The 'Funny (ha, ha)' side of religion

robindch

Leviticus bans you from eating shrimp? Move over Jehovah, here come some food scientists!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3602823/A-kosher-prawn-3-500-years-synthetic-substitute-takes-red-algae-bakes-plant-based-protein-powder.html

Daily Mule wrote:

Since God’s law was handed down to Moses, religious Jews could only look with longing at a plateful of delicious prawns or shrimp – forbidden as non-kosher according to their strict dietary laws. But at last even the most devout can enjoy the taste of the seafood, in the form of a synthetic substitute.

Called Shr!mp, it is made by taking red algae – which the crustaceans feed on – and baking it with a plant-based protein powder. The innovation gets around an edict from the book of Leviticus – first written down about 3,500 years ago, according to scholars – forbidding Jews from eating animals from the sea unless they have both fins and scales.

The relevant verse says: ‘Whatever in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales… shall be abhorrent to you; you may not eat of their flesh, and their carcasses you shall detest.’ But soon kosher restaurants will be serving up the alternative that is said to taste and even feel like the real thing. The chef at kosher restaurant White Fish in North London said: ‘If it’s something customers feel comfortable eating, there’s no reason not to serve it, as long as it’s approved as kosher.’

But others questioned whether the innovation was in the spirit of the religion. Rabbi Dr Jonathan Romain, of Maidenhead Synagogue in Berkshire, said: ‘If it’s not real shrimp, then technically it’s kosher.’ But he warned: ‘There are some moral questions that need to be answered. Firstly, is it right to get around the Jewish tradition in this way? Secondly, there is the problem of giving the wrong impression. ‘If you are in a restaurant eating this, you know you are eating fake shrimp – but someone else might look over and think you are eating the real thing. They might then get the impression it is acceptable to do so. So it’s probably better not to eat fake shrimp. We’ve survived 3,000 years without it and I’m sure that we can continue to get by.'

The lab-grown shrimp is made by US firm New Wave Foods. Founder Dominique Barnes came up with the idea to stop coastal wetlands being destroyed by tiger-prawn farming. The firm said Shr!mp should be sold in the UK by late next year.

looksee

‘Whatever in the seas and in the rivers that does not have fins and scales… shall be abhorrent to you; you may not eat of their flesh,

but...but...algae doesn't have fins and scales, but it is from the sea?

Medieval Christians got up to much the same thing to get round religious edicts though:

While animal products were to be avoided during times of penance, pragmatic compromises often prevailed. The definition of "fish" was often extended to marine and semi-aquatic animals such as whales, barnacle geese, puffins and even beavers.

Worztron

pauldla

Michael OBrien

pauldla wrote: »

Not quite, as religion merely PROMISES horrible things will happen if you don't choose the right one. So its more a never fulfilled claim that sometime in the near future someone will set everyone on fire if they don't pick the right one, with no clue as to which, if ANY, is right. And the teacher in question is bright blue, with two heads, floats unaided and no one ever saw him personally other than visions brought on by head trauma from wacking each other with the wrong books.

Orion

looksee wrote: »

but...but...algae doesn't have fins and scales, but it is from the sea?

Medieval Christians got up to much the same thing to get round religious edicts though:

It's true. Beavers are fish.

http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/thoughtful-animal/once-upon-a-time-the-catholic-church-decided-that-beavers-were-fish/

Hotblack Desiato

"Eat More Beaver, Say Priests"

One eyed Jack

Hotblack Desiato wrote: »

"Eat More Beaver, Say Priests"

/runs off to tell the missus the good news...


:pac:

Timberrrrrrrr

Worztron

@Timberrrrrrrr

smacl

Worztron

robindch

William Crean, Bishop of Cloyne, says that politicians and media want to destroy the church. Despite his own negative comments, Crean adds that the RCC should respond positively.

http://www.irishtimes.com/news/social-affairs/religion-and-beliefs/politicians-and-media-accused-of-trying-to-destroy-catholic-church-1.2666334

High Priest of Cloying wrote:

Ireland through its political and media establishments seems determined to eliminate the engagement of the Catholic Church in the public sphere [...] There are many in these systems who have developed a gratuitous cynicism towards the Catholic Church and desire its destruction, believing that it stands between the people and Ireland becoming a progressive society [...] our response ought always to be positive”

Wereghost

pauldla

From The Onion:

God Admits Stealing Idea For Messiah From Zoroastrianism

THE HEAVENS—Under pressure from scholars, who for centuries have pointed out strong similarities between certain aspects of the two religions, God finally admitted Tuesday that He had stolen the idea for the Messiah from Zoroastrianism and used it as a major feature of the Judeo-Christian tradition. “Look, maybe they came up with the thing about the Messiah being conceived by virgin birth, but c’mon—that’s just one minor detail. I added plenty of new stuff in there,” said God Almighty, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, adding that the concept of Saoshyant, the savior of Zoroastrianism, was “barely fleshed out” and that He had “really put [His] own spin on it and humanized [His] Messiah” by having Jesus Christ physically walk the earth and interact with other people. “I mean, how many ideas are truly original when you think about it? And anyway, I made my guy a carpenter—gave him a nice real-world job. That’s so much more relatable than their mysterious, magical man who lives for decades without eating anything. Okay, okay, I may have also taken the part about him raising the dead and being the judge of all humankind, too, but that’s it. The rest is all me.” God attempted to silence further criticism by announcing that there were some “big surprises” in store for the upcoming Apocalypse, assuring reporters it would be “totally different” than Frashokereti, the Zoroastrian description of the final battle between good and evil.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

M5

Worztron

silverharp

AstraMonti

Hotblack Desiato

It's where anyone claiming to be JC2 would end up too...

