Advice for staying safe

Honey-ec

I don't even own a pair of flats. I'm not changing my entire lifestyle based on the absolutely miniscule chance of being attacked by a stranger on the way home.

mariaalice

Something that I think is brilliant, my oldest daughter went to a stay safe talk when she was in college and one of the thing they told her was if you can, kick a parked car as that usually sets off the car alarm and the noise can be en ought to alert someone or be enough to unbalance the attacker and have them run off.

redappple

Honey-ec wrote: »

I don't even own a pair of flats. I'm not changing my entire lifestyle based on the absolutely miniscule chance of being attacked by a stranger on the way home.

This! You are me!

I despise flats, or else I despise me in flats. And there is absolutely nothing that is going to change that!!!!!

RacoonQueen

LenaClaire wrote: »

I was attacked by a taxi driver in the states, I managed to get away but it freaked me out. I always write down the taxi number now or text it to my husband.

It is statistically rare but it does happen.

In Ireland though, all Irish taxi drivers anyway are garda vetted. The problem with foreign taxi drivers is that things like sexual assaults etc may not be reported where they are from. When did we last hear of an assault by an Irish taxi driver? I've talked to taxi drivers about it and they all have a very irrational fear of being accused of sexual assault, especially when a drunk girl falls asleep and they have to figure out how to wake her without touching her.

I have an alarm like this http://www.safe-girl.co.uk - that my parents got me to bring running with me. Have never actually used it(or brought it out with me) but if you were to be attacked and weren't too shocked to use it it might be enough to deter an attacker(similar to kicking the car idea)

I'm with honey on this though, you can't be worrying about this sort of stuff. I've seen girls get into a tizzy over nothing.

The Big Red Button

redappple wrote: »

1) Carry your keys. These can be used as a weapon. The rapist said they would be scared to attack a woman carrying keys as she could gouge their eyes.

I tend to carry my keys in my hand if I'm feeling a bit nervous.

One thing I've read, though, is that you shouldn't sort of 'lace' the keys between your fingers, as is sometimes recommended, so that you can sort of stab the attacker with them. What I've heard is that, if you do this with any force, you'll end up breaking your fingers. Yuck!

redappple wrote: »

2) Contrary to other advice above, ring someone. Be seen to be on the phone to someone. Tell them you are walking from the office to the car park. I always do this. I honestly wouldn't mind having my phone robbed if it meant I was deterring a rapist.

What I've done before, is ring a person, tell them where I was, tell them I'm feeling a bit freaked out, and ask them to stay on the phone. Then put the phone in my pocket. At least, if something happened, I would've screamed and the person would know straight away where I was, and that I was in trouble.

If I was feeling vulnerable, I'd want all my senses to be available to me. The fact is that, if you're talking, you're less likely to hear someone coming up behind you (even if you're specifically trying to listen out for it.)

redappple wrote: »

3) I also take the route with the most people, and then the route best lit up. No point taking the well lit up route if there is nobody there.

I agree, and it's also very important to be conscious of who's around you. When walking alone, especially at night, I do my best to be really aware of anyone within eyesight walking in the same direction, and keep mental note of them, what they look like, what they're wearing, etc. That way, say if they disappeared but then reappeared again later in my journey, I'll know straight away.

redappple wrote: »

4) Finally, if I ever find myself parked close to the office and see women walking alone to the car park late at night I offer them a lift.

That's very good of you. I'm probably more paranoid than most. But I'd be a bit weirded out if someone did that to me. I just wouldn't get into a car with a stranger in a situation like that - how would you know that there wasn't someone in the back seat, or something?

(Of course, if you're talking about women that you actually know, that's completely different!)

redappple wrote: »

These are just my ideas and I know some people will disagree with me but regardless of flashlights, keys, phones or no phones the most valuable weapon is cop on. Follow your gut instincts, if you don't feel safe, knock on a strangers door or stay is a safe place and ring someone to collect you.

This is absolutely true.

I try to always have an 'emergency' tenner on me, the idea being that this will always get me a taxi to the nearest 'safe' place. I've used it a few times - I was never in any specific danger, but just didn't feel safe, and trusted my instincts.

