What do you LOVE about being Single?

Morag

So ladies what do you love about being single?

Not having to share the duvet?
Being able to wear what you want with out himself/herself thinking it's too riské?
Being able to make plans with out having to check if you agreed to go to something or are expected to go to an event?
Not having having to shave your legs so much now that it's winter?


Being single can certainly have it's upsides

juan.kerr

Being able to pass wind at any time of the day?

Fizzlesque

It does have its upsides. I've been single (barring dalliances and flings) for twelve years, so I've forgotten a lot of what it's like to be part of a couple, in terms of compromises I used have to reach. Not only have that, I've lived alone most of (but not all) my adult life, so I'm really rusty with regard to sharing my space and my time with someone considerably more than I generally do with friends.

I enjoy the feeling of self sufficiency that being single has brought me. I needed the self-belief and now I have it. Yippee!!

I must also admit, I'm rather fond of not having to consider another person (beyond the consideration all other non-partner-people in my life require/deserve/get) and being able to put myself first.

I keep having to delete stuff I've written for this reply because a lot of it sounds so selfish when packed into a sentence or two. I might be back after further ponder.

beks101

A nice big bed all to yourself

Your time is your own. Not having to factor someone else into your daily life

More time for hobbies

More time for friends

Less date nights = more money

Flirting with whomever you want, whenever you want

The exciting possibility of meeting someone new, anywhere, anytime. (Love this one)

Not having to deal with someone else's habits (messiness, chews with mouth open, snores etc)

Time to figure out who you really are without the distraction of coupledom. Time to self improve

Career climbing without the guilt of abandoning someone for late nights in the office, overtime etc.

seenitall

Lord, I LOVE this thread! (and it only just started)

As above, one of the best things about singledom is the growth in self-sufficiency - when you are doing it right, that is - and that is a very, very empowering experience (especially for folks who have a history with their self-esteem).

Also, yes, that feeling that a big romantic adventure could be just around the corner - priceless.

The bad points are a sometime loneliness or hopelessness ("Poor me, this is it for me now"), but truly, these times need to be embraced too, as much as possible, as I think it's important to acknowledge the stuff that's missing from our lives in order to be able to fully appreciate the other, wonderful stuff, too. Yin and yang!

In the past few years I have started to understand that I am not necessarily best suited to be in a relationship, as I had previously thought. It's just that I always preferred being in one, and there is a big difference between the two.

I'd still prefer to be in a relationship, yet it's a different me saying that now.

For example, I can't imagine ever having to live with anyone again. I love my own space too much, and I love my own time even more! That is not to say this can't be squared with falling in love or even commitment, it's just that it would have to be a less conventional type of set-up than most, but somehow I always knew I'd be heading in that direction, even my marriage was pretty wacky (lived in shared accomodation with a commitment-phobe husband and two backpackers ).

So yeah, singledom - thumbs up! Who knows, I may well come to miss it one day...

tomboylady

Love being able to stretch out in my bed and wind the duvet around me without worrying about someone else!

Also nice to be able to say yes to things (working late, dinners, events, etc) without having to check with someone else.

I'm kind of OCD so it's nice to know that when I put something away in my apartment, it will still be there when I go back, etc.

I've been single for a few years now. I get lonely from time to time (the latest time being just a few weeks ago) and wish I had someone to spend time with, and share things with, but for the most part I like my independence.

Fluorescence

Ooh there's so much I love about being single! Excellent thread so far Here's a few off the top of my head:

- The big thing for me is that whatever little me time I have really is, well, me time. I need a lot of time to unwind and arse about by myself, and I've found in the past that being in a relationship compromised that to the point where I was resenting the other person for it. So yes, time alone is a big plus.

- In addition, it leaves me with more flexibility in my social life. I don't have to factor a partner into plans with friends, and I don't have to feel guilty about getting more college/work hours.

- I can have as many good friends of the opposite sex as I like without worrying if I'm giving off the wrong impression/potentially making my partner jealous. Though I'd like to think they'd be secure enough to deal with it.

- It gives me space to breathe. When I feel an obligation to another person, even a friend, it makes me uneasy and anxious. Singledom offers the chance to learn how to deal with that without the pressure I put on myself for not being secure enough to deal with other people's emotional requirements. I'm not a robot, I swear :pac:

A lot of this may sound selfish, but in many ways I think it's more selfish to be in a relationship where you're holding yourself back. I'd rather hold myself back from relationships :P While I'm not opposed to being in a relationship again, I don't see it happening any time soon. I still have a lot of learning and growing to do as a person before I can contemplate getting involved with someone.

