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i think i married the wrong woman

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124

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    #92
    Mariasofia
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,887 ✭✭✭Mariasofia


    Czarcasm wrote: »
    Not naive at all Ms, very often confuses a lot of people- a threesome refers to just the sexual act itself, a menage a trois is an actual long term relationship between three individuals.


    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threesome

    http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ménage_à_trois

    Thanks for the clarification and as the saying goes....ya learn something new every day yip ya sure do on boards anyway lol


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    #93
    WittyKitty1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭WittyKitty1


    lost in cork wrote: »
    and she looks stunning


    She might think you look like a dog now!

    Don't be counting your chickens too soon..


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    #94
    lost in cork
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭lost in cork


    Catphish wrote: »
    Don't play the victim here, you made a choice, so don't blame her.

    You're being very unfair to her here. You've kids together, day to day life and the stresses and strains it comes with work, bringing up children etc., can take it's toll on the strongest of relationships. You hit this patch and don't fancy putting in the work to hold it together.

    Not willing to put in the work in your marriage, bored, now thinking with your dick and looking for an out. Stop bed hopping and start working on relationships. They take work, and if you don't accept this fact your whole life will be a load of fucked up relationships.

    Given that you've children in your current one, I suggest that you give this one priority. Tell her you've hit a low point in the marriage and ask her to go along to counselling. If you've got more of a friendsy relationship with her, I'd say she already knows something is wrong. Intimacy is important in any relationship, and if this has reduced considerably or is non-existent, she is undoubtedly feeling low or at least wondering what she's done wrong. This isn't fair on her.

    Sack up and do something sensible for once, make a go of things with your wife and realise your kids matter too in all of this.
    As i have said 1 paragraph does in no way tell you anything about me or my life,i am the one raising these kids their mother chooses to stay in bed half the day,and i could tell you more but for your sanctamonious attitude i wont


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    #95
    Catphish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Catphish


    lost in cork wrote: »
    As i have said 1 paragraph does in no way tell you anything about me or my life,i am the one raising these kids their mother chooses to stay in bed half the day,and i could tell you more but for your sanctamonious attitude i wont
    You've given us X amount of information, I can only answer you based on what you've given us. No point getting snotty with me, I've answered your question from the information at hand. Drop the sanctimonious accusation, you don't know which end is up when it comes to what you want with women, the problem is clearly on your side.

    Look, if you're going to get defensive and not take on board anything anyone has said here, then why not divorce your wife and let her find happiness with someone willing to give her happiness?

    Again, theres only so much information we have here. You say she spends half the day in bed. Is she depressed?


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    #96
    lost in cork
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭lost in cork


    Catphish wrote: »
    You've given us X amount of information, I can only answer you based on what you've given us. No point getting snotty with me, I've answered your question from the information at hand. Drop the sanctimonious accusation, you don't know which end is up when it comes to what you want with women, the problem is clearly on your side.

    Look, if you're going to get defensive and not take on board anything anyone has said here, then why not divorce your wife and let her find happiness with someone willing to give her happiness?

    Again, theres only so much information we have here. You say she spends half the day in bed. Is she depressed?
    if you read my original post i didnt ask for advice ,i asked did anyone marry the wrong person ,so thanks but hey i wasnt looking for counselling


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    #97
    boobar
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,226 ✭✭✭boobar


    lost in cork wrote: »
    When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished ,i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman

    First off, I'm not sure this is the right forum.

    In answer to your question, my own personal view of my own personal situation is no, I married the right woman for me. It was a feeling at the time that it was the right thing for me, so I asked and luckily for me she said yes. That was a good long time ago. Now I feel even luckier that she's still with me and don't for a second think that she couldn't do better. In short, she's unbelievably wonderful and in the wonders of Christopher Walken I'm just a schmuck that got lucky.

    I see you're berating a few posters here for their feedback, I can understand their response but I can understand your reaction to their feedback also.

    Look, I've had a few drinks now but I suppose I'm trying to say that you marry someone at a point in time and as time goes on you either love them more or love them less. You can assess for yourself where you are. But I will say some people will always feel that they deserve more and some will feel the other way, glass half full thing, you know?

    I might be reading between the lines here but you decided to leave this girl you had at 22, you might have been persuaded but ultimately you made the decision. You might reflect on that for a while.

    Good for you that you found someone to marry that made you happy, some people don't get anywhere near that kind of chance of happiness. Try not to let your new Facebook friend persuade you to do something you might later regret.

    I'm not trying to be smart but it could be a mid life crisis...don't know anything about you but it's hard to assess everything given the limited information.


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    #98
    Catphish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Catphish


    lost in cork wrote: »
    if you read my original post i didnt ask for advice ,i asked did anyone marry the wrong person ,so thanks but hey i wasnt looking for counselling
    You won't get it off me, but you need it. And as far as your request goes for people to hold up their hands if they've a problem sticking with one woman then good luck with that.

    You're obviously not into the whole idea of doing the right thing and giving your marriage a chance, what you're REALLY looking for here then is other posters saying they've been in the same position to back your theory that fucking off on your wife and kids is okay. Why do you need other people to tell you that it is okay, you don't want to know when people tell you that you need to have a go at what you have at the moment. You've made a choice already, you're looking for backing.

