Women and money

After reading the thread on how much money you need to live on and having come across a woman in her thirties who's father paid for her car insurance because she did not have the money herself ( she has a " good" job )

I have been in the position of not having very much money at times in my life and also in the positions of being relatively well off, but I have always being careful because I would be concerned about the future and I believe in standing on my own two feet and not relying on anyone else if I can at all.

With out being judgemental about how people live their lives, after all it is their life.

I genuinely cant understand women who are past the student days and still have a come day go day attitude to money and have no plans for the future, do they not worried about the future, do they think a partner is going to come along and then they will sort it, are they happy to live in shared accommodating for the rest of their lives, would you not worrie about getting sick and not being able to work.

smirker

Some people are spoiled. They are not taught by their parents to be careful. If children are bailed out once they will learn that there will always be a bail out. This will persist throughout life if unchecked.

Whispered

I live day in day out, it's through necessity at the moment. It doesn't bother me too much at all. I'm currently building a career in a whole new industry and I had to decide if it was worth taking a hit on my wages. Well a few months in and it absolutely was. I can't save, and I have no money left for myself after paying bills, contributing to the mortgage and other necessary stuff.

I have genuinely never been less financially secure in my life, but I have never been happier.

Moll'll fix it

In my experience these people always do manage to meet somebody who will bail them out. I have met a lot of women in particular like this down through the years. They spend like there is no tomorrow and never think of the 'rainy day' and yet when the rainy day arrives there is always somebody around to help them so they actually never learn from the experience. Maybe they are right not to be too concerned about the future and just live in the moment, I don't know.

Ash.J.Williams

mariaalice wrote: »

After reading the thread on how much money you need to live on and having come across a woman in her thirties who's father paid for her car insurance because she did not have the money herself ( she has a " good" job )

I have been in the position of not having very much money at times in my life and also in the positions of being relatively well off, but I have always being careful because I would be concerned about the future and I believe in standing on my own two feet and not relying on anyone else if I can at all.

With out being judgemental about how people live their lives, after all it is their life.

I genuinely cant understand women who are past the student days and still have a come day go day attitude to money and have no plans for the future, do they not worried about the future, do they think a partner is going to come along and then they will sort it, are they happy to live in shared accommodating for the rest of their lives, would you not worrie about getting sick and not being able to work.

some of us are male and love going out and getting wasted and struggle for the last week of the month....so f**ing what

SunnyDub1

To be fair, maybe the woman just took a loan from her dad for her insurance with the intension of paying it back.
I am in a what some would call a "good" paid job but even at times I may need to take a lend from a parent/ sibling to pay a bill etc. But It doesn't mean I don't save, and think about the future. I know if I dip into my savings I won't but the money back so I think it's best to just borrow sometimes - providing it is a short term loan and it's not putting anyone out of pocket by much.


I have this one family member, as an OK paid job , drives a nice big car, always in the best clothes, always going on little holidays here and there, always has money to go out (meals,drinks), shops all lot, basically has the best of the best.
If you didn't know her you would think she worked in a really well paid job. In reality she just gets loan after loan, topping it up when she feels the need to and her hole attitude is: it's only money - it can be paid back.
God help her if she ever lost her job:rolleyes:

Personally I wouldn't sleep right at night knowing I had a sh*t load of loans to pay. The less loans and money worries the less stress.

clairefontaine

mariaalice wrote: »

After reading the thread on how much money you need to live on and having come across a woman in her thirties who's father paid for her car insurance because she did not have the money herself ( she has a " good" job )

I have been in the position of not having very much money at times in my life and also in the positions of being relatively well off, but I have always being careful because I would be concerned about the future and I believe in standing on my own two feet and not relying on anyone else if I can at all.

With out being judgemental about how people live their lives, after all it is their life.

I genuinely cant understand women who are past the student days and still have a come day go day attitude to money and have no plans for the future, do they not worried about the future, do they think a partner is going to come along and then they will sort it, are they happy to live in shared accommodating for the rest of their lives, would you not worrie about getting sick and not being able to work.

You think this is a woman's issue?

