I've been asked to sponsor my step-son in his confirmation.

Savage Tyrant

Just looking for some advice on how some of you would handle this situation.
I've attended masses on occasion for communions, funerals and weddings... Generally I just sit quietly and just observe but don't take part. I don't kneel or bless myself or say the prayers. But I certainly don't draw attention to myself for not doing it either if that makes sense.
I was asked by my step son to be his sponsor and I felt touched that he'd asked me and so said yes.
Only now as it gets closer I've thought about it more in the sense of from my own standpoint. Does it make me a hypocrit? Should I bless myself for the sake of not doing so drawing attention.

Has anyone else been in this position? Even if you haven't, how do you think you'd deal with it?

Thanks.

jank

If its important for your stepson I see no reason why you would not do it. Regardless on what you think of confirmation it's his day and in a lot of ways symbolises his start of adulthood and the end of his childhold. If you don't believe then 'blessing' yourself is just a stupid act and should be viewed on as part of a ritual. I think that you should feel very lucky that your stepson looks up to you so much to ask you of all people to be his sponsor. Forget about the rest of the none sense, that is the most important thing to take away from this event. Just go with it.

im invisible

awe no OP, you've got to take a stand, show him you're a man of principles....


:pac:

go with it, it means nothing, it means what you want it to mean, probably means more to you than it does to a lot of 'Catholics'

Hotblack Desiato

jank wrote: »

in a lot of ways symbolises his start of adulthood and the end of his childhold.

No, that's when he rejects religion

Kidchameleon

I don't get why atheists ever have this problem. If you don't believe it, what the hell difference does it make if you bless yourself etc.

Hotblack Desiato

Because it helps perpetuate the power and influence of the RCC, remember, the people who told you it's a sin to have sex but not to cover up child rape.

efb

Your stepson asked so it means something to him, it mean something to you as you said yes. That's more important than optics

Nolimits

I'm an atheist and I did it for my nephew. He knew I didn't believe in God and asked me anyway, I felt honoured.

Layinghen

How wonderful that your stepson has chosen you to stand with him at what must be one of the few very public events in his life where he gets to chose who shares the 'limelight' with him. Grab this opportunity with both hands as those teen years are approaching and soon you will only be greeted with grunts. For your own peace of mind all that will be required of you will be to attend the service and stand next to the child 'at the big moment' with your hand on his shoulder.

ColdTurkey

If there was no such thing as religion we would still have a coming of age ceremony, explain to the kid that thats what you want to be apart of. Just because it was hijacked by a religion doesn't mean you don't get to share in it

goldenhoarde

think about it your stepson is choosing to have you be a part of what is no doubt to him one of the biggest days so far in his life. Leave aside the religion aspect and that to me would be massive honour. as others have said after this he'll be a teenager so "jump on board"

Delirium

From the Vatican website regarding sponsors (worded for baptisms, but pretty sure the same rules apply to confirmations).

Can. 874 §1. To be permitted to take on the function of sponsor a person must:

1/ be designated by the one to be baptized, by the parents or the person who takes their place, or in their absence by the pastor or minister and have the aptitude and intention of fulfilling this function;

2/ have completed the sixteenth year of age, unless the diocesan bishop has established another age, or the pastor or minister has granted an exception for a just cause;

3/ be a Catholic who has been confirmed and has already received the most holy sacrament of the Eucharist and who leads a life of faith in keeping with the function to be taken on;

4/ not be bound by any canonical penalty legitimately imposed or declared;

5/ not be the father or mother of the one to be baptized.

§2. A baptized person who belongs to a non-Catholic ecclesial community is not to participate except together with a Catholic sponsor and then only as a witness of the baptism.

Source

If they're not actually following the rules for confirmation, why not skip the mass and just have party/coming-of-age event?

Dades

Enjoy the day.

Kidchameleon

ninja900 wrote: »

Because it helps perpetuate the power and influence of the RCC, remember, the people who told you it's a sin to have sex but not to cover up child rape.

So the OP blessing him/herself in a meaningless ceremony helps perpetuate RCC power? Mmmmmkaaayyyyyy...

