Problem with drink or over reaction from others?

willmunny1990

So here goes, I like a drink during the week. I normally drink 3 times a week excluding the weekend. I normally structure it to where I drink on a Monday Wednesday and Friday, during these days I drink at home by myself and I average about 8 cans of beer per night.

I also go out drinking socially with friends most Saturdays and id normally drink about 7-8 pints in the pub and then go onto double southern comfort with red lemonade along with some shots of whatever in the nightclub. Admittedly Saturdays are usually a blur, but this is the only day I get really drunk.

I live in a nice flat but the girlfriend regularly gets onto me over the amount I drink, she used to stay over a lot with me, she'd bring our child over and stay but this has stopped of late. She says ridiculous stuff about not wanting him seeing me drunk and that I can't be trusted lifting and changing him while intoxicated. He's too young to notice or even care anyway, and I rarely if ever get drunk during the week days anyway and I still always have my wits about me.

Personally I think this is just an overreaction on her part, I'm not abusive or violent when I drink either and as I said I don't really get drunk off 8 cans and my mother usually minds him on Saturdays so he never would see me out of it.

Would others consider this a problem? or do you think my girlfriend is over reacting? She thinks I'm a border line alcoholic who puts drink ahead of everything else but that is nonsense. I don't need a drink, I choose to do it. I stayed off it for a month a while back which pretty much puts to bed that I'm an alcoholic.

LegacyUser

Would others consider this a problem?

Yes

or do you think my girlfriend is over reacting?

No

She thinks I'm a border line alcoholic who puts drink ahead of everything else but that is nonsense.

No it's not, you seem to be putting alcohol over seeing your son more often, your relationship with your girlfriend, and your own health. Imo you are gone past borderline.

I don't need a drink, I choose to do it.

Then why continue to "choose" to do it if it means that you upset your girlfriend, see less of your son, and damage your health (you are well over safe levels)?

I stayed off it for a month a while back which pretty much puts to bed that I'm an alcoholic.

No it doesn't. You've no idea how much it doesn't.


Mod Note: Edited to normalise font.

Boombastic

yes, it is. Choosing to drink over seeing your child is a problem.

anmhi02

willmunny1990 wrote: »

So here goes, I like a drink during the week. I normally drink 3 times a week excluding the weekend. I normally structure it to where I drink on a Monday Wednesday and Friday, during these days I drink at home by myself and I average about 8 cans of beer per night.

I also go out drinking socially with friends most Saturdays and id normally drink about 7-8 pints in the pub and then go onto double southern comfort with red lemonade along with some shots of whatever in the nightclub. Admittedly Saturdays are usually a blur, but this is the only day I get really drunk.

I live in a nice flat but the girlfriend regularly gets onto me over the amount I drink, she used to stay over a lot with me, she'd bring our child over and stay but this has stopped of late. She says ridiculous stuff about not wanting him seeing me drunk and that I can't be trusted lifting and changing him while intoxicated. He's too young to notice or even care anyway, and I rarely if ever get drunk during the week days anyway and I still always have my wits about me.

Personally I think this is just an overreaction on her part, I'm not abusive or violent when I drink either and as I said I don't really get drunk off 8 cans and my mother usually minds him on Saturdays so he never would see me out of it.

Would others consider this a problem? or do you think my girlfriend is over reacting? She thinks I'm a border line alcoholic who puts drink ahead of everything else but that is nonsense. I don't need a drink, I choose to do it. I stayed off it for a month a while back which pretty much puts to bed that I'm an alcoholic.[/quote


To be honest I wouldn't want you near my child either with drink in you and why are you getting your mother to mind the child on Saturday nights and going drinking rather than spending sober time with you're child! I

Sounds to me like you have a big problem....first one being that you are denying it yourself. Go see you're gp a and get help with our before you end up loosing you're girlfriend and your child!

willmunny1990

Boombastic wrote: »

yes, it is. Choosing to drink over seeing your child is a problem.

