Make an existing film better

recylingbin · 13-02-2013 4:06pm #1

Sophie's Choice in Space
Starring :
Miss Piggy as Zofia "Sophie" Zawistowska
Kermit as Nathan Landau
with
Beaker, Rolf, Gonzo, Kermit's nephew - Robin, Swedish Chef, Waldorf & Stadtler.

Set on a mining ship deep within the crab nebula, Sophie must choose which of her children will be sent on a mission, of certain death, to broker a deal with the Sesame Street outlanders who have declared war on the terran confederation and pigs.

running time 72 minutes.

***** star - Empire.
Wonderful, emotional, funny - Kerryman
**** immigrants - Daily mail.

orestes · 13-02-2013 4:08pm

There isn't a single movie ever made that wouldn't be instantly better if it were remade with the entire cast replaced by midgets.

recylingbin · 13-02-2013 4:10pm

orestes wrote: »

There isn't a single movie ever made that wouldn't be instantly better if it were remade with the entire cast replaced by midgets.

or the muppets.

or taking nicholas cage out and replacing him with someone who can act or a midget muppet.

smash · 13-02-2013 4:10pm

Blade kills Edward. The end!

keith16 · 13-02-2013 4:10pm

Vanilla Sky could be infinitely better if it never existed in the first place and pissed all over the original.

13-02-2013 4:11pm

Twilight: they die at the very start of the movie
Rest of movie is flashing lights and loud noises to make audience blind deaf and epileptic

FatherLen · 13-02-2013 4:13pm

scarlet johanson gets them out.

who the fug · 13-02-2013 4:13pm

Rambo

Keep true to the book and make John Rambo, shoot himself at the end, added bonus this makes II, III and IV better

Wacker The Attacker · 13-02-2013 4:14pm

The fake orgasm scene would have been a real orgasm.

It would also have included fruit\vegetables\fists inserted in both orifices

Wacker The Attacker · 13-02-2013 4:15pm

Inception would be deleted from all forms of media

Duggy747 · 13-02-2013 4:15pm

who the fug wrote: »

Rambo

Keep true to the book and make John Rambo, shoot himself at the end, added bonus this makes II, III and IV better

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn187skbynQ

alph · 13-02-2013 4:18pm

Every Steven Seagal film (except under siege 1)

Remove Steven Seagal... better film

Menas · 13-02-2013 4:19pm

Snakes on a Plane would have been better if there were no snakes on the plane.

Er...hang on a sec.

CreepingDeath · 13-02-2013 4:19pm

Star Wars... if Princess Leia had bigger boobs

who the fug · 13-02-2013 4:20pm

Duggy747 wrote: »

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bn187skbynQ

All I have to say is never read a book and go watch the movie, they even toned that scene down

:mad:

Wacker The Attacker · 13-02-2013 4:21pm

I want to see Kelly Brooke have a real and fanny bursting orgasm

Wacker The Attacker · 13-02-2013 4:22pm

CreepingDeath wrote: »

Star Wars... if Princess Leia had bigger boobs

And we get to see her box

orestes · 13-02-2013 4:23pm

who the fug wrote: »

All I have to say is never read a book and go watch the movie

Fight Club is the exception that proves the rule.

Sergeant · 13-02-2013 4:23pm

Anything starring Adam Sandler whereby the character played by Adam Sandler meets a horrible and violent end.

CreepingDeath · 13-02-2013 4:25pm

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I want to see Kelly Brooke have a real and fanny bursting orgasm

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

And we get to see her box

Jaysus... you've got some pre-Valentines tension!

monkeysnapper · 13-02-2013 4:30pm

I'd like to see the last quarter of 28 days later changed . The whole soldier part was stupid.

the purple tin · 13-02-2013 4:35pm

In nearly every rom com the female lead has a friend- she's not considered attractive, drinks too much, is desperate for sex, and makes really snide, sarcastic comments throughout the film.
Get rid of all these characters. (the films would still be **** anyway though)

CardBordWindow · 13-02-2013 4:45pm

Change the director of The Care Bears Movie to Quentin Tarantino.

Menas · 13-02-2013 4:48pm

the purple tin wrote: »

In nearly every rom com the female lead has a friend- she's not considered attractive, drinks too much, is desperate for sex, and makes really snide, sarcastic comments throughout the film.
Get rid of all these characters. (the films would still be **** anyway though)

Better still, make a romcom that does NOT star Jennifer Aniston.

CreepingDeath · 13-02-2013 4:51pm

"Contact" -

make the alien something more sinister/advanced than a representation of her God damn father !

orestes · 13-02-2013 4:51pm

the purple tin wrote: »

In nearly every rom com the female lead has a friend- she's not considered attractive, drinks too much, is desperate for sex, and makes really snide, sarcastic comments throughout the film.
Get rid of all these characters. (the films would still be **** anyway though)

But that's usually the one you would really want to hook up with! Especially when she's played by Janeane Garofalo, nyom nyom nyom

Hoop66 · 13-02-2013 4:51pm

Ice Station Zebra remade as Mole Station Zebra and is now about bestiality.

Dravokivich · 13-02-2013 4:53pm

CardBordWindow wrote: »

Change the director of The Care Bears Movie to Quentin Tarantino.

