could last months


Watching it now and it shows that they’ve really done their research. Fair play to everyone involved.

iptba

I watched "Ireland Under Lockdown: COVID-19 Stories" that was broadcast on TV3 on Tuesday.
Among other things, it mentioned there was an increase in domestic violence because of the lockdown.
The helpline manager from Women's Aid was interviewed along with the CMO, Tony Holohan.
You don't get to say that much in TV interviews but the helpline manager kept mentioning women: she may only have said maybe 150-200 words but said women may be 8 times.

The chief medical officer said

"we feared these realities would arise for some women and some families in difficult situations where the use of alcohol and so on would become a domestic rather than a public thing".

No mention of male victims.

iptba

(UK)

The Male Psychology Conference, 2019

[..]

Mark Brooks OBE (Chairman of Mankind Initiative), “Male friendly services for DV”: I’ve heard Mark talk probably half a dozen times, but this was particularly good. Mankind Initiative now has a contract from the Home Office to deliver training to all police forces on how to handle DV against male victims. Mark gave us a quick run-through of the headline stats on DV which I won’t repeat fully as readers will be familiar with most of them. 11% of male victims compared with 7.2% of female victims attempt suicide. Mankind Initiative had 1400 male callers in 2018 and 500 female callers calling on behalf of a man (reading these stats approximately off a graph). The number of callers increased when the availability of the helpline was increased (to 2 staff). Despite that, 25% of callers were unable to get through. Hence, the indication is that demand is still exceeding capacity. Average call length 33 minutes. Over half had never told anyone before. 69% would not have called had the service not been anonymous. 97% involved a female perpetrator. Average age 43 (range 20 to 81). Average duration of abuse 6 years (longest 20 years). 64% involved physical abuse. 92,704 people had accessed the web site last year, with 198,221 page hits.

http://empathygap.uk/?p=2889

iptba

iptba wrote: »

(UK)

The Male Psychology Conference, 2019

[..]

Mark Brooks OBE (Chairman of Mankind Initiative), “Male friendly services for DV”: I’ve heard Mark talk probably half a dozen times, but this was particularly good. Mankind Initiative now has a contract from the Home Office to deliver training to all police forces on how to handle DV against male victims. Mark gave us a quick run-through of the headline stats on DV which I won’t repeat fully as readers will be familiar with most of them. 11% of male victims compared with 7.2% of female victims attempt suicide. Mankind Initiative had 1400 male callers in 2018 and 500 female callers calling on behalf of a man (reading these stats approximately off a graph). The number of callers increased when the availability of the helpline was increased (to 2 staff). Despite that, 25% of callers were unable to get through. Hence, the indication is that demand is still exceeding capacity. Average call length 33 minutes. Over half had never told anyone before. 69% would not have called had the service not been anonymous. 97% involved a female perpetrator. Average age 43 (range 20 to 81). Average duration of abuse 6 years (longest 20 years). 64% involved physical abuse. 92,704 people had accessed the web site last year, with 198,221 page hits.

http://empathygap.uk/?p=2889

Alex Skeel’s story, “Abused By My Girlfriend”*, is still on iPlayer as of 22/6/19 and was strongly recommended by Mark. He noted that whenever there was a documentary like this, or a DV storyline on a soap, the number of hits on the Mankind Initiative website soars. The Skeel story caused more than a tripling of hits the day after airing. The Mankind Initiative helpline is “manned” by women (in fact all their staff are women). Male DV victims have no difficulty talking to women. (I’ve never thought about this before, but I doubt that women DV victims would be so happy talking to a man – or am I wrong? Woman’s Aid and Refuge, of course, don’t give them that option in any case). Mark noted an increasing number of male survivors of DV are coming forward to offer to volunteer for the charity.

