Best excuses for pulling a sickie at work

lost in cork

I was working in a job that i didnt like very much so i had used up a lot of excuses for taking the odd day off,one time i had taken 3 days off and hadnt rang in ,as i was on a final warning i knew my excuse had to be good so i said that my mum had died ,a bit drastic i know ,has anyone else used any good excuses

Celly Smunt

My granny has died about 20 times now.

mloc123

pmcmahon wrote: »

My granny has died about 20 times now.

Stephen?

Mully_2011

Diarrhea

DrumSteve

Your head fell off.

Seachmall

"Hey John, I won't be able to make it in this week. I've actually been arrested and charged with distributing a large amount of heroin. Can you believe it?"


That beauty got me the rest of my career off.

Fr_Dougal

lost in cork wrote: »

I was working in a job that i didnt like very much so i had used up a lot of excuses for taking the odd day off,one time i had taken 3 days off and hadnt rang in ,as i was on a final warning i knew my excuse had to be good so i said that my mum had died ,a bit drastic i know ,has anyone else used any good excuses

That's pretty low.

I've killed off a few granny's in my time, but they were already dead before I used the excuse.

Stomach bug is always a good one too.

Islander13

Stomach Bug the easiest for a nice 2 day holiday

Lapin

Tell your boss you got lost in Cork OP !

Grayson

Toothache. Unprovable agony.

dmc17

Peter Griffin style...

"I can't come to work today because I was in a terrible plane crash. My family is dead and I am a vegetable. "

And if you get caught.....
"Remember that plane crash I had? It turned out to be gas."

Sin City

Tell your boss you snapped your.banjo string

Grayson

Sin City wrote: »

Tell your boss you snapped your.banjo string

love that film.

razorgil

Mully_2011 wrote: »

Diarrhea

when the bottom is falling out of your world take andrews liver salts, and let the world fall out of your bottom...

Legs.Eleven

I remember I rang in sick years ago after having been at a party all night and still pretty drunk. I came out with:

"I ate the chicken and now I'm sick. Bye."

Wouldn't recommend that one. Didn't go down well.

galwayrush

You're obviously not self employed nor good value to your employer.

Grayson

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I remember I rang in sick years ago after having been at a party all night and still pretty drunk. I came out with:

"I ate the chicken and now I'm sick. Bye."

Wouldn't recommend that one. Didn't go down well.

I knew a guy in a similar situation. He called in sick, whilst off his nut on pills. He told our boss he was constipated.

He came in the next day and was sent home. Mainly because it was his day off. And so was the day before.

krudler

Period pains, the fact I'm a guy has never been questioned strangely

Legs.Eleven

Grayson wrote: »

I knew a guy in a similar situation. He called in sick, whilst off his nut on pills. He told our boss he was constipated.

He came in the next day and was sent home. Mainly because it was his day off. And so was the day before.

Hahaha.

sidneykidney

Anal blindness. My arse cant see itsself turning up for work today

endofrainbow

Guy rings in to say he's too sick to come to work today - boss asks *how sick are you * guy replies *I'm in bed with my sister - is that sick enough for you?*

antodeco

A great excuse is to say you had a headache and took viagra by mistake. It'd be inappropriate to have a boner all day.

Ted_YNWA

antodeco wrote: »

A great excuse is to say you had a headache and took viagra by mistake. It'd be inappropriate to have a boner all day.

That would only start a rumour about why you had viagra to start with..

antodeco

Ted_YNWA wrote: »

That would only start a rumour about why you had viagra to start with..

endofrainbow wrote: »

Guy rings in to say he's too sick to come to work today - boss asks *how sick are you * guy replies *I'm in bed with my sister - is that sick enough for you?*

Combine both!

DazMarz

"Good morning. I was in a horrible plane crash yesterday. My entire family was killed and I'm now a vegetable........ I'll see you tomorrow."

Chuck Stone

'I was in an argument'.

oppenheimer1

galwayrush wrote: »

You're obviously not self employed nor good value to your employer.

And what is your point?

BaronVon

Auld lad I used to work with got 'locked in' the house.

The wife left for the day and locked the door, and took his key.
He couldn't leave the house for the day.....

......Allegedly. He was an awful spunker!

Wanderer2010

Back pain. 100% watertight, cant be proved and can be used anytime.

MadYaker

You murdered your whole family and now you're on the run.

Archeron

+1 for diarrhea. Use the word "Thunderous" while decribing your symptoms, and not many people will ask any follow up questions.

PhlegmyMoses

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

Back pain. 100% watertight, cant be proved and can be used anytime.

That and the getting signed off with illegitimate stress and depression claims kills it for people who actually suffer from these things.

Stomach bug is the best, really. 2 days off, no cert needed. Haven't had a sick day in 2.5 years, though.

UCDVet

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

UCDVet

galwayrush wrote: »

You're obviously not self employed nor good value to your employer.

I disagree.

I've received positive reviews/salary increases and even bonuses. But I don't think I've ever gone an entire year without taking a 'sick day' when I wasn't ill. Maybe I lack the iron-clad motivation of some people, but I'm afraid I can't help it.

