Getting asked to buy her a drink... Am I missing something?

faceman

I was out in Dicey's a while ago for a business related thing. Some young wan pulled a similar stunt. Not to waste an opportunity for a bit of banter I said yes and brought her to the bar. Ordered the vodka and orange but I skulled it in front of her, smiled and said, cheers!

She wasn't impressed.

Snowy Man

My standard automated response is "buy me one first and I'll think about it". I find this response can make women interested in you who weren't initially. <snip>

CastorTroy

Here I thought it was just something they did when they were too young to buy drink.

Or, according to movies/tv, if they're soliciting.

HalloweenJack

I'm extremely suspicious of girls that do this. A friend went out one night and didn't spend a penny 'cause she got lads to buy her drinks all night. I was disgusted with her afterwards. Thankfully, she doesn't do it anymore.

If a girl does it to me, I say: "Buy yourself a drink, we'll have a chat and if you still want one after, I'll buy it for you". Usually, they'll scatter but the few ones that stay, I'll give a chance. However, this has very rarely resulted in any kind of click between the two of us and I've never bought the girl a drink in the end. Either there was no spark at all and we just moved on after or we got on well (though, this is rarer) and the free drink stopped being her issue.

Daveysil15

sugarman wrote: »

Just do what me and a mate done a few weeks ago...

..Same kinda thing happened, group of girls beside us while ordering. One of them asks me do I want to buy her a drink. Her mate says the same to my mate. Now normally we wouldnt entertain them, but we'd already overheard them trying it on minutes earlier.

Me and my mate just look at each other and smirk. I says, "are all you gorgeous girls together" ,they all started laughing and again chancing their arm further. My mate says "we'll get a round on us, what are we all having, double vokdas alright?" ...at this stage theyre all smiles and pushing themselves towards the bar to get in and us served, whilst me and my mate are slowing moving to the back of the group..

..Mate shouts "barman, 8 double vodkas for the girls here". And as we presummed, they were too happy and chatty amongst themselves ignoring us that they didnt even notice that we had bolted off in the opposite direction:D:D:D:D

Que them turn around in utter shock and disgust when the barman came back with drinks and looking for the money.

Legend. :pac: That's the best one I've heard yet.

Pug160

It seems innocent enough on the surface but when you think about it these girls are no better than a guy who reads a PUA manual and then goes out and treats women like objects and not human beings. In fact in some ways it's even worse, as these girls are not even showing the common courtesy of saying hello and showing any degree of interest in the person.

Daveysil15

Pug160 wrote: »

It seems innocent enough on the surface but when you think about it these girls are no better than a guy who reads a PUA manual and then goes out and treats women like objects and not human beings. In fact in some ways it's even worse, as these girls are not even showing the common courtesy of saying hello and showing any degree of interest in the person.

Not exactly a fair comparison. If a guy reads a PUA manual and goes out and sleeps with some girl, they're both getting something out of it. There needs to be attraction there already before the PUA stuff can even work. In a situation where a girl using a guy for free drink, the guy is not getting anything out of it.

Pug160

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Not exactly a fair comparison. If a guy reads a PUA manual and goes out and sleeps with some girl, they're both getting something out of it. There needs to be attraction there already before the PUA stuff can even work. In a situation where a girl using a guy for free drink, the guy is not getting anything out of it.

The mindset is similar. Both the guy and the girl are just viewing the other person as an object and a means to an end. And like I said, the girls asking for a free drink are arguably even worse as they're not even trying to superficially get to know the person.

I just think it's interesting because it shows how some young women are also changing for the worse, and that the man hating brigade who claim men have ''entitlement'' issues would do well to acknowledge that there are problems with both sexes.

Daveysil15

Pug160 wrote: »

The mindset is similar. Both the guy and the girl are just viewing the other person as an object and a means to an end. And like I said, the girls asking for a free drink are arguably even worse as they're not even trying to superficially get to know the person.

I just think it's interesting because it shows how some young women are also changing for the worse, and that the man hating brigade who claim men have ''entitlement'' issues would do well to acknowledge that there are problems with both sexes.

Well in fairness not all fellas who practice PUA are horn dogs who just want a quick lay. There are bound to be a few decent guys who are just using it to improve their confidence or learn how to talk to women. The whole PUA thing is a different issue altogether.

Gerry91

Was getting a taxi home one night a few years back and the taxi driver was telling me about one time he had a lad and a girl for a fare, the journey was about 10 mins. Anyway, when he got back to the house (her house it transpired) the guy paid for the taxi for the two of them and they went on their way. He went to end of estate to turn and was coming back when he saw yer man outside the house on his own. He stopped and yer man said the girl had ran into the house and locked him outside! So taxi driver brought him home (no charge- a sound gesture to be fair). On the way yer man told him he had bought drinks for her during the night, bough a smacs for her after club and then paid for taxi home to her place, where no doubt he expected he'd be getting lucky!

