Long termers TTC

Neyite

hedgehog2 wrote: »

Hey there was no offence intended,
Apologies if it upset a few people but that was not my intention.
As I said good luck with it all and I hope many are successful with their needs.

Your apology is appreciated. Maybe you should stick around and see why your post struck a nerve though. Its great that you don't feel that you and your wife would be affected if you never have children, and its my hope that never changes for you.

Infertility is often a really lonely road for couples. It starts off lovely and positive and exciting because you decide you want to try for that baby that you have wanted for so long, so you run off giggling to the bedroom. Months pass and there is no result, or, there is a result, but its short-lived and that baby you so wanted bleeds out of you. Meanwhile family and friends are making comments, dropping hints, or being baldly forward about something that is deeply private. Month by month, you get a little sadder and sadder that people left right and centre are having babies with barely a thought, and each Christmas that passes where you cant add a third stocking to your family's decorations it gets harder and harder. You start to wonder about medical intervention, if you can afford it, if you can work appointments and procedures around work, you scour the internet for statistics and treatments and old wives tales. Time starts to run out.

Those that you do tell, well, usually they are full of well-meaning yet useless advice - a bit like your post really. Like telling us to relax. Telling us that someone that they knew got knocked up just when they had given up, to go on a nice holiday, to not think about it. etc etc.

But we on this thread are past that stage. We did the holidays, the weekends away, the relaxing. We unfortunately are no strangers to blood tests, transvaginal ultrasounds, HSG X-rays, medications, injections, Lap & Dye, semen analysis. We know more than we ever should about IVF, ISCI, DNA Fragmentation and the like. We know far too many doctors and specialists, we know far too well what its like to finally get pregnant only to lose your baby, typically right about when your sister in law or colleague announces her pregnancy too.

And we do all that in private. For most of us, nobody knows except our partners. So that is why when you come here all you see is a moany thread. Because its the only place we have to be a little sad that Christmas is coming and there is no Santa. When we mourn our little ones that didn't make it, the ones we lost that will never have Santa gifts.

So, while I understand you had the best of intentions, this is why your post hit us hard. It was more than a bunch of hormonal women getting uptight. Its a tough time of year for many here on this thread. And I hope that you understand that now.

Lucyfur

Very very well said, Neyite.

Here's a few answers for when asked the dreaded ''any sign of kids yet?''


1) No, not yet. But, seeing as you asked, how's your sex life?

2) Actually, we've been trying but we just like anal faaar too much.

3) No. Would hate to risk having a child who grows up to be a nosy bitch.

4) *Just start crying*

5) Can't stop... am ovulating...

6) Do you always ask such personal questions or are you just bored today?

7) No, I'm barron.

8) Nope. I like to swallow and those little fellas never make it past my tonsils.

9) Nah, you'd get very little for a baby on the black market right now.

10) Actually, we're looking for sponsorship for some fertility treatment. Thanks for your interest. Do you have a half and hour to sit down and discuss your contribution?

11) Mind your own business.

ellavin

Well said neyite. . It's a very lonely road especially when you're friends life are all going well for them they can't relate to me as my friend perks up and says ahh I am just so fertile" sensitive or what..

Neyite

My usual one:

*pause*
"That's a very personal thing to ask someone, don't you think?
*hard stare*

It's very effective

hedgehog2

My useless advice was meant not to offend as stated but to reassure.
I see now being new to this thread that its very personal to a lot of you and I really should not have said anything as so many of you have suffered minor traumas from your personal experiences.
You should really sticky your reply as it tells it how it is and maybe a few more who drop into this thread would get the picture without putting their foot in it.

Lucuma

I had a tear in my eye from the passion of Neyite's post above, followed by a laugh out loud other tear in my eye from Lucyfur's post below it - hahaha!:D

Sarah Bear

Oh neyite, your post just broke my heart. I really hope you all get what you truly deserve. Nothing as heartbreaking as a mammy that doesn't have a baby to hold.

bobskii

I didn't see the post ye are on about,thankfully by the responses it's getting.

Neyite you've described exactly how I feel anyway . I'd nearly print it off and hand it out to 'well meaning' people giving me their advice.

lollpop

ellavin wrote: »

Hi has anyone any feedback on acupuncture? I heard it can help.. think I will give it ago

I did it for about a year. It didn't help me get pregnant but it did help regulate my cycles. I had a very short luteal phase and it helped that increase from anywhere from 6-9 days to a regular 12 days. My cycles are like clockwork now.

lollpop

Parris83 wrote: »

Hello all,

I know I already posted a thread, but since a few of you are chatting here; could I ask about early appointments with your doctors.

