Problem with drink or over reaction from others?

Princess Peach

I would say once your drinking starts affecting your relationships with others, its definitely a problem.

You have a choice, keep on drinking as you want or cut back and improve on your relationship with your girlfriend and child. I wouldn't expect them to compromise on this as it's obviously worrying to your girlfriend so much so that she stays away.

If that's a hard choice for you then you really need to get help.

JustAThought

O - I didnt realise " he"/you are only 23. Bad luck to be stuck with a child at that age . We All drank too much when we were at College - I suppose I never had the Money to drink that much so regularly. 8 cans , 3 Times a week , every week IS a lit. But are they the little cans ( ie only 3 pints ) or the big cans? If big, then in that regular basis then it really is a lot . I know guys
Drink differently but ate you " just" in drinking by yourself all this time ? It sounds a Bit lonely if you are - especially when you're at college
& supposed to be out having fun & letting
Go. Are there not clubs yiu've be interested in joining that college subsidises - its all very well having a pint or two after a match or event, with friends, but if you're drinking by
Yourself at
That age So frequently I'd say you need
Better friends , or a wider Circle of interests .

willmunny1990

JustAThought wrote: »

O - I didnt realise " he"/you are only 23. Bad luck to be stuck with a child at that age . We All drank too much when we were at College - I suppose I never had the Money to drink that much so regularly. 8 cans , 3 Times a week , every week IS a lit. But are they the little cans ( ie only 3 pints ) or the big cans? If big, then in that regular basis then it really is a lot . I know guys
Drink differently but ate you " just" in drinking by yourself all this time ? It sounds a Bit lonely if you are - especially when you're at college
& supposed to be out having fun & letting
Go. Are there not clubs yiu've be interested in joining that college subsidises - its all very well having a pint or two after a match or event, with friends, but if you're drinking by
Yourself at
That age So frequently I'd say you need
Better friends , or a wider Circle of interests .

I like having a few drinks on my own though and I don't find it lonely, I like watching DVDs or a good film on my own with a few cans. I have plenty of friends who I go out with on a Saturday night.

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting. It never affects my day to day life either, I get up for college every morning without any major difficulty and manage everything else in my life well enough which is why I don't think what I do is a problem and that the people who do think it's an issue are just overreacting.

December2012

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I like having a few drinks on my own though and I don't find it lonely, I like watching DVDs or a good film on my own with a few cans. I have plenty of friends who I go out with on a Saturday night.

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting. It never affects my day to day life either, I get up for college every morning without any major difficulty and manage everything else in my life well enough which is why I don't think what I do is a problem and that the people who do think it's an issue are just overreacting.

Well the fact you do it instead of spending time with your girlfriend and child is the upsetting part.

face1990

willmunny1990 wrote: »

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this.

Of course it's not a problem to drink on your own. It's the quantity you're drinking (I'm the same age as you and 24 cans a week, not counting the bigger night out on saturday, is a fairly hefty amount to be drinking every week. I couldn't afford that much!), and the fact that you know it will damage your relationship with your gf and child but continue anyway.

Also if I were a parent I wouldnt be too keen on my child being looked after by someone with 8 cans in them, regardless of how sober they said they were.

CaraMay

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I like having a few drinks on my own though and I don't find it lonely, I like watching DVDs or a good film on my own with a few cans. I have plenty of friends who I go out with on a Saturday night.

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting. It never affects my day to day life either, I get up for college every morning without any major difficulty and manage everything else in my life well enough which is why I don't think what I do is a problem and that the people who do think it's an issue are just overreacting.

Your drinking is a problem as it is affecting your family relationships.

It must cost a lot to drink that much per week. Do you contribute towards your child's upbringing? Would part of that money not be better saved. Chances are you won't have a job after college. Why waste money now on booze that you will need to support your family later?

Why don't you (apart from your drinking) live with your gf and child?

Sounds like this could be the beginning of the end as far as your gf is concerned. If you break up, when it comes to access, you will be savaged by her solicitor over your drinking.

Saying its not a problem is delusional and immature. If its affecting visits with your child then it's obviously a problem.

