Do you think regular porn watching could be damaging?

Pug160

dlofnep wrote: »

There is evidence to suggest that it affects the stability of your dopamine levels, which can have a profound impact on your mood, sexual drive and sexual performance.

Watch the TED talk for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU



Yes, I felt the same way until I quit. It has greatly benefited me. I will never masturbate ever again. I was exactly where you were a few months back - **** my blues away, leading the single life. Then I quit, found the enthusiasm to actively seek a girlfriend - found one and now have the best sex life I've ever had in my life. I had erectile difficulties, and 15 years of an inability to cum during sex. A few weeks into the project, I overcame both.

It is quite difficult to quit when you are single - But I did it, and I'm the better for it.

Actually I have found that the whole inability to ejaculate issue seems to be quite an obscure subject, even though I'd imagine it to be fairly common considering the reasons it exists. Maybe it's being brushed under the carpet because it's such an embarrassing issue?

The problem with abstaining altogether is that most men will just end up wanting to screw anything that moves - and that is not a great alternative either. There is nothing worse than having sex with a girl you're not attracted to in the slightest - it is soul destroying for both parties. There's no simple answer I guess, except willpower.

Pug160

Pug160 wrote: »

Actually I have found that the whole inability to ejaculate issue seems to be quite an obscure subject, even though I'd imagine it to be fairly common considering the reasons it exists. Maybe it's being brushed under the carpet because it's such an embarrassing issue?

I've no experience myself but know two people who do, one of whom hadn't ever really had access to porn, the other who got laid before ever seeing porn.

Pug160

Deleted User wrote: »

I've no experience myself but know two people who do, one of whom hadn't ever really had access to porn, the other who got laid before ever seeing porn.

It's possible I guess - it's just that the whole porn and masturbation thing seems to be a logical explanation. Maybe there's a lot of potential reasons. I think I've read somewhere that the whole ejaculation process is still not completely understood by scientists, so it's a tricky subject.

dlofnep

Pug160 wrote: »

Actually I have found that the whole inability to ejaculate issue seems to be quite an obscure subject, even though I'd imagine it to be fairly common considering the reasons it exists. Maybe it's being brushed under the carpet because it's such an embarrassing issue?

The problem with abstaining altogether is that most men will just end up wanting to screw anything that moves - and that is not a great alternative either. There is nothing worse than having sex with a girl you're not attracted to in the slightest - it is soul destroying for both parties. There's no simple answer I guess, except willpower.

Delayed ejaculation is the common term for it. I would hazard a guess that many men suffer with it, but don't realise that it's an actual issue until they've slept with a few different women.

It does require far more attention. I suffered with it for 15 years. Not once did I finish during sex. Then I quit masturbation altogether, and conquered it after only a few weeks. I can't tell you how much of a relief it was for me.

I don't think we should be afraid to discuss these things. Your sex life is one of the most important aspects of your life, and it requires attention and respect.

Dravokivich

Ye make the cause for delayed ejaculation seem so simple. I know how it is, as I've been through it myself. But abstaining from porn and masturbation didn't resolve the issue, as I didn't abstain from either in an effort to remedy it.

I see little or no reason to think it is damaging - per se. But that is with the caveat that we should remember the over use of just about _anything_ is harmful. Be it sugar - porn - excercise - any drug - alcohol - and even water can be harmful if overused. Moderate porn use? Just like moderate use of anything I see no reason to think it harmful or dangerous or problematic.

As with anything in the list above or any other list you could write - moderation is key and if you find that partaking of any one thing is negatively impacting your life in other ways then you have an issue that needs resolving or curtailing. It is up to each of us to evaluate our own goals and targets in life and then asking ourselves if our vices and outlets are at a level that are negatively impacting those things to an unacceptable level.

We see for example one user on the thread posting how it had negative impacts on his motivation - his ejaculation - and more. While one anecdote does not bring us much one does still wonder how much porn use and masturbation led to such a place. The OP too speaks of how it is negatively impacting his motivation to try and meet a real partner in life. These things are worrisome and perhaps an addiction is exactly what it is for such people. The OP sounds like he needs to do some serious evaluation and soul searching on this therefore - which is probably what posting here was a forerunner for.