I do see him at other times, during the day when I'm off college. It's just when night comes and I have a drink she takes him away and doesn't stay over anymore. I don't choose to drink over seeing him.

I do see the child a lot on the Saturday as well by the way, all day in fact. It's just that my mother enjoys seeing her grandchild which is why he stays over with the parents on a Saturday, it's not as if I'm pawning him off on her or anything.

I don't think I have anything resembling a problem with drink, as I said i went off it completely for a month a while back and could do so again at anytime.

P. Breathnach

willmunny1990 wrote: »

... It's just when night comes and I have a drink she takes him away and doesn't stay over anymore. I don't choose to drink over seeing him.

You clearly know the pattern: you drink, and she and the child are gone. Yet you choose to drink.

...
I don't think I have anything resembling a problem with drink, as I said i went off it completely for a month a while back and could do so again at anytime.

I'm not persuaded. The pattern you describe looks to me like excessive drinking.

Gatling

Its pretty obvious your blind to what's going on ,
Your girlfriend isn't and is choosing not to have her child around you while your drinking ,
See kids learn behaviour so you saying drinking around the child is ok and probably doesn't care is just stupid ,kids pick up on everything there are very clever ,
Now I'm a father of two and personally I would never drink around them but that's my choice ,
But I wouldn't under any circumstances leave a child with anybody that's consuming 8+ cans a night its dangerous and completely irresponsible ,
You do realise your on a slippery slope with your young family ,
Your probably risking both your relationship with your girlfriend and more importantly your relationship with your child ,

Ask your self this actually if your not allowed drive after one single drink for obvious reasons

Do you think its safe to be looking after a young child after 8 cans

hardCopy

You'll be lucky if you see your kid's 21st of you keep drinking like that.

Pat McGhee

What you drink on a Saturday alone is damaging your body, add to that s slab of beer on a weekly basis and you're on the fast track to liver failure.

Your girlfriend is right to remove your child when you're drinking that much, you might think you're fine but 8 cans is a lot. You wouldn't drive, would you? Why assume responsibility over your child is any less important?

ElleEm

You drink more nights throughrout the week than not, and there seems to be a hell of a lot of booze consumed.

8 cans on a midweek night seems a lot, and you have the responsibility of college and a child, not to mention the money all this costs.

The fact is, you are not hearing what your girlfriend is saying- she is concerned for your drinking. I.know I would not accept it if my boyfriend was drinking this much, and we don't have kids.

Go to your college GP and chat with them about it.

username123

You have a problem.

Your girlfriend has been clear that she doesnt want you drinking around your child yet you still choose to do so. As a result your girlfriend comes round less with your child. Welcome to denial.

You stayed off the drink a month? So what? Youre back on it now?

The amount you drink is totally excessive. In terms of your health your liver wont be able to take such a sustained attack for too long.

Thinking that someone who points out your problem drinking to you is having an overreaction is a typical act of denial.

You probably think no one would have a clue of this in your job too. I can promise you people in your job will have noticed the smell of alcohol off you the day after 8 cans. You wont notice it yourself, but it will be there.

You also shouldnt be driving the next morning after 8 cans. There is a chance if you ever got stopped by the Guards that your blood alcohol would still be over the limit and could lead to you losing your licence.

ivytwine

Ok, say for example, something happens to your kid while he's in your care. Makes himself a cup of tea and scalds himself on the kettle. Trips on the stairs and hurts himself. Maybe even a broken bone, or knocks himself unconscious. Gets curious about some cleaning products and swallows bleach. Etc etc.

Now what use are you to a child in that situation? You can't drive to the hospital. Your reactions are slowed due to alcohol and you might not even spot what's wrong until its too late.

Yes worst case scenario, but sometimes worst case scenarios occur.

Your girlfriend is dead right. You might feel you are capable of functioning after 8 cans but guaranteed any of us would know you're well oiled. You're not allowed to drive drunk so why would you think you can be in charge of a kid?

You're setting a really bad example. It's actually quite frightening for a young kid to see a parent drunk- smelling funny, acting weird.

