Need to stop - Lent a good starting point.

KeefF

Have been here before.
Late 30's and still partying (& all that goes with it) like a 21 year old.
Have a great career - if they knew what I got up to at weekends - not worth thinking about.
Would love to give it up full stop. Would love to be a non-drinker. Love it when I go for weeks without it but always go back.

Money, fitness,well being, slf-confidence, self-respect, work & family - all the things I value get impacted most.

i am single which makes it hard to sit in at w/ends.

going to try stop with lent as my starting point and social exscuse.

Wish me luck please.

Tom_Cruise

Good luck and hope it goes well for you.

Roselm

KeefF wrote: »

Have been here before.
Late 30's and still partying (& all that goes with it) like a 21 year old.
Have a great career - if they knew what I got up to at weekends - not worth thinking about.
Would love to give it up full stop. Would love to be a non-drinker. Love it when I go for weeks without it but always go back.

Money, fitness,well being, slf-confidence, self-respect, work & family - all the things I value get impacted most.

i am single which makes it hard to sit in at w/ends.

going to try stop with lent as my starting point and social exscuse.

Wish me luck please.

Good luck man. Totally do-able

Sunnyisland

Hi KeefF and everyone I have posted this a few times here so i hope you dont mind me repeating it

I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse or that you just want to stop drinking.


SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

• Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful),
• Hypnotherapy,
• Meditation,
• Dietary supplements,
• A healthy diet, and regular meals
• Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
• Spending a significant amount of time here or other non drinking sites, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
• Going to AA meetings
• Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"

Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

So good luck and rememebr it can be done.

realies

realies wrote: »

Hi KeefF and everyone I have posted this a few times here so i hope you dont mind me repeating it

I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse or that you just want to stop drinking.


SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

• Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful),
• Hypnotherapy,
• Meditation,
• Dietary supplements,
• A healthy diet, and regular meals
• Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
• Spending a significant amount of time here or other non drinking sites, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
• Going to AA meetings
• Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"

Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

So good luck and rememebr it can be done.

Great advice, I use 7 of the things you suggested on a regular basis and it's seen me 17 months off the drink. For me regular exercise and a routine have been key along with a much better diet. The key issue that people need to understand if they've really surrendered and they've accepted that they cannot control alcohol( and that it actually controls them) is that they need to change. Change is key or you will be on a bar stole again in no time. That is one thing I guarantee. You need to change the person you are because the person you were needed alcohol.

The person you were will drink again. The person you were will have to drink again.

Carpet diem

realies wrote: »

Hi KeefF and everyone I have posted this a few times here so i hope you dont mind me repeating it

I have made the suggestion to new folks here to "get a plan" for their recovery from alcohol abuse. The old phrase: "failing to plan is planning to fail" is very true in so many situations... and especially so in the case of those of us who are beginning (and continuing) the path of freedom from the devastation of alcohol abuse or that you just want to stop drinking.


SO: What is a plan, and how do I get one?

• Exercise (doesn't have to be a whole lot; some brisk walking, 3 or 4 days a week, is helpful),
• Hypnotherapy,
• Meditation,
• Dietary supplements,
• A healthy diet, and regular meals
• Medication (preferably with help, advice, and a prescription from your physician)
• Spending a significant amount of time here or other non drinking sites, reading the posts of others, getting to know people, asking questions, and talking about your progress and your struggles
• Going to AA meetings
• Changing our environment: Getting alcohol out of the house; not going to bars; not hanging around with "drinking buddies"

Most people do not use ALL elements in this list; but those who are successful tend to use a LOT of them. And we tend to adjust and tweak the elements, as we see what works for us (and for others).

Equally important is something we call the "mental game." This is short-hand for the process of changing our thinking and attitudes toward: alcohol, drinking, our emotions, and our behavior. We must learn a whole new approach to problems in life (we don't try to drink them away, any more), and we don't see alcohol as a "reward" for having accomplished something. We learn to tolerate distress, including the urges and impulses and cravings for drink, and we allow them to naturally pass away, without giving in to them. We learn not to engage in battles within our minds about drinking; we step away from that whole process, and choose to think about, and do, something else.

Perhaps most important: we recognize that the work of recovery truly is "work," and it takes time, effort, and sometimes it costs money. Sometimes it is costly in other ways, as well; friendships and other close relationships will be changed, when we change. And that can be painful. Making this kind of change will have an impact on all areas of our lives; that is a very, very good thing; it can also be accompanied by some pain. Again... we must learn to tolerate the discomforts involved in life changes. There will be some emotional upheaval along the way. We might want to seek counseling or psychotherapy; we certainly will benefit from coming here and talking about it.