But for every anecdote there is a counter-anecdote. I have a full relationship and still engage in porn viewing and masturbation. Sometimes with my partners - sometimes without them - and it has certainly not negatively impacted my life in any way I can discern - nor my motivation - which as far as I can tell is actually quite a bit higher than many people in some was.

dlofnep

Dravokivich wrote: »

Ye make the cause for delayed ejaculation seem so simple. I know how it is, as I've been through it myself. But abstaining from porn and masturbation didn't resolve the issue, as I didn't abstain from either in an effort to remedy it.

It resolved it for me, and so many others. That's the only thing I can say on the issue.

Dravokivich

Fair enough, I was just commenting from my own perspective that it seems a rather simple way of looking at it, which had no effect on me.

^ Indeed and as with many of these things the topic in question - be it porn or alcohol or whatever - can be the problem itself or just the expression of the problem. Or if you are in a real mess - both.

For those who have a direct problem with something like porn then clearly giving it up - if you manage it - will solve your issue. This is what people like dlofnep are likely talking about.

For others however the vice in question - whatever it may be - can just be an out let or expression of some other issue in their lives. As such merely giving up the symptom does not fix the problems and it seems people like dlofnep are talking irrelevant nonsense.

The results of addictions - and the results of abuse of a vice as an outlet or escape from other issues - look from the outside to be functionally the same but they are massively different issues and experiences - and the similarities between them have as much potential to confuse and obfuscate conversation on the matters as they do the potential to foster understanding.

The trick is to try and remember that if someone appears to be talking nonsense to you on the issue then they may be in the other group to you - and if you keep that in mind conversation can be much smoother.

As for ejaculation issues the causes for that can be so numerous - from porn addiction - to nutrition deficiences - to underlying medical issues you might not be aware of - to your level of health - to stress and worry in life - to sexuality issues - to "simple" self esteem problems - to much much more. It is a much bigger subject than just porn. What "cures" it for one person will entirely fail for another and anyone with those issues probably needs to take a more all encompassing holistic approach to it - not the woo alternative medicine meaning of "holistic" either Damn them for stealing a good word

LegacyUser

some interesting responses lads. been abstaining from porn since the weekend and gonna give it a while to see what effect it may have on me. Gonna watch that ted talk after a while of abstaining too.

LegacyUser

I'm really glad there is a conversation about this online. I live with my boyfriend and since we moved in a year and half ago we've had sex 9 times. He uses porn on nearly a daily basis and half the times we've had sex (since moving in) he hasn't been able to cum. He's always finding new porn and last year he went away for work for a few days abroad - instead of cleaning his clothes and packing (I was the idiot doing that instead) he was downloading new porn to bring with him as he knew he wouldn't have internet connection.

He complains all the time about being tired, has pains in his back (which he blames the seat at the computer) doesn't have a high sexual drive for me anymore but yet the months before we moved in together he was insatiable. I've talked to him before about porn - he says I need to get over it - it's completely normal - all guys do it. But the fact that porn has replaced our sex life is not normal to me.

No matter what way I bring it up with him - he thinks I'm attacking him - I'm not attacking him - I'm trying to make him understand how hurtful and humiliating it is from my point of view that he rather search for new girls online constantly and he is basically having a fantasy sexual relationship online with them instead of having a real life one with me. I mean at one point we hadn't had sex in 7 months! C'mon!

So if you can take it or leave it with porn - it's not a problem. I know sometimes you just want to get the relief - girls do sometimes too - but if you rather that than putting in the effort of getting some sex - defo get it checked out. If you're worried about it - stop doing it for a period of time - 2 weeks or something - if you find it difficult to do just that - I think its problem.

La_Gordy

One of my good pals is coming to terms with his porn addiction. He is 26 and has never been able to have sex as every time the opportunity arises he gets severe anxiety and erectile/ejaculatory problems.