An interesting thing I've noticed is that some people despise singledom. They hop from relationship to relationship, never staying single for long. As if being single is a bridge between 2 relationships (the shorter the better). I have a totally different view of it. I see being single as a journey all its own. There's many adventures and life lessons to be had, and when the time comes to put your feet on a different path you're a better person for it.

That's how I like to see it!

Wibbs

Fluorescence wrote: »

An interesting thing I've noticed is that some people despise singledom. They hop from relationship to relationship, never staying single for long. As if being single is a bridge between 2 relationships (the shorter the better). I have a totally different view of it. I see being single as a journey all its own. There's many adventures and life lessons to be had, and when the time comes to put your feet on a different path you're a better person for it.

Oh this, soooo much this. *bows*:) So many people, but I've found more ladies think like you describe F. Women mates (and exes) who have gone from one guy to the next with no breaks. Some even do the overlap, not letting go of one guy until another is in play*. As if being single is somehow a disfunction in some way, that you're somehow not "complete" unless coupled up. IMHO Your take is sooooo much better F. I've also found IME people who think like that make for a better partner when they do get into a relationship, because they're doing it for the right reasons.






*I have known blokes to do it, but a lot rarer IME. Maybe because they have less opportunity and would if they could? That might well be a big factor. I have noticed the older a guy is the more likely he is to do it for some reason?

Fluorescence

Wibbs wrote: »

Oh this, soooo much this. *bows*:) So many people, but I've found more ladies think like you describe F. Women mates (and exes) who have gone from one guy to the next with no breaks. Some even do the overlap, not letting go of one guy until another is in play*. As if being single is somehow a disfunction in some way, that you're somehow not "complete" unless coupled up. IMHO Your take is sooooo much better F. I've also found IME people who think like that make for a better partner when they do get into a relationship, because they're doing it for the right reasons.


*I have known blokes to do it, but a lot rarer IME. Maybe because they have less opportunity and would if they could? That might well be a big factor. I have noticed the older a guy is the more likely he is to do it for some reason?

*Doffs hat* Yes it's something I've noticed quite a lot amongst girls my age - they stay single as little as they can get away with, or they stay in awful, awful relationships longer than they should because it's "better than being alone". As soon as one guy leaves the scene, the hunt begins for a new partner. I find it very strange to watch.

Most of my male friends don't think in this way. Not that they don't want relationships, but they're much more laid back about the whole thing. If and when it happens, excellent, but they're not actively seeking one. I wonder if the biological clock thing is somehow at work, even amongst women who have at least 10-15 years left before the declining fertility thing comes into play.

Wibbs

I reckon it's a lot down to society/cultural thinking F. The "lone wolf" as male is near celebrated in our culture, yet the lone female is considered somehow "odd". You see this in all sorts of media. The lone wolf guy is someone to be sought, loved, even "tamed". He's somehow heroic(if he's cute:D). The lone wolf woman is almost absent from our media and collective thought. Even the words describing the single state have different feelings when it comes to gender. "Bachelor" has a far more positive bent to it than "spinster". The latter is almost a curse. More a feeling of dried up and "on the shelf" going on.

Fluorescence

Very very true! All the more reason to have a thread here in tLL celebrating singledom

Morag

I think that some people are afraid of being single, or not having someone or just want a distraction from sorting themselves and their lives out. We used to have pretty big families and being on our own was then weird for so many people.

The question of who are you when you are on your own is a big one.
It can be weird when you are out of a relationship to have to re evaluate what your likes and dislikes are, what compromises you made so often that not having to make them any more is strange.

I think it is good to take time to rediscover and find out how and what about myself had changed after a relationship.

I love not having to go out or go anywhere at the weekend, to spend it getting stuff done in and around the house and not talk to anyone unless I choose to. To not have to do a damned thing unless it's to suit myself.

The toilet seat is always down. In the middle of the night, first thing in the morning, anytime at all. This cannot be overemphasised as a plus for single ladies.

And the only thing on the floor is the tiles.

The television is never commandeered for football or other sports programming I'm not interested in, that drives me mad.

The duvet - its mine, all mine.

Morag

The Danes apprenty do two queen sized duvets on a king sized double bed for couples.
So they can be different togs and you never get it robbed.
If I ever end up sharing a bed on a regular bases I am so going to insist on that.