Now it;s easy perhaps to assume yer man could be a bit clueless and came across as a stalker or maybe had aggressively followed her back or whatever. But the taxi driver had said she was playing dead keen in the taxi journey home and was completely leading him on and that yer man was a pure genuine fella. Must say it was ahorrible story and I felt terrible for him.

As for my own experiences I've never had anyone (even that I knew/ was acquainted with) ask me for a drink. Actually, there was one time about two years back, a girl, no more than 17, came up to me when I was ordering a drink (the bar was packed). No joke, she asked me would I pour her a pint of bulmers from the tap and give it to her! After I essentially just laughed at the prospect ( I assumed she was taking the p1ss but she was langers tbh), what does she go and do but leave the glass under the tap, pour it about half way with bulmers, take glass and go- completely unnoticed! How she got away with it is beyond me, some balls!

Pug160

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well in fairness not all fellas who practice PUA are horn dogs who just want a quick lay. There are bound to be a few decent guys who are just using it to improve their confidence or learn how to talk to women. The whole PUA thing is a different issue altogether.

I wasn't saying that. You've missed my point. I'm just saying that there are people out there of both sexes who have unhealthy attitudes towards the opposite gender. I was only giving an example - I know some guys just want to improve themselves. If certain girls are only seeing men as a ticket for another drink then their view of men is probably not any better than a 'player's' view of women.

Sauve

Mod

As per the charter, no discussion of PUA whatsoever is allowed here.
Thanks,
Sauve.

Pug160

Gerry91 wrote: »

Was getting a taxi home one night a few years back and the taxi driver was telling me about one time he had a lad and a girl for a fare, the journey was about 10 mins. Anyway, when he got back to the house (her house it transpired) the guy paid for the taxi for the two of them and they went on their way. He went to end of estate to turn and was coming back when he saw yer man outside the house on his own. He stopped and yer man said the girl had ran into the house and locked him outside! So taxi driver brought him home (no charge- a sound gesture to be fair). On the way yer man told him he had bought drinks for her during the night, bough a smacs for her after club and then paid for taxi home to her place, where no doubt he expected he'd be getting lucky!

Now it;s easy perhaps to assume yer man could be a bit clueless and came across as a stalker or maybe had aggressively followed her back or whatever. But the taxi driver had said she was playing dead keen in the taxi journey home and was completely leading him on and that yer man was a pure genuine fella. Must say it was ahorrible story and I felt terrible for him.

As for my own experiences I've never had anyone (even that I knew/ was acquainted with) ask me for a drink. Actually, there was one time about two years back, a girl, no more than 17, came up to me when I was ordering a drink (the bar was packed). No joke, she asked me would I pour her a pint of bulmers from the tap and give it to her! After I essentially just laughed at the prospect ( I assumed she was taking the p1ss but she was langers tbh), what does she go and do but leave the glass under the tap, pour it about half way with bulmers, take glass and go- completely unnoticed! How she got away with it is beyond me, some balls!

They were both in the wrong, in my opinion. He shouldn't have been trying to manipulate her into sex and she shouldn't have been encouraging it in order to get freebies. There was a time when I was a bit clueless with the opposite sex but one thing I've never felt the urge to do is buy a woman a drink. It just seems really out of date. Maybe I'd buy the first drinks during a date and let her buy the second round, but that's as far as it goes. On more than one occasion a girl has bought me drinks.

Gerry91

Pug160 wrote: »

They were both in the wrong, in my opinion. He shouldn't have been trying to manipulate her into sex and she shouldn't have been encouraging it in order to get freebies. There was a time when I was a bit clueless with the opposite sex but one thing I've never felt the urge to do is buy a woman a drink. It just seems really out of date. Maybe I'd buy the first drinks during a date and let her buy the second round, but that's as far as it goes. On more than one occasion a girl has bought me drinks.

Eh?

From what I gathered she had been leading him on all night, and it very much seemed she was the one initiating it

All a ploy of course to get him to buy drinks, then the fast food, and then the taxi!

The lad was probably a bit naive, he met a fine bit of stuff, couldn't believe his luck, especially when she offered to bring him back to hers

Pug160

Gerry91 wrote: »

Eh?

From what I gathered she had been leading him on all night, and it very much seemed she was the one initiating it

All a ploy of course to get him to buy drinks, then the fast food, and then the taxi!

