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MRS "husbands name"

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    #92
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    username123 wrote: »
    On what bit?

    Judging your friends or taking your husbands name being a negative thing for someone to do?

    I never said it was a negative thing to take your husbands name, not once did I say that. I am also not judging my friends. If you want to take it that way though go ahead.


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    #93
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I never said it was a negative thing to take your husbands name, not once did I say that. I am also not judging my friends. If you want to take it that way though go ahead.

    Yes I was using my words - you said we would have to agree to disagree and quoted my post and I asked you which bit (of my post) were we agreeing to disagree on - and summarised the two main bits of my post.


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    #94
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    username123 wrote: »
    Yes I was using my words - you said we would have to agree to disagree and quoted my post and I asked you which bit (of my post) were we agreeing to disagree on - and summarised the two main bits of my post.

    I don't think I'm judging the women in question but if you think I am fair enough. I made my choice to keep my name based on what I felt was right for me, everyone else should do what is right for them.


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    #95
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    eviltwin wrote: »
    I made my choice to keep my name based on what I felt was right for me, everyone else should do what is right for them.

    And I totally agree with this (not agree to disagree, actually agree), but it is a turn around from a story about 2 women that seemed to be implying that taking your husbands name meant desperation or self esteem issues.

    It would be just as easy for someone to say that not taking your husbands name meant self esteem issues because you had misguided over attachment to a collection of letters thinking that they represented your identity.

    Neither analogy makes any sense. Self esteem is unrelated to your name - imo.


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    #96
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    username123 wrote: »
    And I totally agree with this (not agree to disagree, actually agree), but it is a turn around from a story about 2 women that seemed to be implying that taking your husbands name meant desperation or self esteem issues.

    It would be just as easy for someone to say that not taking your husbands name meant self esteem issues because you had misguided over attachment to a collection of letters thinking that they represented your identity.

    Neither analogy makes any sense. Self esteem is unrelated to your name - imo.

    I said that because I know the women in question personally and have done for some time. I know their motivations for getting married. I can't express that in a few posts so I can see why you think I am looking down on them. I'm not. I'm no person to be looking down on anyone believe me. I support them and I wish them long and happy marriages.


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    #97
    tiny_penguin
    Registered Users Posts: 1,090 ✭✭✭tiny_penguin


    eviltwin wrote: »

    I said that because I know the women in question personally and have done for some time. I know their motivations for getting married. I can't express that in a few posts so I can see why you think I am looking down on them. I'm not. I'm no person to be looking down on anyone believe me. I support them and I wish them long and happy marriages.


    That's all well and good but if this is the case I don't really understand why you felt the need to bring this story up in relation to women who choose to change their name. You have to know that it connected changing ones name to desperation and self esteem issues from your point of view. In your original post you implied that some people's reasons for changing their name are not valid. 2 anecdotal stories are pretty irrelevant to the whole issue if you don't believe that they reflect on women in general who choose to change their name.

    Also if you are not judging you're friends would you happily say to their face that you thought their desperation to get married and changing their name to feel more like a family inferred to you that they had esteem issues?

    You aren't the only person to imply this, others in the thread have openly said they don't agree with/understand women changing their names for certain reasons and that they aren't really valid reasons. I think it's not up to anyone to decide what is and is not a valid reason. If someone does it to keep their husband happy, you don't know what compromises that husbands makes for the wife to be happy. If someone would rather have the same name as their children, why is that not valid?


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    #98
    Oh hai
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 170 ✭✭Oh hai


    I changed my name to my husband's and I've only had a few cards addressed to us as Mrs his name. It doesn't overly bother me but they know my name, why not write it? It isn't complicated! I notice it's from older women that do it too. Younger people never seem to. Older women do/say a lot of things that piss me off though! :pac: So it's something that kinda bugs me but not enough to get too annoyed over it. Plenty of other things do that! :)


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    #99
    rubberdiddies
    Closed Accounts Posts: 717 ✭✭✭rubberdiddies


    Really there are much more important things to be getting bothered about such as the shooting of children in the US a couple of days ago.

    I showed this to my wife and she can't believe people are actually bothered by this.

    We get a few cards addressed to mr and mrs my first name my second name and it's never even crossed either of our minds.