He went to the doctor about his erectile and ejaculatory problems (and out of embarrassment didn't mention the pornography), and although he was prescribed Viagra I think the anxiety issues were overpowering. He is trying something that he refers to as a 'reboot' which I understand to mean going cold turkey on porn.

sogladthereisapost

sogladthereisapost wrote: »

But the fact that porn has replaced our sex life is not normal to me.

See this is the thing, anything is harmful when someone uses/does it too much. I don't know how you can put up with that situation to be honest and you're right, it's not normal.

The Corinthian

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

TBH, I'm no stranger to the company of Fräulein Faust and the depraved images found on www.hotcoedmilflesbiannymphoorgypics.com (no, that's not a real site) and can say I've not fallen foul of any of the ailments or addictions listed here.

syklops

The Corinthian wrote: »

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

.

I dont think its any different to people who can have one glass of wine with dinner versus people who want the bottle and more. Is it harmful? Well basically it becomes harmful when it becomes harmful.

Anything, no matter what it is, is a problem when you choose to do it instead of all other normal behaviour. I don't think there is anything addictive about turning on the light switch in ones home, but there are people who feel a compulsive desire to do that numerous times before they leave the house.

last year he went away for work for a few days abroad - instead of cleaning his clothes and packing (I was the idiot doing that instead) he was downloading new porn to bring with him as he knew he wouldn't have internet connection.

Next time a situation like that arises, don't pack for him. He has to do it himself, and if he goes off on his trip and is not prepared, it might strike him how he should have been better prepared. A few times when going on trips I have found myself in a hotel room missing one important item, be it my razor, or an ironed shirt,(or something more crucial like a laptop or phone charger) and I ended up annoyed at myself because I knew I should have organised myself better but I chose to do something else instead. Now when I am going somewhere, I get it done, and focus on the job of preparing and packing. It doesn't take long, but it gets completed. If he gets around to this thinking, he might find it easier to focus on other things. Whatever happens, don't enable his actions by doing his packing for him.

The lack of sex is obviously a major issue and would be grounds for ending the relationship for me, if there wasn't a clear reason for the lack, which there does''t seem to be in this case.

sogladthereisapost

sogladthereisapost wrote: »

I'm really glad there is a conversation about this online. I live with my boyfriend and since we moved in a year and half ago we've had sex 9 times. He uses porn on nearly a daily basis and half the times we've had sex (since moving in) he hasn't been able to cum. He's always finding new porn and last year he went away for work for a few days abroad - instead of cleaning his clothes and packing (I was the idiot doing that instead) he was downloading new porn to bring with him as he knew he wouldn't have internet connection.

He complains all the time about being tired, has pains in his back (which he blames the seat at the computer) doesn't have a high sexual drive for me anymore but yet the months before we moved in together he was insatiable. I've talked to him before about porn - he says I need to get over it - it's completely normal - all guys do it. But the fact that porn has replaced our sex life is not normal to me.

Stop enabling him by helping him out or listening to his complaints.

I would be out of there if he refused to attempt to do something about this or refused to get help. No one should be relegated to the cheap seats in their own relationship. Your relationship won't last if he doesn't prioritise it above porn.

How you make him realise that is up to you, but for starters I'd stop helping him sort his porn out while you do his packing.

LegacyUser

syklops wrote: »

Next time a situation like that arises, don't pack for him.

I didn't realise until after he had come back what he had been doing. He's always telling me he's downloading music or movies when in actual fact he's downloading photo bundles of porn. He waits up until I go to bed before he does anything most of the time but sometimes if I'm busy and not paying any attention to him he's looking and downloading while I'm there. I love him very much but he is very resistant to even talking about it. He also suffers from panic attacks & cannot deal with anything that involves a discussion. The reason I am still here is I'm trying to give him the chance to resolve this on his own. I've asked him about talking to someone but he says he doesn't do that. I have given him a time frame of 6 months (which he doesn't know about) and if it's not resolved or at least our situation greatly improved by then I'm moving out. It's not what I want but I can't keep sacrificing my happiness or sanity when he doesn't even try. At least in the end I would have done everything possible and walk away with no regrets.