Tigger99

Its a daft movie but the scene in runaway bride where Richard Gere is cooking Julia Roberts breakfast and she doesn't know what way she likes her eggs (she always was just happy to have whatever her previous boyfriends were making) resonates with me hugely and Morag's post reminds me of this.

For me the best thing about being single is that I get to focus on what I want to do and like. I realise this can happen in healthy relationships, but I haven't been in one of those for a while

prettygurrly

Tigger99 wrote: »

For me the best thing about being single is that I get to focus on what I want to do and like. I realise this can happen in healthy relationships, but I haven't been in one of those for a while

I'm glad someone has mentioned this...the rest of you make it sound like if you're in a couple you have no chance of doing anything or going anywhere that you want to do/go! I'm currently sitting in my sitting room scanning countless photos after being out all week at christmas parties while my bf is out with his friends for a bday...yes we need to confer on our plans but that's purely for giving the other a heads up rather than asking permission...

i wasn't single for long between relationships but this totally wasn't by choice. When you meet someone good it's difficult to say "hang on, i need to be single to find myself"...and then lose them...

and on the duvet front, we seem to have sleeping down...if he snores, i wake him up. The worst that happens is when he's drunk he tends to lie on top of me but I just wake him up seems to work!

beks101

prettygurrly wrote: »

I'm glad someone has mentioned this...the rest of you make it sound like if you're in a couple you have no chance of doing anything or going anywhere that you want to do/go!

Ah no, it's really just a balance to the "what do you love about your boyfriend" thread which sort of excludes the single ladies of The Lounge who don't have a bf to love, but have a single life that can have its perks too

Of course relationships can be great and can enhance your life in numerous ways. My last relationship was just bliss (til the end), we clicked in every way & had the same mentality about wanting to spend lots of time together but wanting our own space too, and the whole thing flowed and evolved in the best possible way. And I learned a lot about myself.

I wasn't exactly thrilled to find myself single again as I was madly in love with the ex and our lives were so entwined. But finding yourself on your own at various points in your life is just a fact of life, you came into this world on your own and that's the way you'll exit too! So it's just as important to celebrate yourself and your singledom and learn to be 100% comfortable and happy on your own, as much as it is important to celebrate your happy relationship(s) when they come along.

Especially for women too, for the reasons that Wibbs pointed out about the single female being tarnished as some sort of dysfunctional failure, particularly as she gets older, whereas men seem to get a lot fewer questions and a lot less judgement for it.

Fizzlesque

Fluorescence wrote: »

An interesting thing I've noticed is that some people despise singledom. They hop from relationship to relationship, never staying single for long. As if being single is a bridge between 2 relationships (the shorter the better). I have a totally different view of it. I see being single as a journey all its own. There's many adventures and life lessons to be had, and when the time comes to put your feet on a different path you're a better person for it.

That's how I like to see it!

A friend of mine was like this - until a couple of years ago. From her late teens to her late thirties she always, absolutely always, had a boyfriend. A couple of years ago she ended a relationship that was best ended and decided to spend some time being single, for the first time in her adult life and now she absolutely loves it.

Although there are times I wouldn't mind falling in love (twelve years is longer than I ever imagined I'd need to 'sort my head and heart out' - there was a lot of untangling to be done) I think I'd be in the same boat as seenitall in needing a less than conventional relationship. I absolutely never want to live with a man again; I love my own space too much and need a fair bit of alone time.

I'm glad to see others posting the same things I thought read a bit selfish last night when I posted my earlier post. I'm so used to doing absolutely everything my own way, even when that way turns out to be, as it sometimes does, the least sensible choice, I thoroughly relish my freedom to do as I please with no need to consider how my choices will impact on someone else.

I have no TV anymore - I got rid of it a few years ago - and only watch DVDs on my monitor (specifically bought for that purpose) connected to a DVD player, so I watch a lot of DVDs. I can watch some things repeatedly, sometimes only as background activity, but I'm especially addicted to Frasier. I couldn't force my strange but harmless love of Frasier onto a live-in boyfriend. I have the full series on DVD and it gets played a lot. It's like comfort food for me - it still makes me laugh (weirdly, as I've seen it all a scary amount of times) but it comforts me too. Like a cosy blanket.

I potter a lot too. Bimbling about the house, starting lots of things, moving stuff, changing things about; what would look like total chaos to the untrained eye, is remarkably structured (like a chess board pattern) and when the day is done I've whittled my way back to clarity (at times, a house in different order). Admittedly it can be a small bit explosive in the middle of a substantial stuff-shuffle.