Stavro Mueller

Have you ever totted up how many units of alcohol you're consuming in an average week? If you go to www.drinkaware.ie and input what you're drinking, you'll see that you are gone well over what the recommended guidelines are. By my rough calculations, you're drinking at least 50 standard drinks per week while the recommended maximum is 17. Just because you're still able to get up in the morning and go about your business is meaningless. Have you ever heard of a functioning alcoholic? I'm not saying you're an alcoholic by the way - I'm just making you aware that not all alcoholics conform to the stereotypes we all have.

I personally don't have a problem with someone having the occasional drink at home alone as a treat but what you're describing is a far cry from this. 8 cans in one sitting is a serious amount of drink to put away. If you add in Saturday nights to this, you are in effect binge drinking four nights a week.

If you insist in believing that it's OK to drink in this manner, use it to sleep,use it to deal with your problems and think your mother/girlfriend are over-reacting then I don't know what else anyone can say to you here.

username123

willmunny1990 wrote: »

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting.

So only 2 people who know about this - but you think are overreacting. And most people on this thread are telling you its a problem, but you have plenty of excuses why it isnt.

Why dont you tell all your friends how much you drink and how often? Would you tell a doctor about it - and if you did, would you think the doctor is overreacting to tell you its excessive?

You have been pointed in the direction of sites that tell you how many units you are having and whats a guideline amount and you are effectively drinking about 4 times that amount each week. And yet you think its ok. What does it take? How many people do you need to tell you its not ok before you believe them?

Eric Cartman

I think your girlfriend is being quite selfish and abusive by using your child to try and force you to change your habits.

Some people would consider that excessive drinking , But I certainly know after 8 cans I wouldnt be dropping a child.

A good compromise would be maybe 4-5 cans a night during the week, itll still have you destressed but shouldnt cause her any undue worry

seosamh1980

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A good compromise would be maybe 4-5 cans a night during the week, itll still have you destressed but shouldnt cause her any undue worry

Relying on alcohol to relax more than 50% of weeknights is not good, if my boyfriend told me he needed to drink to unwind that many times and that quantity it would have serious alarm bells going for me.

username123

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Some people would consider that excessive drinking

Its not about what people subjectively consider excessive drinking. The objective facts are that the OP is drinking between 3 and 4 times the recommended weekly amount of booze a week. He drinks more often than every second day. Theres nothing there that "some people" consider excessive. Its a medical fact that its excessive.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

But I certainly know after 8 cans I wouldnt be dropping a child.

Well you certainly wouldnt be dropping a child to hospital or a doctor or anywhere else in an emergency because you wouldnt be able to drive and your judgement would be impaired so you wouldnt be able to make a responsible decision regarding a child.

Youd no doubt find your sexual function impaired from drinking that much that often too.

willmunny1990

username123 wrote: »

So only 2 people who know about this - but you think are overreacting. And most people on this thread are telling you its a problem, but you have plenty of excuses why it isnt.

Why dont you tell all your friends how much you drink and how often? Would you tell a doctor about it - and if you did, would you think the doctor is overreacting to tell you its excessive?

You have been pointed in the direction of sites that tell you how many units you are having and whats a guideline amount and you are effectively drinking about 4 times that amount each week. And yet you think its ok. What does it take? How many people do you need to tell you its not ok before you believe them?

I just don't think it's any of my friends business TBH. I'm not worried about them finding out or anything, I'm also not embarrassed either it's just I don't like pimping my personal life out to my friends or even family. I ask the question on here because it's fairly anonymous.

It's obvious what a doctor will say, he'll say it's terrible for you and it's causing concern for family members. I'm aware it's bad for me just like people who smoke no smoking is bad, but that doesn't stop them doing it either.

I'll cut it down, I haven'd touched it at all this week yet but I can feel myself wanting to drink which is a bit concerning. I keep looking at the time on the laptop to see if it's 10 o clock yet because I know the off licence closes at 10:00 and if I'm getting cans I'll have to get there before then.

This will be my first week off drink completely in about 6 months. It's just a habit I'll have to break I suppose.

Stavro Mueller

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A good compromise would be maybe 4-5 cans a night during the week, itll still have you destressed but shouldnt cause her any undue worry

Leaving aside the issue of those cans (4-5 per night on a regular basis is still way too much), the bit about de-stressing is an ominous sign. If you're that stressed, alcohol is not the thing to be having. For starters it's a depressant... It's also an unhealthy thing to be depending on. If you're that stressed the issues should be dealt with properly. Not numbed in a slab of beer.

