Has anyone ever come out to you/told you they were gay?

freshpopcorn

My brother came out to me a few years ago, when I was 18.It was kind of an awkward situation because a guy I went to school with saw my brother with a guy on a night out a couple of weeks before hand and told me. I had my a fair idea to begin with. He told me a few weeks later and I said it was okay and it made no difference.
So, has anybody ever come out to you?

Femme_Fatale

Yeh one of my best pals did when he was 20, back in 1999. He told me and another female friend. It was SUCH a "shock" to us... :eek: :pac:

matt-dublin

Yes and then asked me out.

I was flattered but declined.

Jogathon

Yes, one of my best friends. I'd always known really, but would never have presumed. It changed nothing in our friendship.

Czarcasm

Nope, as they know that my opinion on the whole "coming out" nonsense is that it is quite frankly a ridiculous and unnecessary concept.

Legs.Eleven

One of my best friends told me while we were pretend tango dancing baloobas in Doyle's in Dublin in our early 20s. Conversation went something like this (as he bent me backwards over his knee): him "I'm gay" Me: "I know". Done.

if832uspx4eogt

Czarcasm wrote: »

Nope, as they know that my opinion on the whole "coming out" nonsense is that it is quite frankly a ridiculous and unnecessary concept.

How is it ridiculous? It is one of the hardest things a person can do and takes guts.

Leogirl

Yes. A close cousin and a friend. Neither one had to- it was so obvious, I'd have been shocked if they'd announced they were straight!

Banjo String

Yes an ex girlfriend.

I was so shocked I told her to take her dick out of my mouth immediately.

arybvtcw0eolkf

Yes a training partner did a few years ago, no biggie except he was married.

Mr McBoatface

Back in 1999 I told two lady friends of mine I was gay, they where both shocked. It was in fact just a cunning plan to get them to shag me ..... it worked.

Links234

well, I was the one doing the coming out

wp_rathead

Yup my best friend did, in fairness i had feeling he was before in school but kinda forgot about it
then when he "came out" this xmas i was surprised for sec then was like "oh ya"

In truth just given me whole new bunch of material for me to pull piss outa him with :pac:

Terry1985

Norah Square Ruler wrote: »

Yes a training partner did a few years ago, no biggie except he was married.

So you only had a semi?

Femme_Fatale

jobyrne30 wrote: »

Back in 1999 I told two lady friends of mine I was gay, they where both shocked. It was in fact just a cunning plan to get them to shag me ..... it worked.

You were good for a gay guy too...

beks101

Several.

Some I already knew (best friend), others were more "what the fcuk? Are you sure???" (Male friend I had a bit of a crush on)

All of them I became a lot closer to after the conversation. Was so happy for them and to see the transformation once they felt comfortable being fully themselves around me.

It's not a bloody easy conversation for anyone.

Czarcasm

Delilah Harsh Ladder wrote: »

How is it ridiculous? It is one of the hardest things a person can do and takes guts.

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

Mr McBoatface

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

You were good for a gay guy too...

I'm thinking of coming out again, I may need your support :pac::pac::pac:

KTRIC

Someone close to me did, to be honest I don't look at him any different. I really don't see the point in the whole coming out thing to be honest, you are what you are and you shouldn't have to label or justify it to anyone.

Hersheys

One of my friends came out to me and her dad at the same time. That was mighty awkward because I had an inkling but had no idea she was going to come out. In the car. At the start of a 3 hour car journey. When there was just the three of us.

Femme_Fatale

KTRIC wrote: »

Someone close to me did, to be honest I don't look at him any different. I really don't see the point in the whole coming out thing to be honest, you are what you are and you shouldn't have to label or justify it to anyone.

All it is is saying to your friends you're gay. Nobody's saying it's a big deal or a labelling thing or something that has to be justified.
I didn't look at my friend differently either. I was fairly sure he was gay anyway - he just confirmed it. That was that, life carried on.