The lad was probably a bit naive, he met a fine bit of stuff, couldn't believe his luck, especially when she offered to bring him back to hers

No one was forcing him at gunpoint to do it though. He may not have set out to manipulate but once she gave him the opportunity he was happy enough to take the bait. They were both equally as bad in my opinion. If you really thought a girl liked you you wouldn't feel the need to buy her drinks and pay her fares etc. It's not just naive, it exposes a certain mindset. It's a mindset that successful men don't have.

Gerry91

Pug160 wrote: »

No one was forcing him at gunpoint to do it though. He may not have set out to manipulate but once she gave him the opportunity he was happy enough to take the bait. They were both equally as bad in my opinion. If you really thought a girl liked you you wouldn't feel the need to buy her drinks and pay her fares etc. It's not just naive, it exposes a certain mindset. It's a mindset that successful men don't have.

To be fair he's not looking to marry her, just go back and have a good time. Yeah of course he was a little silly to do all that, but I know countless lads (particularly when we were younger) who'd literally do anything to head back to a hot girl's place or to say they got the shift/ride whatever. When you're younger you tend to be a lot more naive and innocent- I was the same myself even

It's not like he was feeding her drink, hoping she'd become so drunk she'd fancy him

I wouldn't fault him at all for what happened. The hot girl flirted with him all night, he may have zero experience with women, and sheer innocence caused him to bend over backwards for her

Of course he could have been just a little stupid, but I wouldn't go faulting him at all. At the end of the day she did a scummy thing

Bear in mind, he potentially had to phone another taxi to collect him or walk back towards town. It was just luck the taxi driver had to turn his car around to get out of the estate

How the hell could you equate a guy being a bit innocent or naive, with a girl locking him out of her house after she invited him back, after essentially robbing him throughout the night. It could well have been pissing rain outside too or freezing conditions. To be honest She'd have actually come off a bit better if she just told him after he got the meal to f- off there and then

LegacyUser

If im chatting to a guy at a bar and he offers to buy me a drink, id never ask. I usually decline or say only if i can return the favour. I always feel weird about letting a stranger buy me a drink. Girls who do this are not very imo.

Gerry91

mytwocent wrote: »

If im chatting to a guy at a bar and he offers to buy me a drink, id never ask. I usually decline or say only if i can return the favour. I always feel weird about letting a stranger buy me a drink. Girls who do this are not very imo.

Yeah I'd certainly find it strange a RANDOMER coming up to me looking for a drink

Downright cheeky in fact. Not a notion in a million and one years I'd even consider the prospect even if I was off my face drunk

Pug160

Gerry91 wrote: »

To be fair he's not looking to marry her, just go back and have a good time. Yeah of course he was a little silly to do all that, but I know countless lads (particularly when we were younger) who'd literally do anything to head back to a hot girl's place or to say they got the shift/ride whatever. When you're younger you tend to be a lot more naive and innocent- I was the same myself even

It's not like he was feeding her drink, hoping she'd become so drunk she'd fancy him

I wouldn't fault him at all for what happened. The hot girl flirted with him all night, he may have zero experience with women, and sheer innocence caused him to bend over backwards for her

Of course he could have been just a little stupid, but I wouldn't go faulting him at all. At the end of the day she did a scummy thing

Bear in mind, he potentially had to phone another taxi to collect him or walk back towards town. It was just luck the taxi driver had to turn his car around to get out of the estate

How the hell could you equate a guy being a bit innocent or naive, with a girl locking him out of her house after she invited him back, after essentially robbing him throughout the night. It could well have been pissing rain outside too or freezing conditions. To be honest She'd have actually come off a bit better if she just told him after he got the meal to f- off there and then

But that's the thing - it doesn't matter. Whether he wanted to marry her or just wanted a bit of fun - he willingly let her manipulate him and in doing so was attempting to manipulate her. Of course I sympathise and think it was a terrible thing for her to do. But lads or men with healthy mindsets wouldn't get themselves into that situation. I'm sure I don't need to tell you or anybody else here that if a girl really wants you and is sexually attracted to you, there is very little you need to do to further encourage her. You say he was young but sometimes unhealthy mindsets can be hard to get rid of.

That whole scenario is depressing because of the cynicism involved and the attitudes some people have in order to facilitate it. That whole buying a girl a drink philosophy comes from a time when men were the breadwinners and used their money to either go along with the status quo or abuse that position by attempting to manipulate. Some of these fellas now are probably spending money they don't even have, which makes it even sadder. But I honestly think they only have themselves to blame. By the way, that same girl, the following week probably slept with a guy who didn't pay for anything.

ToxicPaddy

johndaman66 wrote: »

Is that not a small bit different to whats being discussed though. Do you mean you have girls approach you when you are working behind the bar chancing their arm to try and get a free drink? Not immensely different but whats being discussed is girls approaching random fellas on the other side of the bar and turning on the charm to get a free drink.