Normally I feel that giving up drink totally is a last resort. A lot of the people who come here have given themselves a scare and just need to take a step back for a while. But I think it's really worrying that you prefer drinking alone to spending time with your child, and that you basically have your week timetabled around alcohol. Go to your GP please, you have a problem.

LifesgoodwithLG

Hi there,

First of all well done on looking to see an outside view, deep down I believe that you know you have an issue with drink and are alcohol dependent. You may not be ready to accept it yet however you know that its there. As with the above posters you are ultimately chosing to drink excessively over seeing your child, this is damaging the relationship with your childs mother and may end up resulting in you losing the relationship with her and your child. Men are advised to consume less than 21 Units of alcohol per week and you do that in a single day. Thats has to have an impact on your physical and mental health. Every single person in Ireland knows of a family member or friend who has had issues with alcohol . There is a lot of help out there OP and you will be the stronger person for accepting it. You can come through it and it doesn't have to be this way.

stoeger

Think about this would you get in a car with some one after having 8 cans i no i wouldn't let alone mind a child

LifesgoodwithLG

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I do see him at other times, during the day when I'm off college. It's just when night comes and I have a drink she takes him away and doesn't stay over anymore. I don't choose to drink over seeing him.

I do see the child a lot on the Saturday as well by the way, all day in fact. It's just that my mother enjoys seeing her grandchild which is why he stays over with the parents on a Saturday, it's not as if I'm pawning him off on her or anything.

I don't think I have anything resembling a problem with drink, as I said i went off it completely for a month a while back and could do so again at anytime.

<Mod Snip: Reason - May identify OP> Please do not think that the people are ganging up on you. 100% of the people on this thread including myself have said that yes we believe that you have a dependency on alcohol. I am sure that it is very difficult to hear however you have asked the question so respectfully you must hear the answer. In Ireland we have a strange relationship with alcohol and it needs to change, not that we need to become a nation of tee totallers however the drinking to excess on a regular basis has to stop. In relation to the above post I have a few questions for you , why did you go off the drink for a month ? Why did you go back on it ? You are in college, you have a child, you have a lot of reasons to get back on track, I wish you the very very best of luck.

username123

LifesgoodwithLG wrote: »

I have a few questions for you , why did you go off the drink for a month ? Why did you go back on it ? You are in college, you have a child, you have a lot of reasons to get back on track, I wish you the very very best of luck.

Just to add to the above - why do you feel the need to drink so much - what are you trying to numb? If you can figure that out you will really be helping yourself.

December2012

You drink too much.

You appear to have a very unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

Drinking gives you more comfort than people, your own son and girlfriend.

If you don't change you should expect to lose them both.

Have a look at http://drinkaware.ie/index.php?sid=11&pid=169 and http://alcoholireland.ie/uncategorized/13859/

Go talk to your GP.

tbh

yes you drink far too much. As others have said, if your girlfriend has said your drinking means you can't see your child, and you continue to drink - that's a massive red flag.

Also, the amounts you are drinking mean that you're building up a tolerance, so your drinking will only increase.

When you gave up drinking for a month, how did you feel? were you looking forward to the end of the month? Could you see yourself not drinking for say, six months? I like a drink every now and again, but I can honestly say it'd wouldn't bother me if I didn't have another drink between now and Christmas. Could you say that? If not, why not?

LegacyUser

Why not use the money to buy your kid some books or to save it for a college fund?

as it is, you seem to be drinking a lot. Even in my party days I'd never drink 8 cans on my own. In fact I'd rarely drink on my own.

RossFixxxed

Yeah you know already you're heading down a bad road. From your OP it seems you know it's not right but you're starting into denial. It is the time now to reign it in. Spend more time with your child and less time drinking. 8 cans would put me on the floor for the night, badly.

I'm not saying you're a raging alcoholic already or that you should never, ever drink again. I am saying you appear to drink too much and you are heading towards a real problem. The sooner you address it the easier it will be.