Making a plan, and following it, is an act of mature recognition of the fact that, for nearly all of us, just wishing and hoping that we will stop drinking (or begin drinking "normally") "on our own" is not going to work. Remember: nobody ever "wished and hoped" their way through any important project. But with persistence, and support from others, following a plan can take us to the places in our lives where we really want to go.

So good luck and rememebr it can be done.

Hi Realies,
Great advice above. Your point on using this website or similar is good because I think it keeps you focussed.
Would you be able to expand on these below a bit more?
[*]Hypnotherapy,
[*]Meditation,
[*]Dietary supplements,
[*]Medication (

Aykina

Deleted User wrote: »

Change is key or you will be on a bar stole again in no time. That is one thing I guarantee. You need to change the person you are because the person you were needed alcohol.

The person you were will drink again. The person you were will have to drink again.

For me that's it in a nutshell.
Simple (but not easy)!

Sunnyisland

Carpet diem wrote: »

Hi Realise,
Great advice above. Your point on using this website or similar is good because I think it keeps you focussed.
Would you be able to expand on these below a bit more?
[*]Hypnotherapy,
[*]Meditation,
[*]Dietary supplements,
[*]Medication (

We have to be careful about giving advice here as its not allowed by the charter

Hypnotherapy
As a general rule not everyone is susceptible to hypnosis to begin with even in person. ( It has nothing to do with brain function either). I imagine that they may still be great for relaxation, positive and creative visualization, meditation and just taking the time to refocus on your goals? there is no magical potion. ( I looked into that too lol) hard work, patients and time is the only thing that has worked so far, and only when I was really ready to work towards freedom and true happiness and not a second sooner.

You can check out Itunes and the app store to see if they have some cheaper versions of hypnotherapy that are well reviewed you might want to try and see how you feel. The guided meditations might be enjoyable too. Good luck and let us know what you've concluded.

Meditation
None of us can completely control the stress and tension in our lives and unfortunately emotional situations many times come without warning and when a person relapses during their recovery it's due to stress, depression and anxiety. Meditation is an alternative form of therapy that can not only help to prevent relapse from drug and alcohol abuse but can also help with recovery from other forms of dependency.

Dietary supplements
Vitamin B
Multivitamin
D3
Co enzyme Q 10
Phosphatidyl
Theanine with GABA
Glutamine
Inositol
Milk thistle
Zinc
Minerals
Omega oils
Vit c ester
Multi amino acids
Chromium picolinate
Tryptophan and melatonin ....when I need to get an early night
of course any meds you take should at first be talked about with your own doctor and the above are just some I have taken over the last few years in my ways to get healthy.

Medication,

I am not going to post what medication people can take to help them in stopping drinking but there are quite a few out there,but once again you should talk to your own doctor before taking any medication,FWIW i took no meds what so ever as I have said before there is no easy way to stop and it will take hard will power and work in all aspects of your current lifestyle to change,Remember nothing changes if nothing changes.Good luck and let us know how your getting on.

Carpet diem

realies wrote: »

We have to be careful about giving advice here as its not allowed by the charter

Hypnotherapy
As a general rule not everyone is susceptible to hypnosis to begin with even in person. ( It has nothing to do with brain function either). I imagine that they may still be great for relaxation, positive and creative visualization, meditation and just taking the time to refocus on your goals? there is no magical potion. ( I looked into that too lol) hard work, patients and time is the only thing that has worked so far, and only when I was really ready to work towards freedom and true happiness and not a second sooner.

You can check out Itunes and the app store to see if they have some cheaper versions of hypnotherapy that are well reviewed you might want to try and see how you feel. The guided meditations might be enjoyable too. Good luck and let us know what you've concluded.

Meditation
None of us can completely control the stress and tension in our lives and unfortunately emotional situations many times come without warning and when a person relapses during their recovery it's due to stress, depression and anxiety. Meditation is an alternative form of therapy that can not only help to prevent relapse from drug and alcohol abuse but can also help with recovery from other forms of dependency.