It wasn't a big deal for me but it actually was a bit of a big deal for him - he was only 20 and finally coming to terms with his sexuality.

sammyjo90

My best mate did in college, told me on the way back from lunch! Told her i knew already,its cool just dont come onto me and we'll be fine!

johnnybmac

Czarcasm wrote: »

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

You're obviously a pretty sound person and fair enough.

However:

My experience of "someone coming out" was with my little sister.

Imagine a girl brought up in a very conservative family. She assumes her big brother (me) is as equally intolerant of same sex relationships as the rest of her very devout Christian family.

When she told me, I can't honestly say that I was surprised (I suppose I kinda knew since forever)

I simply told her that it didn't matter to me as long as she's happy in her life.
Wow, the look of relief and surprise on her face was a little bit scary, as I didn't think anybody could assume that I would react any other way.

She cried and so did I (not sure why, but I honestly think she was afraid of somehow disappointing me).
And surprisingly, (to us both), my mam was just happy that she no longer seemed depressed. It took the old man a bit longer to accept but eventually he did...

To summarise:
If you grow up in a conservative household, believe me, announcing to the people that you love, that you are gay, is indeed a very, very difficult thing to do.

PhlegmyMoses

Czarcasm wrote: »

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

It's a ****ing massive thing for anybody to have to do. Not everyone is as with it and accepting as you are. We can pretend like it shouldn't be a big deal but in reality; it is.

It may not be a big deal to come out to somebody like you, but it is for the guy that has to tell his rugby team that he'll be bringing another guy as his plus one to one of their weddings. If it changed his relationship with those people, it could have a massive impact on him.

Femme_Fatale

johnnybmac wrote: »

My experience of "someone coming out" was with my little sister.

Imagine a girl brought up in a very conservative family. She assumes her big brother (me) is as equally intolerant of same sex relationships as the rest of her very devout Christian family.

When she told me, I can't honestly say that I was surprised (I suppose I kinda knew since forever)

I simply told her that it didn't matter to me as long as she's happy in her life.
Wow, the look of relief and surprise on her face was a little bit scary, as I didn't think anybody could assume that I would react any other way.

She cried and so did I (not sure why, but I honestly think she was afraid of somehow disappointing me).
And surprisingly, (to us both), my mam was just happy that she no longer seemed depressed. It took the old man a bit longer to accept but eventually he did...

Dammit I have something in my eye.

Links234

johnnybmac wrote: »

To summarise:
If you grow up in a conservative household, believe me, announcing to the people that you love, that you are gay, is indeed a very, very difficult thing to do.

Even if you didn't grow up in a conservative household, it's hard. people might think it's no big deal, but it is. after I came out as trans, my mother told me that she thought it might be best if we went our separate ways... she's come around big time since, but to hear something like that is one of the most crushing things you can imagine. I've had people I considered good friends who don't really speak to me any more, or even avoid eye contact if they see me in public. I barely see my extended family since coming out.

and this is what goes through someone's mind when they're coming out, they're thinking "is this the last time I speak to them? will they want anything to do with me after this?"

you might not think anything of coming out, but it's certainly difficult.

The_Minister

Slightly off-topic, but I somehow never saw Ricky Martin coming.

Drained_Empty

no

Duggy747

The_Minister wrote: »

Slightly off-topic, but I somehow never saw Ricky Martin coming.

Ooooooh......

Czarcasm

johnnybmac wrote: »

If you grow up in a conservative household, believe me, announcing to the people that you love, that you are gay, is indeed a very, very difficult thing to do.

I understand of course how difficult it is for some people to accept themselves, but I think for your sister in particular, confiding in you that she was a lesbian could've been for her I suppose part of accepting who she was herself. She would've grown up in the same conservative atmosphere as you would've done remember?

I grew up in a conservative and, erm, "devout" roman catholic family myself, three of my brothers are so far back back in the closet they're in Narnia, and they're not "coming out" any time soon, because they themselves are uncomfortable with who they are. My brother in law is getting married to his boyfriend (Eventually! They were supposed to be getting married last year but they keep putting it off. I don't mind because I hate travelling abroad anyway), but he's never "come out" to his family and they've never had "that conversation".

