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Why does anyone get upset by the sexuality or gender identity of others?

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24

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    #32
    Clandestine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Clandestine


    mango salsa wrote: »
    Never heard of otherkin before - just looked it up and I have no idea why on earth you are bringing it into a discussion on sexual orientation and gender identity.
    From the stuff i've read people seem to see it as a new form of gender identity... that they are genderless as a result of losing their human qualities. Or something like that, maybe that was a bad example.


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    #33
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    I don't want to hear the intimate details of any friends' or acquaintances' (hetero or gay or bi) sexual escapades though, and I'm not prudish. Some things should just be kept private/personal IMO.

    I can see your point and have no problem with that if that's how you are, nothing wrong with it, but the vast majority of my mates would be straight lads, so we're really open about sex and sex stories like most young guys our age would be.
    If I was in the pub and listening to one of my mates talk so in-depth about a girl he'd fucked that night yet didn't even want to put up with anything I had to say then I'd tell him to go fuck himself because I'm not going to moderate myself just because he's uncomfortable with it. It's kind of like get over it, it's only sex. It'd be different if I was the same way to his story, but it doesn't phase me at all.

    I'm not throwing down on fancy pants and I get his point, but it's a bit irrational if he'd listen to a straight lad tell a similar story yet wouldn't let the gay guy tell his own just because he was uncomfortable with it (if that's the way he is, he mightn't want to here those stories from anyone, similar to yourself). I'd kind of think just get over it if someone thought like that.


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    #34
    Femme_Fatale
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    1ZRed wrote: »
    the vast majority of my mates would be straight lads, so we're really open about sex and sex stories like most young guys our age would be.
    I've never liked people having gossiping sessions about people they've ****ed though - really lacking in class, IMO; whether it's women, men, young or more mature.


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    #35
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    Hold on there horse. Lets not get carried away now. Don't assume you know how I grew up or what my sexual boundaries are.

    I didn't grow up thinking gay sex is "sick".

    When my friend wants to tell me about how him and two other guys spent the night felching and snowballing each other....I just don't need to know about it.

    The same way I don't need to know about the details of my heterosexual friends sex lives.

    Nothing about being disgusted, I just don't need to know about it.

    No problem at all with that then, dude. I mentioned that in the reply to femme fatale that if you were similar I'd understand that no bother. I'm just a bit used to lads who would think that anything goes expect any mention of anything gay because that's way too uncomfortable for them. That double standard can annoy me, but not if you don't want to hear about it gay or straight.


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    #36
    KamiKazeKitten
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,399 ✭✭✭KamiKazeKitten


    Clandestine wrote: »
    From the stuff i've read people seem to see it as a new form of gender identity... that they are genderless as a result of losing their human qualities. Or something like that, maybe that was a bad example.

    I post a lot in a subreddit called tumblrInAction, a lot of the otherkin stuff gets posted there. Tbh it isn't really a sexual identity from what I've seen, not that they are genderless as such but that part of them is wolf/dragon/whatever. Imo otherkin are quite often part of that special snowflake syndrome you see on tumblr (I'm sure some are genuinely feeling part tiger but most...eh. they all seem to try one up each other, I don't think theyre relevant here).


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    #37
    wexie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,480 ✭✭✭wexie


    1ZRed wrote: »
    I get what you mean but that is prudish. I don't think it's your fault though, you just grew up thinking all that was sick so you wouldn't want to hear all the details the morning after one of your mates, because it puts you off.

    You could sit there and tell me the most in-depth and graphic details of your night with a girl and it wouldn't phase me in the slightest bit, many gay lads I know would be the same.

    I don't think you'd be this bad, but I think the men who say they feel sick if they saw two guys kiss to be irrational. It's only kissing and in some cases, sex. What's the big deal?

    It'd put me off if one of my hetero friends started telling me in detail about one of his conquests just the same. Not to mention loosing a great deal of respect for that friend. Some things should be and remain between 2 people.

    Telling tales like that is disrespectful in so many ways.

    So does that make me a prude then?


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    #38
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    I've never liked people having gossiping sessions about people they've ****ed though - really lacking in class, IMO; whether it's women, men, young or more mature.

    It's not gossip so much though, it's just having having a laugh and if one of the guys ask how last night went they could tell them.