I have lots of vacation time...but I'm not allowed to use it without giving notice. So it's fine for me to schedule 2 weeks off, four months from now. But I'm not allowed to call up the day of and say, 'I'm taking a vacation day today'. But I am allowed to call up and say, 'I'm sick'.

Since I'm relatively young and relatively healthy, I usually end up with 2-3 sick days per year; with 1-2 of them being 'fake'. I'll even not take vacation time to offset it (IE if I have 30 days of vacation time per year and I only take 28 - I'm working the same time as if I'd taken 30 days of vacation and no fake sick days).

So, given a system where taking an impromptu day off means getting in big trouble if I say, 'I want to stay home' and getting in no trouble if I say, 'Important stuff came up' - I'm going to say, 'Important stuff came up'.

It doesn't mean I'm a worthless employee. Maybe 'less than perfect', but my employer, my job, and my pay are all 'less than perfect' too.

cml387

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

No. Just....no.

wendell borton

Ohh my ovaries.

Manc-Red

A friend of mine that worked with me once rang into work & said he couldn't come into work that day because he was suffering with a bad case of blue balls....

I sh*t you not!

FTA69

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

Jesus Christ just go to bloody work.

Squeaky the Squirrel

I was heading over to my neighbours who just happened to be getting in double glazing and I tripped over them.

Not mine, thought it was a great one, kept a straight face saying it an all.

brianblaze

Anal Glauchoma....

When they ask what it is, just say it means you can't see your ar$e going in to work....

YellowFeather

Think my best worst one was getting my mate to ring in sick for me pretending to be my mother.

Unfortunately, it was the day after my 21st birthday, which work knew about. And we had drank the champagne that my bosses had got for me before heading out on what turned out to be a three day bender. And my mate was an Aussie, and also 21, so didn't sound much like a mum. And it was 6.30am that morning and she was as pissed as I was.

So, there was a drunken voicemail from a young Aussie girl saying "This is YellowFeather's mum. She can't come to work today because of food poisoning and she can't leave the bathroom." left on HR's voicemail on a Wednesday, and I didn't go back to work until the following Monday.

I think the worst part was when one of my bosses asked (sarcastically) how I enjoyed the champagne, and I put on a weak voice and said I couldn't drink it 'cause I was too ill.

God, I miss those days!!!

Wacker The Attacker

**** on an Aer Lingus flight after a booze and Painkiller spree

cruais

A friend of mine was drunk at a family party and was annoyed that he had to go to work the next day when everyone was staying.

He was trying to come up with an idea of how to call sick, when his bright spark of a cousin told him to say he had verbal diarrhoea.

He didn't cop on, and the call to work ensued. He got away with it tho, as he went to the doctor and said he had a bug...certified!

cruais

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

Ever hear of Karma?

--Kaiser--

cruais wrote: »

Ever hear of Karma?

It doesn't exist, as much as you might like to believe so

For Forks Sake

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

You are going to die of AIDS.

Bad AIDS at that.

cruais

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

--Kaiser-- wrote: »

It doesn't exist, as much as you might like to believe so

I beg to differ young man

Remmy

hand got caught in a mincer.

Captain Chaos

I got the lube and super glue mixed up again.

tempura

UCDVet wrote: »

The best way to do these things is to spread them out over a few weeks. Not only do you get more days off, everyone believes you.

Don't say, 'Uhh yeah - sorry about last week; my Grandmother died'.

Instead call in the morning and say, 'I'm really sorry; I can't make it to work today. My Grandmother suffered a stroke last night and the whole family is going to visit her. The doctors say it doesn't look very good.' Then, the next day you can say she died. Then you can take a day off next week for the wake/funeral. 3 days, one lie.

Another one is, 'Hey - I won't be able to make it to work on Friday. My wife/girlfriend/son/daughter/whatever has an appointment at St. Something Hospital, she's getting a biopsy done. It's probably nothing, but her (Mom/Grandmother/Aunt/Uncle) passed away from the same thing and she's pretty upset about it. I'll need to be there with her'.

Then, you wait 2-3 weeks and you say, 'Hey, I'm going to need a long lunch on Friday - my wife is getting the results back. It's unlikely, but she might have SERIOUS CANCER and I need to be with her for the results.'

Then, you leave at 11am - and take the rest of the day off.

When you come back on Monday you say, 'Well, it was bad news. It's not *too* serious, but she was really shaken up. They say it looks like it will be a simple procedure, it hasn't spread, so they'll just cut it out....but she's obviously very upset over it'.

Then you come back in 2-3 weeks and you say, 'I'm going to need another day off, my wife is having her operation'.

By coming to them BEFORE you miss work, it adds a lot of credibility. And by taking off several days for the same thing, that makes people believe it even more.

Quite Honestly, that is completely sick, don't know how you live with yourself coming up with that one. I really hope that situation never becomes a reality for you or any of your family.

Peregrine

Captain Chaos wrote: »

I got the lube and super glue mixed up again.

Well that's a sticky situation..



I'll get my coat