P. Breathnach

willmunny1990 wrote: »

...
I'll cut it down, I haven'd touched it at all this week yet but I can feel myself wanting to drink which is a bit concerning. I keep looking at the time on the laptop to see if it's 10 o clock yet because I know the off licence closes at 10:00 and if I'm getting cans I'll have to get there before then.

This will be my first week off drink completely in about 6 months. It's just a habit I'll have to break I suppose.

I'm really pleased for you, and want you to succeed.

username123

willmunny1990 wrote: »

It's obvious what a doctor will say, he'll say it's terrible for you and it's causing concern for family members. I'm aware it's bad for me just like people who smoke no smoking is bad, but that doesn't stop them doing it either.

Thats because they are suffering from an addiction. You claim you are not. But it sounds like you are.

Big Bag of Chips

So only 2 people know about it - your mother and your gf (take everyone from this thread out of it for the moment, as we are not "in your life") and they both think it's too much. But you think they are over reacting, or 'nagging', I suppose?

None of your friends know how much you drink..?

That is very telling in itself. Why don't your friends know? Is it something you actively keep from them? Have you lied to them about having a "few cans" during the week, without telling them exactly how many and how often? If so... why?

If you honestly don't see it as a problem - why don't your friends know how much you drink?

You are only 23. You are young, in college, have a child. You should have a busy/enjoyable life - If you need that amount of drink that often every week to relax, then you are on a slippery slope. What are you going to be like at 33 - or 43 - or 63?!

You don't think you have a problem, although I think you probably know in your heart you have. Otherwise you wouldn't be hiding it from your friends, and you wouldn't be coming on here asking strangers what they think.

CarMe

You sound so selfish! Myself and my partner were 23 when we had our child and before I got pregnant we were used to drinking "etc" a lot, but we BOTH knocked it all on the head to concentrate on being great parents and giving our daughter a happy little life. You should seriously consider doing the same, you're missing precious time with your child and your girlfriend to sit around drinking!

December2012

Look, your youth stops being a reason to party to excess when you get that positive pregnancy test result.


Being 23 and over drinking is bad enough, ( see the amount of units you were ingesting), but doing it when another person depends on you is unacceptable.

Good luck with quitting, I hope you and your family do well.

Remember there are plenty of supports out there.

Www.drinkaware.ie

Or

Www.meas.ie

Oryx

Most alcoholics have functioning lives for a very long time. The fact that you can keep your life together does not mean there's no problem. Every alcoholic goes through a stage where they don't have to drink, they choose to. Where others are just overreacting. Where they only do it to relax, really, it's not a habit...

You sound exactly like any functioning alcoholic I've ever known (and sadly I've known a few) and totally in denial about where you're at.

beks101

That is a shocking amount of alcohol per week. And I'm not a non-drinker, I like a tipple. But jesus, you are absolutely abusing your body with that amount of alcohol and to think otherwise just shows how far gone you are.

If you're basing your assumption that your gf is "over-reacting" on your friends or peers' consumption of alcohol you're probably way off track. A lot of Irish people drink way over the recommended no. of alcohol units per week, many up to three, four, five times. It's almost culturally acceptable to do so.

But it doesn't mean you don't have a problem.

Why can't you cut back for the sake of seeing your son more regularly? If that's not your priority, then alcohol is, and you run the risk of losing a lot more than your relationship with your son in the long run.

xzanti

CarMe wrote: »

concentrate on being great parents and giving our daughter a happy little life. You should seriously consider doing the same, you're missing precious time with your child and your girlfriend to sit around drinking!

Absolutely.. you might think that your drinking isn't affecting your little one, but if you're hungover or have a few on board when you're with him, he is not getting 100% of you..

And even if you're a couple of days post bender, you are still not your whole self, you're tired and probably irritable.. they pick up on these things.

Why risk ruining your relationship with his Mother and tainting his childhood with your antics.. as said already, your need for the drink will only increase with time as your tolerance builds...

These years with your Son are so precious.. Spare yourself the misery of regret and reel yourself in before it's too late.

whats_my_name

Every single person here bar one or two are telling you you drink far too much, do u think they are all over reacting?

