The scene

Mister R

I was about to post a similar thread and saw this. I've been out I guess since I was 17-ish to most people but I've never really got into the whole scene thing, anytime I've been to the gay bars and clubs in Dublin I've felt uncomfortable and just didn't particularly like the experience. On the other hand I doubt the Bro crowd would include me either and thats where I feel I've got the problem, I'm not a flag waving pride activist or a bro so where exactly am I supposed to go.

While I have no issue having sex with men I guess part of me still feels self conscious about myself on a more day to day level. Most people can tell I'm gay but comment that I'm not over the top camp either so I feel kinda stuck between 2 worlds. For example I could probably pass for straight in a Muslim country without raising an eyebrow but here people can tell. I guess I've always felt self conscious even though at school I was never bullied or anything I assumed people were judging me and at 22 I guess I never shook of that mindset.

I'm rambling a bit but my point is I have like 2 gay friends I met at college and thats it to be honest and I wouldn't consider them close friends either more acquaintances. While I'd like more gay friends and stuff I really don't feel like I fit in any of the subgroups of the LGBT world that exist.

As for the bros, I can see why people are critical, they are exclusionary from the start, it'd be like a feminist movement that only permitted hot women as judged by the current members of the group. Its basically are you hot and laddish then you are in, if not you can F-off. Well that seems to be my perception of what they're about. Its like the "masc" and "straight-acting" guys on Grindr and the like I wouldn't even bother messaging cause I know they wouldn't like me even though as I said I'm not Louie Spence I'm not really ladd-ish either.

God that was a rant

thomas.frink

Mister R wrote: »

While I'd like more gay friends and stuff I really don't feel like I fit in any of the subgroups of the LGBT world that exist.

The biggest subgroup, by far, in LGBT world are individuals. Many gay people don't like the scene, with its culture of alcohol and drugs, it's superficiality and the constant pretence to be having a "good time".

There are far more gay people who rarely, if ever, go on the “scene” than those who do go regularly, and you don’t have to go on the scene to have a life full of friends and lovers and happiness.

Its easy to look at everyone on the scene and assume they are having a “good time” but, in fact, many more gay individuals are having a “good time” away from the scene, without having to use excessive amounts of alcohol and/or drugs to get them through.

baby and crumble

Seems to me like this "gaybro" thing is like the many many lesbians who have zero time for butch lesbians. Meh, to each their own, I say. Let them on.

Dr. Shrike

@Mister R

I think you're just too self-conscious about fitting in, when social interaction is really more grounded in whether people enjoy your company or not, and vice versa.

I used to feel like I didn't fit in with people at all. Then I discovered I don't necessarily get on with the people I ought to have something in common with.

So I now have this suspicion that wanting to be around people who are similar to you is a very teenage thought pattern and that people end up growing out of it.

Mister R

The weird thing is when I lived abroad I wasn't self conscious probably cause I could pass of everything as being "foreign" It was back in 2011 I did a year abroad as part of college and it was probably the first year where I actually didn't feel self conscious in new groups and the like. Maybe I should emigrate lol.

@thomas.frink I guess you're probably right but seeing as all these people remain individuals its not that easy to meet them, sometimes I think it'd be so much easier to fulfill some stereotype and fit in a group. Being a person with a variety of interests sucks haha.

I checked out the Gay Bros facebook page (the general global one) and its so ironic that they on one hand describe how they've "nothing in common with the rest of the LGBT community" but then dislike the term "LGBT community" when they are infact reinforcing such a community by deliberately excluding themselves and then excluding others from their group.

Where is the "Live and let live run of the mill gay guy" Group.:cool:

thomas.frink

Mister R wrote: »

@thomas.frink I guess you're probably right but seeing as all these people remain individuals its not that easy to meet them, sometimes I think it'd be so much easier to fulfill some stereotype and fit in a group. Being a person with a variety of interests sucks haha.

There are two issues here which we should realise are two discrete issues;

• That some do not like what is called the gay scene or feel its for them
• That gay guys who do not like the gay scene want to meet other gay guys

If you decide its not easy to meet others, then I have to disagree as it's probably easier to meet guys away from the scene in a way that turns into normal friends or lovers. While not one to offere advice, if I were in your position I'd get on with meeting guys now, rather than overthinking it

ongarboy

Mister R wrote: »

@thomas.frink I guess you're probably right but seeing as all these people remain individuals its not that easy to meet them, sometimes I think it'd be so much easier to fulfill some stereotype and fit in a group. Being a person with a variety of interests sucks haha.

I think it's a bit disingenuous or simplistic to assume that those who enjoy going out having a few drinks, meeting friends or new people, a bit of dancing, partying or what not at the weekends in the various gay bars or clubs all conform to a singular entity or stereotype with few or no other interests outside the scene. That misinformed attitude more than anything could be a factor that alienates those who don't feel they belong. Socialising or dipping into or out of the scene is just one small aspect of most people's lifestyles and personalities.

Believe it or not, most if not all of those people in that narrow stereotype (that some scene critics here seem to perceive) also have a variety of different interests, opinions, outlooks and aspirations. It's about being open minded enough to look beyond the fact that just because they might like to make an effort in what they wear, enjoy the scene and the seemingly criminal attribute of being good looking is excuse enough to judge them negatively. Being open and adaptable to personalities and interests that may differ to yours can open up a world of new friends and fun in your life.

Dr. Shrike

Btw, those Dublin Gaybros guys are having a get-together tomorrow night, if anyone is itching for another meetup after lasts week's Boards.ie one and before next week's one.

Seems like they'll be doing some totally heteronormative things, like eating Japanese food :P

http://www.reddit.com/r/gaybros/comments/1m7022/dublin_september_meetup_attempt/

Mister R

Thought they'd be going for steak and chips.