There are plenty of people - men and women- in this world living hand to mouth or have their parents helping them out.

wolfpawnat

For a lot of people these days it is living payday to payday. But for the most part they don't depend on anyone, or if they do, it is out of necessity. Most people were never lucky enough to have someone who would do it for them, a lot of our generations are told "I don't have it either". I like to try and depend on myself, but a few times family have helped when I was in dire straights, but it was always a loan, which had to be paid back, and rightly so. Parents should always help their children if they can, but to finance a greater lifestyle is not what most people are referring to!

clairefontaine

clairefontaine wrote: »

You think this is a woman's issue?

There are plenty of people - men and women- in this world living hand to mouth or have their parents helping them out.

Of course it is not only a women issue, but woman and men can put a different valuer on money and as this is the ladies lounge I made the thread about woman .

wolfpawnat

wolfpawnat wrote: »

For a lot of people these days it is living payday to payday. But for the most part they don't depend on anyone, or if they do, it is out of necessity. Most people were never lucky enough to have someone who would do it for them, a lot of our generations are told "I don't have it either". I like to try and depend on myself, but a few times family have helped when I was in dire straights, but it was always a loan, which had to be paid back, and rightly so. Parents should always help their children if they can, but to finance a greater lifestyle is not what most people are referring to!

I agree with that, while I have never had to rely on my family for money they are and have always been a great support to me as I am to them.

If it is a loan from parents and not a had out that fine.

clairefontaine

mariaalice wrote: »

Of course it is not only a women issue, but woman and men can put a different valuer on money and as this is the ladies lounge I made the thread about woman .

How so?

wolfpawnat

mariaalice wrote: »

I agree with that, while I have never had to rely on my family for money they are and have always been a great support to me as I am to them.

If it is a loan from parents and not a had out that fine.

A family member offered me a hand out once of a laptop, a week later I started my payment plan, took 6 months of weekly payments, but I paid it back! I just don't feel right taking someone's hard earned money for nothing. More often what I need from those close to me is a ear, not a euro thank goodness! But it is good to know if I am truly stuck, they will try to help, but these days no one is flouncing extra cash and I would feel guilty asking. Maybe that's why they are so willing to help, because I will pay back when I can and to say I am asking in the first place means I have done everything in my power to not to have to resort to them.

Money, the root of all problems!!!!

I don't want to to make this a woman/men issue, however without getting in to sterotyping....for example the woman who's father paid her car insurance would be very in to looking after her appearances i.e nails, waxing, expensive hairdresser and makeup up, and would very openly say fine feathers make fine birds!...that sort of issue is not usualy important to men... for men things like the type of car they drive is often important while for woman this can be less important.

P.s I AM NOT SAYING THIS APPLIES TO ALL MEN AN WOMEN, its just a general point.

eviltwin

I would image with the recession there are all sorts of people living week to week. We do at times, nothing to do with me as a woman having a mentality that my man will save the day or anything, its just circumstances. Lots of people are in the same situation. It's a bit smug to assume its because of their lack of planning.

clairefontaine

eviltwin wrote: »

I would image with the recession there are all sorts of people living week to week. We do at times, nothing to do with me as a woman having a mentality that my man will save the day or anything, its just circumstances. Lots of people are in the same situation. It's a bit smug to assume its because of their lack of planning.

Or because they are spending it on manicures.

I know plenty of women who buy their shoes in charity shops so they can feed their kids.

Seriously don't get the question behind this thread.

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

I would image with the recession there are all sorts of people living week to week. We do at times, nothing to do with me as a woman having a mentality that my man will save the day or anything, its just circumstances. Lots of people are in the same situation. It's a bit smug to assume its because of their lack of planning.

I did not think my post came across like that at all of course in the recession and the way thing are now lots of people are living week to week.

My point is a about priorities and where you place them in your life.

pwurple

I think people in general can be clueless about money. Certainly not restricted to women in particular.

I'm a woman. I've always been a saver, and have always been interested in money. I took economics to the leaving cert, and as a minor in uni. I worked as soon as it was legal, and always had part time jobs through school and college, full time jobs every summer until I was finished college. I remember at 17 I had 3 jobs on the go in summer hols... day job in an office, evening job in a cinema, and a weekend job in a petrol station. Always working... except for 3 months on the dole in the year 2000 when the company I was with went belly up, swallowing my last months wages with it.