Seriously... I can't understand how you think that this is acceptable! The alarm bells should have started ringing when your gf refused to bring your child over to you. What is more important, your 8 cans or your child? Because right now your actions suggest your drinking takes precedent to her & your child. I had my child at 19 & am in college also, I get out at the most once every 6 weeks, with my child staying at its grandparents. Been a parent comes first, full stop.

willmunny1990

A lot seem to think I put drink ahead of my son, this is not the case. I never miss events, miss seeing him, let him see my drunk or drinking. I don't think it's fair to say I put drink first. Its the girlfriends choice not to stay over with him anymore which I think is a bit much, I don't get abusive, fall around, make loads of noise or anything like that.

If I was told in the morning that if I didn't cut down or give up drink that id never see my child again id obviously stop, no question. I just don't it's fair for me to be put in that position.

Stavro Mueller

willmunny1990 wrote: »

A lot seem to think I put drink ahead of my son, this is not the case. I never miss events, miss seeing him, let him see my drunk or drinking. I don't think it's fair to say I put drink first. Its the girlfriends choice not to stay over with him anymore which I think is a bit much, I don't get abusive, fall around, make loads of noise or anything like that.

If I was told in the morning that if I didn't cut down or give up drink that id never see my child again id obviously stop, no question. I just don't it's fair for me to be put in that position.

Don't get hung up on whether posters think you're putting your son ahead of drinking or not. That is a mere sideshow to the main issue. That you don't see anything at all wrong with downing 8 cans of beer a night?

I strongly suggest you look up the meaning of a functioning alcoholic. Just because you're not falling around drunk or missing events does not mean that your drinking isn't a problem. Just about everyone on this thread has been telling you over and over again that you drink too much. Yet you seem to be in denial.

Dave McDavis

willmunny1990 wrote: »

So here goes, I like a drink during the week. I normally drink 3 times a week excluding the weekend. I normally structure it to where I drink on a Monday Wednesday and Friday, during these days I drink at home by myself and I average about 8 cans of beer per night.

I also go out drinking socially with friends most Saturdays and id normally drink about 7-8 pints in the pub and then go onto double southern comfort with red lemonade along with some shots of whatever in the nightclub. Admittedly Saturdays are usually a blur, but this is the only day I get really drunk.

I live in a nice flat but the girlfriend regularly gets onto me over the amount I drink, she used to stay over a lot with me, she'd bring our child over and stay but this has stopped of late. She says ridiculous stuff about not wanting him seeing me drunk and that I can't be trusted lifting and changing him while intoxicated. He's too young to notice or even care anyway, and I rarely if ever get drunk during the week days anyway and I still always have my wits about me.

Personally I think this is just an overreaction on her part, I'm not abusive or violent when I drink either and as I said I don't really get drunk off 8 cans and my mother usually minds him on Saturdays so he never would see me out of it.

Would others consider this a problem? or do you think my girlfriend is over reacting? She thinks I'm a border line alcoholic who puts drink ahead of everything else but that is nonsense. I don't need a drink, I choose to do it. I stayed off it for a month a while back which pretty much puts to bed that I'm an alcoholic.

You're young and having a bit of sport. You're fine. Don't mind the interfering ninnies

willmunny1990

Dave McDavis wrote: »

You're young and having a bit of sport. You're fine. Don't mind the interfering ninnies

Not fair to be calling them interfering ninnies. It's a thread I chose to start and I've asked for unbiased and honest opinions.

CaraMay

willmunny1990 wrote: »

A lot seem to think I put drink ahead of my son, this is not the case. I never miss events, miss seeing him, let him see my drunk or drinking. I don't think it's fair to say I put drink first. Its the girlfriends choice not to stay over with him anymore which I think is a bit much, I don't get abusive, fall around, make loads of noise or anything like that.

If I was told in the morning that if I didn't cut down or give up drink that id never see my child again id obviously stop, no question. I just don't it's fair for me to be put in that position.

You are talking like an.addict op.

willmunny1990

CaraMay wrote: »

You are talking like an.addict op.

Iv'e known addicts, Iv'e even lived with one for a period and I can assure you that I'm not an addict. I've stayed off it before and I'll most likely go off it again.

December2012

Did your own parents drink that much?

How is your self esteem?

I wonder why you can't see the problem you are creating for your son - you're stopping him from having a home with you.

Meauldsegosha

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I don't think it's fair to say I put drink first. Its the girlfriends choice not to stay over with him anymore which I think is a bit much,

But she is making that choice because of your drinking. Can you not see the connection between the two actions. Your actions have consequences.