Do you think regular porn watching could be damaging?

LegacyUser

Was just thinking about this.

I watch porn every day. Nothing strange just usually look for the type of girl I'm into getting f*cked. Been sort of bored by it for a long time but still do it, never tempted to look at heavier/degrading stuff

If I wasn't at home I wouldn't miss it (or even think of it) but when I am I would tend to look at it once or twice a day and have a **** in much the same way I'd have a cigarette or a cup of coffee.

I wonder does watching porn have any negative impact on interactions with women. I don't mean in the way I view women ie I understand porn is completely fake and the vast majority of girls aren't into anal or getting splurged in the face.

However I wonder am I less bothered with pulling women because subconsciously the option of watching porngirls is there. Also I wonder do I not get around to doing other things online because I get distracted by porn.

I understand there are porn addictions and obsessions but I'm not talking about that, that's clearly problematic. I'm just curious as to what other lads make of typical porn watching

sam34

serious answers only, folks. there will be zero tolerance for any muppetry.

Wibbs

Wasn't there some research recently that reckoned porn watching might cause erectile issues?

Ah here's some stuff on it

Dunno, it makes some sense psychologically alright.

Dravokivich

Depends on your reasons for doing it, if there are any problems, watching porn is a method you've applied to ease or even hide it, but not a cause of the problem.

The type of stuff you choose to watch is down to your own taste, so don't be too worried by that.

When trying to assess how it affects interactions with women, well that depends on your perception and expectations. They don't appear to be skewed by your usage of porn, however you really do make it sound like porn is a bit of a crutch. As in, porn appears to be your Plan B in the event you don't get lucky with a women, but with porn in the bag, you look at women as a Plan B. To be honest, I think you need to reconsider that last bit alright, just as you've questioned it yourself. Along the lines of, is it really a matter of "not being bothered?" or do you not feel capable?

The Corinthian

Reading your post and taking into account you're looking for negatives other than the extreme case of porn addition, your concerns are as follows:

• That it may give you unrealistic and/or negative sexual expectations of women.
• It is becoming an alternative to a real sexual relationship.
• You get nothing done online because of porn.

Of the first, there's probably some truth in it. Given this, just because you might want to practice some things that appear in porn doesn't mean you want to practice it all, or that women do not want to. For example, giving a facial is of absolutely no interest to me whatsoever, yet it has been requested of me more than once.

Now this may be because women too are influenced by porn, but even then I wouldn't be so certain. I'm old enough to have been sexually active before the Internet appeared in Ireland and even Playboy was illegal, and I can tell you for free that almost everything that you'll get in porn was already being practised behind closed doors, back then. Porn may have brought it out in the open more, and even promoted it, but to suggest it didn't happen would be flawed.

Of the second, there are plenty of reasons why one may avoid a relationship and instead turn to alternatives to meet their sexual needs and porn is only one of them. There are lots of people who have only fsckbuddy arrangements and do exactly the same. It's not porn that stops them from from getting into real relationships, it's a lifestyle choice, albeit often a subconscious one, because a fsckbuddy is far less hassle than a real relationship and they want the sexual aspect without that extra complication in their lives.

In the end, it's only an issue if porn or a fsckbuddy or whatever doesn't give you want you need. And generally, when that's the case, people will tend to go and fill that need.

Finally there's the question of whether it's stopping you from being productive when online. The answer is yes, but just as much as playing games or posting on Boards (for me). If it becomes a significant issue, however, then you're entering the realms of porn addition, but that - as you requested - is another topic.

In short, I think there's some truth in every concern you've raised. Given this, I wouldn't jump to conclusions either.

Real Life

Its going to be different for everyone. Its like anything else (drugs etc) some people will become addicted and it may become harmful. If you keep taking it to new levels because what you're watching doesnt do it for you anymore and you start to watch more violent stuff maybe.
I think most people can watch it and it will cause no problems but there is people who could be affected by it.
I remember reading something Ted Bundy said and i dont know how much you can trust this as he could have been just looking for something to blame but he said the one thing himself and all the other sex offenders in prison with him had in common was an addiction to porn and always looking for more extreme kinds because it was never enough.
But then again that does make sense because if they are that way inclined then they are going to want to see that type of porn so maybe it was their mindset that brought them to that porn rather than the other way around.

syklops

However I wonder am I less bothered with pulling women because subconsciously the option of watching porngirls is there

Well for me, I think the opposite would be true. Porn acts as a substitute to the real thing, not a replacement. I can't ever imagine a situation where Id rather to watch a movie over doing the real thing.