Dietary supplements
Vitamin B
Multivitamin
D3
Co enzyme Q 10
Phosphatidyl
Theanine with GABA
Glutamine
Inositol
Milk thistle
Zinc
Minerals
Omega oils
Vit c ester
Multi amino acids
Chromium picolinate
Tryptophan and melatonin ....when I need to get an early night
of course any meds you take should at first be talked about with your own doctor and the above are just some I have taken over the last few years in my ways to get healthy.

Medication,

I am not going to post what medication people can take to help them in stopping drinking but there are quite a few out there,but once again you should talk to your own doctor before taking any medication,FWIW i took no meds what so ever as I have said before there is no easy way to stop and it will take hard will power and work in all aspects of your current lifestyle to change,Remember nothing changes if nothing changes.Good luck and let us know how your getting on.

Thanks realies,
The meditation one is one that I would would be off interest to me. Any suggestions on what you found useful? I was thinking of Yoga but I think I need something other than this as this feels like an exercise really..

xim2

yes yoga is great , someone recommended laughter yoga as you release endorphin's and helps to feel more comfortable with yourself.
giving up alcohol is about taking back control of your life & to do this you have to build Self-esteem!

KeefF

As title suggests, did it again at weekend.

Did loads of family related stuff Saturday, went for a run and everyhting was going fine. Got a couple texts around 9 pm - 10 pm to go out and I was off. Out to niteclub, back to party. In bed until 4 pm, back out about 6pm Sunday night - niteclub and party. Missed work Monday & had 4/5 pints Monday evening.
Back to square one - feel like a d*ck for missing work and spending hundreds of €'s.
I need to give up as it is draining me physically, mentally and emotionally.
Is AA the best option for me?
I have abosultely no desire to go out or drink during the week. However once Saturday comes I get drawn in and I'm off on a session. I go to the gym 4/5 times a week to Saturday so I can't really use that as a disctraction. I know of an AA meeting in town about 6 pm on a Sat I might try that.
I know that if I continue the way I am, I will never be happy or have the life I want.

anhedonia

KeefF wrote: »

Did loads of family related stuff Saturday, went for a run and everyhting was going fine. Got a couple texts around 9 pm - 10 pm to go out and I was off. Out to niteclub, back to party. In bed until 4 pm, back out about 6pm Sunday night - niteclub and party. Missed work Monday & had 4/5 pints Monday evening.
Back to square one - feel like a d*ck for missing work and spending hundreds of €'s.
I need to give up as it is draining me physically, mentally and emotionally.
Is AA the best option for me?
I have abosultely no desire to go out or drink during the week. However once Saturday comes I get drawn in and I'm off on a session. I go to the gym 4/5 times a week to Saturday so I can't really use that as a disctraction. I know of an AA meeting in town about 6 pm on a Sat I might try that.
I know that if I continue the way I am, I will never be happy or have the life I want.

Sounds exactly like my drinking, hardcore weekend warrior with little interest during the week, only problem is that the weekend's excesses destroyed my whole week, every week. Ive been attending AA for the past year with great success, and I highly recommend it to anyone in your situation. It helps to disregard the stereotypical image of the alcoholic as some wino in the gutter drinking every waking second. In reality most of the people Ive met in the rooms were serial binge drinkers. Alcoholism is more about the mindset than the drinking habits, and when you go in you should look at the similarities as opposed to the differences. You dont even have to classify yourself as alcoholic to attend, meetings are open to anyone with a desire to stop drinking. Alcoholism is a self-diagnosis, nobody can tell you that you are an alcoholic or not, and it boils down to this: is alcohol affecting your life negatively and do you want to stop?

So yeah give the meetings a shot, you have nothing to lose and a happy fulfilling life to gain, and you can get a full refund on your misery if it doesnt work out

Where are you based?

Wattle

KeefF wrote: »

As title suggests, did it again at weekend.

Did loads of family related stuff Saturday, went for a run and everyhting was going fine. Got a couple texts around 9 pm - 10 pm to go out and I was off. Out to niteclub, back to party. In bed until 4 pm, back out about 6pm Sunday night - niteclub and party. Missed work Monday & had 4/5 pints Monday evening.
Back to square one - feel like a d*ck for missing work and spending hundreds of €'s.
I need to give up as it is draining me physically, mentally and emotionally.
Is AA the best option for me?
I have abosultely no desire to go out or drink during the week. However once Saturday comes I get drawn in and I'm off on a session. I go to the gym 4/5 times a week to Saturday so I can't really use that as a disctraction. I know of an AA meeting in town about 6 pm on a Sat I might try that.
I know that if I continue the way I am, I will never be happy or have the life I want.