For him as with many of my friends, it was just one of those kind of... I dunno, it just wasn't a big deal or made a big deal of. It was more just, well, not done in such an obvious and contrived way. I think some people just build up worst case scenarios in their own heads because they think they know what to expect, and are relieved and surprised (I've met people who were offended by the fact that their family didn't care that they were gay because they equated that with their family not caring about them, when nothing could've been further from the truth!) when people don't particularly react the way they had visualised in their heads. Often times too as has been evidenced in this thread alone, some people will already have an inkling, but they won't treat the person any different because for them, it's really not that relevant to who the person is as a person, there's more to people than just their sexual orientation.

Too Tough To Die

People know i have no interest in that sort of thing so no. Closest thing to it was being told Elton John was gay.

Czarcasm

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

It's a ****ing massive thing for anybody to have to do. Not everyone is as with it and accepting as you are. We can pretend like it shouldn't be a big deal but in reality; it is.

It may not be a big deal to come out to somebody like you, but it is for the guy that has to tell his rugby team that he'll be bringing another guy as his plus one to one of their weddings. If it changed his relationship with those people, it could have a massive impact on him.

Phlemy I'm not particularly with it or accepting as I may seem (there's PLENTY I'm not cool with, believe me! ), but just where I'm coming from is it's in that person's head. I think it's these people themselves are under the impression it should be a big deal, because the whole "coming out" concept is portrayed by many advocates as part of "accepting who you are", which is why people build it up in their own heads as some big deal.

For the guy on the rugby team, just bring his boyfriend, or for the teenager going to the debs, just bring her girlfriend, there's going to be a few awkward stares, but you're always, always going to be judged by other people, if not for your sexual orientation, then for your sexuality, or your race, color of your skin, your disability, your intellect, some people will always find ways to see you as different, because they want to, but the only way to deal with that is not to give it any more heed than it deserves, which is zero. If your family and friends truly love you, then whether they're conservative, devout, liberal, whatever, your sexual orientation isn't going to change the person you are, and the only person who has an issue with their sexual orientation is yourself.

moy83

Nobody ever came out to me but a lad once told me that he " never shagged a gay but he shagged a lad that did "

cupcake83

Yes one of my friends did and she was also married but divorcing a man . We all kind of suspected it over the years anyway. It never mattered to me either way. I have many gay friends.

nabanoga

A friend of mine came out in college to us. It was the 80s and he used to wear braces and all the teenage girls loved him so it was kind of obvious. Also he came out because he was joining the Gay and Lesbian Society. Still I felt so cool just because I knew him even though other than being gay he was as straight as could be.

Muise...

I grew up in a little west of Ireland village with the one gay, who wasn't much of a surprise when he came out to us, given his record collection (Kylie, Madonna, Tiffany). But when the fella down the road came out...

well, everyone was shocked that they weren't an item, since they were both that way, like.

certifiedcrepe

A few friends have. I really hope a day comes when "coming out" isn't as daunting for people because others will be so accepting of the LGBT community. I don't think I'll see that in my lifetime unfortunately, but I'd love to be proven wrong.

I have been with boys and girls in my life, most recently a boy. But nothing annoys me more than when someone says "remember when you used to be a lesbian?" I guess this isn't as much to topic but I find it so irritating. I've been open about my bisexuality (but not to family, I admit) so I hate the whole "you're not a lesbian anymore, no?" thing.

johnnybmac

Muise... wrote: »

I grew up in a little west of Ireland village with the one gay, who wasn't much of a surprise when he came out to us, given his record collection (Kylie, Madonna, Tiffany). But when the fella down the road came out...

well, everyone was shocked that they weren't an item, since they were both that way, like.

Sorry bout this, but was he "The only gay in the village", again apologies for the old joke:rolleyes:

Muise...

johnnybmac wrote: »

Sorry bout this, but was he "The only gay in the village", again apologies for the old joke:rolleyes:

that's what I meant!