I suppose if you are worried about it, you should give it up for a week and see how you feel.

If I was young free and single, I can imagine nights when I want to stay in and watch some triple-x tube, but there would be nights when I am out and I am seeing pretty girls around me and a quick fumble in the corner of a nite-club would be way better then anything I find at the end of a google search.

I suppose the only thing porn changed for me, and its not just porn but TV in general is that I am conditioned to think she is not having a good time unless she is sounding like Meg Ryan in When Sally met Harry. Now after years of experience and a couple of frank conversations with people I am intimate with I know this is not the case, and have learnt other ways of knowing she is it enjoying things, but even then I sort of hanker for that kind of reaction. I know it defies logic, especially when I don't make a lot of noise when i am enjoying myself so why would she.

fog arty

I suppose it depends on the individual, I enjoy porn and find I last a lot longer with my partner.

proteinpolice

it changes your brain and expectations in women

syklops

proteinpolice wrote: »

it changes your brain and expectations in women

I've already talked about how it changed my expectations but that was film/TV as much as it was porn. How does it change your brain?

D'Agger

User banned for idiotic comment. To reiterate what Sam said - Zero Tolerance for smart ass comments

B 12

op you feel that you are watching too much porn, ergo you probably are. Like was said already take a break for a week, I'm curious are you getting any some and are getting out to try and get some if not ? or is this a subsitute thats gone on too long ?

riveratom

D'Agger wrote: »

User banned for idiotic comment. To reiterate what Sam said - Zero Tolerance for smart ass comments

Idiotic comment??!

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

LegacyUser

D'Agger wrote: »

User banned for idiotic comment. To reiterate what Sam said - Zero Tolerance for smart ass comments

Am what?

Of course porn changes your brain? The brain gets addicted to the dopamine release from viewing pornography and abstinence causes withdrawal symptoms and a longing for that dopamine release. This is well documented.

sam34

D'Agger wrote: »

User banned for idiotic comment. To reiterate what Sam said - Zero Tolerance for smart ass comments

riveratom wrote: »

Idiotic comment??!

http://yourbrainonporn.com/

a) the post containing the "idiotic comment" has been deleted

b) as always, sitewide, if you have an issue with a mod instruction/action please PM the mod in question rather than derailing the thread by discussing it there

BopNiblets

Saw this on Youtube the other day, it can be addictive

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ya67aLaaCc

LostPassword

I love those "porn rewires your brain" things.

I'll tell you what rewires your brain - every single sensation that you experience. The wiring of neural pathways is reinforced by activation - that's just how brains work.

And the dopamine stuff is simply another way of saying that we do things that we enjoy. Describing this via the inter-neuronal transmission mechanism that underlies it is purposely deceptive and designed to be alarmist. OMG a chemical! OMG brains rewired! OMG a porn brain.

This isn't to say that some people don't have problems with porn (heck it's possible that it is damaging to everybody - I don't know) but one thing that I do know is brain-science and all of this stuff is ultra-bogus.

j2dab

Watch this:
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/TEDxGlasgow-Gary-Wilson-The-Gre

LostPassword

j2dab wrote: »

Watch this:
http://tedxtalks.ted.com/video/TEDxGlasgow-Gary-Wilson-The-Gre

Gary Wilson describes himself as an "anatomy / physiology teacher".

If he had a qualification he would mention it. Anatomy / physiology teacher is not a thing. He is a masseuse which involves teaching people about anatomy and physiology after a fashion I suppose. The golden rule of the internet is that people who describe their qualifications in such vague and meaningless terms are trying to con you. In any case, it is a foolish person who turns to a masseuse for neuro-biological insight.

http://www.beyondmassageaspen.com/garywilson/

dlofnep

Yes - it is very damaging. I watched the TED talk on the topic a few months ago and have been abstaining ever since. I had erectile issues, and delayed ejaculation (inability to finish during sex) - the latter a problem which I suffered with for 15 years. After a few weeks, both issues were resolved - and now sex is the best it's ever been in my life.