    I notice how you completely evaded the question is your wife depressed. Has it anything to do with your negligence perhaps? If you're not interested just let her get on with her life.

    If what you want to hear is "yeah go after the hot ex" then go for it. You might actually be doing your wife a favour in the long run. More fool your ex for bothering with you again.


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    #99
    paddy147
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 15,858 ✭✭✭✭paddy147


    lost in cork wrote: »
    When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished ,i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman


    Call Jeremy Kyle FFS.:pac:



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    #100
    lost in cork
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭lost in cork


    Catphish wrote: »
    You won't get it off me, but you need it. And as far as your request goes for people to hold up their hands if they've a problem sticking with one woman then good luck with that.

    You're obviously not into the whole idea of doing the right thing and giving your marriage a chance, what you're REALLY looking for here then is other posters saying they've been in the same position to back your theory that fucking off on your wife and kids is okay. Why do you need other people to tell you that it is okay, you don't want to know when people tell you that you need to have a go at what you have at the moment. You've made a choice already, you're looking for backing.

    I notice how you completely evaded the question is your wife depressed. Has it anything to do with your negligence perhaps? If you're not interested just let her get on with her life.

    If what you want to hear is "yeah go after the hot ex" then go for it. You might actually be doing your wife a favour in the long run. More fool your ex for bothering with you again.
    i will say it again you dumbass i wasnt asking for advice on my situation i simply asked did anyone else feel that they had married the wrong person ,now do you understand that,its very clear?


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    #101
    Steve O
    Closed Accounts Posts: 595 ✭✭✭Steve O


    Catphish wrote: »
    You won't get it off me, but you need it. And as far as your request goes for people to hold up their hands if they've a problem sticking with one woman then good luck with that.

    You're obviously not into the whole idea of doing the right thing and giving your marriage a chance, what you're REALLY looking for here then is other posters saying they've been in the same position to back your theory that fucking off on your wife and kids is okay. Why do you need other people to tell you that it is okay, you don't want to know when people tell you that you need to have a go at what you have at the moment. You've made a choice already, you're looking for backing.

    I notice how you completely evaded the question is your wife depressed. Has it anything to do with your negligence perhaps? If you're not interested just let her get on with her life.

    If what you want to hear is "yeah go after the hot ex" then go for it. You might actually be doing your wife a favour in the long run. More fool your ex for bothering with you again.


    Not defending anyone but your comments regarding staying in an unhappy relationship "because of the kids" is equally as damaging.

    OP you're better off discussing things with your wife, then if it ends it ends.


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    #102
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    lost in cork wrote: »
    i will say it again you dumbass i wasnt asking for advice on my situation i simply asked did anyone else feel that they had married the wrong person ,now do you understand that,its very clear?

    So you wanted to start a thread on people confessing that they married the wrong women? That sounds grim as fcuk if you don't mind me saying. Why would you want to start something like that?


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    #103
    lost in cork
    Registered Users Posts: 133 ✭✭lost in cork


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    So you wanted to start a thread on people confessing that they married the wrong women? That sounds grim as fcuk if you don't mind me saying. Why would you want to start something like that?
    life can be grim ,its not all hearts and roses


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    #104
    BorneTobyWilde
    Registered Users Posts: 35,831 ✭✭✭✭BorneTobyWilde


    Did you seek out this first chick on facebook
    Did you go looking for her, and start initial contact

    If so,
    Why
    You're married


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    #105
    Legs.Eleven
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,987 ✭✭✭Legs.Eleven


    lost in cork wrote: »
    life can be grim ,its not all hearts and roses

    Course it is but why would you want to start a thread on something so depressing? A load of men post up saying how much they want to leave their wives? Why?


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    #106
    hatrickpatrick
    Registered Users Posts: 17,797 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    If you've genuinely lost all interest in someone beyond friendship, in my view you have a moral obligation to end it. It's totally unfair on them to expect them to stay faithful to you while at the same time you're not remotely interested in them. You're asking someone to stay in a lonely relationship when instead they could be looking for someone who IS interested.

    Just my view. If you're no longer into your partner you have no right to demand that they remain into you.


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    #107
    Busted Flat.
    Registered Users Posts: 4,003 ✭✭✭Busted Flat.


    lost in cork wrote: »
    i will say it again you dumbass i wasnt asking for advice on my situation i simply asked did anyone else feel that they had married the wrong person ,now do you understand that,its very clear?

    Did you ever try muff diving in the Jack Lynch tunnel.


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    #108
    argirl
    Registered Users Posts: 17 ✭argirl


    Just because you became friends on facebook doesnt mean the first one will want to get back with you. I'd say she'd be still fairly pissed off that the 2nd one convinced you to break up with her!


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    #109
    shopaholic01
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,916 ✭✭✭shopaholic01


    Tough crowd, OP!

    I know a lot of people in long term relationships who look back and think about an ex. It's normal, LTRs can get tedious - you get bogged down by the daily routine especially if you have kids. It's the 'grass is greener on the other side' syndrome. Most people get over it and acknowledge what they have.