It sounds like you could do with replacing your drinking crowd with a more supportive scene. You can get that in AA. If AA is not for you maybe you can get some sort of counselling. Why not level with your G.P. and let him know what's going on?

KeefF

anhedonia wrote: »

Sounds exactly like my drinking, hardcore weekend warrior with little interest during the week, only problem is that the weekend's excesses destroyed my whole week, every week. Ive been attending AA for the past year with great success, and I highly recommend it to anyone in your situation. It helps to disregard the stereotypical image of the alcoholic as some wino in the gutter drinking every waking second. In reality most of the people Ive met in the rooms were serial binge drinkers. Alcoholism is more about the mindset than the drinking habits, and when you go in you should look at the similarities as opposed to the differences. You dont even have to classify yourself as alcoholic to attend, meetings are open to anyone with a desire to stop drinking. Alcoholism is a self-diagnosis, nobody can tell you that you are an alcoholic or not, and it boils down to this: is alcohol affecting your life negatively and do you want to stop?

So yeah give the meetings a shot, you have nothing to lose and a happy fulfilling life to gain, and you can get a full refund on your misery if it doesnt work out

Where are you based?

Based just about 12 miles outside Dublin City Centre but work in City Centre during the week. Checking out a counsellor in the City online at the moment and considering a visit to AA also. I look around at myself, my home, my car, finances and job would all be significantly improved if I gave up drink.

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

Based just about 12 miles outside Dublin City Centre but work in City Centre during the week. Checking out a counsellor in the City online at the moment and considering a visit to AA also. I look around at myself, my home, my car, finances and job would all be significantly improved if I gave up drink.

Best of luck KeefF, early days for me too.
Let me know how you get on with the online counselling and what the rates are like?

E.S.T.

KeefF wrote: »

As title suggests, did it again at weekend.

Did loads of family related stuff Saturday, went for a run and everyhting was going fine. Got a couple texts around 9 pm - 10 pm to go out and I was off. Out to niteclub, back to party. In bed until 4 pm, back out about 6pm Sunday night - niteclub and party. Missed work Monday & had 4/5 pints Monday evening.
Back to square one - feel like a d*ck for missing work and spending hundreds of €'s.
I need to give up as it is draining me physically, mentally and emotionally.
Is AA the best option for me?
I have abosultely no desire to go out or drink during the week. However once Saturday comes I get drawn in and I'm off on a session. I go to the gym 4/5 times a week to Saturday so I can't really use that as a disctraction. I know of an AA meeting in town about 6 pm on a Sat I might try that.
I know that if I continue the way I am, I will never be happy or have the life I want.

Gym 7 days a week and stop paying attention to the phone so much. Another thing you could do is wake up earlier so that you are really tired by the time it gets to 8-9pm. If you don't want to tell your friends about trying to quit alcohol so they are not asking you out all the time then you could say you are on some medication that has a bad reaction to alcohol.

Sunnyisland

KeefF there are really two parts to this whole stop drinking & recovery thing. The first part is that you have to embrace abstinence, you have to give yourself a chance by simply sticking it out for a while and being clean and sober.

Then the second part is that you have to do something, you have to take some action, you have to put in some effort in order to build a new life.

But you have to have both parts. You cannot just skip to the second part because it sounds fun to rebuild your life–unless you have already laid the foundation of sobriety by giving abstinence a chance to work in your life.

A goal of 30 days AF is a great start. You need that time to clear your head & your body of the toxic effects of Alcohol ,also as already suggested you need to change activities especially on the week end days, KeefF nothing changes if nothing changes,good luck.

KeefF

realies wrote: »

KeefF here are really two parts to this whole stop drinking & recovery thing. The first part is that you have to embrace abstinence, you have to give yourself a chance by simply sticking it out for a while and being clean and sober.

Then the second part is that you have to do something, you have to take some action, you have to put in some effort in order to build a new life.

But you have to have both parts. You cannot just skip to the second part because it sounds fun to rebuild your life–unless you have already laid the foundation of sobriety by giving abstinence a chance to work in your life.

A goal of 30 days AF is a great start. You need that time to clear your head & your body of the toxic effects of Alcohol ,also as already suggested you need to change activities especially on the week end days, KeefF nothing changes if nothing changes,good luck.