Pug160

The Corinthian wrote: »

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

TBH, I'm no stranger to the company of Fräulein Faust and the depraved images found on www.hotcoedmilflesbiannymphoorgypics.com (no, that's not a real site) and can say I've not fallen foul of any of the ailments or addictions listed here.

I'm not sure if anybody would make that claim - although the potential mental health problems of not being able to perform could have a detrimental affect on someone's overall health I guess, and there could be a domino effect. But there's no real direct hazards in terms of physical health when watching porn or masturbating. It has been said that regular masturbation may reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Edit: I should have said regular ejaculations but as our bodies don't know whether we're having sex with a woman or our hand the benefits are preumably the same.

sogladthereisapost

sogladthereisapost wrote: »

I've asked him about talking to someone but he says he doesn't do that. I have given him a time frame of 6 months (which he doesn't know about) and if it's not resolved or at least our situation greatly improved by then I'm moving out.

First thing you should do is tell him about that time frame.

A deadline is only fair if you're both aware of it. Don't make it a negotiation or a discussion, just tell him you're walking in six months if nothing is done or there isn't a great improvement. It's the honest approach.

LegacyUser

Candie wrote: »

First thing you should do is tell him about that time frame.

A deadline is only fair if you're both aware of it. Don't make it a negotiation or a discussion, just tell him you're walking in six months if nothing is done or there isn't a great improvement. It's the honest approach.

The thing about it is I've had a very honest discussion with him about it - I've explained my feelings about it - I've tried to get him to talk about it but he gives me a shrug or says I don't know. He doesn't think his porn is an issue or if he does he doesn't relay that to me. Telling him about a deadline is giving him an ultimatium which I'm not going to do. If things don't get better I'm leaving. He suits himself in what he wants - don't see why I shouldn't do the same. I know some people think I can be uptight, playing games etc but that's not what I'm doing. I've put everything into this relationship and I don't want it to end as I do love him but I want to have kids, get married (at some point in my life) and if I'm living with a partner that won't engage in being intimate, won't have open communication about it - I don't see it going anywhere. TBH I think he's being lazy and the only time he openly shows concern about this is when I've gone beyond caring and leave him off. I know how relationships are hard work sometimes and not all a bed of roses - but why should I be doing all the hard work with him slacking off and then if don't give 200% only then he notices. I know this relationship sounds like doom and gloom - in fact it's not. We get on amazingly and in all the other areas he is kind and considerate but I want a partner and not an affectionate housemate if that makes sense.

Daveysil15

dlofnep wrote: »

For me, it inspired me to get up off the couch - put more effort into myself and find a girlfriend. It was tough - but now I'm seeing a girl and so happy.

That's great, but you can still do all those things and watch the occasional bit of porn. It's not like all porn watchers are incapable of finding a girlfriend.

The Corinthian

Pug160 wrote: »

I'm not sure if anybody would make that claim

I was commenting on the rather one-sided nature of the debate up until I commented.

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It's not like all porn watchers are incapable of finding a girlfriend.

Or that watching porn is an exclusively male pursuit, for that matter.

tsiehta

The Corinthian wrote: »

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

Everyone is different, and everyone who uses porn has different usage habits and different mentalities.

I don't think anyone here is saying that all porn watching is unhealthy. However, I'm pretty sure that it's medically documented that an overindulgence in masturbation and/or porn can cause sexual issues. I've also read a lot of anecdotes online, including some in this thread, about men reporting more motivation and higher desire for sex as a result of cutting out/down on masturbation/porn.

If you don't feel that use of porn is affecting you, then it probably isn't. Doesn't mean it might not impact others negatively though.

The Corinthian

tsiehta wrote: »

I don't think anyone here is saying that all porn watching is unhealthy.

Actually, if you read back some did and went so far as to give up all masturbation, let alone porn.

However, I'm pretty sure that it's medically documented that an overindulgence in masturbation and/or porn can cause sexual issues.