    Likewise it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if we got post addressed to mr and mrs her first name her second name

    I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought.
    I've too many important things to be concerned about


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    #100
    meeeeh
    Registered Users Posts: 11,624 ✭✭✭✭meeeeh


    We are not even married and I get an odd letter saying Mrs .... It doesn't bother me. I don't feel the need to get married to be more of an unit but if we do for whatever reason (I suspect my partner would like it someday) I will take his surname. Not because I feel insecure or less of a family but for practical reasons. Personally I think it's ridiculous making fuss about surname one way or the other. Not taking husbands name does not make you more emancipated and taking it does not make you more of a family unit. It's just a name and as long as I get post addressed to me, I don't care what they call me. Mrs name surname does sound archaic and outdated but it would not annoy me enough to complain about it.


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    #101
    confusticated
    Registered Users Posts: 1,680 ✭✭✭confusticated


    rubberdiddies wrote: »
    Really there are much more important things to be getting bothered about such as the shooting of children in the US a couple of days ago.

    I showed this to my wife and she can't believe people are actually bothered by this.

    We get a few cards addressed to mr and mrs my first name my second name and it's never even crossed either of our minds.

    Likewise it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if we got post addressed to mr and mrs her first name her second name

    I honestly wouldn't give it a second thought.
    I've too many important things to be concerned about

    Why did you post then? I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be looking down on people concerned about less important things than you - I highly doubt this is the biggest worry of anyone here but you can't spend all your days thinking about world news events and tragedies...

    FWIW, Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname would annoy me alright if I was married!


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    #102
    ResearchWill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,111 ✭✭✭ResearchWill


    confusticated wrote: »
    Why did you post then? I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be looking down on people concerned about less important things than you - I highly doubt this is the biggest worry of anyone here but you can't spend all your days thinking about world news events and tragedies...

    FWIW, Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname would annoy me alright if I was married!

    Best bet then don't get married.


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    #103
    rubberdiddies
    Closed Accounts Posts: 717 ✭✭✭rubberdiddies


    confusticated wrote: »

    Why did you post then? I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be looking down on people concerned about less important things than you - I highly doubt this is the biggest worry of anyone here but you can't spend all your days thinking about world news events and tragedies...

    FWIW, Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname would annoy me alright if I was married!

    Why did I post?
    Sure that's the whole point of boards.ie

    The OP was looking for opinions and I gave mine. Doesn't mean I'm right or I'm wrong but it's my opinion, given because the OP started a thread looking for opinions


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    #104
    ppink
    Registered Users Posts: 1,458 ✭✭✭ppink


    confusticated wrote: »
    Why did you post then? I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be looking down on people concerned about less important things than you - I highly doubt this is the biggest worry of anyone here but you can't spend all your days thinking about world news events and tragedies...

    FWIW, Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname would annoy me alright if I was married!

    :) If we removed every thread on boards.ie becaus people should be more worried about bigger things then boards would be very empty I'd say.

    And Rubberdiddies- you are right on the scale of the things I personally have to worry about this does not even register however it is a very lighthearted distraction for me, which is good in my circumstances.

    Some people care, some people dont. It is interesting for me to know when I am sending off my cards.


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    #105
    eviltwin
    Registered Users Posts: 17,495 ✭✭✭✭eviltwin


    confusticated wrote: »
    Why did you post then? I don't mean to be rude, but you seem to be looking down on people concerned about less important things than you - I highly doubt this is the biggest worry of anyone here but you can't spend all your days thinking about world news events and tragedies...

    FWIW, Mrs Hisfirstname Hissurname would annoy me alright if I was married!

    Exactly, sometimes you need to escape into things like this to escape the horror of what is going on out there. Life has to go on after all.


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    #106
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    ResearchWill wrote: »
    Best bet then don't get married.

    Are you one of the men I referred to in an earlier post who'd be 'mortified' to be called by your wife's surname? Do you assume a married woman has changed her name?

    Why would it follow that upon marriage a woman is assumed to have changed her name rather than the man doing so? Women haven't be regarded as transferring from the ownership of father to husband for some time now. I'm as married as a woman who's changed her name, to a husband who thankfully see the name change as a choice not an expectation.


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    #107
    ResearchWill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,111 ✭✭✭ResearchWill


    lazygal wrote: »
    Are you one of the men I referred to in an earlier post who'd be 'mortified' to be called by your wife's surname? Do you assume a married woman has changed her name?

    Why would it follow that upon marriage a woman is assumed to have changed her name rather than the man doing so? Women haven't be regarded as transferring from the ownership of father to husband for some time now. I'm as married as a woman who's changed her name, to a husband who thankfully see the name change as a choice not an expectation.