Thanks realies - clear, straight and proper advice. It's appreciated. Going to try an AA meeting Sat evening. Also going arrange meeting with a counsellor to see if he can help steer me in right direction also.

anhedonia

KeefF wrote: »

Thanks realies - clear, straight and proper advice. It's appreciated. Going to try an AA meeting Sat evening. Also going arrange meeting with a counsellor to see if he can help steer me in right direction also.

Yep great advice by Realies, I fully agree.

If you are southside there are two good meetings in Rathmines Blachchurch and Donnybrook church community centres on Saturday evenings.

Best of luck!

KeefF

First weekend not to go on the beer in 2013.
Got so much done today, up for an early run, bit of decorating & prep for the working week ahead.
Couple of pangs of "wish I was going out" last night as I got a couple of texts.
However stuck to plan to get myself out of the firing by calling up to my sister's to help her out on some college work. So glad I did now.

However similar plans need to be repeated week after week to get me through.

KeefF

Finally took a leap this week and did a session with a counsellor.
He asked lots and lots of questions.
Target for me is stay dry until next session with him.
Think I will revisit an AA meeting this week to help me along too.

Sunnyisland

KeefF wrote: »

Finally took a leap this week and did a session with a counsellor.
He asked lots and lots of questions.
Target for me is stay dry until next session with him.
Think I will revisit an AA meeting this week to help me along too.

Well done on taking that first big step, sometimes KeefF we need professional help in our struggles,nothing to be ashamed of The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself.
Mark Caine :cool:

KeefF

After a few false starts, I have managed to get through the Easter long weekend without going out on the lash. That gives me 9 days now. Pretty happy with myself as I had the week off work too so I had plenty of opportunity to go out drinking. I have to take this a starting point and demonstration that I can do it with hard work.
I have started a blog just to jot down some thoughts and record my days - this seems to be helping me so far.:D

Session with the counsellor tomorrow.

hubba

KeefF wrote: »

After a few false starts, I have managed to get through the Easter long weekend without going out on the lash. That gives me 9 days now. Pretty happy with myself as I had the week off work too so I had plenty of opportunity to go out drinking. I have to take this a starting point and demonstration that I can do it with hard work.
I have started a blog just to jot down some thoughts and record my days - this seems to be helping me so far.:D

Session with the counsellor tomorrow.

Stick with it, KeefF. It's worth it.

KeefF

Thanks Hubba.
Session with councellor today. Delved into some heavy stuff.
But I think it needs to be explored.

Good luck KeefF, it isn't going to be easy I'm not going to lie to you but the results are a totally new and better life. Take our word for it. What you need to do when times are tough is talk to people or post on here for support. First few months suck but it has to be like that to get to where you want to be. Easy does it.

Econoline Van

I had some counseling recently. Completely changed the way I was thinking about certain things. I'd recommend it to anyone, for any kind of problem. And I went in a total skeptic.

KeefF

After 3 weeks off the booze, I went on it the weekend before last.
Last week I had one of the darkest weeks of my life and I really never want to go through that again.
Didn't drink the weekend gone out and feel like a completely different person to this day last week.
It is absolutely critical for me that I do not drink anymore.
I have started put a blog together to put down my thoughts if anyone intersted - could be quite boring.

http://dryedout.blogspot.ie/search?updated-min=2013-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&updated-max=2014-01-01T00:00:00-08:00&max-results=11

canice

Yep, you got to give up the drink and all that comes with it.
There is no point in looking back at previous weekend, a new day and a new begining.
Just read your blog. keep it up, it will help remind yourself as to where you are at....
There is no easy way.....
Hope your counsellor is a gud one who was recommended.

Carpet diem

Fair play KeefF, keep it up.
I'm going through the same as you at the moment and it's tough and bumpy and getting back up and learning from it is all it's about.

The idea of a blog is great - I read yours with great interest. I might set one up myself today and will post it on my thread top read. It can be good way to let of some steam in a constructive way and plan ahead.

The reason I'm not posting on boards in a while is because I'm still in that 30 day phase of getting rid of drink from your system before I think about building a new life. Some of the advice from the guys on here is second to none really. But i suppose if i keep coming on here posting after breaking loose the guys will get fed up of listening to me.

I went to Life ring a few times and stopped. I thought it was good but I think I have a few things to sort out myself in my own mind and physically before committing to it. It's definitely worth a try. I'm going to go to a counsellor when I get a chance. PM if you recommend one as they are expensive and I would like to get the best one possible for my money?