Totally agree, as you'll find with pretty much any other overindulgence. Certainly if you're rubbing one out three times daily, every day, and you're not 15, then there's probably something wrong there.

It also should be pointed out that almost all of the 'anti-porn' arguments haven't actually been about porn at all, but about the potential ill-effects of masturbation.

shrewd

Do you think regular porn watching could be damaging? Reply to Thread

LegacyUser

Speaking from my own personal experience, porn has definitely had a very large negative impact on my life. I started watching it from the age of 15, probably two or three times a day until I was about 18. In that 3 year period, I turned from a really outgoing, positive person to someone who barely leaves their house and developed severe social anxiety. I was lucky enough to get in a relationship when I was 18 that lasted 2 years so that copped me on a bit for a while. Towards the end of the relationship when things were going tits up, I started watching it around once a day and the few times that we tried to have sex I nearly always got ED. In the 2 years since we've been broken up I've relapsed into watching it once a day at least. Social anxiety is back in abundance and I've strangely developed into someone with an attitude that I couldn't be arsed going out and getting sex with a real person. I haven't had sex in that 2 year period and have only kissed about 9 different women (all nights out). It pretty much demotivates you to do anything. I'm trying to give it up and have reduced it to once a week use but I know from previous experience that it needs to be wiped completely from my life. I really believe it can have terrible consequences on ones enjoyment of life.

WittyKitty1

I know my boyfriend watches porn- Not sure to what extent or how many times a week etc..

I seen someone say online before that it should act as a replacement but if you have a girlfriend then you should have no need for it.

In some ways, it slightly bothers me that he does because I know how those girls look and I know I look nothing like that which makes me a bit self-conscious when it comes to taking my clothes off etc.. I'd never ask him to stop watching it, he can do what he likes with his own time and his own computer.

I think it could affect how you interact with women, in terms of your expectations of their bodies, abilities etc..

Daveysil15

WittyKitty1 wrote: »

I know my boyfriend watches porn- Not sure to what extent or how many times a week etc..

I seen someone say online before that it should act as a replacement but if you have a girlfriend then you should have no need for it.

In some ways, it slightly bothers me that he does because I know how those girls look and I know I look nothing like that which makes me a bit self-conscious when it comes to taking my clothes off etc.. I'd never ask him to stop watching it, he can do what he likes with his own time and his own computer.

I think it could affect how you interact with women, in terms of your expectations of their bodies, abilities etc..

I think that's only true if the guy is inexperienced or has never been with a woman. What do you mean by abilities exactly?

Legs.Eleven

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I think that's only true if the guy is inexperienced or has never been with a woman. What do you mean by abilities exactly?

Well that's pretty much all young men/boys of a certain age then.

syklops

WittyKitty1 wrote: »

I seen someone say online before that it should act as a replacement but if you have a girlfriend then you should have no need for it.

First off, don't believe everything you read online. Porn is instant or near instant gratification. If you are in a relationship, and you lead your partner around with you on a piece of rope, then you wouldn't need it per se, but even then it might be fun to mix it up a bit, now and then.

WittyKitty1 wrote: »

In some ways, it slightly bothers me that he does because I know how those girls look and I know I look nothing like that which makes me a bit self-conscious when it comes to taking my clothes off etc.. I'd never ask him to stop watching it, he can do what he likes with his own time and his own computer.

Thats a fairly regular complaint, that real life women feel like they can't compare to porn stars. To be honest, and I am being very frank here, if I look back over the last 20 years, and compared the brief encounters I had with various women and numerous viewings of porn I had, there is not one solitary situation with a real female, that I would have preferred to watch porn instead of.

WittyKitty1 wrote: »

I think it could affect how you interact with women, in terms of your expectations of their bodies, abilities etc..

Interact sexually? Or in general? I admitted earlier in the thread, that I was surprised that few women moan like a porn star(hence the phrase), during sex. I don't think any of my other interactions with women have been impacted by porn. I've never said to a woman "Hey Stacey, wow, you look so fresh today, why don't we do the dirty right here on this photocopier?"