    You were persuaded to leave this girl once, so that's an indication that it wasn't a perfect relationship. If you acted on this, chances are you will look back in a few years times and think that what you had with your family was bliss and berate yourself for throwing it all away.

    Your wife no doubt has the same thoughts, it's unlikey that you're not 100% happy and she is. How would you feel if she was fantasising about an ex?

    Best thing is to talk to her, make time to have fun togehter and try to offload the kids at least once a month so you can act like a couple, instead of just parents.

    All relationships have their ups and downs, if you feel unhappy continuosly you might need to consider calling it a day.

    Good luck either way!


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    #110
    rolliepoley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,874 ✭✭✭rolliepoley


    lost in cork wrote: »
    When i was 22 i had a girlfriend and everything was going well so we moved in together in a flat we rented,things were ticking along nicely till i met an ex girlfriend who persuaded me to ditch my gf ,i did this and then had a relationship with this girl but it soon went sour and finished ,i moved on and eventually married a woman who made me happy ,but as time moved on it has become clear to me that we are just friends no more than that,on top of this i have just become friends on facebook with the first girl i lived with and she looks stunning and after chatting with her she is still a great laugh ,think i made a big mistake years ago,has anyone else married the wrong woman

    Two words,self pitty.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haVEnVXBkrY


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    #111
    Three Seasons
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Three Seasons


    Catphish wrote: »
    You've given us X amount of information, I can only answer you based on what you've given us. No point getting snotty with me, I've answered your question from the information at hand. Drop the sanctimonious accusation, you don't know which end is up when it comes to what you want with women, the problem is clearly on your side.

    Look, if you're going to get defensive and not take on board anything anyone has said here, then why not divorce your wife and let her find happiness with someone willing to give her happiness?

    Again, theres only so much information we have here. You say she spends half the day in bed. Is she depressed?

    So you should probably read the information he has written, when did he ever say he doesn't put in the work in his relationship or that he's going to leave his wife?

    He simply explained his feelings that he has no control over.


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    #112
    IM0
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,390 ✭✭✭IM0


    Id say about ohhhh 90% of people feel the same way OP, well eventually anyway, never ends well


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    #113
    Catphish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Catphish


    Three Seasons wrote: »
    So you should probably read the information he has written, when did he ever say he doesn't put in the work in his relationship or that he's going to leave his wife?
    Oh I read it all right, have you not? I asked a very valid question about why his wife was in bed for half of the day. It's not normal behaviour.
    He simply explained his feelings that he has no control over.
    That might be so, but it's selfish of him to stay in the marriage if that is how he feels. His deserves a chance to be happy.

    Our little conversation however is pointless, there is a lot NEITHER of us know, and furthermore he doesn't give a **** anyway. He's looking for others to say they've been in the same boat. I gave my tuppence worth because it is a discussion forum after all, and everyone will form their own opinion.


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    #114
    Three Seasons
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 548 ✭✭✭Three Seasons


    Catphish wrote: »
    Oh I read it all right, have you not? I asked a very valid question about why his wife was in bed for half of the day. It's not normal behaviour.


    That might be so, but it's selfish of him to stay in the marriage if that is how he feels. His deserves a chance to be happy.

    Our little conversation however is pointless, there is a lot NEITHER of us know, and furthermore he doesn't give a **** anyway. He's looking for others to say they've been in the same boat. I gave my tuppence worth because it is a discussion forum after all, and everyone will form their own opinion.

    One could say it's selfless to stay in the marriage and keep the family unit together for his kids.


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    #115
    lecker Hendl
    Registered Users Posts: 409 ✭✭lecker Hendl


    next on Jeremy Kyle...


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    #116
    Catphish
    Closed Accounts Posts: 378 ✭✭Catphish


    Three Seasons wrote: »
    One could say it's selfless to stay in the marriage and keep the family unit together for his kids.
    Okay, I can see your point, granted. But, unless that is agreed with the wife, where does that leave her? As an aside, plenty of children are brought up with parents living apart, it's how you help them deal with the change is all that matters.


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    #117
    Legend_DIT
    Registered Users Posts: 753 ✭✭✭Legend_DIT


    Your wife married the wrong man!


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    #118
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Todd Gack wrote: »
    Easy, leave the wife and kids and move to England...everyone's a winner (well apart from your wife and kids)

    Well I think she would be winning by losing a sleazy husband and moving on to meet someone nice in the future.


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    #119
    Steve O
    Closed Accounts Posts: 595 ✭✭✭Steve O


    CaraMay wrote: »
    Well I think she would be winning by losing a sleazy husband and moving on to meet someone nice.


    WTF is he sleazy for fancying someone else?!


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    #120
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Legs.Eleven wrote: »
    Course it is but why would you want to start a thread on something so depressing? A load of men post up saying how much they want to leave their wives? Why?

    To make himself feel better of course.


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    #121
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Steve O wrote: »
    WTF is he sleazy for fancying someone else?!

    He is acting on it by being in contact with the ex who he now fancies again on Facebook. That is sleazy as its underhand and deceitful.


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