Must say in all my years of going out drinking this never happened to me. Now I did hook up with a girl on an occasion or 2 in my younger days where I ended up buying them drink for the rest of the night. Would have got the on thing at the end of the night though... Was never approached by a random girl asking me to buy her drink

Nope, this was when I was a customer at bars.

However I also noticed it when I was working in bars as you are always paying attention to customers at bars in case they are looking for drink or trying to help themselves to the beer from the taps so when a girl sudden slips in beside a guy and starts chatting, a good deal of the time it was for that reason and it was always the same girls doing it time n time again.

MadYaker

It's happened to me a few times, I've also heard girls talking about how they do it on the odd night out when they're a bit stuck for cash. I always tell them to feck off.

Adamantium

OP what i say in all seriousness is

"Yeah sure no problem, Barman, A vodka for me and a water for the lady". Watch the reaction

K3v

"Barman can I order a coke for the lady." Look at her. "Better make that a diet Coke."

Blitzkrieger

I've never had it happen to me in this country and anytime a girl has asked me for a drink while abroad it's always been obvious that she's a hooker. In contrast, I tend to be fairly quick to offer if I'm chatting to a girl and I'm going for a drink myself and often meet with suspicion over it, like I'm trying to get them drunk and take advantage. Don't flatter yourself, luv - I'm just an alco...

The Corinthian

Some cultures, like the USA, where it's still commonplace for men to pay for everything in a romantic context, you can have women use the 'will you buy me a drink' because they want to get to know you and it's one of the few socially acceptable ways for her to approach you.

However, in Europe, where we're far less schizophrenic about equality of the genders, pretty much the only reason that a woman will try to pull that stunt is because she's a parasite, looking to get idiots to shell out for her, in return for her being willing to talk to them* - basically, it's a classic short-con and you're the mark.

I say idiots, because as men we really should take some responsibility for this scam. It's easy enough that here we're all happy to recount tales of such evil women, but it's clear that enough men fall for this to make it a common enough practice. One skill that we don't seem to be taught growing up, is to spot such scams and control our gullibility - as boys we're taught to control our emotions and not cry, but apparently never to control our libido and not bankroll the first bit of skirt that talks to us. As the expression goes; only enough blood to power either our dick or our brain, but not at the same time.

Fortunately such women are a small minority; it's already been mentioned by those who worked in bars here that it was always the same small number who pulled this stunt. So, the reality is that you can afford to reject and ignore them. Actually you're better off as all they intend to do is waste your time as they empty your pockets; time you could be spending looking for a woman who actually likes you.

So guys, stop complaining about them, because ultimately you're the one's who enable them and their behaviour. Use what's between your ears, not what's between your legs.





* The offer of a drink for company is only found in one other place; brothels. If you live on the continent, in a country like Germany or Holland, where prostitution is legal, you'll know that the moment you sit down in such an establishment, the women will solicit the men to buy them 'lady drinks' (typically an overpriced drink, where the prostitute gets to keep a percentage of the cost), in return for their company.

Playboy

What venues are people going to that are full of women who cant afford a drink? Its more than a little sad and pathetic if someone is that hard up that they have to go around begging drinks from strangers. I have bought plenty of women drinks in my time but always because I offered as I was engaged in conversation with them and on my way to the bar. In most cases the favour is returned.

No Pants

padma wrote: »

A Mass boycott would sort them out pretty lively.

Wouldn't bother me, I never go.

Daveysil15

Blitzkrieger wrote: »

I've never had it happen to me in this country and anytime a girl has asked me for a drink while abroad it's always been obvious that she's a hooker.

That has happened to me before alright. Although at least in that situation you're getting something in return.

The Corinthian wrote: »

* The offer of a drink for company is only found in one other place; brothels. If you live on the continent, in a country like Germany or Holland, where prostitution is legal, you'll know that the moment you sit down in such an establishment, the women will solicit the men to buy them 'lady drinks' (typically an overpriced drink, where the prostitute gets to keep a percentage of the cost), in return for their company.

Don't you mean strip clubs?

TheRingslayer

Got stung for this once before and swore I'd never buy another girl a drink again.

I'd buy my wife one if I get married, but not some cackling whore looking for a cheap night on the tartar sauce.

I was out a few weeks ago and one sorry sack of **** in my group got stung for buying not one, but two girls cocktails at the same time. the lad wouldn't have much luck with the women at all, probably doesn't have great confidence either. he said as soon as he bought them the two girls walked off and started talking to two other blokes.

Felt fair sorry for him, the kid needed eyes on him for the night then in case he felt the need to go for a late night swim.

Disgraceful behaviour.

The Corinthian

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Don't you mean strip clubs?

In countries where prostitution is legal (or a blind eye is turned), the two types of locale overlap a fair bit.