Anyone else not want children?

Singularity 1

Finding a partner to have kids with is the real challenge.

mentalist101

Singularity 1 wrote: »

Finding a partner to have kids with is the real challenge.

So true

experiMental

In Ukraine, the government is giving out a small grant to couples who are planning to have kids, so they can start a family. I guess it's down to population crisis and relatively low life expectancy in some areas.

I was seeing a lot of young wans wheeling prams the last time I was there. I guess if there will be a positive incentive, people will consider having children.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

Tesco Frog Muffin

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

What if Lionel's father had have shared your opinion? Then you'd be short of a username.

Engine No.9

OP, did you have the chat yet???

T-Maxx

ibarelycare wrote: »

Why on earth would you pity someone who has come to a conclusion and made a decision that they are happy with?

Because they simply don't know what they're missing.

Fizzlesque

I've been a birthmother for the last 24 years, which I feel puts me in a strange place, in terms of this topic. I have a child, but I don't have a child.

It's fairly horrible, to be honest, but it's the path I chose, for reasons I thought made sense at the time. Some did - some didn't. For the first ten years I truly believed I'd made the right decision, and then slowly that began to crumble until I was left with the total opposite feeling. I eventually settled into a push-me-pull-you situation, flitting between feeling fine and feeling very not fine at all.

I did, however, make the most of my freedom. I did some stupid stuff, and I did some amazing stuff. I have loads of stories - lots of interesting things happened that wouldn't have happened. I made a promise for myself and my daughter that I'd go and do stuff with my life, travel, party, learn, live a lot, if I altered her world and life so enormously, by making this choice. There's a lot of guilt, it has to be said.

I can't see myself as a mother, the word sounds odd - but I see myself as having a daughter. It's a weird one, very hard to get my head round it sometimes. On the plus side though, I haven't had the formidable biological clock booming in my ears and giving birth truly was the most amazing experience of all my amazing experiences. Really knocked my socks off seeing my baby for the first time. I'm delighted she's here, even though she's not here. The pendulum never stops swinging.

Itwasntme.

Frank Black wrote: »

I have two kids, but am willing to trade them for an airplane, a kayak and two motorbikes.

PM if interested - no timewasters.

:pac::pac: I don't have any kids but I'll kidnap a few if it I can get in on this deal as well.

This is an interesting topic. I don't want kids for a host of reasons I won't get into now. I asked my mom whether she ever wishes she had not had kids sometimes so she could be free (because I know that at times, she can be like me and crave solitude) especially considering she is in her mid fifties with a seven year old and she couldn't understand why I would ask such a question. I only asked her because I genuinely wanted to understand it from 'the other side' but I could see that my question really didn't make sense to her because this is natural for her. She said that she doesn't really think about the effort that goes into constantly being there for my sister and I guess, us before her. It's just something she has to do and she gets joy from it.

My little sister is a normal, energetic, in your face child and while I love her, there are times when I feel like I am going to crazy because she needs so much attention and is constantly in my face. I genuinely cannot understand how my mom does it, how she hasn't gone crazy. To be honest, I don't get how any parent does it and more power to those who do it and do it well. It's a commitment I could never make because I know myself well enough to know that even if I wanted it, I would be shit at it.

wesf

The kids living near me are horrible little b*stards, I sometimes daydream about running outside and kicking them around like footballs, I probably shouldn't have kids so?!

S28382

Iv 2 kids and another 1 on the way i dont want kids.......but it just keeps happening.

Engine No.9

S28382 wrote: »

Iv 2 kids and another 1 on the way i dont want kids.......but it just keeps happening.

Eh, condoms, the pill. Sterilization perhaps!!!??? (Like I'm one to talk, I have 5 of the little buggers :pac:)

S28382

pajopearl wrote: »

Eh, condoms, the pill. Sterilization perhaps!!!??? (Like I'm one to talk, I have 5 of the little buggers :pac:)

None of those work as it seems i only have to pass her on the stairs and she is pregnant.

shrewd

VivaMessi wrote: »

I'm 25 with my partner and the thoughts of having children makes me literally sick. Looking after them non stop till their 11 or 12. Then leeching money off you till they finish college or longer. Anyone else feel like this because I don't know what I'm gonna say to my partner when she wants to start trying. I never want children

c'mon, you were once a kid. People like you are always looking at the negatives effects of raising a child. you are just over exaggerating. Great philosophers and critics when they are young but once they are clocking the age of late 40s etc. all you hear is regrets..,

Engine No.9

S28382 wrote: »

None of those work as it seems i only have to pass her on the stairs and she is pregnant.

In the lift on the way out the maternity even :pac:

Turpentine

Having children is not for everyone, for whatever reasons and that's fair enough. Whatever makes people happy. Sometimes attitudes change as people get older and they decide that actually they do want children. And that's fine too, each to their own. However,

CruelCoin wrote: »

If anything it's a step forward.

For thousands of years mankind has been driven by the urge to mate and repopulate, and now that someone can say "this isn't for me" its a step back?

How?

CruelCoin wrote: »

In the corporate world, staying childless for life is becoming especially popular, as children hold you back on the career ladder (it shouldn't, but it does).

Mankind is now wholsale evolving beyond the point of "must find mate, repopulate". So, again, how is this an evolutionary step backwards?

Maybe not a step back, but definitely an evolutionary cul-de-sac. If everyone thought like that our species would be extinct.

Maybe that's what happened to the dinosaurs. Too busy climbing the corporate dino ladder to bother having kids.

CruelCoin wrote: »

Evolution means change. Having piles of kids isn't any different to what we've been doing for thousands of years.

....

Becoming more cerebral, etc is to embrace change, a significant change to the "shag, shag for the good of the species!" of yester-millenia.

In fairness to "shag, shag", that's the only reason we're all here. The species doesn't evolve any further just because you pat yourself on the back for being clever.

You seem to regard being cerebral as the pinnacle of human evolution. That's all very well, but if the cerebral don't proceate, those traits are lost from the species.

This pretty much sums it up perfectly:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=icmRCixQrx8

jill_valentine

In fairness to "shag, shag", that's the only reason we're all here. The species doesn't evolve any further just because you pat yourself on the back for being clever.

Ah, not just that though. We're successful not because we're sex mad or breed like bunnies - we're not particularly prolific at either of those things, compared to some other species - but because we're very good at forming adaptable societies. What each individual thinks or feels isn't as important as the strength of the society as a whole, and diversity of that kind is part of that.

If everybody decided to stop having babies, we'd all die out, sure. But if everybody in the tribe is pregnant or babbysitting at the same time, nobody's keeping an eye out for sabretooth tigers or cooking the mammoth for tea, either. It's no good having a load of babies if none of them survive to adulthood. A human takes a long, long time to get to a point of physical independence and reproductive age, and childbirth is pretty hard on human females, eo it's a big investment of energy and effort and resources. So rather than just spawning like mad and hoping for the best, we banked our chips instead on making sure the people we have got make it. That takes a village, as they say.

So both broody folks and non broody folks have a "value" to the species. Gold stars all round.

Whatever you do though, don't attack a mammoth unless you're sure there aren't any giants about, because those guys are scary when they're mad.

ibarelycare

T-Maxx wrote: »

Because they simply don't know what they're missing.

That's very condescending. Parenthood isn't for everyone. I can see what I will be missing by not having children. I am extremely close to my sister and spend as much time as possible with her and my niece. I sometimes get a pang saying "I'll never have this"...but honestly, even though I adore her, the majority of the time I'm with them, I'm delighted not to have children.

Freddy Smelly

S28382 wrote: »

None of those work as it seems i only have to pass her on the stairs and she is pregnant.

how many are yours?

Engine No.9

Freddy Smelly wrote: »

how many are yours?

Careful now

Malari

T-Maxx wrote: »

Because they simply don't know what they're missing.

You don't have to experience something to know you won't enjoy it. That's like being told you HAVE to go on a holiday travelling around India, it'll be the best experience of your life! I have no doubt it was the best experience of some people's lives, but I know myself well enough at this stage to be sure that it would be a few short stops from hell on earth for me.

T-Maxx

ibarelycare wrote: »

That's very condescending. Parenthood isn't for everyone. I can see what I will be missing by not having children. I am extremely close to my sister and spend as much time as possible with her and my niece. I sometimes get a pang saying "I'll never have this"...but honestly, even though I adore her, the majority of the time I'm with them, I'm delighted not to have children.

There I am being condescending again.:rolleyes:

Kids are really one of those things in life that you simply can't knock before you've tried it. The problem of course is that you can't change your mind later and take them back for a refund, or put them up on the attic, or sell them on on eBay or Adverts.

Raising kids aren't always easy, no doubt about that, but the joys they bring cannot be fathomed by certain people. These are the ones I feel sorry for, because they miss out on such an immensely fulfilling gift and phase in life.

If you consider this as me being condescending, then yeah.:D

Malari

T-Maxx wrote: »

There I am being condescending again.:rolleyes:

Kids are really one of those things in life that you simply can't knock before you've tried it. The problem of course is that you can't change your mind later and take them back for a refund, or put them up on the attic, or sell them on on eBay or Adverts.

Raising kids aren't always easy, no doubt about that, but the joys they bring cannot be fathomed by certain people. These are the ones I feel sorry for, because they miss out on such an immensely fulfilling gift and phase in life.

If you consider this as me being condescending, then yeah.:D

People experience joy in different things, why can't you understand that?!

T-Maxx

Malari wrote: »

People experience joy in different things, why can't you understand that?!

T-Maxx wrote: »

Kids are really one of those things in life that you simply can't knock before you've tried it.

How can I put this in simpler terms?

Like saying you don't like Guinness even though you've never tasted it?

OldNotWIse

S28382 wrote: »

None of those work as it seems i only have to pass her on the stairs and she is pregnant.

Better take the lift so

Malari

T-Maxx wrote: »

How can I put this in simpler terms?

Like saying you don't like Guinness even though you've never tasted it?

How about if you've tasted other stouts and beers and don't like them. Sure it's not exactly like actually tasting Guinness but it gives you enough of an idea to know that you are unlikely to enjoy it.

And not only that, it's not just like tasting Guinness, is it? It'd like deciding you will only drink Guinness for the rest of your life and that you will have to drink it every day.

OldNotWIse

T-Maxx wrote: »

There I am being condescending again.:rolleyes:

Kids are really one of those things in life that you simply can't knock before you've tried it. The problem of course is that you can't change your mind later and take them back for a refund, or put them up on the attic, or sell them on on eBay or Adverts.

Raising kids aren't always easy, no doubt about that, but the joys they bring cannot be fathomed by certain people. These are the ones I feel sorry for, because they miss out on such an immensely fulfilling gift and phase in life.

If you consider this as me being condescending, then yeah.:D

but...but...some people have lives filled with joy without kids. Some people have kids and are miserable. They are not the only thing that can make you happy!(I'm one of the ones who wants kids yet you're insistance that they are a requirement for happiness is starting to annoy me)

seamus

Candie wrote: »

Why on earth would anyone put themselves through a hysterectomy when a tubal ligation is all that's needed to render her voluntarily infertile? It's a huge operation that has major recovery time, and causes menopause and premature ageing or hormone replacement is needed to prevent it. Getting her tubes tied is a one day job with a day or so downtime.

It's like shooting yourself in the head to cure a headache.

That's a bit of an extreme comparison.

On another thread there were plenty of women who said that they would be more than happy to go through the long recovery process if it meant that they didn't have to suffer from 12 weeks of crippling agony every year; especially cases where they're functionally sterile anyway, but they still have to endure menstruation.
Hysterectomy also doesn't require removal of the ovaries, which will generally prevent most major hormonal problems after the procedure.

Unfortunately even where women are functionally sterile, Irish hospitals generally won't even consider a hysterectomy until 35.

OldNotWIse

Actually my mother said something last night that surprised and disappointed me. We were talking about her younger brother and his wife who have decided not to have children. Mum says, "you'd wonder why they bothered getting married in the first place!" . I was seriously floored by her attitude. I was like, "Mam, people dont just get married to have kids you know"...

wolfpawnat

OldNotWIse wrote: »

Actually my mother said something last night that surprised and disappointed me. We were talking about her younger brother and his wife who have decided not to have children. Mum says, "you'd wonder why they bothered getting married in the first place!" . I was seriously floored by her attitude. I was like, "Mam, people dont just get married to have kids you know"...

It is a common attitude with a lot of the older generation. Same with the if you have one "oh, you can't just have one, they need a brother or sister" :rolleyes: Sure already I am being asked if this baby is a boy, "Will you try one more time for a girl" or if it is a girl "Sure you have one of each, that will be it so" As though the genders dictate everyones reproductive plans, or that every child is planned.

My partner never wants to get married, but having two kids means we HAVE to apparently