    I think it's unfair to say it's really lacking class, just because it's something you wouldn't do. We're just a pack of lads, we don't care and we're open about it. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I also wouldn't say anything negative about someone who kept it to themselves either, though.


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    #39
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    1ZRed wrote: »
    I can see your point and have no problem with that if that's how you are, nothing wrong with it, but the vast majority of my mates would be straight lads, so we're really open about sex and sex stories like most young guys our age would be.
    If I was in the pub and listening to one of my mates talk so in-depth about a girl he'd fucked that night yet didn't even want to put up with anything I had to say then I'd tell him to go fuck himself because I'm not going to moderate myself just because he's uncomfortable with it. It's kind of like get over it, it's only sex. It'd be different if I was the same way to his story, but it doesn't phase me at all.

    I'm not throwing down on fancy pants and I get his point, but it's a bit irrational if he'd listen to a straight lad tell a similar story yet wouldn't let the gay guy tell his own just because he was uncomfortable with it (if that's the way he is, he mightn't want to here those stories from anyone, similar to yourself). I'd kind of think just get over it if someone thought like that.


    Hmm, that justification though is a bit like saying if you walk into a newsagents, you must buy the Irish Independent because you just bought the Irish Times. You may have no interest in the Irish Independent, but in order to appear to the world to be a balanced individual, you must buy something you have no interest in.

    Some people just don't give a shìt about something they have no interest in. It may be only a newspaper, but some people don't give a shìt about how they appear to the world either.


    On the subject of why people will target those who appear inferior to them, well, that's because they feel superior to them and they like to make sure these people they see as inferior know just how inferior they are.

    It may not be right, and it may not be fair, but I'm not too bothered about understanding the mentality of a pack of pricks either, my only concern would be for the person they attacked.


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    #40
    Femme_Fatale
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,628 ✭✭✭Femme_Fatale


    1ZRed wrote: »
    I think it's unfair to say it's really lacking class, just because it's something you wouldn't do. We're just a pack of lads, we don't care and we're open about it. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I also wouldn't say anything negative about someone who kept it to themselves either, though.
    What about the people they're talking about? If they name names it's totally lacking in class. It's the same when women go on about a fella's performance in bed or the size of his manhood - I just find it horrible.
    Sorry for getting "all up on your grill" but I don't think such chat sessions are the norm, even if they feel the norm to some folks.


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    #41
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    1ZRed wrote: »
    No problem at all with that then, dude. I mentioned that in the reply to femme fatale that if you were similar I'd understand that no bother. I'm just a bit used to lads who would think that anything goes expect any mention of anything gay because that's way too uncomfortable for them. That double standard can annoy me, but not if you don't want to hear about it gay or straight.

    No hassle man. For the record, iv listened to the stories countless times and even asked questions out of curiosity. Iv shared laughs over them too, some ways he meets lads are funny as fcuk.

    I just don't need to know the more "hardcore" stuff he gets up to....likewise when my straight mate got into successfully pulling grannies.


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    #42
    wexie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,480 ✭✭✭wexie


    Links234 wrote: »
    Insecurity.

    I get it.......but I so don't get it....

    As in, I get that people are insecure but for the love of all that is good and holy....why?

    What's there to be insecure about? Some people like pussy's and some people like winkies.

    Maybe it's just me but I genuinely don't understand how that would make people insecure. I know what I like and I know where my boundaries are (although they're getting vaguer).

    Then again I have the worst gaydar ever, one of my friends had to tell me after over a year and made relentless fun of me. I just thought he was very well dressed :o maybe cause it's just not an issue for me.


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    #43
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    1ZRed wrote: »
    It's not gossip so much though, it's just having having a laugh and if one of the guys ask how last night went they could tell them.

    I think it's unfair to say it's really lacking class, just because it's something you wouldn't do. We're just a pack of lads, we don't care and we're open about it. I don't see anything wrong with it, but I also wouldn't say anything negative about someone who kept it to themselves either, though.
    Redzer, I have to say I would be extremely pissed off to hear a guy I had sex with discuss it with his friends. If I wanted others to know the details I would invite them along.