As someone said if you keep at that road you might not see the child's 21st.

Magicmatilda

In my experience "normal drinkers" don't need to stop for a month to prove they are not alcoholic.

You stayed off for a month but went back. Ask yourself why it is so important that you have to drink even though it negatively impacts your relationship with your girlfriend and son? If you, as you say, can stop anytime then how come you chose to upset someone who you are supposed to care about rather than not having the few cans. That would make you horrible, purposely upsetting her even though you can control it. My guess is that you are not horrible but you have an addiction to alcohol which you cannot control. You drink 8 cans because you couldn't possibly stop at 2? Maybe I am wrong but somebody once questioned my drink and they weren't wrong. It just took me some time to see it.

I don't drink now and I am much the happier for it, I've dealt with the issues that I was trying to drink down, or at least started that process. There is help out there if you want it.

By the way she won't stick around forever so if you want to stay in a relationship with her then you need to look at this.

XxMCRxBabyxX

Firstly I agree with all of the above. You are drinking way too much for a normal person and it's clearly having a negative impact on your life already.

Secondly, you may not think you are affecting your son but, as the daughter of a former alcoholic, let me assure you that he sees plenty, no matter how young he is. He won't stay young forever either. Do you plan on keeping this up as he gets older?

You don't necessarily have to give up drinking entirely but you do need to cut down. That kind of lifestyle isn't healthy for anyone - physically or mentally - and that includes on those around you.

LittleBook

username123 wrote: »

Just to add to the above - why do you feel the need to drink so much - what are you trying to numb? If you can figure that out you will really be helping yourself.

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I live in a nice flat but the girlfriend regularly gets onto me over the amount I drink, she used to stay over a lot with me, she'd bring our child over and stay but this has stopped of late. She says ridiculous stuff about not wanting him seeing me drunk and that I can't be trusted lifting and changing him while intoxicated

Hi Will, is this the girlfriend who gave your dog away because you were watching porn? Who you then punched in the face? Which led to you being ostracised by your friends and family? The same girlfriend you then started having sex with again? But then she got pregnant, the idea of which haunted you and made you feel trapped?

Seriously Will, look at the big picture. You need help and you're not going to get it from alcohol. You have ongoing problems which you have (from what your posts here indicate) never addressed. You need to take a big step back and have a long hard look at yourself. Then you need to seriously consider some kind of counselling.

You're young, it's not too late to change the path you're on and make your life better, but you have to do it yourself and stop assuming everyone around you has the problem rather than you. Your son won't be "too young to notice" forever.

kylith

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I do see him at other times, during the day when I'm off college. It's just when night comes and I have a drink she takes him away and doesn't stay over anymore. I don't choose to drink over seeing him.

Yes, you do choose to drink over seeing him. You know that you drinking will make her leave with the child and you do it anyway. You care more about drinking than about your girlfriend and child.

I do see the child a lot on the Saturday as well by the way, all day in fact. It's just that my mother enjoys seeing her grandchild which is why he stays over with the parents on a Saturday, it's not as if I'm pawning him off on her or anything.

Unless you are staying with your mother and your child then you are pawning the child off on her. The second you walk out the door to go to the pub you have pawned off the child you rarely see so that you can drink.

I don't think I have anything resembling a problem with drink, as I said i went off it completely for a month a while back and could do so again at anytime.

If you don't get drunk after 8 pints, you choose alcohol over your child, and you don't see anything wrong with this then you have a serious drinking problem.

I suspect that you don't actually want anything to do with the child at all. In that case the kid would be much better off if you just stayed away from him entirely. You would be amazed how much they pick up at a young age, especially the disinterest and neglect you show, and before too long he will believe that daddy doesn't love him.

If you don't want to have anything to do with the kid then arrange some kind of bank transfer for child support, give your gf your mother's number so she can bring the child there directly, and don't go anywhere near the child or your current gf.

