Has anyone ever come out to you/told you they were gay?

Czarcasm · 18-09-2013 11:47PM

PhlegmyMoses wrote: »

It's a ****ing massive thing for anybody to have to do. Not everyone is as with it and accepting as you are. We can pretend like it shouldn't be a big deal but in reality; it is.

It may not be a big deal to come out to somebody like you, but it is for the guy that has to tell his rugby team that he'll be bringing another guy as his plus one to one of their weddings. If it changed his relationship with those people, it could have a massive impact on him.

Phlemy I'm not particularly with it or accepting as I may seem (there's PLENTY I'm not cool with, believe me!

), but just where I'm coming from is it's in that person's head. I think it's these people themselves are under the impression it should be a big deal, because the whole "coming out" concept is portrayed by many advocates as part of "accepting who you are", which is why people build it up in their own heads as some big deal.

For the guy on the rugby team, just bring his boyfriend, or for the teenager going to the debs, just bring her girlfriend, there's going to be a few awkward stares, but you're always, always going to be judged by other people, if not for your sexual orientation, then for your sexuality, or your race, color of your skin, your disability, your intellect, some people will always find ways to see you as different, because they want to, but the only way to deal with that is not to give it any more heed than it deserves, which is zero. If your family and friends truly love you, then whether they're conservative, devout, liberal, whatever, your sexual orientation isn't going to change the person you are, and the only person who has an issue with their sexual orientation is yourself.

moy83 · 18-09-2013 11:59PM

Nobody ever came out to me but a lad once told me that he " never shagged a gay but he shagged a lad that did "

cupcake83 · 19-09-2013 12:06AM

Yes one of my friends did and she was also married but divorcing a man . We all kind of suspected it over the years anyway. It never mattered to me either way. I have many gay friends.

nabanoga · 19-09-2013 12:21AM

A friend of mine came out in college to us. It was the 80s and he used to wear braces and all the teenage girls loved him so it was kind of obvious. Also he came out because he was joining the Gay and Lesbian Society. Still I felt so cool just because I knew him even though other than being gay he was as straight as could be.

Muise... · 19-09-2013 12:45AM

I grew up in a little west of Ireland village with the one gay, who wasn't much of a surprise when he came out to us, given his record collection (Kylie, Madonna, Tiffany). But when the fella down the road came out...

well, everyone was shocked that they weren't an item, since they were both that way, like.

certifiedcrepe · 19-09-2013 12:48AM

A few friends have. I really hope a day comes when "coming out" isn't as daunting for people because others will be so accepting of the LGBT community. I don't think I'll see that in my lifetime unfortunately, but I'd love to be proven wrong.

I have been with boys and girls in my life, most recently a boy. But nothing annoys me more than when someone says "remember when you used to be a lesbian?" I guess this isn't as much to topic but I find it so irritating. I've been open about my bisexuality (but not to family, I admit) so I hate the whole "you're not a lesbian anymore, no?" thing.

johnnybmac · 19-09-2013 12:51AM

Muise... wrote: »

I grew up in a little west of Ireland village with the one gay, who wasn't much of a surprise when he came out to us, given his record collection (Kylie, Madonna, Tiffany). But when the fella down the road came out...

well, everyone was shocked that they weren't an item, since they were both that way, like.

Sorry bout this, but was he "The only gay in the village", again apologies for the old joke:rolleyes:

Muise... · 19-09-2013 12:56AM

johnnybmac wrote: »

Sorry bout this, but was he "The only gay in the village", again apologies for the old joke:rolleyes:

that's what I meant!

Rho b · 19-09-2013 01:03AM

One of my best friends told me a couple of years ago that he was gay. Like many of the previous posters I always presumed that he was but in order to spare him any embarrassment I never mentioned it to him. However, since he told his family and friends he is definitely a lot happier and possibly less depressed.

paddy147 · 19-09-2013 01:05AM

:pac::pac:

johnnybmac · 19-09-2013 01:13AM

Muise... wrote: »

that's what I meant!