Mark then moved on to the political dimension, referring to the iniquity of male victims being hidden under the VAWG label in the CPS’s annual VAWG reports. Similarly, what message did it send that the mental health of men & boys falls under the Women & Equalities Select Committee? Mark had some hard words to say about the push to get the new DV Bill to include the statement that DV “disproportionately affects women & girls”, backed by the EHRC. But Mark reserved his most intense ire for the 1,384 members of the BPS who voted against having a male psychology section (cf. 2,829 in favour). He said he would like to ask each and every one of them exactly what their motivation could possibly be for voting down the creation of a male section when a female section already existed? I couldn’t agree more. Mark closed with a plea to get “our research” (referring to the whole audience) to the policy makers, the media & civil servants. It’s no good just sounding off into the usual echo chamber. Great talk.

*I found it online here https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x72olk7

iptba

Domestic abuse victims to be allowed seek barring orders remotely

Remote hearings will be possible from at least 26 women’s refuges under new plan

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/domestic-abuse-victims-to-be-allowed-seek-barring-orders-remotely-1.4446060

iptba

iptba wrote: »

Alex Skeel’s story, “Abused By My Girlfriend”*, is still on iPlayer as of 22/6/19 and was strongly recommended by Mark. He noted that whenever there was a documentary like this, or a DV storyline on a soap, the number of hits on the Mankind Initiative website soars. The Skeel story caused more than a tripling of hits the day after airing. The Mankind Initiative helpline is “manned” by women (in fact all their staff are women). Male DV victims have no difficulty talking to women. (I’ve never thought about this before, but I doubt that women DV victims would be so happy talking to a man – or am I wrong? Woman’s Aid and Refuge, of course, don’t give them that option in any case). Mark noted an increasing number of male survivors of DV are coming forward to offer to volunteer for the charity.

Mark then moved on to the political dimension, referring to the iniquity of male victims being hidden under the VAWG label in the CPS’s annual VAWG reports. Similarly, what message did it send that the mental health of men & boys falls under the Women & Equalities Select Committee? Mark had some hard words to say about the push to get the new DV Bill to include the statement that DV “disproportionately affects women & girls”, backed by the EHRC. But Mark reserved his most intense ire for the 1,384 members of the BPS who voted against having a male psychology section (cf. 2,829 in favour). He said he would like to ask each and every one of them exactly what their motivation could possibly be for voting down the creation of a male section when a female section already existed? I couldn’t agree more. Mark closed with a plea to get “our research” (referring to the whole audience) to the policy makers, the media & civil servants. It’s no good just sounding off into the usual echo chamber. Great talk.

*I found it online here https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x72olk7

Here's a 6-minute summary of the video
https://twitter.com/bbcthree/status/1097473306515521536?s=20

hots

iptba wrote: »

Here's a 6-minute summary of the video
https://twitter.com/bbcthree/status/1097473306515521536?s=20

Jesus that was a tough watch

hots

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-c5ARwv6buc full documentary here, very difficult watch, he's extremely lucky to have eventually escaped, she would have finished the job with the way it escalated.

iptba

The head of the Catholic marriage support agency has warned of a "hidden silent pandemic” of domestic abuse that becomes more prevalent when Covid restrictions are stepped up .

In a homily broadcast on local radio yesterday, the Catholic Bishop of Kildare and Leighlin, Dr Denis Nulty, said domestic abuse can take many forms.

In the homily broadcast on KCLR 96FM The bishop appealed to victims, “Don’t suffer in silence”, and he urged them to seek help through Accord’s counselling service, as well as Women’s Aid, Men’s Aid Ireland and, in an emergency, through the gardaí.

https://www.independent.ie/irish-news/bishop-warns-of-hidden-silent-pandemic-of-domestic-abuse-during-covid-lockdown-39928052.html

Good that he implicitly mentioned both genders can be affected.

iptba

Domestic violence: New Garda approach may outlast pandemic
Efforts to tackle abuse during lockdown set to be ‘locked into’ policy, says senior garda

The “overwhelming” majority of domestic violence involves males targeting females but many men are also being victimised and violence within same-sex relationships is coming to the attention of gardaí, a senior detective has said.

--

“The overwhelming number of complaints come from women; it’s violence by men on women. But there are also many cases when men have come forward and they have been physically assaulted or have been victims of coercive control. They are dealt with in exactly the same way. It’s the same for gay or lesbian relationships, and we get violence within those relationships too of course. We will investigate them all in the same way.”

https://www.irishtimes.com/news/crime-and-law/domestic-violence-new-garda-approach-may-outlast-pandemic-1.4468507

He doesn't mention that there might be a bias in who makes complaints.

