Has anyone ever come out to you/told you they were gay?

freshpopcorn · 18-09-2013 09:54PM #1

My brother came out to me a few years ago, when I was 18.It was kind of an awkward situation because a guy I went to school with saw my brother with a guy on a night out a couple of weeks before hand and told me. I had my a fair idea to begin with. He told me a few weeks later and I said it was okay and it made no difference.
So, has anybody ever come out to you?

Femme_Fatale · 18-09-2013 09:55PM

Yeh one of my best pals did when he was 20, back in 1999. He told me and another female friend. It was SUCH a "shock" to us... :eek: :pac:

matt-dublin · 18-09-2013 09:56PM

Yes and then asked me out.

I was flattered but declined.

Jogathon · 18-09-2013 09:59PM

Yes, one of my best friends. I'd always known really, but would never have presumed. It changed nothing in our friendship.

Czarcasm · 18-09-2013 10:02PM

Nope, as they know that my opinion on the whole "coming out" nonsense is that it is quite frankly a ridiculous and unnecessary concept.

Legs.Eleven · 18-09-2013 10:10PM

One of my best friends told me while we were pretend tango dancing baloobas in Doyle's in Dublin in our early 20s. Conversation went something like this (as he bent me backwards over his knee): him "I'm gay" Me: "I know". Done.

if832uspx4eogt · 18-09-2013 10:12PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Nope, as they know that my opinion on the whole "coming out" nonsense is that it is quite frankly a ridiculous and unnecessary concept.

How is it ridiculous? It is one of the hardest things a person can do and takes guts.

Leogirl · 18-09-2013 10:12PM

Yes. A close cousin and a friend. Neither one had to- it was so obvious, I'd have been shocked if they'd announced they were straight!

Banjo String · 18-09-2013 10:14PM

Yes an ex girlfriend.

I was so shocked I told her to take her dick out of my mouth immediately.

arybvtcw0eolkf · 18-09-2013 10:17PM

Yes a training partner did a few years ago, no biggie except he was married.

Mr McBoatface · 18-09-2013 10:17PM

Back in 1999 I told two lady friends of mine I was gay, they where both shocked. It was in fact just a cunning plan to get them to shag me ..... it worked.

Links234 · 18-09-2013 10:17PM

well, I was the one doing the coming out

wp_rathead · 18-09-2013 10:17PM

Yup my best friend did, in fairness i had feeling he was before in school but kinda forgot about it
then when he "came out" this xmas i was surprised for sec then was like "oh ya"

In truth just given me whole new bunch of material for me to pull piss outa him with :pac:

Terry1985 · 18-09-2013 10:24PM

Norah Square Ruler wrote: »

Yes a training partner did a few years ago, no biggie except he was married.

So you only had a semi?

Femme_Fatale · 18-09-2013 10:30PM

jobyrne30 wrote: »

Back in 1999 I told two lady friends of mine I was gay, they where both shocked. It was in fact just a cunning plan to get them to shag me ..... it worked.

You were good for a gay guy too...

beks101 · 18-09-2013 10:31PM

Several.

Some I already knew (best friend), others were more "what the fcuk? Are you sure???" (Male friend I had a bit of a crush on)

All of them I became a lot closer to after the conversation. Was so happy for them and to see the transformation once they felt comfortable being fully themselves around me.

It's not a bloody easy conversation for anyone.

Czarcasm · 18-09-2013 10:33PM

Delilah Harsh Ladder wrote: »

How is it ridiculous? It is one of the hardest things a person can do and takes guts.

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

Mr McBoatface · 18-09-2013 10:40PM

Femme_Fatale wrote: »

You were good for a gay guy too...

I'm thinking of coming out again, I may need your support :pac::pac::pac:

KTRIC · 18-09-2013 10:47PM

Someone close to me did, to be honest I don't look at him any different. I really don't see the point in the whole coming out thing to be honest, you are what you are and you shouldn't have to label or justify it to anyone.

Hersheys · 18-09-2013 10:56PM

One of my friends came out to me and her dad at the same time. That was mighty awkward because I had an inkling but had no idea she was going to come out. In the car. At the start of a 3 hour car journey. When there was just the three of us.

Femme_Fatale · 18-09-2013 10:56PM

KTRIC wrote: »

Someone close to me did, to be honest I don't look at him any different. I really don't see the point in the whole coming out thing to be honest, you are what you are and you shouldn't have to label or justify it to anyone.

All it is is saying to your friends you're gay. Nobody's saying it's a big deal or a labelling thing or something that has to be justified.
I didn't look at my friend differently either. I was fairly sure he was gay anyway - he just confirmed it. That was that, life carried on.

It wasn't a big deal for me but it actually was a bit of a big deal for him - he was only 20 and finally coming to terms with his sexuality.

sammyjo90 · 18-09-2013 11:01PM

My best mate did in college, told me on the way back from lunch! Told her i knew already,its cool just dont come onto me and we'll be fine!

johnnybmac · 18-09-2013 11:04PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

You're obviously a pretty sound person and fair enough.

However:

My experience of "someone coming out" was with my little sister.

Imagine a girl brought up in a very conservative family. She assumes her big brother (me) is as equally intolerant of same sex relationships as the rest of her very devout Christian family.

When she told me, I can't honestly say that I was surprised (I suppose I kinda knew since forever)

I simply told her that it didn't matter to me as long as she's happy in her life.
Wow, the look of relief and surprise on her face was a little bit scary, as I didn't think anybody could assume that I would react any other way.