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    #44
    Karl Stein
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,689 ✭✭✭Karl Stein


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    felching and snowballing

    Couldn't stop myself from googling that. :(


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    #45
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    Cathal Cloch wrote: »
    Couldn't stop myself from googling that. :(

    Heh, well?

    :)


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    #46
    wexie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,480 ✭✭✭wexie


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    ....but I don't think such chat sessions are the norm, even if they feel the norm to some folks.

    'The norm' seems to have greatly changed though. I wouldn't want to bring age into it however I've been wondering of late what's happened to make it fashionable to compromising pictures of yourself and either send them to people or upload them online.
    (I may have stumbled upon some of these in the more picturesque areas of the internet)

    When did this become okay to do? When did it become okay to discuss details of your conquests? I've been known to not always be quite so well behaved as I am now but back in my day these things were 'discussed' with a wink, a nudge and a grin. Everybody's dignity was preserved (mostly), there was no photographic evidence of anything and we'd just as much fun.

    ......<sighs>....I'm getting old....and I worry about my daughters....:mad:


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    #47
    Karl Stein
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,689 ✭✭✭Karl Stein


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    Heh, well?

    :)

    It's a bout quaffing sperm from vaginas and anususususus and cum-swapping by mouth.

    eeeeucchh.


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    #48
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Cathal Cloch wrote: »
    It's a bout quaffing sperm from vaginas and anususususus and cum-swapping by mouth.

    eeeeucchh.
    Sounds delightful.:cool:


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    #49
    Renegade Mechanic
    Registered Users Posts: 7,934 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    Im not fully ok with the idea of homosexuality or the like but Jesus Christ if one of me mates came out I dont think Id beat him, stab him, shoot him and roll over him in my car :eek:


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    #50
    wexie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,480 ✭✭✭wexie


    Renegade Mechanic wrote: »
    Im not fully ok with the idea of homosexuality or the like but Jesus Christ if one of me mates came out I dont think Id beat him, stab him, shoot him and roll over him in my car :eek:

    Why not? If one of your mates came out would he not still be exactly the same mate you know? Nothing will have changed....Chances are he won't fancy you, he already know's you're not gay.

    I was really worried once I upset a friend who came out to me cause my response was : 'oh....okay....you want another beer?' I was worried it sounded really uncaring, but the truth was, I don't care, it makes no difference to me whatsoever.

    BTW, im glad you wouldn't beat stab or shoot any gay people, it's a good start


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    #51
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Femme_Fatale wrote: »
    What about the people they're talking about? If they name names it's totally lacking in class. It's the same when women go on about a fella's performance in bed or the size of his manhood - I just find it horrible.
    Sorry for getting "all up on your grill" but I don't think such chat sessions are the norm, even if they feel the norm to some folks.
    Nope, no names whatsoever. More funny stuff that might happen or the odd chat of "I was bangin her against the wall, went for hours. Lads next door ****ing lost it". Seriously, that talk is common place with a group of lads.
    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    No hassle man. For the record, iv listened to the stories countless times and even asked questions out of curiosity. Iv shared laughs over them too, some ways he meets lads are funny as fcuk.

    I just don't need to know the more "hardcore" stuff he gets up to....likewise when my straight mate got into successfully pulling grannies.
    That's the stuff I'm talking about. I've a load of funny sex stories myself. Dunno if it came across that way but it's nothing serious to us. It's rarely ever the hardcore stuff, tbh, unless it was in the right context and we were talking seriously I'd have no interest in hearing it and I wouldn't be doing it myself.
    That's what I mean.


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    #52
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    1ZRed wrote: »
    Nope, no names whatsoever. More funny stuff that might happen or the odd chat of "I was bangin her against the wall, went for hours. Lads next door ****ing lost it". Seriously, that talk is common place with a group of lads.
    If you're all out together you'll see who your friends went home with though.


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    #53
    Czarcasm
    Closed Accounts Posts: 10,076 ✭✭✭✭Czarcasm


    wexie wrote: »
    Why not? If one of your mates came out would he not still be exactly the same mate you know? Nothing will have changed....Chances are he won't fancy you, he already know's you're not gay.

    I was really worried once I upset a friend who came out to me cause my response was : 'oh....okay....you want another beer?' I was worried it sounded really uncaring, but the truth was, I don't care, it makes no difference to me whatsoever.

