Best excuses for pulling a sickie at work

PhlegmyMoses

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Back pain. 100% watertight, cant be proved and can be used anytime.

That and the getting signed off with illegitimate stress and depression claims kills it for people who actually suffer from these things.

Stomach bug is the best, really. 2 days off, no cert needed. Haven't had a sick day in 2.5 years, though.

UCDVet

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

UCDVet

galwayrush wrote: »

You're obviously not self employed nor good value to your employer.

I disagree.

I've received positive reviews/salary increases and even bonuses. But I don't think I've ever gone an entire year without taking a 'sick day' when I wasn't ill. Maybe I lack the iron-clad motivation of some people, but I'm afraid I can't help it.

I have lots of vacation time...but I'm not allowed to use it without giving notice. So it's fine for me to schedule 2 weeks off, four months from now. But I'm not allowed to call up the day of and say, 'I'm taking a vacation day today'. But I am allowed to call up and say, 'I'm sick'.

Since I'm relatively young and relatively healthy, I usually end up with 2-3 sick days per year; with 1-2 of them being 'fake'. I'll even not take vacation time to offset it (IE if I have 30 days of vacation time per year and I only take 28 - I'm working the same time as if I'd taken 30 days of vacation and no fake sick days).

So, given a system where taking an impromptu day off means getting in big trouble if I say, 'I want to stay home' and getting in no trouble if I say, 'Important stuff came up' - I'm going to say, 'Important stuff came up'.

It doesn't mean I'm a worthless employee. Maybe 'less than perfect', but my employer, my job, and my pay are all 'less than perfect' too.

cml387

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

No. Just....no.

wendell borton

Ohh my ovaries.

Manc-Red

A friend of mine that worked with me once rang into work & said he couldn't come into work that day because he was suffering with a bad case of blue balls....

I sh*t you not!

FTA69

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

Jesus Christ just go to bloody work.

Squeaky the Squirrel

I was heading over to my neighbours who just happened to be getting in double glazing and I tripped over them.

Not mine, thought it was a great one, kept a straight face saying it an all.

brianblaze

Anal Glauchoma....

When they ask what it is, just say it means you can't see your ar$e going in to work....

YellowFeather

Think my best worst one was getting my mate to ring in sick for me pretending to be my mother.

Unfortunately, it was the day after my 21st birthday, which work knew about. And we had drank the champagne that my bosses had got for me before heading out on what turned out to be a three day bender. And my mate was an Aussie, and also 21, so didn't sound much like a mum. And it was 6.30am that morning and she was as pissed as I was.

So, there was a drunken voicemail from a young Aussie girl saying "This is YellowFeather's mum. She can't come to work today because of food poisoning and she can't leave the bathroom." left on HR's voicemail on a Wednesday, and I didn't go back to work until the following Monday.

I think the worst part was when one of my bosses asked (sarcastically) how I enjoyed the champagne, and I put on a weak voice and said I couldn't drink it 'cause I was too ill.

God, I miss those days!!!

Wacker The Attacker

**** on an Aer Lingus flight after a booze and Painkiller spree

cruais

A friend of mine was drunk at a family party and was annoyed that he had to go to work the next day when everyone was staying.

He was trying to come up with an idea of how to call sick, when his bright spark of a cousin told him to say he had verbal diarrhoea.

He didn't cop on, and the call to work ensued. He got away with it tho, as he went to the doctor and said he had a bug...certified!

cruais

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

Ever hear of Karma?

--Kaiser--

cruais wrote: »

Ever hear of Karma?

It doesn't exist, as much as you might like to believe so

For Forks Sake

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

You are going to die of AIDS.

Bad AIDS at that.

cruais

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

It doesn't exist, as much as you might like to believe so

I beg to differ young man

Remmy

hand got caught in a mincer.

Captain Chaos

I got the lube and super glue mixed up again.

tempura

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

Quite Honestly, that is completely sick, don't know how you live with yourself coming up with that one. I really hope that situation never becomes a reality for you or any of your family.

Peregrine

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I got the lube and super glue mixed up again.

Well that's a sticky situation..



I'll get my coat

Wacker The Attacker

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I got the lube and super glue mixed up again.

Giving is always better than receiving

.red.

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

**** on an Aer Lingus flight after a booze and Painkiller spree

That can get you a few months off i hear.

UCDVet

cruais wrote: »

Ever hear of Karma?

Yes.

It's a buddhist belief about rebirth. It's been popularized and modernized and now is the idea that people who do good things will be rewarded and people who do bad things will be punished.

Like most religious beliefs there is little evidence to support it and it contradicts the teachings of most other religions.

The Christian equivalent would be something like, 'Ever hear of Hell? If you do bad things, you will go there'.

Thankfully, on the list of evil things I could do, lying about why I'm not at work is pretty low on the list of things I care about. The world would be a LOT better if the worst thing someone did was lie about taking a sick day 1-2 times per year.

Ted_YNWA

The dog ate my homework swipe-card.

errlloyd

Seriously Op you're always better off using something contagious. Particularly if you work in an office or services. Vomiting bugs are good for one day off. HR doesn't want you in work, and because it's usually a 24hr thing, you have an excuse for lack of doctors notes ect.

UCDVet

tempura wrote: »

Quite Honestly, that is completely sick, don't know how you live with yourself coming up with that one. I really hope that situation never becomes a reality for you or any of your family.

My Grandparents will die.
My Parents will die.
I will die.
My children will die.

That's life.

If lying about a medical condition made it true; everyone would lie and say they are healthy.

UCDVet

For Forks Sake wrote: »

You are going to die of AIDS.

Bad AIDS at that.

Let me get this straight.... :cool:

In your world, telling a lie is so bad it deserves death. And not just any death, death via 'Bad AIDS'.

Tell me, in your world, what is the punishment for wishing death upon someone?

Lawrence1895

I said, I can't make it into work, because I was too depressed after Shels lost a match. For some reason, that doesn't work anymore

montyrebel

Me "I am in bed sick"
Boss "well how sick are you?"
Me "I am in the bed here with my sister" :D

Agricola

[Sarcasm]

Well Im very definitely outraged by the flagrant disregard so many people have for their poor employers. Do you care so little about these lovable, huggable bastions of goodness, that you will just lie to their puppy dog faces and go skiving! Unbelievable! These people only always have YOUR best interests at heart, they worry for YOU, and when you make up stories about the fact that your relative has died, it PROBABLY affects them deeply on an emotional level. They most likely cry themselves to sleep at night while you are absent. It's just cruel!

And on top of all this, you are not being 100% productive and honest at all times, which is an obligation of your contract of employment!

I can't look at you, I LOATHE YOU!

[/Sarcasm]