I've had a couple of incidents myself in the past, and in hindsight, there was never anything specific I could have done at the time to avoid them. But it's just made me tend to avoid any unnecessary risks (such as walking alone at night), and it's also made me really aware of my instincts and my surroundings.

mood

Honey-ec wrote: »

This was done to death in the wake of Jill Meagher's death. "Stranger Danger" is grossly exaggerrated and the sad truth is that if you're going to be assaulted, it's far more likely to be at the hands of a partner or someone you know.

Exercise a bit of cop on, be aware of your surroundings, trust your instincts, but live your life, for God's sake.

Just because some people what to try to be a bit safer doesn't mean they are not living their life.

Red Alert

I'd strongly advise leaving the headphones at home, or not using them when you're walking. I was mugged for my phone about two weeks ago, and my instincts only kicked in too late because I wasn't aware of my surroundings.

Pythia

In terms of the taxi issue, if you use the Hailo app, you have the details of the taxi driver. This is peace of mind but also if you did ever lose anything, it's much easier to find them. The app also means you can stay in a safe place and let the taxi come to you rather than walking in the dark for one.

SparkySpitfire

krankykitty wrote: »

No, certainly important to be safety aware. But also no need to worry out of proportion to the risk.

Where was she worrying out of proportion to the risk?

Pj!

I'd get a cheap can of pepper spray. Keep it in your bag. You'll probably never take it out.
Someone mentioned it's illegal here but I wouldn't give a f*** to be honest. It's what I'd be getting for my daughter if there was any reason to worry.

shoos

RacoonQueen wrote: »

I have an alarm like this http://www.safe-girl.co.uk - that my parents got me to bring running with me. Have never actually used it(or brought it out with me) but if you were to be attacked and weren't too shocked to use it it might be enough to deter an attacker(similar to kicking the car idea)

My dad bought me one of these when I started going into town at night. 99% of the time I'm out I'm with friends from beginning to end so I don't bring it out with me, but the odd time I know I'll be getting Nitelink home alone, Ill have it in my bag and in my hand when I get off the bus. Got hassled by a guy who got off the same busstop as me one night and, while in hindsight I think he was actually just so drunk he didn't realise how scary his approach was, it made me wake up to the fact that had he tried anything I would have been completely helpless. Very scary.

I also let it off one time in my house to try it and MY GOD those things are loud, it'd echo through the streets. Gave me the fright of my life and I was the one that turned it on! I'd imagine it's a brilliant deterrent.

miss no stars

Animord wrote: »

I have been attacked three times - all in London - and the one thing I would say apart from what the others have said is TRUST YOUR INSTINCT.

This. Don't wait for evidence, you've evolved over millions of years to sense danger before it appears. Probably too late by the time your instincts can be confirmed.

I remember seeing something YEARS ago on TV that really highlighted it for me. When you watch documentaries about the animals in africa, say, and gazelles or whatever are grazing... [cut to shot of lioness hiding nearby out of sight of the gazelles]... they just up and bloody well leave before they even see confirmation that the lioness is there. They get a bad feeling about the situation, a feeling that SOMETHING is WRONG. They don't have to see the lioness to know that there's danger there. You have the same instincts. Trust them.

Anyway, when I read over this I realized that what I've written below might sound like I'm blowing my own stay-safe-survival ability, but I don't think it hurts to hear the experiences that other people have had - it wasn't meant in way other than that.

So, I was out in town the other night... Long night out, started early, ended up in a certain place with initials CFJ. Stopped drinking and went onto water about 75 minutes before I wanted to leave. (DO THIS, give yourself time to get back to your senses/lose the actively tipsy-ness before you have to get yourself home).

When I was leaving (0315) I kinda did a check of what state I was in and was confident that the walk to the nitelink (D'Oiler Street) was not beyond me (if I was in any way dubious it would have been a taxi to the nitelink, if I felt I wasn't up to the nitelink it would have been a taxi all the way home). I wouldn't normally even walk that distance regardless of whether I was stone cold sober or not, but I could see there were a LOT of people walking towards Grafton street, being between Christmas and New Years town was busy busy busy.