Merkin

I think you are in serious denial about the nature of your problem to be honest. Just because you choose not to drink two days out of seven doesn't make it alright to drink so much the rest of the time. There are different types of alcoholism, and you sound like a classic binge drinker. I think this needs to be addressed and no, I don't think your girlfriend is overreacting at all.

xzanti

OP, your drinking is habitual and problematic.. You don't like anything to get in the way of your drinking.. this is not normal behaviour.

Ask yourself.. if for some reason you couldn't drink on one of your 'drinking' nights.. would it bother you?

If the answer (and am certain from reading your post that it is) Yes... then you need to ask yourself a lot of other questions.

You are in denial. Make no mistake.

Apologies for the clíche, but admitting it is the first step to freedom.

willmunny1990

Thanks for all the replies.

I was fine when I stopped for the month, it was somewhat tough the first week or two but after that it didn't bother me.

Some people are still suggesting I pawn the child off on my parents at the weekend, this isn't true at all. They only get to see him once a week and love him staying over, lots of kids don't see there grandparents at all which I think is wrong, it would break my mothers heart not to have him on Saturdays as it's only her and the father at home now since I left.

Someone asked above is this the same Girlfriend that gave my dog away, yes it is but I wont go into the ins and outs of my past with this girlfriend because we would be hear all day and night.

I tend to drink on weekdays because I feel it helps me relax, I don't sleep very much at night (as you can probably tell by how late this thread was started) and I find having the few cans helps me sleep through most of the night where as without it id only get a few hours here and there.

XxMCRxBabyxX

willmunny1990 wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies.

If it helps I'm only 23 years old so I don't think my health is in any immediate danger. I was fine when I stopped for the month, it was somewhat tough the first week or two but after that it didn't bother me.

Some people are still suggesting I pawn the child off on my parents at the weekend, this isn't true at all. They only get to see him once a week and love him staying over, lots of kids don't see there grandparents at all which I think is wrong, it would break my mothers heart not to have him on Saturdays as it's only her and the father at home now since I left.

Someone asked above is this the same Girlfriend that gave my dog away, yes it is but I wont go into the ins and outs of my past with this girlfriend because we would be hear all day and night.

With that much alcohol per week I would have to disagree. You give your body too much credit.

gordongekko

Jesus there are a lot of mother teresas on this forum. He is only 23. I know a lot of people his age drinking that amount or greater than that.

The key to this is to realise it is a lot of drink and to keep it under control. You probably don't sleep at night due to the drink and you should not use this as an excuse to drink

Meauldsegosha

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I tend to drink on weekdays because I feel it helps me relax, I don't sleep very much at night (as you can probably tell by how late this thread was started) and I find having the few cans helps me sleep through most of the night where as without it id only get a few hours here and there.

Well then you need to do something else
to help you relax instead of alcohol. Go for a long walk, have a bath, take up a hobby, play with your child. There are a 101 things you can do to relax except drink.

You may be only 23 but if you continue to drink at this level it will have a long term effect on your health.

gordongekko

gordongekko wrote: »

Jesus there are a lot of mother teresas on this forum. He is only 23. I know a lot of people his age drinking that amount or greater than that.

The key to this is to realise it is a lot of drink and to keep it under control. You probably don't sleep at night due to the drink and you should not use this as an excuse to drink

It's not really the issue here. From what we've read, the OP's girlfriend has limited the amount of time that he gets to see his child because of how much he drinks. And instead of trying to change this, to get back something he seems to care about, he continues to drink the same level.

You're very much in denial about this, OP. Think about the damage it is doing to you internally, but also mentally as well. You have a choice here - change for the better or stay as you are and get much worse.

Princess Peach

I would say once your drinking starts affecting your relationships with others, its definitely a problem.

You have a choice, keep on drinking as you want or cut back and improve on your relationship with your girlfriend and child. I wouldn't expect them to compromise on this as it's obviously worrying to your girlfriend so much so that she stays away.

If that's a hard choice for you then you really need to get help.

