I've been asked to sponsor my step-son in his confirmation.

Artful_Badger

Sarky wrote: »

If you were to go ahead with it, what would happen if you later pointed out that you weren't at all qualified to sponser the lad? Would the confirmation still be valid? Would they undo it or require it to be redone? Would they just lie to themselves and pretend you were qualified for the sake of convenience? I'd love to know.

They would do what they usually do, shrug and say the hail Mary a few times and all will be well.

Dades

Oh look, a whole load of off-topic posts were deleted.

Less bickering, more advice, please.

Lucy8080

Sarky wrote: »

If you were to go ahead with it, what would happen if you later pointed out that you weren't at all qualified to sponser the lad? Would the confirmation still be valid? Would they undo it or require it to be redone? Would they just lie to themselves and pretend you were qualified for the sake of convenience? I'd love to know.

I took the pledge at my confirmation...along with most of the class.

I'm pretty sure we all broke it soon after ...and the Spanish Inquisition didn't come knocking on the door for any of us.

This guy is building a relationship with his stepson.

When you asserted that you would "love to know" what happens afterwards... I didn't quite believe it.

I think you know.

Nothing happens...life moves on. Kids grow up.

This issue is as benign or contentious as you want it to be.

I wouldn't use this kid , to heap guilt on the step-dad ,because of some belief held.

It reminds me of ....well ...ya know yourself.

Sarky

Oh, thank you so much for telling me what I think, I really didn't know myself. So if there are no consequences for breaking the rules, why are the rules there in the first place?

And congratulations on you and your class breaking their promises. You could have just not taken it in the first place, but you chose to stand and promise before your community that you'd not touch alcohol until 18. And then you all broke your word within weeks. Classy.

Lucy8080

Sarky wrote: »

Oh, thank you so much for telling me what I think, I really didn't know myself. So if there are no consequences for breaking the rules, why are the rules there in the first place?

And congratulations on you and your class breaking their promises. You could have just not taken it in the first place, but you chose to stand and promise before your community that you'd not touch alcohol until 18. And then you all broke your word within weeks. Classy.

That's right Sarky.

We where bigger than the rules. I'm proud of us.

Now, forgive me, but i think you are trying to impose rules here.

And i hope this step-dad has as much common sense as the kids i went to school with...i.e.....think for himself and the kid.

And what matters to themselves.

Not that under-age drinking should be encouraged....but i'm all for not being frightened by the rules....be they atheist or otherwise.

I wouldn't invest too much power in either....certainly not enough to upset the family.

To sum up, figure out what works for ya.

jank

Sarky wrote: »

Oh, thank you so much for telling me what I think, I really didn't know myself. So if there are no consequences for breaking the rules, why are the rules there in the first place?

And congratulations on you and your class breaking their promises. You could have just not taken it in the first place, but you chose to stand and promise before your community that you'd not touch alcohol until 18. And then you all broke your word within weeks. Classy.

Sorry but who are you to judge someone else?

Sarky

Jesus, don't post things like that jank, you'll cause the part of my brain that deals with irony to have an aneurysm!

jank

Ah ok. One rule for you, the rest of us will comply to your eternal judgments.

ShooterSF

Lucy8080 wrote: »

That's right Sarky.

We where bigger than the rules. I'm proud of us.

Now, forgive me, but i think you are trying to impose rules here.

And i hope this step-dad has as much common sense as the kids i went to school with...i.e.....think for himself and the kid.

And what matters to themselves.

Not that under-age drinking should be encouraged....but i'm all for not being frightened by the rules....be they atheist or otherwise.

I wouldn't invest too much power in either....certainly not enough to upset the family.

To sum up, figure out what works for ya.