Porn and masturbation are a hollow, pointless experience. Regular porn + masturbation is harmful in my experience. I will never go back to it.

The Corinthian

dlofnep wrote: »

I watched the TED talk on the topic a few months ago and have been abstaining ever since.

Well don't live too healthily, as that could well kill you too...

dlofnep

The Corinthian wrote: »

Well don't live too healthily, as that could well kill you too...

I think I'll live Just about!!

Galwayguy35

dlofnep wrote: »

Yes - it is very damaging. I watched the TED talk on the topic a few months ago and have been abstaining ever since. I had erectile issues, and delayed ejaculation (inability to finish during sex) - the latter a problem which I suffered with for 15 years. After a few weeks, both issues were resolved - and now sex is the best it's ever been in my life.

Porn and masturbation are a hollow, pointless experience. Regular porn + masturbation is harmful in my experience. I will never go back to it.

In what way is it harmful?

As a single man at the moment I would watch it regularly and don't feel it is harming me in any way.

dlofnep

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

In what way is it harmful?

There is evidence to suggest that it affects the stability of your dopamine levels, which can have a profound impact on your mood, sexual drive and sexual performance.

Watch the TED talk for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU

Galwayguy35 wrote: »

As a single man at the moment I would watch it regularly and don't feel it is harming me in any way.

Yes, I felt the same way until I quit. It has greatly benefited me. I will never masturbate ever again. I was exactly where you were a few months back - **** my blues away, leading the single life. Then I quit, found the enthusiasm to actively seek a girlfriend - found one and now have the best sex life I've ever had in my life. I had erectile difficulties, and 15 years of an inability to cum during sex. A few weeks into the project, I overcame both.

It is quite difficult to quit when you are single - But I did it, and I'm the better for it.

riveratom

dlofnep wrote: »

There is evidence to suggest that it affects the stability of your dopamine levels, which can have a profound impact on your mood, sexual drive and sexual performance.

Watch the TED talk for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU



Yes, I felt the same way until I quit. It has greatly benefited me. I will never masturbate ever again. I was exactly where you were a few months back - **** my blues away, leading the single life. Then I quit, found the enthusiasm to actively seek a girlfriend - found one and now have the best sex life I've ever had in my life. I had erectile difficulties, and 15 years of an inability to cum during sex. A few weeks into the project, I overcame both.

It is quite difficult to quit when you are single - But I did it, and I'm the better for it.

Agreed re porn, but what's a guy to do when you can't find a girlfriend? Even when you go on lots of dates which go nowhere!

Galwayguy35

dlofnep wrote: »

There is evidence to suggest that it affects the stability of your dopamine levels, which can have a profound impact on your mood, sexual drive and sexual performance.

Watch the TED talk for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU



Yes, I felt the same way until I quit. It has greatly benefited me. I will never masturbate ever again. I was exactly where you were a few months back - **** my blues away, leading the single life. Then I quit, found the enthusiasm to actively seek a girlfriend - found one and now have the best sex life I've ever had in my life. I had erectile difficulties, and 15 years of an inability to cum during sex. A few weeks into the project, I overcame both.

It is quite difficult to quit when you are single - But I did it, and I'm the better for it.

Ok but when a relationship ends a man goes from having regular sex to having none.

Everyone feels the need from time to time to relieve the tension so to speak and porn provides the visual stimualition to do this.

tfitzgerald

I don't think it causes any problems

dlofnep

riveratom wrote: »

Agreed re porn, but what's a guy to do when you can't find a girlfriend? Even when you go on lots of dates which go nowhere!

For me, it inspired me to get up off the couch - put more effort into myself and find a girlfriend. It was tough - but now I'm seeing a girl and so happy.

Adhamh

I posted that TED talk in another thread a few months back and I knew it was a matter of a time (2nd page) until someone posted it again. I don't really have anything valuable to contribute to this thread, but I just want to say that I actually find it a relief that we can discuss this seriously without being mocked as I think a lot of guys have problems without really realising it, such as myself until about a year ago.