Best of luck with the weekend ahead

KeefF

Thanks for the replies.
Met with Counsellor today. he thinks I'm making progress and on the cusp of a really positive change despite the blip a couple of weekends back.

Carpetdiem - I sent you PM

KeefF

Anyone recommend a good meditation CD?

Wattle

Try YouTube under Mindfulness Meditation.

KeefF

For some reason this evening, felt really sorry for myself and was extremely tempted to go out to the Pub.
Had to work hard to talk myself round. Telling myself that this feeling would pass and would be nothing compared to how bad I would feel if I went out got p**sed and did what I normally do when out drinking. I will be so glad in the morning.

As things stand I don't think I can win this battle with myself every Saturday night. I need to be able to get out and socialise and not feel isolated/excluded.

Sunnyisland

KeefF wrote: »

For some reason this evening, felt really sorry for myself and was extremely tempted to go out to the Pub.
Had to work hard to talk myself round. Telling myself that this feeling would pass and would be nothing compared to how bad I would feel if I went out got p**sed and did what I normally do when out drinking. I will be so glad in the morning.

As things stand I don't think I can win this battle with myself every Saturday night. I need to be able to get out and socialise and not feel isolated/excluded.

You have the get out and socialise but you don't have to make it in the pubs,check out what's going on in your area on Saturdays,get involved in what's going on,sitting at home feeling sorry for oneself will not work, And IMO you also Need to remember why you are not drinking,why you stopped in the first place,I know only to well how hard it is but failing to plan for these witching hours/nights is planning to fail.

KeefF

realies wrote: »

You have the get out and socialise but you don't have to make it in the pubs,check out what's going on in your area on Saturdays,get involved in what's going on,sitting at home feeling sorry for oneself will not work, And IMO you also Need to remember why you are not drinking,why you stopped in the first place,I know only to well how hard it is but failing to plan for these witching hours/nights is planning to fail.

Thanks for the feedback. Need to get myself to an AA meeting or something similar on Sat evenings.

beeroclock

Hi KeefF how have things being going? reading this thread with a lot of interest

J_E

Likewise, hope you are doing okay, do let us know how things are keeping!

KeefF

I'm convinced a stint in treatment is only way to give myself a chance to beat this.
Will have to ask work to allow me take 5 weeks leave - am sh*tting myself as I worrk in a big firm.

hubba

Was just reading over your posts KeefF and it brought me back to times in the not too distant past when I felt like you, when staying in was almost unbearable.

For me it was that I was so embedded in a the pub culture and a particular group of heavy drinkers that it was torture to stay away, even for one evening. I would picture them all arriving in to the pub, sitting on their regular stools, imagine the banter (imagination is always far better than the real thing) and totally feel like I was seriously missing out. It was an awful feeling like ants running over my skin, something I could barely stand and was going insane trying to resist. I would be pacing, and clock watching and half heartedly trying to distract myself and if I did manage to suceed it would just mean I would go in the following evening as a 'reward' and drink myself sick.

So what I did was to gradually (and somewhat sadly) come to the realisation that I had to extracate myself from the situation. So I did that, very, very slowly, going to the pub less and less, losing contact gradually with those 'friends' who were only drinking friends really, we never actually did anything together outside the pubs 4 walls.

So eventually, when it came time to quit, it didn't feel so bad or lonely. I had already built up a few alternative activities which I enjoyed and could imagine a path forwards without the pub as a crutch.

Anyway, I'm rabitting on. I just thought I'd share that as your post struck a chord with me.

Best wishes on your journey.

KeefF

hubba wrote: »

Was just reading over your posts KeefF and it brought me back to times in the not too distant past when I felt like you, when staying in was almost unbearable.

For me it was that I was so embedded in a the pub culture and a particular group of heavy drinkers that it was torture to stay away, even for one evening. I would picture them all arriving in to the pub, sitting on their regular stools, imagine the banter (imagination is always far better than the real thing) and totally feel like I was seriously missing out. It was an awful feeling like ants running over my skin, something I could barely stand and was going insane trying to resist. I would be pacing, and clock watching and half heartedly trying to distract myself and if I did manage to suceed it would just mean I would go in the following evening as a 'reward' and drink myself sick.

So what I did was to gradually (and somewhat sadly) come to the realisation that I had to extracate myself from the situation. So I did that, very, very slowly, going to the pub less and less, losing contact gradually with those 'friends' who were only drinking friends really, we never actually did anything together outside the pubs 4 walls.