Work work work.
Save save save.
Spend and repeat. Both my parents worked when I was small. I think it's their work ethic that transferred to me. If you work a LOT, then you don't have much time to spend it either.

clairefontaine

pwurple wrote: »

I think people in general can be clueless about money. Certainly not restricted to women in particular.

I'm a woman. I've always been a saver, and have always been interested in money. I took economics to the leaving cert, and as a minor in uni. I worked as soon as it was legal, and always had part time jobs through school and college, full time jobs every summer until I was finished college. I remember at 17 I had 3 jobs on the go in summer hols... day job in an office, evening job in a cinema, and a weekend job in a petrol station. Always working... except for 3 months on the dole in the year 2000 when the company I was with went belly up, swallowing my last months wages with it.

Work work work.
Save save save.
Spend and repeat. Both my parents worked when I was small. I think it's their work ethic that transferred to me. If you work a LOT, then you don't have much time to spend it either.

It's also understanding that money is sacrifice. If you buy x, it means you can't buy y.

And accepting the inevitability of life's instability. Stock markets crash, personal crisis occur, pension funds collapse, sometimes currencies too. People are vulnerable. But this also applies to judgypants people who wonder why others have no money.

clairefontaine

clairefontaine wrote: »

Or because they are spending it on manicures.

I know plenty of women who buy their shoes in charity shops so they can feed their kids.

Seriously don't get the question behind this thread.

The things people read in to thread is amazing I know tone is hard to get a across in the written word.

Do you seriously thing I put up a thread saying parents( female ) who are living week to week and are struggling to get by have the poritries wrong and thats why they need financial help form parents

To be absurdly clear it is about living a certain way prioritising self maintains, socialising, and fashion at the expense of a secure financial future and how anyone can do this wihtout feeling worried or guilty at getting a bail out from parents.

clairefontaine

mariaalice wrote: »

The things people read in to thread is amazing I know tone is hard to get a across in the written word.

Do you seriously thing I put up a thread saying parents( female ) who are living week to week and are struggling to get by have the poritries wrong and thats why they need financial help form parents

To be absurdly clear it is about living a certain way prioritising self maintains, socialising, and fashion at the expense of a secure financial future and how anyone can do this wihtout feeling worried or guilty at getting a bail out from parents.

You titled it WOMEN AND MONEY. and then used a primary example of a woman you know whose father pays for her car insurance and then extrapolated a thesis from that.

Yeah pretty hysterical how I read into it.:rolleyes:

KamiKazeKitten

clairefontaine wrote: »

You titled it WOMEN AND MONEY. and then used a primary example of a woman you know whose father pays for her car insurance and then extrapolated a thesis from that.

Yeah pretty hysterical how I read into it.:rolleyes:

Christ almighty.
It's a thread in tLL, a forum specifically for a female perspective. Does it not make sense that she would use female examples in a thread geared to female posters? I can understand if it's coming across as judgemental but I really don't think that's what the OP meant.

Yes, men can be bad at managing money too etc etc - I'm sure there are lots of men and women just managing to survive from week to week. Could be bad planning, could be the recession. Nothing to do with them being women, but in a mostly female forum does it not make sense to tailor the question to women?

eviltwin

Unless you know how that individual is spending their money you can't judge. Have you never spent money on treating yourself only for an emergency to crop up requiring you to borrow money?

Maye I should have made the headline longer and put a lot of equivalence in to it.

I have a tendency to be concerned about money something I inherited from my mother I think, but I am aware of this. At times I have found it uncomfortable to listen or see people who are completely come day go day about money, never make any plans for the future, and have a magical thinking attitude to money.

xLexie

mariaalice wrote: »

I genuinely cant understand women who are past the student days and still have a come day go day attitude to money and have no plans for the future, do they not worried about the future, do they think a partner is going to come along and then they will sort it, are they happy to live in shared accommodating for the rest of their lives, would you not worrie about getting sick and not being able to work.

Women? Surely this is just as much as a problem with men? It's not really to do with gender and more to do with attitude and how they were brought up.