    BTW, im glad you wouldn't beat stab or shoot any gay people, it's a good start


    Of course something will have changed, you would now know something about them that you didn't know before, so of course whether you like it or not, instinctively in that instant your perception of them will change.

    Even in your own example above, you were worried that you thought your friend might have perceived you as uncaring. Suddenly you were analyzing your own behaviour in a way you wouldn't normally have done before.

    Something changed, not about your friend, but about you.


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    #54
    Celly Smunt
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,464 ✭✭✭Celly Smunt


    I have a homophobic gay friend.He absolutly despises camp gay people,and everything associated with the "gay scene".

    Go figure.


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    #55
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    Redzer, I have to say I would be extremely pissed off to hear a guy I had sex with discuss it with his friends. If I wanted others to know the details I would invite them along.

    Thing is we don't name names. It's just something we never do. On the other hand I've had a few girls let me into their little circle because they found out I was gay and now I know this lad and this lad all have small cocks, are shít in bed and all this other stuff. I never wanted to know any of that and I know these guys too. I think that's far worse to what we'd do because we talk about what we did, not who we did it with.

    I definitely think women can be much worse when it comes to gossiping because it's far more pointed and from what those girls were saying it was so causal to them. If I was one of those lads I would ****ing lose it with them.


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    #56
    wexie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,480 ✭✭✭wexie


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Of course something will have changed, you would now know something about them that you didn't know before, so of course whether you like it or not, instinctively in that instant your perception of them will change.

    Even in your own example above, you were worried that you thought your friend might have perceived you as uncaring. Suddenly you were analyzing your own behaviour in a way you wouldn't normally have done before.

    Something changed, not about your friend, but about you.

    eh no....I was worried I'd offended my friend by not caring, as it turns out he didn't want me to care cause it would have no impact on me. He was still the same guy I'd gotten to know, still the same guy I became friends with.

    So nothing had changed, other than that I now knew he was gay (bisexual as it turns out) which really......made no difference to me. (actually it kinda did, I now could have lots of fun dancing and flirting with him when my girl friend was around, he was really cute when he blushed :D)


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    #57
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    Celly Smunt wrote: »
    I have a homophobic gay friend.He absolutly dispises camp gay,and everything associated with the "gay scene".

    So was I. Most gay guys can be very fucked up in how they see being gay and have a huge amount of insecurity and hang ups when they come out. With time you usually see all that was a load of shite and you start to get on with things.


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    #58
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    1ZRed wrote: »
    Thing is we don't name names. It's just something we never do. On the other hand I've had a few girls let me into their little circle because they found out I was gay and now I know this lad and this lad all have small cocks, are shít in bed and all this other stuff. I never wanted to know any of that and I know these guys too. I think that's far worse to what we'd do because we talk about what we did, not who we did it with.

    I definitely think women can be much worse when it comes to gossiping because it's far more pointed and from what those girls were saying it was so causal to them. If I was one of those lads I would ****ing lose it with them.
    I'll quote myself here:
    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    If you're all out together you'll see who your friends went home with though.


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    #59
    1ZRed
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,293 ✭✭✭1ZRed


    shopaholic01 wrote: »
    I'll quote myself here:

    Well they'd only be causal fucks in fairness, we wouldn't even know who they'd be 90% of the time, or care the rest. Talking about girlfriends/boyfriends would be strictly off the table :P


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    #60
    Clandestine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,466 ✭✭✭Clandestine


    Celly Smunt wrote: »
    I have a homophobic gay friend.He absolutly despises camp gay people,and everything associated with the "gay scene".

    Go figure.
    I don't see how he is homophobic.


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    #61
    floggg
    Registered Users Posts: 5,820 ✭✭✭floggg


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    I have no problem with the LGBT community. I have friends who are gay etc, to my knowledge I have never met a transgender person. Everyone has the right to be happy.

    However, if I state something like "it's not my scene" or if I don't want to know explicit details of my said friends sexual activities.... Somehow I am a bigot, a prude, a homophobic archaic monster and I should be ashamed of myself for not letting the LGBT community express their rights.

    Go figure

    I can guarantee your average gay person has heard far more graphic details about their straight friends sex lives.


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