So eventually, when it came time to quit, it didn't feel so bad or lonely. I had already built up a few alternative activities which I enjoyed and could imagine a path forwards without the pub as a crutch.

Anyway, I'm rabitting on. I just thought I'd share that as your post struck a chord with me.

Best wishes on your journey.

Thanks very inspiring post. Definitely the people I spend most my time drinking with are people I would not otherwise ever be around - I have just gotten so used and dependent on them at the weekends. I have been really thinking over the last few days that while I have been intermittently attending AA over recent months I have never really gave it a go i.e. adopt the principles and change my own lifestyle and attitudes - not simply sit in a room for an hour. Also when opportunities/compulsion to go out and drink have popped up I have not really worked hard to distract or extrtact myselfand think through the reasons why I need to stop drinking. Its very clear if I keep meeeting the same people and going to the same places - I will do the same things. I need to step back all together and avoid pub situations and people altogether. Over time hopefully I will unerstand who and what is important to me. Also I need to plan out my weekends better and get to AA also. Thanks

KeefF

Feel good tonight.
Managed to get 3 AA meetings this week & spoke really for the first time at one tonight.
Also I have followed advice and set out a daily plan for myself including ensuring I have a meeting to go to on a Sat eve.

KeefF

Hi,
Have managed to get 4/5 AA meetings in the last couple of weeks plus 2 one to one counselling sessions. Also some praying in the morning and night. Also daily re-afirmation of my commitment to stay sober.

Last night, I was in the pub with two lifetime friends for 3-4 hours - me not drinking. And it was not even an issue - it was not mentioned and I did not feel uncomfortable at all.
However later I met up with some of my "drinking buddies" who were going to a niteclub and I went with them. It was horrible. Two revelations:
(1) I am in no way ready for loud busy places full of people who are drunk; and
(2) Those people are not my real friends and the only connection I have had with them was drink. I could not believe how uncomfortable I felt around them N/A.

Anyway I lasted about 10 mins in that place, got out, got in my car and got myself a nice Mickey D's.

Delighted I did - nice and fresh this morning and good gym session.

A high level of diligence is required for myself:
Daily Plan - Acceptance, Seek Guidance, Give Thanks, Daily Commitment to staying sober, honesty with myself, work hard & train hard in the gym & running and get to regular AA meetings.
Eventually I hope to get busy living too.

Life is so much better sober.

Thanks

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
Have managed to get 4/5 AA meetings in the last couple of weeks plus 2 one to one counselling sessions. Also some praying in the morning and night. Also daily re-afirmation of my commitment to stay sober.

Last night, I was in the pub with two lifetime friends for 3-4 hours - me not drinking. And it was not even an issue - it was not mentioned and I did not feel uncomfortable at all.
However later I met up with some of my "drinking buddies" who were going to a niteclub and I went with them. It was horrible. Two revelations:
(1) I am in no way ready for loud busy places full of people who are drunk; and
(2) Those people are not my real friends and the only connection I have had with them was drink. I could not believe how uncomfortable I felt around them N/A.

Anyway I lasted about 10 mins in that place, got out, got in my car and got myself a nice Mickey D's.

Delighted I did - nice and fresh this morning and good gym session.

A high level of diligence is required for myself:
Daily Plan - Acceptance, Seek Guidance, Give Thanks, Daily Commitment to staying sober, honesty with myself, work hard & train hard in the gym & running and get to regular AA meetings.
Eventually I hope to get busy living too.

Life is so much better sober.

Thanks

Well done keef. Great to hear.

hubba

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
Have managed to get 4/5 AA meetings in the last couple of weeks plus 2 one to one counselling sessions. Also some praying in the morning and night. Also daily re-afirmation of my commitment to stay sober.

Last night, I was in the pub with two lifetime friends for 3-4 hours - me not drinking. And it was not even an issue - it was not mentioned and I did not feel uncomfortable at all.
However later I met up with some of my "drinking buddies" who were going to a niteclub and I went with them. It was horrible. Two revelations:
(1) I am in no way ready for loud busy places full of people who are drunk; and
(2) Those people are not my real friends and the only connection I have had with them was drink. I could not believe how uncomfortable I felt around them N/A.

Anyway I lasted about 10 mins in that place, got out, got in my car and got myself a nice Mickey D's.

Delighted I did - nice and fresh this morning and good gym session.