There goes the old Asbergers again

, I always miss the point

paddy147 · 19-09-2013 01:30AM

johnnybmac wrote: »

There goes the old Asbergers again , I always miss the point

Speaking of asbergers.......

19-09-2013 01:35AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

Speaking as a straight man, I wouldn't agree with that. It mightn't be hard to admit to as the things you mentioned but i imagine its still a very hard on someone to admit their sexual orientation to someone close. There is still alot of negative stereotypes and cruel attitudes towards homosexuality despite it even been made legal as far back as 20 years ago. Just look at the comments on the late late show thread from last friday and also there was one or two childish threads opening up regarding the young fella that was a guest on the show. I would admit to even taking one or two of the comments as a joke and laughing at them but looking back there was probably no place for them and i think perhaps our mindset needs to be more open this day and age.

You might be tolerable and understanding but old habits are dying hard in Ireland. There is still many ignorant and prejudicial people about. I would imagine that my own parents would probably find it very hard to accept a situation where myself or one of my sisters came out.. Even though we wouldn't even be the biggest catholic practitioners as a family they would find it hard to accept. The mindset of the country is still one pretty much of intolerance.

Galwayguy35 · 19-09-2013 05:43AM

No, but I used to work with a fella who we all knew was gay, the silky shirts and high pitched voice and only being friends with women were a bit of a giveaway.

Think he only recently openly said he was though and he is in his early 40s now.

19-09-2013 08:20AM

freshpopcorn wrote: »

So, has anybody ever come out to you?

A few actually. For a few reasons we seem to be the "go to" people for this and quite a few people seem comfortable opening up about this and other personal issues to us. Quite often they come out to us not just to come out to us - but to ask us for advice on where they should go from there. For many people - despite what some on the thread might think - outing oneself as homosexual is a terrifying and difficult prospect.

Handsome Bob · 19-09-2013 11:06AM

Czarcasm wrote: »

I understand of course how difficult it is for some people to accept themselves, but I think for your sister in particular, confiding in you that she was a lesbian could've been for her I suppose part of accepting who she was herself. She would've grown up in the same conservative atmosphere as you would've done remember?

I grew up in a conservative and, erm, "devout" roman catholic family myself, three of my brothers are so far back back in the closet they're in Narnia, and they're not "coming out" any time soon, because they themselves are uncomfortable with who they are. My brother in law is getting married to his boyfriend (Eventually! They were supposed to be getting married last year but they keep putting it off. I don't mind because I hate travelling abroad anyway), but he's never "come out" to his family and they've never had "that conversation".

For him as with many of my friends, it was just one of those kind of... I dunno, it just wasn't a big deal or made a big deal of. It was more just, well, not done in such an obvious and contrived way. I think some people just build up worst case scenarios in their own heads because they think they know what to expect, and are relieved and surprised (I've met people who were offended by the fact that their family didn't care that they were gay because they equated that with their family not caring about them, when nothing could've been further from the truth!) when people don't particularly react the way they had visualised in their heads. Often times too as has been evidenced in this thread alone, some people will already have an inkling, but they won't treat the person any different because for them, it's really not that relevant to who the person is as a person, there's more to people than just their sexual orientation.

3!? That has to be some kind of record for one single family.

emmabrighton · 19-09-2013 11:12AM

Yes, numerous times when she was drunk and then would proceed to wear the face off her covert girlfriend beside her. The funny thing was she would deny it when sober. I think they always thought I would be too drunk to remember but you don't forget bombshells like that.

19-09-2013 11:31AM

Once. Think I was among the first of our group of college friends that he came out to. Just told him fair play for admitting it and that I was proud (I think. It was a few years ago and I barely remember if I have had any breakfast. Which reminds me, I'm hungry). Then, a few weeks later, he introduced me to his first boyfriend.

AnonoBoy · 19-09-2013 11:34AM

Yes.