JustAThought

O - I didnt realise " he"/you are only 23. Bad luck to be stuck with a child at that age . We All drank too much when we were at College - I suppose I never had the Money to drink that much so regularly. 8 cans , 3 Times a week , every week IS a lit. But are they the little cans ( ie only 3 pints ) or the big cans? If big, then in that regular basis then it really is a lot . I know guys
Drink differently but ate you " just" in drinking by yourself all this time ? It sounds a Bit lonely if you are - especially when you're at college
& supposed to be out having fun & letting
Go. Are there not clubs yiu've be interested in joining that college subsidises - its all very well having a pint or two after a match or event, with friends, but if you're drinking by
Yourself at
That age So frequently I'd say you need
Better friends , or a wider Circle of interests .

willmunny1990

JustAThought wrote: »

O - I didnt realise " he"/you are only 23. Bad luck to be stuck with a child at that age . We All drank too much when we were at College - I suppose I never had the Money to drink that much so regularly. 8 cans , 3 Times a week , every week IS a lit. But are they the little cans ( ie only 3 pints ) or the big cans? If big, then in that regular basis then it really is a lot . I know guys
Drink differently but ate you " just" in drinking by yourself all this time ? It sounds a Bit lonely if you are - especially when you're at college
& supposed to be out having fun & letting
Go. Are there not clubs yiu've be interested in joining that college subsidises - its all very well having a pint or two after a match or event, with friends, but if you're drinking by
Yourself at
That age So frequently I'd say you need
Better friends , or a wider Circle of interests .

I like having a few drinks on my own though and I don't find it lonely, I like watching DVDs or a good film on my own with a few cans. I have plenty of friends who I go out with on a Saturday night.

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting. It never affects my day to day life either, I get up for college every morning without any major difficulty and manage everything else in my life well enough which is why I don't think what I do is a problem and that the people who do think it's an issue are just overreacting.

December2012

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I like having a few drinks on my own though and I don't find it lonely, I like watching DVDs or a good film on my own with a few cans. I have plenty of friends who I go out with on a Saturday night.

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting. It never affects my day to day life either, I get up for college every morning without any major difficulty and manage everything else in my life well enough which is why I don't think what I do is a problem and that the people who do think it's an issue are just overreacting.

Well the fact you do it instead of spending time with your girlfriend and child is the upsetting part.

face1990

willmunny1990 wrote: »

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this.

Of course it's not a problem to drink on your own. It's the quantity you're drinking (I'm the same age as you and 24 cans a week, not counting the bigger night out on saturday, is a fairly hefty amount to be drinking every week. I couldn't afford that much!), and the fact that you know it will damage your relationship with your gf and child but continue anyway.

Also if I were a parent I wouldnt be too keen on my child being looked after by someone with 8 cans in them, regardless of how sober they said they were.

CaraMay

willmunny1990 wrote: »

I like having a few drinks on my own though and I don't find it lonely, I like watching DVDs or a good film on my own with a few cans. I have plenty of friends who I go out with on a Saturday night.

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting. It never affects my day to day life either, I get up for college every morning without any major difficulty and manage everything else in my life well enough which is why I don't think what I do is a problem and that the people who do think it's an issue are just overreacting.

Your drinking is a problem as it is affecting your family relationships.

It must cost a lot to drink that much per week. Do you contribute towards your child's upbringing? Would part of that money not be better saved. Chances are you won't have a job after college. Why waste money now on booze that you will need to support your family later?

Why don't you (apart from your drinking) live with your gf and child?

Sounds like this could be the beginning of the end as far as your gf is concerned. If you break up, when it comes to access, you will be savaged by her solicitor over your drinking.

Saying its not a problem is delusional and immature. If its affecting visits with your child then it's obviously a problem.