I understand the sentiment of fighting rules you don't agree with, civil disobedience etc. But that's not what you did (or many others, shamefully myself included) and it's not what some have an issue with here. We're talking about voluntarily pledging an oath to do something or be something while knowingly never intending to do/be it.
I understand this is a hugely complex issue to the OP with potentially real consequences if he had refused but it doesn't take away one of the cons that is, as a possible role model, teaching a child that knowingly deceiving or lying to others is ok.

If I was in his position I think I'd have gone through with it myself after clarifying with the child my beliefs and making sure he was ok with that but I'd want to find some way to drive the point home that it was an exceptional circumstance and usually lying to othersor making false promises is wrong.

Dades

I don't remember there being a whole lot voluntary about taking the pledge. It was expected of you, and there was always the threat that GOD was watching too with a big sharp stick to make sure you did.

Things said under duress don't carry any weight.

The Big Red Button

I've been following this thread, as I may be in a similar situation soon - my youngest sister is making her confirmation next month. It looks like her godparents may not be able to make it (they don't live in Ireland.) I think that, to her, I might be the next obvious choice, as we've always been extremely close.

If it happens, I think I'll handle it as follows. First I'll tell her how happy and honoured I am that she'd ask me. Then, I'll explain that as far as I can see, there are two big duties involved in acting as a sponsor.

One is to be a 'life mentor' to the person in question, being somebody there to guide them and help them as they grow up. Somebody they can always talk to and rely on.

The other is to provide religious guidance - specifically Catholic religious guidance - to the person.

I will tell her that I will be absolutely delighted to fulfil the 'life mentor' part of the role, and have a good chat with her about that side of things. I will also explain to her that, as I don't consider myself Catholic and don't believe in God, I am not the most appropriate person to be her sponsor, as I would be unable to fulfil that second duty involved in the role. (I'll do my best to avoid pushing any of my own opinions on her, though.)

However I like the idea of making a special agreement between herself and myself that I'll be her sort of sponsor/mentor in life, and that throughout her teenage years and as she grows up, she'll know that she can always count on me, and never be afraid to approach me about anything. And I think that, afterwards, I'd probably give her a very personal card or letter or something, to thank her for asking me, and to give her something physical to remember the agreement we'd have in place.

I know it's important to maintain a strong relationship with your step-son, but it's not just the short-term you have to consider. When he's 16/17/18/19, and questioning his own religious beliefs (as teenagers often do), and he approaches you, the person who said they'd be his religious guide in life. How would that go down?

I imagine he will end up respecting you a lot more in the long term if you decline. But there are definitely ways you can do it without 'rejecting' him, and you should definitely let him know how much it means to you that he'd ask you.

Lucy8080

ShooterSF wrote: »

I understand the sentiment of fighting rules you don't agree with, civil disobedience etc. But that's not what you did (or many others, shamefully myself included) and it's not what some have an issue with here. We're talking about voluntarily pledging an oath to do something or be something while knowingly never intending to do/be it.
I understand this is a hugely complex issue to the OP with potentially real consequences if he had refused but it doesn't take away one of the cons that is, as a possible role model, teaching a child that knowingly deceiving or lying to others is ok.

If I was in his position I think I'd have gone through with it myself after clarifying with the child my beliefs and making sure he was ok with that but I'd want to find some way to drive the point home that it was an exceptional circumstance and usually lying to othersor making false promises is wrong.

Thx for reply,

Actually shooters, my point wasn't really about fighting the rules or taking a stance,( we were too young to know or care) it was more to do with the fact that this kid will move through adolescence , and the o.p. might be over-thinking his situation.

I think this is a bad time and place for the o.p. to make some atheist stand.

Especially as the kid may not give a fiddlers fart about religion in the coming years ( if my classmates where anything to go by).

But, right now, in this kids life, a refusal might hurt, and a big chat about belief/non belief may just leave him flat about the whole thing.

Discretion over valour here, may be best.

It would be a terrible irony if the o.p. allowed a religious ceremony to cause upset between himself and the child and, in a broader sense, the family.

I suspect all here wish him the best.