I can only speak from personal experience, but internet porn has had such a huge, huge, negative effect on my life. I don't think porn per se is all too bad, as Gary Wilson says, it's high-speed never-ending internet porn that's the bad stuff. I got broadband at the age of 17, before I ever even kissed a girl and everything I learned (or thought I learned) about sexuality was fiction.

As an experiment, last September, I quit porn and masturbation for about 2 months (I don't smoke, but I'd imagine quiting the fags would be similar. It was tough). After about six weeks, I was a completely new person. I remember watching the end of that TED talk (the part where he describes the guy who suddenly became da Vinci type, starting a business and learning loads of languages etc) with a lot of skepticism, but seriously that's what it felt like for me. I finally understood the phrase, 'lust for life' and it was the fist time I actually experienced true arousal and passion (in the broadest sense of the word- sexual, romantic, even for my job).

I doubt many people would really experience what I did as I was probably an extreme case. I was 'susceptible' to porn addiction (and alcohol) in a way that others probably aren't. I always thought it was normal because doesn't everyone else do it? No, not the way I did it.

TL;DR- yes, I think porn can be harmful even if you don't realise it and it can desensitise you to life in general. I think if you have a problem with porn, it's probably because you have problems in some other parts of your life as well. However, it may become too routine for some people that they may develop more minor problems with it. Just my two cents.

riveratom

dlofnep wrote: »

For me, it inspired me to get up off the couch - put more effort into myself and find a girlfriend. It was tough - but now I'm seeing a girl and so happy.

That's great, but what I mean is when you are pulling out all the stops and still -nada.

Pug160

I think it's potentially damaging if you're not experiencing regular sex or you're not getting any sex at all. But then again, constant masturbation on its own without porn can be just as damaging. Young men who have been continually masturbating and watching porn are running the risk of having ejaculation problems (among other things) when they do finally meet a girl.

Pug160

dlofnep wrote: »

There is evidence to suggest that it affects the stability of your dopamine levels, which can have a profound impact on your mood, sexual drive and sexual performance.

Watch the TED talk for yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU



Yes, I felt the same way until I quit. It has greatly benefited me. I will never masturbate ever again. I was exactly where you were a few months back - **** my blues away, leading the single life. Then I quit, found the enthusiasm to actively seek a girlfriend - found one and now have the best sex life I've ever had in my life. I had erectile difficulties, and 15 years of an inability to cum during sex. A few weeks into the project, I overcame both.

It is quite difficult to quit when you are single - But I did it, and I'm the better for it.

Actually I have found that the whole inability to ejaculate issue seems to be quite an obscure subject, even though I'd imagine it to be fairly common considering the reasons it exists. Maybe it's being brushed under the carpet because it's such an embarrassing issue?

The problem with abstaining altogether is that most men will just end up wanting to screw anything that moves - and that is not a great alternative either. There is nothing worse than having sex with a girl you're not attracted to in the slightest - it is soul destroying for both parties. There's no simple answer I guess, except willpower.

Pug160

Pug160 wrote: »

Actually I have found that the whole inability to ejaculate issue seems to be quite an obscure subject, even though I'd imagine it to be fairly common considering the reasons it exists. Maybe it's being brushed under the carpet because it's such an embarrassing issue?

I've no experience myself but know two people who do, one of whom hadn't ever really had access to porn, the other who got laid before ever seeing porn.

Pug160

Deleted User wrote: »

I've no experience myself but know two people who do, one of whom hadn't ever really had access to porn, the other who got laid before ever seeing porn.

It's possible I guess - it's just that the whole porn and masturbation thing seems to be a logical explanation. Maybe there's a lot of potential reasons. I think I've read somewhere that the whole ejaculation process is still not completely understood by scientists, so it's a tricky subject.

dlofnep

Pug160 wrote: »

Actually I have found that the whole inability to ejaculate issue seems to be quite an obscure subject, even though I'd imagine it to be fairly common considering the reasons it exists. Maybe it's being brushed under the carpet because it's such an embarrassing issue?