Stavro Mueller

Have you ever totted up how many units of alcohol you're consuming in an average week? If you go to www.drinkaware.ie and input what you're drinking, you'll see that you are gone well over what the recommended guidelines are. By my rough calculations, you're drinking at least 50 standard drinks per week while the recommended maximum is 17. Just because you're still able to get up in the morning and go about your business is meaningless. Have you ever heard of a functioning alcoholic? I'm not saying you're an alcoholic by the way - I'm just making you aware that not all alcoholics conform to the stereotypes we all have.

I personally don't have a problem with someone having the occasional drink at home alone as a treat but what you're describing is a far cry from this. 8 cans in one sitting is a serious amount of drink to put away. If you add in Saturday nights to this, you are in effect binge drinking four nights a week.

If you insist in believing that it's OK to drink in this manner, use it to sleep,use it to deal with your problems and think your mother/girlfriend are over-reacting then I don't know what else anyone can say to you here.

username123

willmunny1990 wrote: »

A lot of people seem to believe drinking on your own is a problem in itself, most of my friends included, but I disagree with this. They don't no about my drinking on weekdays, the only people that no this is my girlfriend and Mother and they get onto me over it a fair bit but I just put that down to them overreacting.

So only 2 people who know about this - but you think are overreacting. And most people on this thread are telling you its a problem, but you have plenty of excuses why it isnt.

Why dont you tell all your friends how much you drink and how often? Would you tell a doctor about it - and if you did, would you think the doctor is overreacting to tell you its excessive?

You have been pointed in the direction of sites that tell you how many units you are having and whats a guideline amount and you are effectively drinking about 4 times that amount each week. And yet you think its ok. What does it take? How many people do you need to tell you its not ok before you believe them?

Eric Cartman

I think your girlfriend is being quite selfish and abusive by using your child to try and force you to change your habits.

Some people would consider that excessive drinking , But I certainly know after 8 cans I wouldnt be dropping a child.

A good compromise would be maybe 4-5 cans a night during the week, itll still have you destressed but shouldnt cause her any undue worry

seosamh1980

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A good compromise would be maybe 4-5 cans a night during the week, itll still have you destressed but shouldnt cause her any undue worry

Relying on alcohol to relax more than 50% of weeknights is not good, if my boyfriend told me he needed to drink to unwind that many times and that quantity it would have serious alarm bells going for me.

username123

Eric Cartman wrote: »

Some people would consider that excessive drinking

Its not about what people subjectively consider excessive drinking. The objective facts are that the OP is drinking between 3 and 4 times the recommended weekly amount of booze a week. He drinks more often than every second day. Theres nothing there that "some people" consider excessive. Its a medical fact that its excessive.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

But I certainly know after 8 cans I wouldnt be dropping a child.

Well you certainly wouldnt be dropping a child to hospital or a doctor or anywhere else in an emergency because you wouldnt be able to drive and your judgement would be impaired so you wouldnt be able to make a responsible decision regarding a child.

Youd no doubt find your sexual function impaired from drinking that much that often too.

willmunny1990

username123 wrote: »

So only 2 people who know about this - but you think are overreacting. And most people on this thread are telling you its a problem, but you have plenty of excuses why it isnt.

Why dont you tell all your friends how much you drink and how often? Would you tell a doctor about it - and if you did, would you think the doctor is overreacting to tell you its excessive?

You have been pointed in the direction of sites that tell you how many units you are having and whats a guideline amount and you are effectively drinking about 4 times that amount each week. And yet you think its ok. What does it take? How many people do you need to tell you its not ok before you believe them?

I just don't think it's any of my friends business TBH. I'm not worried about them finding out or anything, I'm also not embarrassed either it's just I don't like pimping my personal life out to my friends or even family. I ask the question on here because it's fairly anonymous.

It's obvious what a doctor will say, he'll say it's terrible for you and it's causing concern for family members. I'm aware it's bad for me just like people who smoke no smoking is bad, but that doesn't stop them doing it either.

I'll cut it down, I haven'd touched it at all this week yet but I can feel myself wanting to drink which is a bit concerning. I keep looking at the time on the laptop to see if it's 10 o clock yet because I know the off licence closes at 10:00 and if I'm getting cans I'll have to get there before then.