Sarky

Kidchameleon wrote: »

So the OP blessing him/herself in a meaningless ceremony helps perpetuate RCC power? Mmmmmkaaayyyyyy...

Yes, it does. Do you know how this sort of thing works at all?

Kinski

Since you don't believe in God you'll be fine. If you're wrong you'll be going to hell...but you're going there anyway because you don't believe, you'll just probably end up in a slightly worse circle of it than you might otherwise have been in, not one of the ones with Hitler or anything, just one with unwed mothers and the like.

In other words, your nephew wants you to do it so go ahead. See if you can give the bishop a surreptitious wink while you're up there.

Kinski

ninja900 wrote: »

Because it helps perpetuate the power and influence of the RCC, remember, the people who told you it's a sin to have sex but not to cover up child rape.

I actually think it undermines their position; they've turned what's supposed to be one of the most solemn, profound moments in a Catholic's life (its rite-of-passage into adulthood) into a day out where kids dress up and get money from the relatives.

This is why I have no interest in things like countmeout; if the Catholic Church is desperate enough to count me as one of their flock, it's a sign of their weakness, not their power and influence.

Bannasidhe

Nolimits wrote: »

I'm an atheist and I did it for my nephew. He knew I didn't believe in God and asked me anyway, I felt honoured.

Me too.
He's 30 now and a proud atheist too.

He didn't believe in God then either so wanted a fellow non-believer at his back as it wasn't like he was given a choice by his mother (who is a divorced, re-married, contraception using, traveled to the UK with friends to support them when they were having abortions, pro same-sex marriage typical Irish Catholic).

Just Like Heaven

My little sister asked me to be her sponser for this confirmation thing last week, I'm about as atheist as Dawkins don't even go to mass on Christmas with my family anymore but did this one.

The few times I have gone along to a mass I don't really do the praying and going up for communion thing either. However, all the sponsers are shelved up in the first three rows so I went up and got communion and kneeled when everybody else did, cause I wasn't sure if the sponser is supposed to be a Catholic or not (I was wondering, thanks Koth :P) + it felt like the bishop and the two priests were glaring at me the whole time

There's nothing to it, the bishop isn't gonna test you before you the mass (probably).

Savage Tyrant

Thanks very much for the replies. It actually does help a lot.
I feel much better about thinking of it as more of a "coming of age" ceremony rather than a strict religious one.
He knows I'm an atheist and he knew so long before he asked me.

I just didn't want to come across as a hypocrit as I never went ahead with my own confirmation as I had already rejected the notion of god by that age.

Thanks again.

Zombrex

Kidchameleon wrote: »

I don't get why atheists ever have this problem. If you don't believe it, what the hell difference does it make if you bless yourself etc.

Depends on how you view oaths.

I personally (and I'm not judging the OP, this is just my personal view) think that you shouldn't swear to something that you are not going to do or don't believe in, that on a principle of honor (as in honoring your oath) that is not a good thing to do. I would think this whether it is a religious thing, or a national thing or a legal thing. This is especially true if you don't believe in the thing you are swearing to.

When people say Whats the big deal you don't believe in it anyway, I think what they are actually saying is what is the big deal no one else believes in it either, the idea being that no one will care that you swore an oath because they don't think there is anything there anyway. Which raises the question why is anyone doing it in the first place?

Artful_Badger

Depends on your view of the RCC. If you think its just going along and humoiring others beliefs then you're fine.

Personally I wouldn't be supporting it or a kid being dragged further into it.

Bannasidhe

Zombrex wrote: »

Depends on how you view oaths.

I personally (and I'm not judging the OP, this is just my personal view) think that you shouldn't swear to something that you are not going to do or don't believe in, that on a principle of honor (as in honoring your oath) that is not a good thing to do. I would think this whether it is a religious thing, or a national thing or a legal thing. This is especially true if you don't believe in the thing you are swearing to.

When people say Whats the big deal you don't believe in it anyway, I think what they are actually saying is what is the big deal no one else believes in it either, the idea being that no one will care that you swore an oath because they don't think there is anything there anyway. Which raises the question why is anyone doing it in the first place?