    Are you one of those people who take a post totally out of context. Read my other posts you will see my view. You will see what you quote of mine was in direct response to a post by another poster.

    1 I am not married, 2. I would have no issue with taking my partners name, (in fact my friend got married recently in Poland and he was informed he could if he wished take his wife's name, we both commented that's interesting, I had a client who had taken his wife's name again I thought interesting and could see advantages with it, it is quite normal in Eastern Europe)

    Again if you read my posts you will see I was very clear that I personally would respect any persons wish to change their name on marriage. My only point with my posts is if a person follows the tradition then part of that tradition has been to be called Mr. & Mrs. His Name His Surname, if you don't like that then why in gods name change your name.

    What is it about this thread I have been accused of all sorts, which even a cursory read of what I said would show what I really think.


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    #108
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    ResearchWill wrote: »
    My only point with my posts is if a person follows the tradition then part of that tradition has been to be called Mr. & Mrs. His Name His Surname, if you don't like that then why in gods name change your name.

    I suppose people like to choose what bits of tradition they wish to follow. For example, I am atheist, but I put up a Christmas tree and celebrate Christmas just because I like the fun side of it, but I dont believe in or indulge in any of the religious aspects. Im happy to cherry pick within traditions.


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    #109
    ResearchWill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,111 ✭✭✭ResearchWill


    username123 wrote: »
    I suppose people like to choose what bits of tradition they wish to follow. For example, I am atheist, but I put up a Christmas tree and celebrate Christmas just because I like the fun side of it, but I dont believe in or indulge in any of the religious aspects. Im happy to cherry pick within traditions.

    Thats fine, but you don't get upset because people send you a religious Christmas card. It would be like you coming on boards and saying im atheist, but put up a tree and my neighbour wrecks my head by calling around singing carols don't they know I don't like that religious stuff.


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    #110
    confusticated
    Registered Users Posts: 1,680 ✭✭✭confusticated


    I do think traditions change a bit though, they're not often very rigid... I know very few people who would put Mr & Mrs Hisname Hissurname on cards, but the tradition of a wife taking her husband's surname isn't unusual at all.


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    #111
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    ResearchWill wrote: »
    It would be like you coming on boards and saying im atheist, but put up a tree

    A tree has nothing to do with religious symbolism though. Its a pagan tradition connected to the winter solstice and was only reintroduced to the UK and, I'd venture by extension Ireland, when Albert, husband of Queen Victoria, brought one to England to decorate. A lot of more conservative evangelical Christian sects don't really celebrate Christmas or put up trees as they don't consider it to be as important as the Easter traditions.


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    #112
    ResearchWill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,111 ✭✭✭ResearchWill


    lazygal wrote: »
    A tree has nothing to do with religious symbolism though. Its a pagan tradition connected to the winter solstice and was only reintroduced to the UK and, I'd venture by extension Ireland, when Albert, husband of Queen Victoria, brought one to England to decorate. A lot of more conservative evangelical Christian sects don't really celebrate Christmas or put up trees as they don't consider it to be as important as the Easter traditions.

    OK insert crib or what ever other religious symbol you want.


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    #113
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    ResearchWill wrote: »
    Thats fine, but you don't get upset because people send you a religious Christmas card.

    Why not? Im entitled to get upset over whatever I like! People are full of variety, thats what makes the human condition so interesting!


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    #114
    Whispered
    Registered Users Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    username123 wrote: »
    Why not? Im entitled to get upset over whatever I like! People are full of variety, thats what makes the human condition so interesting!

    Do you get annoyed if someone sends you a religious card?


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    #115
    ResearchWill
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,111 ✭✭✭ResearchWill


    username123 wrote: »
    Why not? Im entitled to get upset over whatever I like! People are full of variety, thats what makes the human condition so interesting!

    Yes of course you are entitled to get upset, as I am entitled when you get upset to think you are silly and are a contradiction.


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    #116
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    Whispered wrote: »
    Do you get annoyed if someone sends you a religious card?

    No, not in the slightest. I like fat robins personally, but I dont mind any card!


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    #117
    username123
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,484 ✭✭✭username123


    ResearchWill wrote: »
    Yes of course you are entitled to get upset, as I am entitled when you get upset to think you are silly and are a contradiction.

    And thats why the world goes round so well ;)


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