Rho b

One of my best friends told me a couple of years ago that he was gay. Like many of the previous posters I always presumed that he was but in order to spare him any embarrassment I never mentioned it to him. However, since he told his family and friends he is definitely a lot happier and possibly less depressed.

paddy147

:pac::pac:

johnnybmac

Muise... wrote: »

that's what I meant!

There goes the old Asbergers again , I always miss the point

paddy147

johnnybmac wrote: »

There goes the old Asbergers again , I always miss the point

Speaking of asbergers.......

Czarcasm

Czarcasm wrote: »

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

Speaking as a straight man, I wouldn't agree with that. It mightn't be hard to admit to as the things you mentioned but i imagine its still a very hard on someone to admit their sexual orientation to someone close. There is still alot of negative stereotypes and cruel attitudes towards homosexuality despite it even been made legal as far back as 20 years ago. Just look at the comments on the late late show thread from last friday and also there was one or two childish threads opening up regarding the young fella that was a guest on the show. I would admit to even taking one or two of the comments as a joke and laughing at them but looking back there was probably no place for them and i think perhaps our mindset needs to be more open this day and age.

You might be tolerable and understanding but old habits are dying hard in Ireland. There is still many ignorant and prejudicial people about. I would imagine that my own parents would probably find it very hard to accept a situation where myself or one of my sisters came out.. Even though we wouldn't even be the biggest catholic practitioners as a family they would find it hard to accept. The mindset of the country is still one pretty much of intolerance.

Galwayguy35

No, but I used to work with a fella who we all knew was gay, the silky shirts and high pitched voice and only being friends with women were a bit of a giveaway.

Think he only recently openly said he was though and he is in his early 40s now.

freshpopcorn

freshpopcorn wrote: »

So, has anybody ever come out to you?

A few actually. For a few reasons we seem to be the "go to" people for this and quite a few people seem comfortable opening up about this and other personal issues to us. Quite often they come out to us not just to come out to us - but to ask us for advice on where they should go from there. For many people - despite what some on the thread might think - outing oneself as homosexual is a terrifying and difficult prospect.

Handsome Bob

Czarcasm wrote: »

I understand of course how difficult it is for some people to accept themselves, but I think for your sister in particular, confiding in you that she was a lesbian could've been for her I suppose part of accepting who she was herself. She would've grown up in the same conservative atmosphere as you would've done remember?

I grew up in a conservative and, erm, "devout" roman catholic family myself, three of my brothers are so far back back in the closet they're in Narnia, and they're not "coming out" any time soon, because they themselves are uncomfortable with who they are. My brother in law is getting married to his boyfriend (Eventually! They were supposed to be getting married last year but they keep putting it off. I don't mind because I hate travelling abroad anyway), but he's never "come out" to his family and they've never had "that conversation".

For him as with many of my friends, it was just one of those kind of... I dunno, it just wasn't a big deal or made a big deal of. It was more just, well, not done in such an obvious and contrived way. I think some people just build up worst case scenarios in their own heads because they think they know what to expect, and are relieved and surprised (I've met people who were offended by the fact that their family didn't care that they were gay because they equated that with their family not caring about them, when nothing could've been further from the truth!) when people don't particularly react the way they had visualised in their heads. Often times too as has been evidenced in this thread alone, some people will already have an inkling, but they won't treat the person any different because for them, it's really not that relevant to who the person is as a person, there's more to people than just their sexual orientation.

3!? That has to be some kind of record for one single family.

emmabrighton

Yes, numerous times when she was drunk and then would proceed to wear the face off her covert girlfriend beside her. The funny thing was she would deny it when sober. I think they always thought I would be too drunk to remember but you don't forget bombshells like that.

Once. Think I was among the first of our group of college friends that he came out to. Just told him fair play for admitting it and that I was proud (I think. It was a few years ago and I barely remember if I have had any breakfast. Which reminds me, I'm hungry). Then, a few weeks later, he introduced me to his first boyfriend.

AnonoBoy

Yes.

The next day I received a solicitor's letter telling me I could never reveal who though.

stefan idiot jones

Tom Cruise just emailed me...............................