Halfway between Harcourt Street and Grafton street a guy approached me and asked if I knew where Grafton street is. My spidey-senses were already tingling about him because he was just standing on his own, facing the green, hands in pockets trying not to be noticed watching me approach.

So I pointed at it and he started walking towards it, then realized I wasn't following along with him. He looked back at me and asked if I was coming. I said calmly and assertively "No; not with you". He then started trying to cajole me along with all sorts of flattery, but I just calmly reiterated that I was NOT walking with him. He kinda shrugged, then went back to where he had been standing.

Got on to Grafton street and didn't like that my pace was being matched exactly by a guy who was just a little bit too directly behind me (my pace was slowed due to being on my feet all night so it was certainly not a normal pace for a guy). So, I turned around and took a good look at him. Might have looked crazy, but who cares? Anyway, he kinda laughed at me and asked "Something wrong baby?". I kept getting a good look at him and he picked up his pace and passed by me.

Was I in real danger either of those two times? Who knows??? Nobody knows so the best bet is to do whatever you can to protect yourself and to appear alert and well, too difficult a victim.

The first guy at best was a real creep who was just trying his chances and would have left me alone after a while, at worst he was a real predator. I was talking to my mum about it afterwards and without even having to think about it my own phrase was "It was just such predatory behaviour, waiting in a nightclub area for girls on their own." The more I think about it, the more it really does seem predatory. Maybe my instincts are way off, but I'd rather be called paranoid and hyper than be attacked. The second guy? Dunno. Probably wasn't up to anything (with the first guy I got a really strong bad feeling, not so much from the second guy but I was probably a bit over-sensitive after guy one). But I guess the point is, I was feeling unsafe and wasn't happy with how close to me he was walking (especially at the same pace) so I'd rather be proactive than react when it's too late.

I suppose my point is, I'm mid-20s and although I'd been drinking, I wasn't far off sober. I'd also say that my self confidence is high enough that I'm not afraid to look like a fool if it makes me stay safe. But what about the 18 year olds away at college who aren't used to being out on their own, who don't have anyone waiting at home for them, who don't even have an adult who knows they're out in town? I send texts to people (even if they're asleep, if I go missing there'll be a timeline in the morning) like "Leaving coppers now", "Waiting on nitelink", "on nitelink", "home safe, chat tomorrow", but if you're away from your parents for the first time, would you send those texts? It made me wonder about who followed after me on the green that night. I just hope it wasn't some kid(s) who was/were out of it and didn't have the maturity/sense/confidence to trust their instincts.

Trust your instincts.

TheJinMu

Frogeye wrote: »

the chances of it happening to you are tiny in reality.

Really?? Ever hear of the phrase, "you always think 'Sure it will never happen to me!' " with regard to attacks, diseases, anything bad really!? There's still a chance!?

And the one's who said they wouldn't give up their heels for anything, I'm all for looking great in a pair of heels, (though I never wear them myself, I agree they're hot!) but you wouldn't sacrifice them if it stopped you being attacked/ abused...??

The advice here is brilliant though. I walked home alone too many times when I was in college, thinking I was great to be able to do that, oh how dumb I was :P I was grand, nothing ever happened thank god, but I would never do it now. Its great to have all the advice here, I will remember all these tips regardless!

Malari

TheJinMu wrote: »

Really?? Ever hear of the phrase, "you always think 'Sure it will never happen to me!' " with regard to attacks, diseases, anything bad really!? There's still a chance!?

And the one's who said they wouldn't give up their heels for anything, I'm all for looking great in a pair of heels, (though I never wear them myself, I agree they're hot!) but you wouldn't sacrifice them if it stopped you being attacked/ abused...??

The advice here is brilliant though. I walked home alone too many times when I was in college, thinking I was great to be able to do that, oh how dumb I was :P I was grand, nothing ever happened thank god, but I would never do it now. Its great to have all the advice here, I will remember all these tips regardless!