All I have had done are my day 3 and day 21 bloods with my GP, the results showing I had not ovulated. We lost of baby through miscarriage in 2005 and have been trying to conceive for 7 years.

We have our first appointment with Dr. Allen on Wednesday. I'm just looking for a rough idea on what may happen at the appointment.

Any replies are really appreciated!

Thanks

Sorry to hear about your problems.
Is it a fertility clinic or one of the public hospitals or someone else you're attending? I went to a fertility clinic so can give you an idea of how they worked if that's the route you're going.

lollpop

Actually I've just seen your other thread Paris.
For my first appointment I had to get a number of tests done in advance - AMH, thyroid and other hormone tests. I can't remember them all at this point. DH had to get his semen analysis done in advance and I also had to get an ultrasound.

At the first appointment, the doctor asked a range of questions. There were questions about my general history - any illnesses, any operations, that sort of thing. Family history, particularly any gynae issues that affected any sisters. Then details about your TTC journey, how long have you been trying, do you ovulate, do you have a regular cycle, are your periods heavy, all the usual things. They also took a full history from DH. They then went through the results of all the tests and came up with an action plan based on the full suite of information. It's obviously specific to your individual circumstances.

I hope that helps.

Parris83

I was referred to Dr. Allen on the public system. She holds a clinic in Michaels. It was a wait of a year, but it's here now

That really does help lollpop, thanks for sharing!

Hollywood130

Neyite, your post REALLY hit the mark, that is exactly how I feel and the exact same process I've gone through, that's the reason I'm on this because so many of you are in the exact same position as me and now I don't feel so alone... it's such a burden to carry around and sometimes you just want to scream.
I went to the doctor this morning for a medical for a boxing tournament I have on Friday, I can back and one of my colleagues told another one 'joking' that I was expecting, he thought it was a great laugh, I know he has no clue and meant nothing by it but even so why would you even do something like that, it's not funny... so annoyed now, just want to be pregnant so bad, will the day ever come where I can look my partner in the eyes and say 'I'm pregnant', always think what his face would be like, really want to give him that... (bad day)

Neyite

I know what you mean about yearning for the day you tell him you are pregnant. I got a tiny baby GAA jersey about 6 months after starting ttc for him as a way of telling him I was pregnant. It was another year and a half before I could give it to him.

But when I finally did it was wonderful. I am deeply blessed with our child, I know that. Sometimes I feel greedy for trying for more, but I have to try I suppose.

Hollywood130

My guy is big into cars - well we both are and there are the cutest little babygrows and vests out there with the brand logo on it and quirky sayings that I'd love to have but sometimes I feel my day will never come. I just hope it does happen someday... Don't feel greedy, course you have to try and there is hope for you... I don't always feel like there is for me, how much longer can it take, can't believe I am over 4 years on this road...

carolinespring

Well, F**K it in a bucket Mrs Ducket......... in less than 4 weeks I will be 41. Lets face it, time is not on my side anymore and I am really sad today about it. No point in trying to convince myself it is. yes, we all know people who have had children in 40's and even late 40's and the odd one who was 50. My own mum had me when she was 43/44

As before I fell every time first month and now we have our "issue" fixed and NOTHING.. What do we do next? This will be our 6th month trying. So I go back to the consultant in January and say what... Why am I not pregnant? Damn it, it feels like we finally got answers and now for the first time I can't get pregnant. While before I could get pregnant but not stay pregnant. I just want to scream. We have not talked about what would be the next move or even if there is a next move. I remember saying to Barbie many times that I felt 6 months of trying would be lucky. I think it was a way of not getting my hopes up to soon and also it was first go every other time and I always lost the baby and now... A big fat nothing.

Maybe its time to just forget about it and live our life... Yes, its the upcoming birthday that is getting to be and yes, age is just a number but not so much so when TTC. What I wouldn't give to go back to 38 and have those extra few years on my side.

tonight is going to be a early night with a book and a large mug of tea. Totally heartbroken.