The thread said make it better not worse. He'll end up fobbing the whole project off as an homage to all the cartoons he watched as a child, trying to bring back the essence of innocence or some such shíte.

MaxSteele · 13-02-2013 4:55pm

Rose drowns beneath your man pushing down on her to stay afloat or freezes to death on the floating door after the Titanic capsizes.

Jack Dawson is then seen on a boat approaching the statue of liberty under the gleaning sun, drinking hot tea with a warm blanket around him with a child like smile on his face

GastroBoy · 13-02-2013 4:57pm

The Passion Of The Christ 2: "I'm Back Ye Bastad's"

LuvSpudz · 13-02-2013 4:58pm

A.I. finishes with the android frozen in the water.

opinion guy · 13-02-2013 4:59pm

Gangs of New York - delete all the scenes with Di Caprio and Cameron Diaz

ITS_A_BADGER · 13-02-2013 4:59pm

Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind: replace Jim carey with any other actor

maximoose · 13-02-2013 5:01pm

monkeysnapper wrote: »

I'd like to see the last quarter of 28 days later changed . The whole soldier part was stupid.

Agree, and Sunshine and The Beach. Danny Boyle likes to just go a bit mental towards the end of his films.

The Dark Knight Rises - that moment at the end with Alfred and Bruce in the Cafe needs big flashing neon letters saying "THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, NOT A DREAM, HE DIDNT DIE, YOU F*CKTARDS".

Jar Jar binks. Doesn't really need any more explanation.

Prometheus - Some sort of scientific consultant should have been employed to tell them exactly how stupid parts of the film were.

kraggy · 13-02-2013 5:13pm

Replace the kids in Battle Royale with the FF and FG T.D's of the last 10 years.

md23040 · 13-02-2013 5:13pm

If the entire cast of Glee could be lead characters in either Nightmare on Elm Street or Alien.

Watching Artie Abrams and his fake wheelchair getting chased by Freddie or an oversized space creature before meeting a gruelling death would have be a very satisfying spectacle.. Followed quickly thereafter with similar outcomes for the rest of the pond scum cast.

Edit add-on : At the start of Love Actually someone should have assassinated UK prime minister Hugh Grant so the toe curling romance with Martine Mc Cutcheon could have been averted..

Turtyturd · 13-02-2013 5:27pm

If Tom Cruise had actually won out at the end of Collateral...he's an assassin...he should be able to beat a taxi driver.

jmayo · 13-02-2013 5:35pm

orestes wrote: »

There isn't a single movie ever made that wouldn't be instantly better if it were remade with the entire cast replaced by midgets.

Ehhh White Men Can't Jump ??????

Ah scrub that wesley snipes could be replaced with a sloth and it would be better acting.

razorblunt · 13-02-2013 5:53pm

Terminator.

Go back in time, kill Shia laBouef thereby improving a hell of a lot more films.

I'm not doing this right am I?

Meangadh · 13-02-2013 6:01pm

Replace any actor/actress who does a really awful Oirish accent with actors who actually have an Irish accent.

Oh except for Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman in Far and Away- the awfulness of their accents is actually one of the things I enjoy the most about that film!

Conall Cernach · 13-02-2013 6:07pm

Han Solo dies in Return of the Jedi by running into the Imperial bunker with the explosives under his arm and detonating them. Chewie then goes tonto and kills heaps of Storm Troopers thus explaining how Ewoks could win the Battle of Endor.

13-02-2013 6:28pm

Instead of Martin Sheen, I'd love to see them send Woody Allen up the Mekong river to assassinate Col. Kurtz in Apocalypse Now.

Fromthetrees · 13-02-2013 6:40pm

Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex.

Danny DiVito should be the leading character in every film ever made.

:cool:

Sofiztikated · 13-02-2013 6:50pm

Fromthetrees wrote: »

Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex. Unsimulated sex.

Danny DiVito should be the leading character in every film ever made.

:cool:

Should he go after Mr Big? Should he go to Paris? Should he wear something dreadful, and call it fashion? Danny DiVito is Carrie, in the big screen picture, Sex and the City.

the purple tin · 13-02-2013 10:27pm

orestes wrote: »

But that's usually the one you would really want to hook up with! Especially when she's played by Janeane Garofalo, nyom nyom nyom

Only the male lead's smartass, immature and hard partying friend gets to hook up with her. A drunken shag which they both regret at first before falling for each other toward the end of the film.
How easy it is to write these POS films :P.

Praetorian Saighdiuir · 13-02-2013 10:30pm

Aliens - add dinosaurs

Jurassic Park - add aliens

Johro · 13-02-2013 10:33pm

Can we make existing TV shows better? Please?
How's about 'Splat! Celebrity Diving on Ice' ?

spankysue · 13-02-2013 11:13pm

The Blair Witch Project, have some scary sh1t happen instead of just a load of a$$holes moaning about how they have no cigarrettes and running away from fcuk all.

md23040 · 13-02-2013 11:28pm

Stealth Recce wrote: »

Aliens - add dinosaurs

Alien versus predator was wicked, stupid dinosaurs wouldn't last 5 minutes.

uch · 13-02-2013 11:30pm

Star Wars with Spitfires flown by hookers who smoke lots of weed and do everyone

the purple tin · 13-02-2013 11:32pm

Make the kid in terminator 2 a mute.

Make an existing film better

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