It's not really your place to decide if a woman has "a good job" or not. Unless you kno the finer details of her life and finances it's really not your place to say what she can and cannot afford.

As for having a come day go day attitude towards money, personally I'd rather have it and enjoy spending it than having it sitting in the bank waiting for something that might never happen, to happen. You hear of people too miserable and tight to even turn on a light but when they die they leave behind a fortune and everyone else enjoys spending it. Pfft, hell with that. If the rainy day ever does come, something will be sorted out. It's not that I'm waiting for some "partner" to come into my life with rakes of money.

SunnyDub1

mariaalice wrote: »

Maye I should have made the headline longer and put a lot of equivalence in to it.

I have a tendency to be concerned about money something I inherited from my mother I think, but I am aware of this. At times I have found it uncomfortable to listen or see people who are completely come day go day about money, never make any plans for the future, and have a magical thinking attitude to money.

But why does it bother you so much? If it's not affecting you then I wouldn't care.
People should have the right to spend and save their money how they like.

If people have parents that bail them out financially all the time, maybe that's what they "inherited from their parents". At the end of the day it's their business.

It's like that relative I mentioned in my previous post, while I don't agree with what she does it's her choice to do what she likes.
I'm not gonna lose sleep over it and let other peoples attitude towards money and how they spend it bother me.

Nymeria

I understand if you feel that you are getting a hard time about the thread title OP, but to be honest I felt the same WTF when I read it - It seems to smack a bit of 'little women like to spend money on shoes and handbags and not care about the important stuff in life'.

This is certainly not a gender issue, if anything, it might be a generational issue considering the ease with which credit and cheap money was available in the last decade or so (but then that would be another generalisation ).

Possibly your thread title should have been 'My perceptions of how people spend their money'.

In reality, how many of our neighbours and friends really know what our financial situation is? It is something very personal to most people, so even if you think you know what someone has, you may be very wrong.

OP, you said: At times I have found it uncomfortable to listen or see people who are completely come day go day about money, never make any plans for the future, and have a magical thinking attitude to money. To be honest that sounds a bit excessive, maybe its because you feel you need to be in control of your money situation and don't understand how someone can be more cavalier about it.

People take risks with lots of things in life, I personally don't understand how people can take chances with their health and not worry, but then again that's probably more my own issues of worrying about my health.

I have had debts in the past and it can be crushing, I've had to learn the hard way about not spending what I don't have. I suppose everybody learns in their own time, their own way. Some lucky people may never have to learn if they have parents willing to always give hand outs.

Honey-ec

Your OP did come across as quite judgemental, Mariaalice.

I've been working since I was 14. But I have no savings. I had to borrow my college fees from my brother this year and last year. I certainly amn't treating myself to manicures, pedicures, new clothes and whatnot. I simply don't earn enough money to have any left at the end of the month to save after I've paid my rent, bills, car loan, insurance, etc.

The fact of the matter is that I'm earning 8k gross per year less than I was 5 years ago. In those same five years VAT has increased, the USC has been introduced, tax credits have been reduced, fuel prices have increased significantly, etc. etc. So I reckon my 8k gross is more like 11 or 12k net.

If you think you could absorb a 12k annual decrease in income and still be able to save for your proverbial rainy day, you're clearly a better woman than I am.

Fukuyama

I've a friend who drinks her wages five nights a week. And then complains about not having money.

Priorities, eh? :rolleyes:

I think anyone in their 30s going to daddy for a bail out needs a reality check. As does the father for bailing her out.

Can't afford car insurance? Maybe you should take the bus.

I'd always help a friend of family member out with money. I've done it in the past without even asking what the money was for. But I'd like to think they're spending it on something essential like a medical emergency or food. Not car insurance.

kylith

Dean0088 wrote: »

I think anyone in their 30s going to daddy for a bail out needs a reality check. As does the father for bailing her out.

Can't afford car insurance? Maybe you should take the bus.

Absolutely agree. Their parents should have copped on a long time ago.

I hate asking for money from anyone. I hate to be seen not to be able to pay my way. Even if I have to struggle for a couple of weeks I won't ask for a loan.