The problem with abstaining altogether is that most men will just end up wanting to screw anything that moves - and that is not a great alternative either. There is nothing worse than having sex with a girl you're not attracted to in the slightest - it is soul destroying for both parties. There's no simple answer I guess, except willpower.

Delayed ejaculation is the common term for it. I would hazard a guess that many men suffer with it, but don't realise that it's an actual issue until they've slept with a few different women.

It does require far more attention. I suffered with it for 15 years. Not once did I finish during sex. Then I quit masturbation altogether, and conquered it after only a few weeks. I can't tell you how much of a relief it was for me.

I don't think we should be afraid to discuss these things. Your sex life is one of the most important aspects of your life, and it requires attention and respect.

Dravokivich

Ye make the cause for delayed ejaculation seem so simple. I know how it is, as I've been through it myself. But abstaining from porn and masturbation didn't resolve the issue, as I didn't abstain from either in an effort to remedy it.

I see little or no reason to think it is damaging - per se. But that is with the caveat that we should remember the over use of just about _anything_ is harmful. Be it sugar - porn - excercise - any drug - alcohol - and even water can be harmful if overused. Moderate porn use? Just like moderate use of anything I see no reason to think it harmful or dangerous or problematic.

As with anything in the list above or any other list you could write - moderation is key and if you find that partaking of any one thing is negatively impacting your life in other ways then you have an issue that needs resolving or curtailing. It is up to each of us to evaluate our own goals and targets in life and then asking ourselves if our vices and outlets are at a level that are negatively impacting those things to an unacceptable level.

We see for example one user on the thread posting how it had negative impacts on his motivation - his ejaculation - and more. While one anecdote does not bring us much one does still wonder how much porn use and masturbation led to such a place. The OP too speaks of how it is negatively impacting his motivation to try and meet a real partner in life. These things are worrisome and perhaps an addiction is exactly what it is for such people. The OP sounds like he needs to do some serious evaluation and soul searching on this therefore - which is probably what posting here was a forerunner for.

But for every anecdote there is a counter-anecdote. I have a full relationship and still engage in porn viewing and masturbation. Sometimes with my partners - sometimes without them - and it has certainly not negatively impacted my life in any way I can discern - nor my motivation - which as far as I can tell is actually quite a bit higher than many people in some was.

dlofnep

Dravokivich wrote: »

Ye make the cause for delayed ejaculation seem so simple. I know how it is, as I've been through it myself. But abstaining from porn and masturbation didn't resolve the issue, as I didn't abstain from either in an effort to remedy it.

It resolved it for me, and so many others. That's the only thing I can say on the issue.

Dravokivich

Fair enough, I was just commenting from my own perspective that it seems a rather simple way of looking at it, which had no effect on me.

^ Indeed and as with many of these things the topic in question - be it porn or alcohol or whatever - can be the problem itself or just the expression of the problem. Or if you are in a real mess - both.

For those who have a direct problem with something like porn then clearly giving it up - if you manage it - will solve your issue. This is what people like dlofnep are likely talking about.

For others however the vice in question - whatever it may be - can just be an out let or expression of some other issue in their lives. As such merely giving up the symptom does not fix the problems and it seems people like dlofnep are talking irrelevant nonsense.

The results of addictions - and the results of abuse of a vice as an outlet or escape from other issues - look from the outside to be functionally the same but they are massively different issues and experiences - and the similarities between them have as much potential to confuse and obfuscate conversation on the matters as they do the potential to foster understanding.

The trick is to try and remember that if someone appears to be talking nonsense to you on the issue then they may be in the other group to you - and if you keep that in mind conversation can be much smoother.

As for ejaculation issues the causes for that can be so numerous - from porn addiction - to nutrition deficiences - to underlying medical issues you might not be aware of - to your level of health - to stress and worry in life - to sexuality issues - to "simple" self esteem problems - to much much more. It is a much bigger subject than just porn. What "cures" it for one person will entirely fail for another and anyone with those issues probably needs to take a more all encompassing holistic approach to it - not the woo alternative medicine meaning of "holistic" either Damn them for stealing a good word

LegacyUser

some interesting responses lads. been abstaining from porn since the weekend and gonna give it a while to see what effect it may have on me. Gonna watch that ted talk after a while of abstaining too.