A high level of diligence is required for myself:
Daily Plan - Acceptance, Seek Guidance, Give Thanks, Daily Commitment to staying sober, honesty with myself, work hard & train hard in the gym & running and get to regular AA meetings.
Eventually I hope to get busy living too.

Life is so much better sober.

Thanks

Great update, thanks KeefF. You are doing really well.

KeefF

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
Have managed to get 4/5 AA meetings in the last couple of weeks plus 2 one to one counselling sessions. Also some praying in the morning and night. Also daily re-afirmation of my commitment to stay sober.

Last night, I was in the pub with two lifetime friends for 3-4 hours - me not drinking. And it was not even an issue - it was not mentioned and I did not feel uncomfortable at all.
However later I met up with some of my "drinking buddies" who were going to a niteclub and I went with them. It was horrible. Two revelations:
(1) I am in no way ready for loud busy places full of people who are drunk; and
(2) Those people are not my real friends and the only connection I have had with them was drink. I could not believe how uncomfortable I felt around them N/A.

Anyway I lasted about 10 mins in that place, got out, got in my car and got myself a nice Mickey D's.

Delighted I did - nice and fresh this morning and good gym session.

A high level of diligence is required for myself:
Daily Plan - Acceptance, Seek Guidance, Give Thanks, Daily Commitment to staying sober, honesty with myself, work hard & train hard in the gym & running and get to regular AA meetings.
Eventually I hope to get busy living too.

Life is so much better sober.

Thanks

Well done, something similar happened to me when I was only 6 months off it. Went away for a weekend I shouldn't have. Wasn't ready for it at all. THat will stand to you that you got through that

tunguska

KeefF wrote: »

(2) Those people are not my real friends and the only connection I have had with them was drink. I could not believe how uncomfortable I felt around them N/A.

I think this is one of the big revelations people have when they give up the booze. You get to find out who your real friends are and a lot of the time you find that you dont have any real friends just drinking buddies who will only want your company so long as you're drinking. I see a lot of relationships that are dependent upon alcohol and its pathetic really. A friend of mine is a decent runner but he would be so much better if he didn't drink. I mentioned giving up the booze to him but his response was pretty sad, he said that if he gave up alcohol he'd have no friends or social life. Which was probably true but sad none the less, that a lot of people in this country are in this position, if they didnt drink their social lives would come to an abrupt end. And its at this point that you literally have to reinvent yourself, which is a good thing but not easy to do in a land where most social activities revolve around a substance.

Carpet diem

tunguska wrote: »

I think this is one of the big revelations people have when they give up the booze. You get to find out who your real friends are and a lot of the time you find that you dont have any real friends just drinking buddies who will only want your company so long as you're drinking. I see a lot of relationships that are dependent upon alcohol and its pathetic really. A friend of mine is a decent runner but he would be so much better if he didn't drink. I mentioned giving up the booze to him but his response was pretty sad, he said that if he gave up alcohol he'd have no friends or social life. Which was probably true but sad none the less, that a lot of people in this country are in this position, if they didnt drink their social lives would come to an abrupt end. And its at this point that you literally have to reinvent yourself, which is a good thing but not easy to do in a land where most social activities revolve around a substance.

I agree with all the above.

Plenty stuff going on in the Olympia/Gaiety/Grand Canal. Beginning to love the place.

Sure if you go out with work - only thing in common is drink 95% of the time. Move to another company will verify this. Sad reality.

KeefF

Good day today.Zero temptation.

KeefF

Hi,
Went to my Chrimbo party last night. Stuck to the N/A and was fine and was involved with craic and chat etc. Though about 12 am was starting to get that hollow feeling with a bit of self-pity and loneliness etc. Thankfully, I was able to call on some of the things I've picked up on over the last 2 months of sobriety and went home. Needless to say very glad today that I did.
Longer term really wondering what will become of me relationship wise etc. For today - happy to be sober.

Carpet diem

KeefF wrote: »

Hi,
Went to my Chrimbo party last night. Stuck to the N/A and was fine and was involved with craic and chat etc. Though about 12 am was starting to get that hollow feeling with a bit of self-pity and loneliness etc. Thankfully, I was able to call on some of the things I've picked up on over the last 2 months of sobriety and went home. Needless to say very glad today that I did.
Longer term really wondering what will become of me relationship wise etc. For today - happy to be sober.

Fair play KeefF. Very well done. More to life than drink.

Had party myself too and went well. Were people asking why you weren't drinking ?