I'm unemployed and OH and I are living together. He's had to insist on giving my money for 'housekeeping and messages' because he knows I won't take money off him.

SunnyDub1

kylith wrote: »

I hate asking for money from anyone. I hate to be seen not to be able to pay my way. Even if I have to struggle for a couple of weeks I won't ask for a loan.

Just because someone gets a loan it doesn't mean that they can't pay their way or are struggling . What if it's the case that it's coming to the end of the month and one needs to take a loan for an unexpected trip to the doctor.

I work full time, good paid job and get paid monthly. On a rare occasion an unexpected expense might come up like a bill, medical expense at the end of the month, If I haven't got money in my account , rather then "struggling" I will get a lend and pay it back to who ever soon as I get paid. Doesn't mean that I can't pay my way or manage my finances.

Morag

There is a big difference between the rare occasionally and parent subbing the lifestyle of their adult children.

Princess syndrome can happen and there is a mentality of some parents, paying car loans or insurance ect for their adult daughters so that the daughters can keep up a certain lifestyle or 'look' until they find the right caliber of husband who and then pay their way.

Personally I don't get it and think it leads to women who can't budget or being responsible for themselves and their fiances, which is doing your children a disservice.

SunnyDub1

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Just because someone gets a loan it doesn't mean that they can't pay their way or are struggling . What if it's the case that it's coming to the end of the month and one needs to take a loan for an unexpected trip to the doctor.

I work full time, good paid job and get paid monthly. On a rare occasion an unexpected expense might come up like a bill, medical expense at the end of the month, If I haven't got money in my account , rather then "struggling" I will get a lend and pay it back to who ever soon as I get paid. Doesn't mean that I can't pay my way or manage my finances.

There's this really cool new idea called savings! I've got this thing called a savings account, which I put money into every month. When I was earning a reasonable wage, I could put away 200-250 a month (no more, because living in London is very expensive) and now that I'm much poorer, I try to put away 20-50 a month if I can. If a medical expense or a bill comes up, what I do is I take the money out of my savings account! That way, I don't need to bother friends and family members who have their own financial issues and lives to worry about.

On a less sarcastic note, I'd say that saving for a 'rainy day' (which means that unexpected hospital stay or flight home for a funeral or electricity bill, as well as 'fun stuff') is surely one of the most basic parts of managing your finances. What on earth is an adult with a well-paid job doing borrowing money for things they should have budgeted for in the first place? If you're living paycheck to paycheck when you don't have to, you're not financially responsible.

SunnyDub1

Malakai Fluffy Gent wrote: »

There's this really cool new idea called savings! I've got this thing called a savings account, which I put money into every month. When I was earning a reasonable wage, I could put away 200-250 a month (no more, because living in London is very expensive) and now that I'm much poorer, I try to put away 20-50 a month if I can. If a medical expense or a bill comes up, what I do is I take the money out of my savings account! That way, I don't need to bother friends and family members who have their own financial issues and lives to worry about.

On a less sarcastic note, I'd say that saving for a 'rainy day' (which means that unexpected hospital stay or flight home for a funeral or electricity bill, as well as 'fun stuff') is surely one of the most basic parts of managing your finances. What on earth is an adult with a well-paid job doing borrowing money for things they should have budgeted for in the first place? If you're living paycheck to paycheck when you don't have to, you're not financially responsible.

Aren't you bloody marvelous. Good for you! I also do that cool idea and btw it's not new :cool:
From my first post

I am in a what some would call a "good" paid job but even at times I may need to take a lend from a parent/ sibling to pay a bill etc. But It doesn't mean I don't save, and think about the future. I know if I dip into my savings I won't but the money back so I think it's best to just borrow sometimes - providing it is a short term loan and it's not putting anyone out of pocket by much.

Everyone is different, and for ME - I prefer to take a lend from someone where I know I'd have to pay it back. Rather then dipping into savings where I most likely won't put the money back. I get a lend on a very rare occasion. I work out a budget each month for myself that I manage fine on, while saving a good chunk and living comfortably.

You don't know me or anythinng about my finanaces/what I pay on bills, what expenses I have, what I earn so don't judge on what I am responsible for and what I am not, when you have no clue about me!