LegacyUser

I'm really glad there is a conversation about this online. I live with my boyfriend and since we moved in a year and half ago we've had sex 9 times. He uses porn on nearly a daily basis and half the times we've had sex (since moving in) he hasn't been able to cum. He's always finding new porn and last year he went away for work for a few days abroad - instead of cleaning his clothes and packing (I was the idiot doing that instead) he was downloading new porn to bring with him as he knew he wouldn't have internet connection.

He complains all the time about being tired, has pains in his back (which he blames the seat at the computer) doesn't have a high sexual drive for me anymore but yet the months before we moved in together he was insatiable. I've talked to him before about porn - he says I need to get over it - it's completely normal - all guys do it. But the fact that porn has replaced our sex life is not normal to me.

No matter what way I bring it up with him - he thinks I'm attacking him - I'm not attacking him - I'm trying to make him understand how hurtful and humiliating it is from my point of view that he rather search for new girls online constantly and he is basically having a fantasy sexual relationship online with them instead of having a real life one with me. I mean at one point we hadn't had sex in 7 months! C'mon!

So if you can take it or leave it with porn - it's not a problem. I know sometimes you just want to get the relief - girls do sometimes too - but if you rather that than putting in the effort of getting some sex - defo get it checked out. If you're worried about it - stop doing it for a period of time - 2 weeks or something - if you find it difficult to do just that - I think its problem.

La_Gordy

One of my good pals is coming to terms with his porn addiction. He is 26 and has never been able to have sex as every time the opportunity arises he gets severe anxiety and erectile/ejaculatory problems.

He went to the doctor about his erectile and ejaculatory problems (and out of embarrassment didn't mention the pornography), and although he was prescribed Viagra I think the anxiety issues were overpowering. He is trying something that he refers to as a 'reboot' which I understand to mean going cold turkey on porn.

sogladthereisapost

sogladthereisapost wrote: »

But the fact that porn has replaced our sex life is not normal to me.

See this is the thing, anything is harmful when someone uses/does it too much. I don't know how you can put up with that situation to be honest and you're right, it's not normal.

The Corinthian

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

TBH, I'm no stranger to the company of Fräulein Faust and the depraved images found on www.hotcoedmilflesbiannymphoorgypics.com (no, that's not a real site) and can say I've not fallen foul of any of the ailments or addictions listed here.

syklops

The Corinthian wrote: »

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

.

I dont think its any different to people who can have one glass of wine with dinner versus people who want the bottle and more. Is it harmful? Well basically it becomes harmful when it becomes harmful.

Anything, no matter what it is, is a problem when you choose to do it instead of all other normal behaviour. I don't think there is anything addictive about turning on the light switch in ones home, but there are people who feel a compulsive desire to do that numerous times before they leave the house.

last year he went away for work for a few days abroad - instead of cleaning his clothes and packing (I was the idiot doing that instead) he was downloading new porn to bring with him as he knew he wouldn't have internet connection.

Next time a situation like that arises, don't pack for him. He has to do it himself, and if he goes off on his trip and is not prepared, it might strike him how he should have been better prepared. A few times when going on trips I have found myself in a hotel room missing one important item, be it my razor, or an ironed shirt,(or something more crucial like a laptop or phone charger) and I ended up annoyed at myself because I knew I should have organised myself better but I chose to do something else instead. Now when I am going somewhere, I get it done, and focus on the job of preparing and packing. It doesn't take long, but it gets completed. If he gets around to this thinking, he might find it easier to focus on other things. Whatever happens, don't enable his actions by doing his packing for him.

The lack of sex is obviously a major issue and would be grounds for ending the relationship for me, if there wasn't a clear reason for the lack, which there does''t seem to be in this case.

sogladthereisapost

sogladthereisapost wrote: »

I'm really glad there is a conversation about this online. I live with my boyfriend and since we moved in a year and half ago we've had sex 9 times. He uses porn on nearly a daily basis and half the times we've had sex (since moving in) he hasn't been able to cum. He's always finding new porn and last year he went away for work for a few days abroad - instead of cleaning his clothes and packing (I was the idiot doing that instead) he was downloading new porn to bring with him as he knew he wouldn't have internet connection.