I quite like the slightly bonkers but completely capable individual I have discovered myself to be. Being single was the best thing for me. I can only speak for myself when I say this, being single allowed me to become who I am, over time, lots of time; and that blossoming would have been somewhat suppressed had I been in a relationship. I want the love without the hard work involved in 'looking after a relationship' that seems to be necessary. I'm just not sure I could be arsed 'working' at a relationship. Not at the moment, anyway.

fits

I'm not single, but I'm in a LDR at the moment so I have the best, and worst of both worlds

Honestly, I see where a lot of you come from saying you wouldn't want to live with someone again. I think the older you get the more you get used to doing your own thing and you get a lot less flexible about these things. I'm a bit conflicted about the whole thing as well, as I would like children but the career is at an important juncture at the moment and its not going to move forward in Ireland for the time being. Of course I could do other things. Its never black and white is it. There are benefits and drawbacks to every choice we make.

And I think the attitude towards single women is definitely changing. A lot of my friends are single and will likely stay so for a while. In fact, only one of my close friends is married and she'd be slightly different to the others anyway.

RacoonQueen

Fizzlesque wrote: »

A friend of mine was like this - until a couple of years ago. From her late teens to her late thirties she always, absolutely always, had a boyfriend. A couple of years ago she ended a relationship that was best ended and decided to spend some time being single, for the first time in her adult life and now she absolutely loves it.

Where do they meet all these men though? :eek:

I'm quite picky about who I go out with I guess, not intentionally, but I very rarely meet men I'm actually interested in in that way. When I do meet someone I really like something usually happens. Where I know people would go on date after date or stay with someone they don't particularly like for a few months

Whats good about being single, just the freedom of all your time(family aside) being your own. My hobbies are time consuming and take up a lot of my free time so when I meet someone I like it takes a bit of juggling to fit them into my life. If you want to be with someone, it's easy to find time for them, if you don't it's not.

And it's cheaper to be single :pac:

Nothing I particularly love about being single. Both worlds have their advantages presuming you're with the right person.

eviltwin

Mr Piglet wrote: »

deleted troll post and troll with it

You can still be sexually active while being single.

Fizzlesque

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Where do they do all these men though? :eek:

I'm quite picky about who I go out with I guess, not intentionally, but I very rarely meet men I'm actually interested in in that way. When I do meet someone I really like something usually happens. Where I know people would go on date after date or stay with someone they don't particularly like for a few months .

I don't know, I'd be similar to you with regard to meeting men that interest me enough. I have known girls/women who don't even like an afternoon alone, and seem to value having anyone to relate to/be involved with as a better option than being alone. A kind of 'good enough' outlook. I don't know many women like that, but the few I do seem to be the ones who start and end more relationships.

miamee

I love this thread. It was just what I needed to read to remind me that being single does not make me the weirdo/odd one out/one to be pitied.
I actually love my own company and pottering round the house by myself. I haven't spent very much time in relationships so can't really say what I love about being single versus that but at the moment I am filled with the hopes and possibilities that being single and having no responsibilities gives.

For example, I'm thinking about going on holiday - and being single, sure why not?! I just have to ask my own boss for time off and go wherever takes my fancy

Wibbs

Fizzlesque wrote: »

I have known girls/women who don't even like an afternoon alone, and seem to value having anyone to relate to/be involved with as a better option than being alone. A kind of 'good enough' outlook. I don't know many women like that, but the few I do seem to be the ones who start and end more relationships.

This in my experience too pretty much F. Definitely the "good enough" at play. The ones I've known like this, the serial monogamists, also tend to have a wider "type" they go for. I had an ex like this and each one of the guys before and after (that I knew about) were very different in looks, temperament and personality. Pretty much the only commonality was her. Funny enough the one guy I know like this was the same. All very different women in his past. As if some don't know quite what they want so go through every possible permutation hoping to get the "right choice"? IME I've also noted that it rarely ends so well, when the music stops and they sit down for good they often still don't know what/who they want. Plus of course some people are less "picky/discerning" in their choices, especially if the other choice is being single.