Honey-ec

Malakai Fluffy Gent wrote: »

If you're living paycheck to paycheck when you don't have to, you're not financially responsible.

Some people do have to, though. That doesn't make them financially irresponsible.

My sister earns a fucking massive salary, imo. But she lives paycheck to paycheck because she's the sole provider for herself and her two kids and by the time she pays the mortgage, the childminder, the bills, feeds the three of them, etc. there's literally a couple of cent leftover at the end of the month. All the confused smilies in the world doesn't change the fact that some people can't afford to save anything, and it's not necessarily because of bad fiscal management.

eviltwin

Malakai Fluffy Gent wrote: »

There's this really cool new idea called savings! I've got this thing called a savings account, which I put money into every month. When I was earning a reasonable wage, I could put away 200-250 a month (no more, because living in London is very expensive) and now that I'm much poorer, I try to put away 20-50 a month if I can. If a medical expense or a bill comes up, what I do is I take the money out of my savings account! That way, I don't need to bother friends and family members who have their own financial issues and lives to worry about.



On a less sarcastic note, I'd say that saving for a 'rainy day' (which means that unexpected hospital stay or flight home for a funeral or electricity bill, as well as 'fun stuff') is surely one of the most basic parts of managing your finances. What on earth is an adult with a well-paid job doing borrowing money for things they should have budgeted for in the first place? If you're living paycheck to paycheck when you don't have to, you're not financially responsible.

You do realise not everyone has the means to save these days don't you?

SunnyDub1

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

Aren't you bloody marvelous. Good for you! I also do that cool idea and btw it's not new :cool:
From my first post


Everyone is different, and for ME - I prefer to take a lend from someone where I know I'd have to pay it back. Rather then dipping into savings where I most likely won't put the money back. I get a lend on a very rare occasion. I work out a budget each month for myself that I manage fine on, while saving a good chunk and living comfortably.

You don't know me or anythinng about my finanaces so don't judge on what I am responsible for and what I am not!

I'm going by what you posted. You said asking other people for money doesn't mean you can't manage your money. I beg to differ. That's my opinion. I would feel very, very bad asking someone else for money except in the most extreme circumstances. I wouldn't consider it an option to ask family or friends for money just because I didn't feel like dipping into my savings and my parents wouldn't stand for it. This is what the thread is about, isn't it?

Honey-ec wrote: »

Some people do have to, though. That doesn't make them financially irresponsible, it means they're earning a rubbish wage.

My sister earns a fucking massive salary, imo. But she lives paycheck to paycheck because she's the sole provider for herself and her two kids and by the time she pays the mortgage, the childminder, the bills, feeds the three of them, etc. there's literally a couple of cent leftover at the end of the month. All the confused smilies in the world doesn't change the fact that some people can't afford to save anything, and it's not necessarily because of bad fiscal management.

Which is exactly why I added when they don't have to. I'm well aware that some people genuinely CAN'T save. But there are a lot of people making good money who seem unable to foresee anything remotely unexpected happening.

My ex-flatmate used to claim that she budgeted really well, yet EVERY SINGLE MONTH, there would be some 'emergency' that she had to borrow money for. Gas bill, doctors bill, car repairs. She didn't seem to get that these 'emergencies' are also known as 'life' to most of us. This stuff happens to everybody. She was 10 years older than me and had a good job (as an accountant - hah) but just didn't seem to get the concept of not spending every cent of your wages and leaving yourself completely broke each month. She used to ask me how I always had so much left over every month when I had such a crap job - my answer of 'because I don't spend it all' left her baffled.

eviltwin

eviltwin wrote: »

You do realise not everyone has the means to save these days don't you?

Yes, I do and I think I addressed that. I'm talking about adults who are well-paid (and say so themselves), but borrow money from other people because they don't want to save, or don't want to dip into their savings.

Nymeria

Morag wrote: »

Princess syndrome can happen and there is a mentality of some parents, paying car loans or insurance ect for their adult daughters so that the daughters can keep up a certain lifestyle or 'look' until they find the right caliber of husband who and then pay their way.

Again with the annoying stereotypes. And with the assumption that women only borrow money or get into debt to maintain a superficial lifestyle - who are you or who am I to say what someone should or shouldn't get off their parents.