AstraMonti

Cabaal

AstraMonti wrote: »

I was doubtful of this, but it seems its true!

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2012/nov/23/india-blasphemy-jesus-tears

So when Sanal Edamaruku arrived and established that this was not holy water so much as holey plumbing, the backlash was severe. The renowned rationalist was accused of blasphemy, charged with offences that carry a three-year prison sentence and eventually, after receiving death threats, had to seek exile in Finland.

Bunch of nutbags!
I'd say they were awful upset he found out their conjob, I'd imagine they were making money off the miracle

Worztron

robindch

robindch wrote: »

Hence Rayani Air will be reciting prayers before takeoff, ensuring that FA's are suitably modestly attired and won't be serving alcohol or pork[...]

Seems the prayers before takeoff might not have been a bad idea after all:

Malaysia's Islamic airline Rayani Air barred from flying

BBC wrote:

The Department of Civil Aviation (DCA) said it was revoking the airline's certification because of concerns over its safety audit and administration. The DCA said on Monday that Rayani Air could no longer operate as a commercial airline. It follows a three month suspension after the airline failed to follow flight regulations.

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-36524396

Delirium

while obviously awful for the people cheated out of their money, I couldn't help but laugh at this.

https://twitter.com/j8kes/status/741537504839487488

looksee

My first, uncharitable, thought was that anyone who parted with money for that story probably deserved all they got. Or lost.

Then I rethought it and on second thoughts - they definitely deserved it.

sbsquarepants

I particularly like the last line

Police say they seized over $10,000 in cash, drugs paraphernalia and a baby aligator

PopePalpatine

It turns out that the story's fake.

seamus

Although it's fake, if anyone was ever wondering why the craziest arrest stories seem to come out of Florida, it's because their justice system is basically wide open and publically readable. No matter what the case, the full details including police arrest reports are there to be read by whoever wants them.

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

Hotblack Desiato

Delirium wrote: »

while obviously awful for the people cheated out of their money, I couldn't help but laugh at this.

https://twitter.com/j8kes/status/741537504839487488

Although it's a fake story, if it were true it'd really be no different at all from what all religions do.

Also none of the customers will be in a position to complain about the eventual non-performance of the contract

Cabaal

petting is dangerous people!!!
If you're known for petting your chances of a relationship with fine people is ruined, ruined I tell you!


http://www.broadsheet.ie/2016/06/17/fret-fraught-frottage/

PopePalpatine

Those names "Ken" and "Barbara" sound familiar...*strokes chin*

Links234

Anonymous hacks ISIS’s Twitter, makes it as fabulously gay as humanly possible

PopePalpatine

This is what happens when you let Abu Hajaar choose your Twitter passwords. :pac:

smacl

smacl

Worztron

recedite

Bob Ross was doing those TV Programmes in the 1980's.
Back around the time that Sylvester Stallone's "Rambo" movie character was fighting a jihad for freedom with heroic Taliban/Mujhideen fighters against the evil Russians in Afghanistan.
Its all a bit embarassing now

marienbad

recedite wrote: »

Bob Ross was doing those TV Programmes in the 1980's.
Back around the time that Sylvester Stallone's "Rambo" movie character was fighting for freedom with heroic Taliban/Mujhideen fighters against the evil Russians in Afghanistan.
Its all a bit embarassing now

why have the Russians stopped being evil

Fred Swanson

This post has been deleted.

Fred Swanson

Fred Swanson wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQKzesTq0Wo

Worztron

Lithium93_

Notavirus.exe

A Muslim walks into a gay bar...

Shots on me!

[Not really something to joke about, but it's a funny play on words. RIP Orlando victims.]

looksee

Notavirus.exe wrote: »

A Muslim walks into a gay bar...

Shots on me!

[Not really something to joke about,

Agreed

but it's a funny play on words.

No it isn't

RIP Orlando victims.]

That doesn't make the joke any funnier or more acceptable.

Cabaal

In response to this where a Rev calls the Pastafarian a work of fiction,
http://www.irishtimes.com/opinion/letters/pastafarians-and-education-1.2689370

This was in the Irish Times today

Sir, – Rev Patrick G Burke states that the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is a fiction (June 18th). It is not.

I became an ordained Pastafarian minister during 2015. Beforehand, I went through an arduous process in 2014 involving the ecclesiastical authorities in Armagh to have my excommunication from the Roman Catholic Church confirmed in writing. My faith in the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is considered heretical by the Roman Catholic Church and this incurs latae sententiae excommunication, according to Canon 1364. In the correspondence that I finally received from the bishop, he also states that he is “acknowledging apostasy in accordance with Canon 751, the total repudiation of the Christian faith”.

One of the reasons why I repudiated Christianity was the long history of Pastafarian persecution that has been perpetrated by Christians of every hue. I hope correspondents will reflect upon this history before blaspheming against my religion. Pasta-based religions should be afforded the same respect as carpenter-based religions. – Yours, etc,

JOHN HAMILL,

Pastafarian Minister,

Delirium

would have went with wafer-based religions to keep the food theme tbh :pac:

Walter Bishop

As sure as night follow day the Rev Patrick G Burke is in to defend the church. So does this mean it is still possible to get excommunicated - by become a Pastafarian?