Clarehobo

Wibbs wrote: »

This in my experience too pretty much F. Definitely the "good enough" at play. The ones I've known like this, the serial monogamists, also tend to have a wider "type" they go for. I had an ex like this and each one of the guys before and after (that I knew about) were very different in looks, temperament and personality. Pretty much the only commonality was her. Funny enough the one guy I know like this was the same. All very different women in his past. As if some don't know quite what they want so go through every possible permutation hoping to get the "right choice"? IME I've also noted that it rarely ends so well, when the music stops and they sit down for good they often still don't know what/who they want. Plus of course some people are less "picky/discerning" in their choices, especially if the other choice is being single.

God - I am a perpetual singleton but I have to say the four guys I have been serious about are all totally different. I wouldn't take back any of the time I spent with them. I think limiting yourself to someone because they are your type at any one time is pretty foolish - you are constantly evolving and so are the people around you.

Things I love about being single:
* Bed to myself
* No one waking me up in the middle of the night or early in the morning
* Being as messy or tidy as I want
* My time outside of work is my time to do with as I choose
* Not being tied to any plans if I don't want to

I know: they are all selfish reasons but in all fairness I am enjoying being selfish! I am caring and considerate in the extreme with my friends and family. If I meet someone I like enough to consider spending the rest of our lives together, it's all good but if someone told me right now I would never meet anyone, I'd be happy with that as well.

Wibbs

Clarehobo wrote: »

God - I am a perpetual singleton but I have to say the four guys I have been serious about are all totally different. I wouldn't take back any of the time I spent with them. I think limiting yourself to someone because they are your type at any one time is pretty foolish - you are constantly evolving and so are the people around you.

Oh yes very much so CH, I was just noting with the "always in a relationship" types I've known it was almost a rule. They go from 1 guy/gal to a completely different and opposite type of guy/gal usually with overlap and rinse and repeat. Not it seems for the healthy reasons you give.

cantdecide

Wibbs wrote: »

...As if some don't know quite what they want so go through every possible permutation hoping to get the "right choice"? IME I've also noted that it rarely ends so well, when the music stops and they sit down for good they often still don't know what/who they want. Plus of course some people are less "picky/discerning" in their choices, especially if the other choice is being single.

I know someone like this too. In fact, much of her character is uncannily like mine as much as mutual friends would often comment how we'd be such a great match. The difference between us is that because of the weight I was for much of my twenties and other reasons I've struggled to attract girls over the years, she has guys clambering over each other for her. She's very beautiful, and tons of great characteristics so it's easy to see why she's never struggled for male attention.

The effect is that she hasn't been single for longer than a fortnight (literally) at a time between her long term relationships in the 10+ years I've known her. I know she can't be alone when and she always has a choice. I now know that on my loneliest days, I can appreciate what I've learned about myself and the strength of character and emotional intelligence that I have gained (modesty too:P). It's none of my business but frankly, I believe her attitude to her partners can be quite odd because she is so spoilt for choice.

Dangerous pursuits is another reason. Motorcycling has brought some amazing and unforgettable experiences into my life. There have also been bad experiences I've had that have made me grateful that I hadn't a wife and/ or child elsewhere to worry about. Maybe one day it'll be time to hang up my helmet for new adventures but for now, I can appreciate only having myself to worry about...

Sunshineboo

There are many benefits to being single. I like having my weekends clear to spend time with the girls, Never having to worry about what to get a boyfriend at Christmas and Birthdays also Valentines Day can be cringeworthy. Having the bed to myself I love doing starfish in bed and tossing and turning during the night without worrying about keeping somebody up!

Honey-ec

Casual sex.

It rocks.

cena

Iwish I wasn't at times

Wibbs

Wibbs wrote: »

This in my experience too pretty much F. Definitely the "good enough" at play. The ones I've known like this, the serial monogamists, also tend to have a wider "type" they go for. I had an ex like this and each one of the guys before and after (that I knew about) were very different in looks, temperament and personality. Pretty much the only commonality was her. Funny enough the one guy I know like this was the same. All very different women in his past. As if some don't know quite what they want so go through every possible permutation hoping to get the "right choice"? IME I've also noted that it rarely ends so well, when the music stops and they sit down for good they often still don't know what/who they want. Plus of course some people are less "picky/discerning" in their choices, especially if the other choice is being single.

Have you ever noticed men being serial monogamists in the same way? It's funny seeing a few women I know who've each been single for maybe a month since they were like 14 and they're now in their mid-twenties. I almost got snared by both but realised quite quickly to get out. :pac:

As for what I like about being single, I like that I can do what I like to myself and while friends may be concerned that's as far as it goes. I really doubt a girlfriend would put up with their boyfriend drinking and the like the way I do. :pac: