Gross things you have seen or heard

frag420

So one of the guys from my office told me this story last Fri nights at our post work drinks. I almost puked and then I laughed so hard I couldn't stand up!!

So he was on the tube a few weeks ago. There was this very well to do young lady asleep on the tube. She was dressed very well, manicured hands, expensive hair and clothes etc (that's how he described her). She was obviously drunk and had dozed of..

So at the next stop a bum got on. He was stinking and was walking up and down the carriage coughing, spluttering,begging and being a nuisance. Out of nowhere he coughed and a big lump of lumpy, green/black phlem flew out of his mouth and landed on the drunk girls hand. The whole carriage was in shock and didn't know where to look as the bum kept walking up the carriage not knowing what he had done!!

So the poor girl started to stir a little and opened her eyes to the shock of a loads of stale beer and smoke flavoured phlegm on her hand. In fact she was so shocked that she raised her hand to her mouth and sucked the phlegm into her mouth as she thought she had done it herself in her sleep!

GROSS!!!

So if you have stopped wretching at the thought of that story have you got any gross stories eh?

frAG

Merkin

I just vomited in my mouth a little bit reading that

:eek:

Grayson

I sat behind a guy who pissed himself on a bus once. I used to do a lot of work for disabled charities years ago. So pee doesn't really gross me out. I just ended up lifting my feet off the ground and feeling sorry for him.

uch

I read this thread once about a Bum on a train hocking out loogies onto drunk people!

WoollyRedHat

frag420 wrote: »

So one of the guys from my office told me this story last Fri nights at our post work drinks. I almost puked and then I laughed so hard I couldn't stand up!!

So he was on the tube a few weeks ago. There was this very well to do young lady asleep on the tube. She was dressed very well, manicured hands, expensive hair and clothes etc (that's how he described her). She was obviously drunk and had dozed of..

So at the next stop a bum got on. He was stinking and was walking up and down the carriage coughing, spluttering,begging and being a nuisance. Out of nowhere he coughed and a big lump of lumpy, green/black phlem flew out of his mouth and landed on the drunk girls hand. The whole carriage was in shock and didn't know where to look as the bum kept walking up the carriage not knowing what he had done!!

So the poor girl started to stir a little and opened her eyes to the shock of a loads of stale beer and smoke flavoured phlegm on her hand. In fact she was so shocked that she raised her hand to her mouth and sucked the phlegm into her mouth as she thought she had done it herself in her sleep!

GROSS!!!

So if you have stopped wretching at the thought of that story have you got any gross stories eh?

frAG

Gross mental image.

Ihatecuddles-old

A male friend of mine pulled on a night out, brought her back to his. They were kissing on the bed, taking off their clothes...he goes to get a condom and she pulls out her tampon and throws it on his floor.

OneArt

Samantha Brick.

MugMugs

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

A male friend of mine pulled on a night out, brought her back to his. They were kissing on the bed, taking off their clothes...he goes to get a condom and she pulls out her tampon and throws it on his floor.

I'm not quite sure how you expect me to keep my lunch down.

Pilotdude5

4Chan

shopaholic01

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

A male friend of mine pulled on a night out, brought her back to his. They were kissing on the bed, taking off their clothes...he goes to get a condom and she pulls out her tampon and throws it on his floor.

Please tell me he left immediately.

artanevilla

Saw a lad in a nightclub get sick into a pint glass.
Then down it.

Ihatecuddles-old

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Please tell me he left immediately.

He says he did, but we all think he carried on. It would take more than that to put him off, plus he said she was hot!

Seedy Arling

Saw a woman sitting in a door way after too much booze, puke on herself and then a dog ate it off her. She was conscious.

I know her from around town and she is the type of person who would hit you over the head with a bottle so I left her at it.

shopaholic01

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

He says he did, but we all think he carried on. It would take more than that to put him off, plus he said she was hot!

I suppose it would have worse if he had removed it for her with his teeth!

Duggy747

Knew a guy who would hock up big fistfuls of phlegm and let his dog eat them

13spanner

The NOPE thread. All of it.

spankysue

I heard this story years ago on a factory floor so not sure if it's true but it's gross and makes me laugh...

A group of girls from a factory went away on a caravan holiday years ago and there were some bikers staying in the caravan next to them. The bikers were playing loud music and making a nuisance of themselves so the girls knocked on their door and asked them to keep it down, which they did.

So that was grand, the girls had no more trouble from the bikers over the next few days, they went off sightseeing and what have you and enjoyed the rest of their break.

All was fine until they got home and got their photos developed and saw photos of the bikers from the caravan next door, with the girls toobrushes up their arses.

keelanj69

Saw a drunk girl squat down and take a dump in front of the main stage at Oxegen a few years back. No pants on and a few security guards standing a few metres away watching and laughing.

af_thefragile

I haven't seen many things in real life. Well nothing as gross as some of the things I've seen on the internet. Like this guy who once posted on reditt all the semen he's been collecting for the past many years in 2l coke bottles. It was the single grossest thing I've ever seen. Especially when he had all the bottles labelled by the year and the older bottles were quite discolored compared to the 'fresher' recent bottles...

WTF is wrong with some people??!!!!

KDII

As a nurse I take confusing pride in the fact that I could win this thread in one shift.

fergal.b

When I worked on the building in England we had a drinking "game" called chew the pencil, you take a bite of a pencil chew it up a bit then spit it out and pass it on to the next guy, whoever didn't take their go had to buy the next round, they were hard times and sometimes all that was left was a black saliva mush :eek: I can still taste it





.

Corvo

fergal.b wrote: »

When I worked on the building in England we had a drinking "game" called chew the pencil, you take a bite of a pencil chew it up a bit then spit it out and pass it on to the next guy, whoever didn't take their go had to buy the next round, they were hard times and sometimes all that was left was a black saliva mush :eek: I can still taste it





.

You sick fooker :pac:

discus

We've an initiation in work called The Dentist Chair.

In your first week, a bucket is left out and people can put whatever they want in it. Beer, vodka, sambuca.... piss.... fag butts.... (use your imagination for what else can go in......) whatever. The next night, you're grabbed and your limbs and head are secured to the dentist chair in the bar. A funnel appears, along with the bucket. A pint of the stuff is scooped out and you're forced to drink it. Any vomit goes back into the bucket and you have to finish a pint of it...

af_thefragile

discus wrote: »

We've an initiation in work called The Dentist Chair.

In your first week, a bucket is left out and people can put whatever they want in it. Beer, vodka, sambuca.... piss.... fag butts.... (use your imagination for what else can go in......) whatever. The next night, you're grabbed and your limbs and head are secured to the dentist chair in the bar. A funnel appears, along with the bucket. A pint of the stuff is scooped out and you're forced to drink it. Any vomit goes back into the bucket and you have to finish a pint of it...

I would hate to take up a job where you work....

aw

This is driving me mad.

I read this exact story in a FHM funny story book years ago and I can't find it on t'internet to verify.

I think it was this book

I'm going to have to find the god damned book now to see.

frag420 wrote: »

So one of the guys from my office told me this story last Fri nights at our post work drinks. I almost puked and then I laughed so hard I couldn't stand up!!

So he was on the tube a few weeks ago. There was this very well to do young lady asleep on the tube. She was dressed very well, manicured hands, expensive hair and clothes etc (that's how he described her). She was obviously drunk and had dozed of..

So at the next stop a bum got on. He was stinking and was walking up and down the carriage coughing, spluttering,begging and being a nuisance. Out of nowhere he coughed and a big lump of lumpy, green/black phlem flew out of his mouth and landed on the drunk girls hand. The whole carriage was in shock and didn't know where to look as the bum kept walking up the carriage not knowing what he had done!!

So the poor girl started to stir a little and opened her eyes to the shock of a loads of stale beer and smoke flavoured phlegm on her hand. In fact she was so shocked that she raised her hand to her mouth and sucked the phlegm into her mouth as she thought she had done it herself in her sleep!

GROSS!!!

So if you have stopped wretching at the thought of that story have you got any gross stories eh?

frAG

Teyla Emmagan

Ihatecuddles wrote: »

A male friend of mine pulled on a night out, brought her back to his. They were kissing on the bed, taking off their clothes...he goes to get a condom and she pulls out her tampon and throws it on his floor.

Years ago myself and a mate pulled, and took our respective prey back to our caravan (don't get distracted by that part). Anyway, she decides to have it off with your man and off they go into one of the bedrooms. And as she's on the rag, she takes her tampon out, and they get to it. Only she'd not said anything to him and just stuffed the tampon down the side of the bed. She tells me this story as she leaves the next day. All apologetic, but it's okay because she'd 'thrown the tampon out the window'. And my Mam is expected that day. So guess who has to go outside, find, locate and dispose of the tampon, and CLEAN THE BLOOD OFF THE WALL AND THE MATTRESS.

Manky b*tch.

discus

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

Years ago myself and a mate pulled, and took our respective prey back to our caravan (don't get distracted by that part). Anyway, she decides to have it off with your man and off they go into one of the bedrooms. And as she's on the rag, she takes her tampon out, and they get to it. Only she'd not said anything to him and just stuffed the tampon down the side of the bed. She tells me this story as she leaves the next day. All apologetic, but it's okay because she'd 'thrown the tampon out the window'. And my Mam is expected that day. So guess who has to go outside, find, locate and dispose of the tampon, and CLEAN THE BLOOD OFF THE WALL AND THE MATTRESS.

Manky b*tch.

That is ****ing disgusting. What the hell is wrong with girls!?

Teyla Emmagan

discus wrote: »

That is ****ing disgusting. What the hell is wrong with girls!?

I had to clean it up!!!!!

Ihatecuddles-old

discus wrote: »

That is ****ing disgusting. What the hell is wrong with girls!?

Hey, don't lump me in with those sickos!!

discus

Right, some girls are sickos!

If I were the lad in that situation, I'd be struggling to keep myself erect*...



*I'd probably have fainted

Itwasntme.

Okay, I am going to get judged for this but I see this all the time here and I don't get it. What is wrong with having sex with a girl on her period? And what's with the, "ooooh tampons, yada yada, pads, etc.?" If they are disposed of in a sanitary manner before the deed and the girl is clean, how is it worse than other more popular sex acts? If you're that bothered by the blood, put a towel down or do it in the shower.

Ihatecuddles-old

Itwasntme. wrote: »

Okay, I am going to get judged for this but I see this all the time here and I don't get it. What is wrong with having sex with a girl on her period? And what's with the, "ooooh tampons, yada yada, pads, etc.?" If they are disposed of in a sanitary manner before the deed and the girl is clean, how is it worse than other more popular sex acts? If you're that bothered by the blood, put a towel down or do it in the shower.

difference between disposing of it in a sanitary manner, and lobbing it on some lads floor!!

Doom

A past friend of mine **** into someone's sleeping blanket at a festival a couple of years ago, I still shudder at the thoughts of someone sliding into their sleeping blanket later that night....:(

Another lad at a party done the blowing up a condom over his head thing, only problem it was used and you could see the jizz sliding down the inside....puke! puke!

discus

I've a mate in work who freaks out people by putting as many urinal cakes as he can into his mouth, then running around shouting TOILET SWEETIES. This is generally when it hits 4am in a club!

I've witnessed the 'soggy biscuit'

During pre-drinks, two of the lads **** into showboxes and chased each other with their 'ammo', resorting finally to throwing the now hardened turds at each other. I didn't share a taxi with them.

discus

Oh, and a lad who came in drunk one time (10 man rooms) who proceeded to bang a rather vigourous **** out, catch the spill, and fling it across the room onto the head of an unsuspecting room mate. Glad there was a locker between us!

EazyD

We had a phantom ****ter in school. Many times each year there would be **** stained across the entire cubical. Some people are sub-human me thinks.

Duvetdays

Sorry op I think that's an urban legend heard that story about an old man and a girl on Dublin bus about 15yrs ago!

Was on the bus many years ago and there was this old scruffy drunk who was p*ssed off his face and had filled his pants nobody would sit beside him for obvious reasons and the bus was packed. When he got off you could see the stains down the back of his trousers still nobody sat in the seat he had just vacated. Two girls got on and went straight and sat in the seat, everybody was just looking at each other kinda smirking.

Another Dublin bus story two junkies making out at the bus stop one night as my bus pulls up he gets on she staggers off he tries to make conversation with me about the bird (his words) he was just with and then I noticed the fingers on one of his hands was covered in blood.

I still heave when I think of those stories.

Galwayguy35

One of my exes took out the tampon and expected me to go down on her but compared to some of the stories posted here that's a fairly tame story.

Jake The Fat Ma

I got lucky one night and went home some this bird, she was a real looker.
She was wearing leather trousers and when we were getting down to business when I put my hand in the back or her knickers she hadnt cleaned herself or she had just crapped herself but It wasnt good. My stomach still turns now years later thinking of it.

moss.ie

worked in a pub once upon a time, for about a year we had some sick fcuker who used to break a pint glass down the toilet bowl and then take a sh1t into it, he didnt smash it completely just the rim so it had jagged edges then packed it up with loo roll so that the toilet blocked, only way to free it out was by hand, luckily i never cut myself, we never did catch the fcuker...even now id still ring that pr1cks bell if i found out who he was....