They asked me to swear to teach him about Catholicism - I had no problem fulfilling that promise - auntie told him all about Catholicism - did I mention he is now an atheist? :P

Zombrex

Bannasidhe wrote: »

They asked me to swear to teach him about Catholicism - I had no problem fulfilling that promise - auntie told him all about Catholicism - did I mention he is now an atheist? :P

I'm not quire sure that is what the Catholic Church had in mind

Bannasidhe - "Oh I'll teach him about Catholicism muh ha ha ha ha HA HA HA"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gvObIj7MKXY

Artful_Badger

koth wrote: »

From the Vatican website regarding sponsors (worded for baptisms, but pretty sure the same rules apply to confirmations).
If they're not actually following the rules for confirmation, why not skip the mass and just have party/coming-of-age event?

Exactly, just buy the kid his first razor and go out for a meal.

Bannasidhe

Zombrex wrote: »

I'm not quire sure that is what the Catholic Church had in mind

Then they should have been more precise in what they asked me to promise. :cool:

Tim Robbins

Kidchameleon wrote: »

I don't get why atheists ever have this problem. If you don't believe it, what the hell difference does it make if you bless yourself etc.

Because some atheists have a problem with lieing. Others have issues supporting an organisation which raped and abused children and showed as little remorse as possible.

Do you ever a problem telling lies or supporting such evil?

Tim Robbins

Savage Tyrant wrote: »

Just looking for some advice on how some of you would handle this situation.
I've attended masses on occasion for communions, funerals and weddings... Generally I just sit quietly and just observe but don't take part. I don't kneel or bless myself or say the prayers. But I certainly don't draw attention to myself for not doing it either if that makes sense.
I was asked by my step son to be his sponsor and I felt touched that he'd asked me and so said yes.
Only now as it gets closer I've thought about it more in the sense of from my own standpoint. Does it make me a hypocrit? Should I bless myself for the sake of not doing so drawing attention.

Has anyone else been in this position? Even if you haven't, how do you think you'd deal with it?

Thanks.

Jaysus that's a real tough one OP. Do you mind me the arrangement? I am guessing you are married to the Mother?

And is your issue with the Catholic Church a moral one or just that you think they spout nonsense?

lazygal

I wouldn't do it. Myself and my other half have caused ripples in our family by not doing things like being godparents and other religious duties. We're both on the same page about it which makes things easier. I don't agree with the 'it means nothing to you, sure its only a rite of passage'. I would decline to do equivalent duties for children or adults of other faiths, and just because confirmation is just one of the things the majority of Irish schoolkids do doesn't change what we do. I don't want to cause hassle for the sake of it, but I'm not going to lie and give into family pressure to do something that makes me deeply uncomfortable.


I wish an atheist in my family had said no to being my sponsor and explained the reasons why because it might have made my a la carte parents think a little about why they went along with the Catholic traditions. They sure as hell don't believe any of the teachings and weren't regular mass goers before all the scandals broke, but continue to do the hatches, matches and dispatches thing because 'sure what else would you do'. It would certainly have caused me to think about the religion thing a bit. I was a very conformist and compliant child and fell for all the nonsense about the significance of the religious side of the day without even thinking about it. I'd have appreciated an alternative view.

coffee_cake

I don't think I could do it tbh, it's getting up and lying and setting a bad example for this "coming of age" ceremony

Just Like Heaven

I can see where people who wouldn't do it are coming from, I despise the church as much as anybody could. I won't go to mass for basically anything unless it's a wedding or a funeral, I won't be married in a church, I've made it clear that if something were to happen to me I wouldn't want my burial/cremation have anything to do with a church, my kids won't be baptised etc. - I feel I've made my point.

However in my case it was that the person doing the communion asked me of their own accord to do it, if it had been say, their parent (in my case, my parent :rolleyes:, perhaps I would have tried to wiggle out of it depending on who it was I was and if the child doing the communion knew I had been asked. Ultimately it's up to the OP, but because it was the child themselves that asked me, even I had to concede that one