Ubbquittious

I think its daft that we are expected to 'man up' in this regard and 'man down' in every other regard.

iptba

I mentioned somewhere, maybe on this thread, that being in the “dog house” and being forced to sleep on the couch/similar seems much, much more likely to be done to men than women.

Then a (fictional) programme I was watching yesterday where a man was kicked out of the house by his wife for (though it might only have been “the final straw”) taking the side of his male friend over her female friend (a formerly married couple) in an argument made me wonder how much this happens in real life and whether again a woman is more likely to do this to a man than vice versa? I don’t recall hearing it happening in my circle but then people might not talk about it.

It could happen I suppose via a barring order though that would require approval from an outside agency.

iptba

I just caught the end of an interview on the Ray D'arcy show there. A man was talking about how his mother had killed his father, but there had been domestic abuse/coercive control. All reasonable to mention except that he then said this needs to be considered more when women kill their male partners. Then the contact details for Women's Aid were mentioned.

There was no mention of the reverse: men could kill their female partners after they were victims of domestic abuse/coercive control.

JupiterKid

A friend of a very good mate is currently in a relationship where his wife is being very abusive verbally, uses emotional manipulation (the “I’ll kill myself if you don’t do x, y or z”) and coercive control. She is a small woman physically and he’s about 5’10” but she has huge control over him. They have an outdoor shed and apparently she has made him sleep out there occasionally after they fight.

She has made him drop friends over the years since they’ve been married and as they have two children aged about 10 and 8 he feels helpless and trapped. They are both in their early to mid 40s. She is abusive to their children also. Years and years ago, before they were married - when I met both of them a few times on nights out, she was a very loud, bossy person that I disliked intensely - but the lads would just slag him about it. Now, it is no longer funny in any way.

My mate told me not to tell anyone as it is extremely embarrassing for this chap. His mother knows what’s been going on but feels powerless to intervene. There must be thousands of guys like him.

iptba

iptba wrote: »

I mentioned somewhere, maybe on this thread, that being in the “dog house” and being forced to sleep on the couch/similar seems much, much more likely to be done to men than women.

Then a (fictional) programme I was watching yesterday where a man was kicked out of the house by his wife for (though it might only have been “the final straw”) taking the side of his male friend over her female friend (a formerly married couple) in an argument made me wonder how much this happens in real life and whether again a woman is more likely to do this to a man than vice versa? I don’t recall hearing it happening in my circle but then people might not talk about it.

It could happen I suppose via a barring order though that would require approval from an outside agency.

Actually, I've just remembered that one of my relatives by marriage was kicked out of his house for his alcohol problem and still is away from home and his family. Some might argue this is reasonable, and maybe it is, but I wonder whether there is any gender difference in the chances somebody with an addiction problem will be kicked out.

iptba

iptba wrote: »

I mentioned somewhere, maybe on this thread, that being in the “dog house” and being forced to sleep on the couch/similar seems much, much more likely to be done to men than women.

Then a (fictional) programme I was watching yesterday where a man was kicked out of the house by his wife for (though it might only have been “the final straw”) taking the side of his male friend over her female friend (a formerly married couple) in an argument made me wonder how much this happens in real life and whether again a woman is more likely to do this to a man than vice versa? I don’t recall hearing it happening in my circle but then people might not talk about it.

It could happen I suppose via a barring order though that would require approval from an outside agency.

Perhaps going slightly off topic but I was just listening to a repeat of Lunchtime Live on Newstalk today and a woman talked about her husband having an affair and after she found out, he was kicked out the next day.

Again, some people might say this is reasonable, but I wonder is there any gender difference in terms of the percentage of men and women who are kicked out of the home in that scenario.

iptba

Another campaign that doesn't look gender neutral

Women's Aid to raise awareness of digital and online abuse with Too Into You campaign

https://www.irishexaminer.com/news/arid-40226870.html