This will be my first week off drink completely in about 6 months. It's just a habit I'll have to break I suppose.

Stavro Mueller

Eric Cartman wrote: »

A good compromise would be maybe 4-5 cans a night during the week, itll still have you destressed but shouldnt cause her any undue worry

Leaving aside the issue of those cans (4-5 per night on a regular basis is still way too much), the bit about de-stressing is an ominous sign. If you're that stressed, alcohol is not the thing to be having. For starters it's a depressant... It's also an unhealthy thing to be depending on. If you're that stressed the issues should be dealt with properly. Not numbed in a slab of beer.

P. Breathnach

willmunny1990 wrote: »

...
I'll cut it down, I haven'd touched it at all this week yet but I can feel myself wanting to drink which is a bit concerning. I keep looking at the time on the laptop to see if it's 10 o clock yet because I know the off licence closes at 10:00 and if I'm getting cans I'll have to get there before then.

This will be my first week off drink completely in about 6 months. It's just a habit I'll have to break I suppose.

I'm really pleased for you, and want you to succeed.

username123

willmunny1990 wrote: »

It's obvious what a doctor will say, he'll say it's terrible for you and it's causing concern for family members. I'm aware it's bad for me just like people who smoke no smoking is bad, but that doesn't stop them doing it either.

Thats because they are suffering from an addiction. You claim you are not. But it sounds like you are.

Big Bag of Chips

So only 2 people know about it - your mother and your gf (take everyone from this thread out of it for the moment, as we are not "in your life") and they both think it's too much. But you think they are over reacting, or 'nagging', I suppose?

None of your friends know how much you drink..?

That is very telling in itself. Why don't your friends know? Is it something you actively keep from them? Have you lied to them about having a "few cans" during the week, without telling them exactly how many and how often? If so... why?

If you honestly don't see it as a problem - why don't your friends know how much you drink?

You are only 23. You are young, in college, have a child. You should have a busy/enjoyable life - If you need that amount of drink that often every week to relax, then you are on a slippery slope. What are you going to be like at 33 - or 43 - or 63?!

You don't think you have a problem, although I think you probably know in your heart you have. Otherwise you wouldn't be hiding it from your friends, and you wouldn't be coming on here asking strangers what they think.

CarMe

You sound so selfish! Myself and my partner were 23 when we had our child and before I got pregnant we were used to drinking "etc" a lot, but we BOTH knocked it all on the head to concentrate on being great parents and giving our daughter a happy little life. You should seriously consider doing the same, you're missing precious time with your child and your girlfriend to sit around drinking!

December2012

Look, your youth stops being a reason to party to excess when you get that positive pregnancy test result.


Being 23 and over drinking is bad enough, ( see the amount of units you were ingesting), but doing it when another person depends on you is unacceptable.

Good luck with quitting, I hope you and your family do well.

Remember there are plenty of supports out there.

Www.drinkaware.ie

Or

Www.meas.ie

Oryx

Most alcoholics have functioning lives for a very long time. The fact that you can keep your life together does not mean there's no problem. Every alcoholic goes through a stage where they don't have to drink, they choose to. Where others are just overreacting. Where they only do it to relax, really, it's not a habit...

You sound exactly like any functioning alcoholic I've ever known (and sadly I've known a few) and totally in denial about where you're at.

beks101

That is a shocking amount of alcohol per week. And I'm not a non-drinker, I like a tipple. But jesus, you are absolutely abusing your body with that amount of alcohol and to think otherwise just shows how far gone you are.

If you're basing your assumption that your gf is "over-reacting" on your friends or peers' consumption of alcohol you're probably way off track. A lot of Irish people drink way over the recommended no. of alcohol units per week, many up to three, four, five times. It's almost culturally acceptable to do so.

But it doesn't mean you don't have a problem.

Why can't you cut back for the sake of seeing your son more regularly? If that's not your priority, then alcohol is, and you run the risk of losing a lot more than your relationship with your son in the long run.