He complains all the time about being tired, has pains in his back (which he blames the seat at the computer) doesn't have a high sexual drive for me anymore but yet the months before we moved in together he was insatiable. I've talked to him before about porn - he says I need to get over it - it's completely normal - all guys do it. But the fact that porn has replaced our sex life is not normal to me.

Stop enabling him by helping him out or listening to his complaints.

I would be out of there if he refused to attempt to do something about this or refused to get help. No one should be relegated to the cheap seats in their own relationship. Your relationship won't last if he doesn't prioritise it above porn.

How you make him realise that is up to you, but for starters I'd stop helping him sort his porn out while you do his packing.

LegacyUser

syklops wrote: »

Next time a situation like that arises, don't pack for him.

I didn't realise until after he had come back what he had been doing. He's always telling me he's downloading music or movies when in actual fact he's downloading photo bundles of porn. He waits up until I go to bed before he does anything most of the time but sometimes if I'm busy and not paying any attention to him he's looking and downloading while I'm there. I love him very much but he is very resistant to even talking about it. He also suffers from panic attacks & cannot deal with anything that involves a discussion. The reason I am still here is I'm trying to give him the chance to resolve this on his own. I've asked him about talking to someone but he says he doesn't do that. I have given him a time frame of 6 months (which he doesn't know about) and if it's not resolved or at least our situation greatly improved by then I'm moving out. It's not what I want but I can't keep sacrificing my happiness or sanity when he doesn't even try. At least in the end I would have done everything possible and walk away with no regrets.

Pug160

The Corinthian wrote: »

Reading through this thread, it appears pornography and masturbation are as hazardous to your health as smoking. Yet, what of the many who indulge, but suffer no sexual problems or any of the cited consequences?

TBH, I'm no stranger to the company of Fräulein Faust and the depraved images found on www.hotcoedmilflesbiannymphoorgypics.com (no, that's not a real site) and can say I've not fallen foul of any of the ailments or addictions listed here.

I'm not sure if anybody would make that claim - although the potential mental health problems of not being able to perform could have a detrimental affect on someone's overall health I guess, and there could be a domino effect. But there's no real direct hazards in terms of physical health when watching porn or masturbating. It has been said that regular masturbation may reduce the risk of prostate cancer.

Edit: I should have said regular ejaculations but as our bodies don't know whether we're having sex with a woman or our hand the benefits are preumably the same.

sogladthereisapost

sogladthereisapost wrote: »

I've asked him about talking to someone but he says he doesn't do that. I have given him a time frame of 6 months (which he doesn't know about) and if it's not resolved or at least our situation greatly improved by then I'm moving out.

First thing you should do is tell him about that time frame.

A deadline is only fair if you're both aware of it. Don't make it a negotiation or a discussion, just tell him you're walking in six months if nothing is done or there isn't a great improvement. It's the honest approach.

LegacyUser

Candie wrote: »

First thing you should do is tell him about that time frame.

A deadline is only fair if you're both aware of it. Don't make it a negotiation or a discussion, just tell him you're walking in six months if nothing is done or there isn't a great improvement. It's the honest approach.

The thing about it is I've had a very honest discussion with him about it - I've explained my feelings about it - I've tried to get him to talk about it but he gives me a shrug or says I don't know. He doesn't think his porn is an issue or if he does he doesn't relay that to me. Telling him about a deadline is giving him an ultimatium which I'm not going to do. If things don't get better I'm leaving. He suits himself in what he wants - don't see why I shouldn't do the same. I know some people think I can be uptight, playing games etc but that's not what I'm doing. I've put everything into this relationship and I don't want it to end as I do love him but I want to have kids, get married (at some point in my life) and if I'm living with a partner that won't engage in being intimate, won't have open communication about it - I don't see it going anywhere. TBH I think he's being lazy and the only time he openly shows concern about this is when I've gone beyond caring and leave him off. I know how relationships are hard work sometimes and not all a bed of roses - but why should I be doing all the hard work with him slacking off and then if don't give 200% only then he notices. I know this relationship sounds like doom and gloom - in fact it's not. We get on amazingly and in all the other areas he is kind and considerate but I want a partner and not an affectionate housemate if that makes sense.