Czarcasm

Woke up the other morning and one of my mates had sent me a scat video on whatsapp... Not of herself or anything but it still wasn't the nicest thing to wake up to in the morning

Czarcasm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

One of my exes took out the tampon and expected me to go down on her but compared to some of the stories posted here that's a fairly tame story.

Something similar, many years ago now, she didn't realise apparently that her period was coming on, I ended up with tomato sauce jaws... :pac:

In fairness, she was more embarrassed about it than I was, I'll never forget the look of sheer horror on her face as I came up for air, still gives me a giggle even now nearly 20 years later!

Galwayguy35

Czarcasm wrote: »

Something similar, many years ago now, she didn't realise apparently that her period was coming on, I ended up with tomato sauce jaws... :pac:

In fairness, she was more embarrassed about it than I was, I'll never forget the look of sheer horror on her face as I came up for air, still gives me a giggle even now nearly 20 years later!

You're a braver man than me, there was going to be no tongue action from me until rag week was over!

shopaholic01

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

One of my exes took out the tampon and expected me to go down on her but compared to some of the stories posted here that's a fairly tame story.

Explains why she's your ex. There's no excuse for that.

Czarcasm wrote: »

Something similar, many years ago now, she didn't realise apparently that her period was coming on, I ended up with tomato sauce jaws... :pac:

In fairness, she was more embarrassed about it than I was, I'll never forget the look of sheer horror on her face as I came up for air, still gives me a giggle even now nearly 20 years later!

Is that your now wife? Brave man, C!:pac:

General General

KDII wrote: »

As a nurse I take confusing pride in the fact that I could win this thread in one shift.

I've heard some rank stories about nurses in the sack.. but shiftin'?

Czarcasm

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

You're a braver man than me, there was going to be no tongue action from me until rag week was over!

Haha, ah Christ no, Jesus I wouldn't have gone near there if I'd known, but it was just her reaction, lol, sure I went into the bathroom and just washed my face, no harm done

Speaking of no harm done, the same poor girl I left her bathroom a lovely shade of Guinness one night a few years later when I was staying over, it was like something from the exorcist... not my finest moment then either

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Is that your now wife? Brave man, C!:pac:

Ah Jesus no shop, this was well before I met my wife, though I was only with her a week when I'd a couple of the lads over and we were all drinking and having a laugh and it was one of those quiet moments, when suddenly the silence was broken by someone dropping the most thunderous fart!

All the lads looked around at each other like "Who the FCUK was that?", and nobody was owning up, next thing we looked over at my normally meek and mild mannered wife (girlfriend at the time) and she was in knots sniggering away to herself! :pac:

shopaholic01

Czarcasm wrote: »

Ah Jesus no shop, this was well before I met my wife, though I was only with her a week when I'd a couple of the lads over and we were all drinking and having a laugh and it was one of those quiet moments, when suddenly the silence was broken by someone dropping the most thunderous fart!

All the lads looked around at each other like "Who the FCUK was that?", and nobody was owning up, next thing we looked over at my normally meek and mild mannered and she was in knots sniggering away to herself! :pac:

You certainly know how to pick them.:P

Chemical Burn

Giovanni Plowman

El Guapo!

A guy I know pulled this girl in the pub one night. They both left the pub píssed and went back to the house and they started goin at it. She's a bit kinky and says she wants it in the arse. He gladly obliges, and then they fall asleep when they're done.
He gets up the next morning and jumps in the shower and while he's washing himself, he notices this lump behind his foreskin...............


Yep. A chunk of shít.

shopaholic01

El Guapo! wrote: »

A guy I know pulled this girl in the pub one night. They both left the pub píssed and went back to the house and they started goin at it. She's a bit kinky and says she wants it in the arse. He gladly obliges, and then they fall asleep when they're done.
He gets up the next morning and jumps in the shower and while he's washing himself, he notices this lump behind his foreskin...............


Yep. A chunk of shít.

A guy you know ........ sure.

You really should have used a condom.

El Guapo!

shopaholic01 wrote: »

A guy you know ........ sure.

You really should have used a condom.

:pac:

I walked into that one! Seriously though it wasn't me. I'd admit it if it was!