What about if you never left the house? That would reduce your chance of being attacked to almost zero. It's a case of balancing the risk against the quality of life. Yes, there's a chance, but there's also a chance of winning the lottery. There's a chance of being knocked down by a car every time you cross the road. If you are reasonably aware and careful there's no need to make drastic changes to your lifestyle to further minimise a risk that has a very low chance of happening anyway.

krankykitty

I think what bugs me about the bombardment of advice women get about keeping safe out on the streets (not talking about this thread specifically) is that it feels slightly misogynistic, like it's trying to control women in a way. Whereas, statistically, as far as I am aware (could be wrong mind you), a young man walking in the street at night is more likely to be assaulted than a young woman, yet the young men aren't loaded with this anxiety by society. I've heard before people saying they wouldn't go out at night alone, always make sure they go home in groups etc, which of course is common sense depending on the situation, but it also is a curtailment of your liberties as compared to men, who don't get these messages.

That's just my perception on it mind, and it doesn't mean that I go out and throw caution to the wind either..

mood

krankykitty wrote: »

I think what bugs me about the bombardment of advice women get about keeping safe out on the streets (not talking about this thread specifically) is that it feels slightly misogynistic, like it's trying to control women in a way. Whereas, statistically, as far as I am aware (could be wrong mind you), a young man walking in the street at night is more likely to be assaulted than a young woman, yet the young men aren't loaded with this anxiety by society. I've heard before people saying they wouldn't go out at night alone, always make sure they go home in groups etc, which of course is common sense depending on the situation, but it also is a curtailment of your liberties as compared to men, who don't get these messages.

That's just my perception on it mind, and it doesn't mean that I go out and throw caution to the wind either..

But if a young man is assaulted it is less likely to be a sexual assault. Also, he would be in a better position to defend himself as men are generally stronger etc than women.

Lagoona Blue

Be alert and aware of your surroundings . Use common sense . Iv'e never been one to listen to ipod when out walking , I like to hear what's going on around me . If someone is walking behind me , a quick glance over my shoulder to get a quick look at them , also tells them you know they are there. Never walk alone in the early hours of the morning , or down deserted streets or areas where you are out of view . If you are walking and there is a gang further up on your path , don't make eye contact and cross the road . when walking around a street corner always move out from the corner and take it wide so you have a full view . obvious things really . sorry if these have been mentioned before .

krankykitty

mood wrote: »

But if a young man is assaulted it is less likely to be a sexual assault. Also, he would be in a better position to defend himself as men are generally stronger etc than women.

They are - but if a man is attacking a man (which is the likely scenario) then that sort of rules that point out. I get the bit about sexual assault but that ties into the attitudes towards women thing also. It's something men aren't constantly being put in a state of fear about.

mood

krankykitty wrote: »

They are - but if a man is attacking a man (which is the likely scenario) then that sort of rules that point out. I get the bit about sexual assault but that ties into the attitudes towards women thing also. It's something men aren't constantly being put in a state of fear about.

I don't think it rules out my point. If a woman is assaulted by a man chances of him being stronger are very high so she most likely has little/no chance of defending herself. If a man is assaulted by another man there is a good chance he is as strong as his attacker so might stand a chance of defending himself.

Surely Women being as safe as possible is the most important thing here?

SparkySpitfire

Regardless of gender, one should know this kinda stuff. Women and men need to be careful when walking home alone, and it should be avoided if possible.

Matt_Trakker

Buy pepper spray online, but from a public internet address and using one of those throwaway credit cards. Get it posted to a friends house.
If you have to use it tell the cops that the attacker had it and you took it off him/her. They won't believe you, but they won't be able to prove your fibbing. It'll be your word against the attacker and they ain't gonna believe the attacker.

witchgirl26

Best bits of advice I ever got were from my mother:

- If it's dark don't have headphones on. Or do but just have them going into a pocket. I used to listen to my iPod on the bus but turn it off before my stop.

- If you think someone is after you, run to the nearest house or building with lights on & bang on the door. Who cares if you look like a mad person if it stops you getting attacked.

- If you're afraid, hold a key with the flat against your finger. You may not stop an attack but you can damn well mark the person with your key and that would be a very distinguishing mark for the Gardai to look for.

- If you think someone is following you, change your pace around a bit & see does theirs match. If it does, trust instincts & get the hell out of there.

- Eyeball people. Apparently they're less likely to attack you if you've gotten a good look at their face.

- Walk like you know exactly where you're going (even if you don't!) with your head held high, looking around you.