If it was mum and dad paying a deposit on a house or university fees would that be acceptable by your standards? Most parents help out their children when they can. Plenty of parents give their sons handouts as well, without being given a ridiculous moniker of 'princess syndrome'.

Morag

Nymeria wrote: »

Again with the annoying stereotypes. And with the assumption that women only borrow money or get into debt to maintain a superficial lifestyle - who are you or who am I to say what someone should or shouldn't get off their parents.

If it was mum and dad paying a deposit on a house or university fees would that be acceptable by your standards? Most parents help out their children when they can. Plenty of parents give their sons handouts as well, without being given a ridiculous moniker of 'princess syndrome'.

I don't think it's a sterotype, I know of a few young women which this has been the case for, I disagree with parents who don't bring up their kids to be self reliant.

xLexie

Morag wrote: »

I don't think it's a sterotype, I know of a few young women which this has been the case for, I disagree with parents who don't bring up their kids to be self reliant.

Yes but it doesn't mean they're wrong and you're right.

Nymeria

Morag wrote: »

I don't think it's a sterotype, I know of a few young women which this has been the case for, I disagree with parents who don't bring up their kids to be self reliant.

Fair enough, however the example you gave in your original post seemed to infer that the money was being give for frivolous items to maintain a certain lifestyle, and that these women were biding their time until a husband came along. It just seems an unnecessarily judgmental observation of what they spend money on and where they get it.

My point is that plenty of young men get hand outs from their parents too, and that would not necessarily elicit the same type of 'princess syndrome' response, as though these women spend their whole lives expecting to be taken care of.

Morag

Nymeria wrote: »

Fair enough, however the example you gave in your original post seemed to infer that the money was being give for frivolous items to maintain a certain lifestyle, and that these women were biding their time until a husband came along. It just seems an unnecessarily judgmental observation of what they spend money on and where they get it.

My point is that plenty of young men get hand outs from their parents too, and that would not necessarily elicit the same type of 'princess syndrome' response, as though these women spend their whole lives expecting to be taken care of.

Actually they do/did, went to college more in mind of getting an MRS then a degree. They think that is how life is as their parents have reared them that way.

It's not every young woman, but there are some, and I think they're parents do them a disservice
.


I don't have an issue with parents helping out, it's nice and unexpected, but that is different then being dependent on them to pay for the every day expenses such as rent/car loan when you are a grown up and working.

Honey-ec

Honey-ec wrote: »

Some people do have to, though. That doesn't make them financially irresponsible.

My sister earns a fucking massive salary, IMO. But she lives paycheck to paycheck because she's the sole provider for herself and her two kids and by the time she pays the mortgage, the child minder, the bills, feeds the three of them, etc. there's literally a couple of cent leftover at the end of the month. All the confused smilies in the world doesn't change the fact that some people can't afford to save anything, and it's not necessarily because of bad fiscal management.

I realised maybe my thread is not very clear.

Its not about people such as the above or any situation like that, or anyone financing their education etc. or people who do not earn a lot of money or who are at the start of the careerer.

I suppose its about how people make their choices when they are in a position to choose. Lifestyle and living in the here and now verses providing for the future.

As for parents helping the children even when the "child" is in their thirties of course its totally their own choice to do so..... but I am allowed to have an opinion about this and having an opinion is not the same as making a judgement about something, this is a discussion site.

I would help my children with major life transitions such as buying their own house ( but I would not provide the deposit for a house if they had not saved for the deposit themselves ) I have paid for college for my children and I have paid the college fees for someone who's parents are not a in a position to do it for them, they paid me back from their part time job, This person walked 10k home from their part time job one evening because they had no money for the bus.

Or maybe I am just an old crank:P

fits

In one way I think education at school could be a lot better. Budgeting and financial planning is a basic skill everyone should have. Transition year could be used for this type of education.

On the other hand nearly everyone I know was an eejit with their money at one stage or another. Some learn their lessons and some don't.