The next day I received a solicitor's letter telling me I could never reveal who though.

stefan idiot jones · 19-09-2013 11:42AM

Tom Cruise just emailed me...............................

theholyghost · 19-09-2013 11:49AM

A guy I knew for years came out a while ago. I knew him very well when we were younger but in the last few years I'd seen much less of him. I had no idea he was gay, I was shocked to be honest. Some people said "I knew all along" but they didn't, hindsight being 20/20 and all of that. Looking back now you can re-interpret some signs but at the time he told me I had no idea. He was leading a complete double life, made up girlfriend etc. to his old friends and family and an active gay life going on outside of that.

dinorebel · 19-09-2013 12:08PM

AnonoBoy wrote: »

Yes.

The next day I received a solicitor's letter telling me I could never reveal who though.

stefan idiot jones wrote: »

Tom Cruise just emailed me...............................

Are these in anyway related?

AnonoBoy · 19-09-2013 12:13PM

dinorebel wrote: »

Are these in anyway related?

Well done. You've just got Boards closed down. :mad:

Da Shins Kelly · 19-09-2013 12:13PM

Yeah, two actually. One, we always knew, so it came as no surprise really. He'd been quite depressed a bit before he told us though, and it did seem like it was a very difficult thing for him to admit and the relief afterwards was huge. His whole attitude just changed once he came out.

Another one, I had no idea, but it didn't seem so difficult for him. He literally just sat himself down beside me at a party and said 'I'm gay'. And that was it.

There's another friend of ours who actually came out of the closet and then went back in. He seems to have a bit of inverted homophobia going on. Occasionally he'll say he's gay, and then become furious when anyone mentions it and insist that he isn't. I dunno...

Penny Dreadful · 19-09-2013 12:19PM

Handsome Bob wrote: »

3!? That has to be some kind of record for one single family.

Happens though.
My brother came out about 10 years ago..........not surprised one bit and it was very much a nothing event for me because it didn't change anything I thought or felt about or for him. He was still just him.
About 3-4 years ago my sister came out too. I couldn't give a damn about that either but it wasn't the same as with my brother. She was recently divorced, has 3 kids who were very badly affected by their parents divorce, and I was questioning if this was really the right time for her to be getting involved with trying to discover her sexuality and having quite a few relationships and investing that much time in herself rather than the kids. She got involved with a few nutters, one in particular who outed her to my parents..............that was messy.

BeerWolf · 19-09-2013 12:20PM

I've had gay men making passes at me - I'm straight, but flattered?

Muise... · 19-09-2013 01:50PM

BeerWolf wrote: »

I've had gay men making passes at me - I'm straight, but flattered?

straight woman here, and I'm definitely flattered if a lesbian lady makes a pass at me - because I know how hard it is to impress a woman.

fishy fishy · 19-09-2013 02:22PM

Deleted User wrote: »

Speaking as a straight man, I wouldn't agree with that. It mightn't be hard to admit to as the things you mentioned but i imagine its still a very hard on someone to admit their sexual orientation to someone close. There is still alot of negative stereotypes and cruel attitudes towards homosexuality despite it even been made legal as far back as 20 years ago. Just look at the comments on the late late show thread from last friday and also there was one or two childish threads opening up regarding the young fella that was a guest on the show. I would admit to even taking one or two of the comments as a joke and laughing at them but looking back there was probably no place for them and i think perhaps our mindset needs to be more open this day and age.

You might be tolerable and understanding but old habits are dying hard in Ireland. There is still many ignorant and prejudicial people about. I would imagine that my own parents would probably find it very hard to accept a situation where myself or one of my sisters came out.. Even though we wouldn't even be the biggest catholic practitioners as a family they would find it hard to accept. The mindset of the country is still one pretty much of intolerance.

I wouldn't pay much heed to any reactions to the late late show. It was once the only talk show on tv in ireland for the housewives, but times have changed but I think the audience are the same - not a programme to judge life by.

Has anyone ever come out to you/told you they were gay?

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