Lucyfur

carolinespring wrote: »

Well, F**K it in a bucket Mrs Ducket......... in less than 4 weeks I will be 41. Lets face it, time is not on my side anymore and I am really sad today about it. No point in trying to convince myself it is. yes, we all know people who have had children in 40's and even late 40's and the odd one who was 50. My own mum had me when she was 43/44

As before I fell every time first month and now we have our "issue" fixed and NOTHING.. What do we do next? This will be our 6th month trying. So I go back to the consultant in January and say what... Why am I not pregnant? Damn it, it feels like we finally got answers and now for the first time I can't get pregnant. While before I could get pregnant but not stay pregnant. I just want to scream. We have not talked about what would be the next move or even if there is a next move. I remember saying to Barbie many times that I felt 6 months of trying would be lucky. I think it was a way of not getting my hopes up to soon and also it was first go every other time and I always lost the baby and now... A big fat nothing.

Maybe its time to just forget about it and live our life... Yes, its the upcoming birthday that is getting to be and yes, age is just a number but not so much so when TTC. What I wouldn't give to go back to 38 and have those extra few years on my side.

tonight is going to be a early night with a book and a large mug of tea. Totally heartbroken.

I have absolutely no idea what to say to that, only to offer big hugs to you. I am only a short drive away if you need anything xx

Neyite

Same here Caroline. The last thing you want to hear right now is empty platitudes, you are a lovely person and dont deserve the heartache all these years. Lots and lots of hugs.

barbiegirl

Just sending you hugs honey. We're all here for you.

Melissa30

Hey I'm new hope it's ok to join in. Not technically TTC but have been having tests and seeing gynecologists for a few years as I haven't had a period in 4 years. Have had HSG, tubes are open but I don't ovulate. Waiting on results of AMH, back to hospital in two weeks.

Just started acupuncture, just had two treatments so far. Guessing will be put on Clomid when I go back assuming I have eggs.

It's exhausting and heartbreaking. So sorry for all ye are going through x

pennyloves

Sending you my love Caroline. X

Lucyfur

Can I ask how many have done clomid cycles?

Any side effects?

pennyloves

You have summed up all our experiences so eloquently and poignantly neyite. I would be lost without this forum because people don't want to hear how heavy your heart is every time you meet for coffee or on a night out and yet that sense of emptiness continues to gnaw away at you everytime you are faced with a toddler bumbling ahead of you in the supermarket or having to face another christening of yet another one of my friend's babies. That SMA ad that says, take it from us, you're doing great, " really gets to me and can set me off.

bobskii

Lucyfur wrote: »

Can I ask how many have done clomid cycles?

Any side effects?

I took clomid,it turned me into a demon,think it was 6 months i as on it for and doc said about goin on it again but i said no.not much point me taking it to get pregnant when i couldnt even look at my other half while i was on it!!:eek:

Lucyfur

bobskii wrote: »

I took clomid,it turned me into a demon,think it was 6 months i as on it for and doc said about goin on it again but i said no.not much point me taking it to get pregnant when i couldnt even look at my other half while i was on it!!:eek:

Sorry I LOL'ed

I am on my first cycle of it and my head is thumping since Monday

bobskii

I laugh myself when i think about it!Last day we were in the hari the doc asked how did i get on,on clomid,my husband answered,he said we didn't lol!!

ellavin

Another month passes by ttc is hard.. thought we done well this month and bam pains, and tender boobs ..so frustrating

Neyite

Lucyfur wrote: »

Can I ask how many have done clomid cycles?

Any side effects?

I think I got headaches, and very premenstrual. Also affected my mood, I was quite cranky. But I didnt really notice until afterwards. Strong ovulation pains though. The first time I ever really noticed them.

I was on a pretty low dosage though. A lot of women prescribed higher dosages found it tough going.

Angry sex. Think Monica from friends.

Lucyfur

Neyite wrote: »

I think I got headaches, and very premenstrual. Also affected my mood, I was quite cranky. But I didnt really notice until afterwards. Strong ovulation pains though. The first time I ever really noticed them.

I was on a pretty low dosage though. A lot of women prescribed higher dosages found it tough going.

Angry sex. Think Monica from friends.

Thankfully I'm not angry Yet....a little hormental but not much more than usual tbh

Hollywood130

I was on 50ml didn't really get any side effects from it except bad ovulation pains, found having sex painful during that time due to the pains in my lower stomach. Was never put on a higher dose the side effects are prob worse!

Pennyloves that ad drives me crazy too... ggrrrrr