If you've a good job, expecting your parents to pay your car insurance is not really on. Its not like you don't see that expense coming.

meeeeh

A former friend of mine (there was no falling out, we just drifted apart) had great lifestyle. At twenty three she was living in her own flat, she had great clothes and buying them all the time. She was going out a lot. I was wondering a bit because she was working for hr father who was insurance broker and I thought her pay was ok but not great. It turned out she wasn't passing on all the insurance money people paid. She even kept money two of her oldest friends paid for car insurance. The insurance company that they were mostly working for found out and it almost destroyed her father. He had to get a sizeable loan to pay them back.

Some people just think they are entitled to certain lifestyle regardless of their means. They are minority but you would just like to shake them up and tell them to cop on.

Legs.Eleven

I haven't come across any women that you're referring to and that's the honest truth. Irish women, compared to women of other nationalities (the States, Spain, Italy, Eastern Europe) are the most self-sufficient I've ever come across.

clairefontaine

Legs.Eleven wrote: »

I haven't come across any women that you're referring to and that's the honest truth. Irish women, compared to women of other nationalities (the States, Spain, Italy, Eastern Europe) are the most self-sufficient I've ever come across.

Ive come across women and men whose parents support them through internships while others are working as baristas to pay off student loans.

I've also come across families that invest only in the males, often the first born.

beks101

I sort of had it beat into me as a kid that it's important to have a nest egg of savings at all times and I feel uneasy when I don't have at least three months' wages in my savings at all times.

But I think if you're in a position to, it's important to enjoy yourself too, and not be riddled with Catholic guilt every time you put your hand in your pocket and splash out on something you've worked hard to afford.

I work bloody hard, I've earned every cent that goes into my bank account and I'll be damned if I'm going to skip the nights out, the trips away, the blow-dries, the occasional shopping trips...to be completely prudent when I'll spend the rest of my life doing that anyway. I'm single, in my twenties and living abroad during what will probably be the most free and most fun years of my life. I'm lucky enough to have full time employment and few responsibilities, why shouldn't I enjoy it?

I don't think you can judge these things. Everyone has different priorities in life, their spending habits will reflect that. Mine isn't to settle down and buy a house any time soon; I've got a few more years of travel in me before I settle anywhere. I think the Irish obsession with home ownership is a bit outdated anyway, we should adjust our attitudes on that in accordance with the massive disaster we've just gone through.

My financial priorities are to pay my bills, rent, daily and weekly expenses, have enough to socialize and travel outside of that, and have enough savings to be fine if it all goes pear-shaped in the morning. I'm not interested in counting my pennies, but I've not been raised to not know its value either.

clairefontaine

It would be productive if those who are very good with savings and money were to share their methods, particularly if you are car dependant. Like a recessionist's handbook.

I got a second hand Christmas card this year. Something I had never thought of. At first I thought, wow, that's a new one, but really it's not a bad idea.

Catari Jaguar

I know a girl who is just spoiled rotten, come pay day is all "Oh thank god, I am sooo broke, thank god for credit cards, blah blah whinge...", she lives at home like, not worrying about rent/ bills. Then says things like "Yea, I want a new car, just feel like another change. Want my old jeep back. Would love a 2 litre or more. My tax now is €1200 a year for 1.8 ltr." Another girl called her an ass saying she could buy a car for that price, but the girl wants what she wants. "Yea, you know when you're shopping and you go in to Penneys for a few things and then it's like, oooh these are nice jeans, so you just fire a pair in every colour into your basket and grab loads of little things and it ends up being over a hundred quid." She has hundreds of pairs of shoes. Just yea, I don't know what planet she lives on. I don't intend to ever visit!

clairefontaine

clairefontaine wrote: »

A stereotype doesn't mean it doesn't exist. There is many a truth in a stereotype [just look at the Irish and drinking for an example], it's just dangerous when you slur an entire group of people with it.

If I titled this THE JEWS AND MONEY.... yes I would be banned.

And said "I know a fair few Jews where this has been the case..." blah blah blah...

I am completely confused now are you saying we cant have any threads that says...woman and x ( x being any issue ) because it excludes men or it might lead to a a reply from another boardsie that allude to a clichéd stereo type?....

I though this thread might lead to a discussion about woman reflections on money.

I looked this up earlier and apparently woman do have a different emotional response to money than men do.