She cried and so did I (not sure why, but I honestly think she was afraid of somehow disappointing me).
And surprisingly, (to us both), my mam was just happy that she no longer seemed depressed. It took the old man a bit longer to accept but eventually he did...

To summarise:
If you grow up in a conservative household, believe me, announcing to the people that you love, that you are gay, is indeed a very, very difficult thing to do.

PhlegmyMoses · 18-09-2013 11:08PM

Czarcasm wrote: »

Overcoming drug or alcohol addiction is hard and takes guts, overcoming depression or suicidal thoughts is hard and takes guts, climbing mount kilmanjaro is hard and takes guts...

Telling someone your particular sexual orientation - not the hardest thing a person is ever going to do in their lives. A bit of perspective on life cuts out all that drama and circumstance and will make you realise that in the grand scheme of things, your sexual orientation really isn't all that important. It's who you are as a person that matters, not what you are as a person. I'm not particularly fond of people who feel a need to label themselves in any particular category.

I have a few LGB friends who have never sat me down and "came out" to me. I have five trans friends that aren't LGB and they've never sat me down and told me they were trans either. They knew my form beforehand so they didn't feel a need to do the whole ceremonial thing. They pretty much told me the same as they'd tell me what they had for breakfast. They knew it wasn't really something I thought about.

It's a ****ing massive thing for anybody to have to do. Not everyone is as with it and accepting as you are. We can pretend like it shouldn't be a big deal but in reality; it is.

It may not be a big deal to come out to somebody like you, but it is for the guy that has to tell his rugby team that he'll be bringing another guy as his plus one to one of their weddings. If it changed his relationship with those people, it could have a massive impact on him.

Femme_Fatale · 18-09-2013 11:10PM

johnnybmac wrote: »

My experience of "someone coming out" was with my little sister.

Imagine a girl brought up in a very conservative family. She assumes her big brother (me) is as equally intolerant of same sex relationships as the rest of her very devout Christian family.

When she told me, I can't honestly say that I was surprised (I suppose I kinda knew since forever)

I simply told her that it didn't matter to me as long as she's happy in her life.
Wow, the look of relief and surprise on her face was a little bit scary, as I didn't think anybody could assume that I would react any other way.

She cried and so did I (not sure why, but I honestly think she was afraid of somehow disappointing me).
And surprisingly, (to us both), my mam was just happy that she no longer seemed depressed. It took the old man a bit longer to accept but eventually he did...

Dammit I have something in my eye.

Links234 · 18-09-2013 11:11PM

johnnybmac wrote: »

To summarise:
If you grow up in a conservative household, believe me, announcing to the people that you love, that you are gay, is indeed a very, very difficult thing to do.

Even if you didn't grow up in a conservative household, it's hard. people might think it's no big deal, but it is. after I came out as trans, my mother told me that she thought it might be best if we went our separate ways... she's come around big time since, but to hear something like that is one of the most crushing things you can imagine. I've had people I considered good friends who don't really speak to me any more, or even avoid eye contact if they see me in public. I barely see my extended family since coming out.

and this is what goes through someone's mind when they're coming out, they're thinking "is this the last time I speak to them? will they want anything to do with me after this?"

you might not think anything of coming out, but it's certainly difficult.

The_Minister · 18-09-2013 11:12PM

Slightly off-topic, but I somehow never saw Ricky Martin coming.

Drained_Empty · 18-09-2013 11:17PM

no

Duggy747 · 18-09-2013 11:20PM

The_Minister wrote: »

Slightly off-topic, but I somehow never saw Ricky Martin coming.

Ooooooh......

Czarcasm · 18-09-2013 11:30PM

johnnybmac wrote: »

If you grow up in a conservative household, believe me, announcing to the people that you love, that you are gay, is indeed a very, very difficult thing to do.

I understand of course how difficult it is for some people to accept themselves, but I think for your sister in particular, confiding in you that she was a lesbian could've been for her I suppose part of accepting who she was herself. She would've grown up in the same conservative atmosphere as you would've done remember?

I grew up in a conservative and, erm, "devout" roman catholic family myself, three of my brothers are so far back back in the closet they're in Narnia, and they're not "coming out" any time soon, because they themselves are uncomfortable with who they are. My brother in law is getting married to his boyfriend (Eventually! They were supposed to be getting married last year but they keep putting it off. I don't mind because I hate travelling abroad anyway), but he's never "come out" to his family and they've never had "that conversation".

For him as with many of my friends, it was just one of those kind of... I dunno, it just wasn't a big deal or made a big deal of. It was more just, well, not done in such an obvious and contrived way. I think some people just build up worst case scenarios in their own heads because they think they know what to expect, and are relieved and surprised (I've met people who were offended by the fact that their family didn't care that they were gay because they equated that with their family not caring about them, when nothing could've been further from the truth!) when people don't particularly react the way they had visualised in their heads. Often times too as has been evidenced in this thread alone, some people will already have an inkling, but they won't treat the person any different because for them, it's really not that relevant to who the person is as a person, there's more to people than just their sexual orientation.

Too Tough To Die · 18-09-2013 11:40PM

People know i have no interest in that sort of thing so no. Closest thing to it was being told Elton John was gay.

Has anyone ever come out to you/told you they were gay?

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