Advice for staying safe

Misa-san

Hi guys,

I did a quick search of the forum, but I was looking for some advice.

I just found out a girl was assaulted an evening during the week as she got off a bus just outside my estate. She lives just around the corner from me. I think she's okay, from what I've heard. To say that I'm terrified is an understatement ... only for the fact I was at an event that night I would've been on that bus getting off at that stop.

I don't know any details yet, but with the evenings so dark I was wondering if anyone had any tips on staying safe. My boyfriend has said he'll meet me at the busstop and walk me home ... but I don't know how often he can do that.

If anyone had any advice I'd really appreciate it, even just to settle my nerves...

Fluorescence

High-vis jacket, have an agreement with a close friend/your boyfriend to text when you're home safe (and come up with a contingency plan if that text never comes through) and be vigilant when you're out by yourself in the dark.

I know a girl who carries a mini-deodorant spray can as a make-shift pepper-spray. Just be warned that pepper spray is technically illegal in Ireland (classed as a weapon). Might allow you the chance to make your getaway though

tayto lover

There you go OP.

http://www.videojug.com/film/how-to-stay-safe-on-a-night-out

Esterhase

I understand that you're freaked out by the assault happening so close to your home, but the best thing you can do is try to keep calm about it. That's easier said than done, but these things can and do happen in any part of any town at any time of the day. It's scary to think that it could happen to you, but try not to let paranoia take over and I'm sure the bad feeling will fade in time.

That being said, it's a good idea to take some sensible precautions when you're out and about late at night. Walk confidently; you don't want to appear nervous. Keep an eye on your surroundings and don't wear headphones so you can hear what is going on around you. Getting your boyfriend to walk you home is great if he is willing and able to do it. If he can't, text him or a friend when you get off the bus and again when you arrive home so someone knows you're safe.

Lingua Franca

Fluorescence wrote: »

I know a girl who carries a mini-deodorant spray can as a make-shift pepper-spray. Just be warned that pepper spray is technically illegal in Ireland (classed as a weapon). Might allow you the chance to make your getaway though

Yes, pepper spray is illegal. Don't carry it.



MOD EDIT

Edited out unnecessary text. Please stay on topic

Cerulean Chicken

My friend showed me her torch a few days ago, that she carries with her when she's doing evening classes and has to walk to her car. Now, it is just a torch, but it's about 10 inches long and heavy as hell! So it does the trick of lighting the way to her car when she needs it every evening, but should anyone ever go near her she has some bit of protection, she could give you a fair whack with it. Thought it was genius, she carries a big bag all the time so it fits into that, but even a smaller one that still had a bit of weight could come in very useful to stun someone long enough for you to get away.

Frogeye

I think you may be over reacting to be honest. Not making light of your concerns or the assault on the poor girl but its extremely unlikely to happen to you. there must be thousands of women passing through that bus stop every year. You have heard of just one assault, the nature of which seems unclear ( possibly sexual, possibly a mugging, possibly some chav getting attacked by another chav. there may have a hundred reasons why that poor girl got assaulted but the chances of it happening to you are tiny in reality. Its the fear of it happening that is the problem. People are more afraid now then in the past.

take some sensible precautions and then forget about it because fear will eat you up and paralyze you.

TeletextPear

Maybe ring your boyfriend or a friend as you get off the bus and talk to them until you get into your house. Being on the phone could deter an attacker from approaching you and, god forbid, something did happen, at least your friend/bf would know straight away.

The Big Red Button

TeletextPear wrote: »

Maybe ring your boyfriend or a friend as you get off the bus and talk to them until you get into your house. Being on the phone could deter an attacker from approaching you and, god forbid, something did happen, at least your friend/bf would know straight away.

I think that it's usually advised NOT to use your phone in these situations. You're more likely to be attacked if the person thinks that you're distracted.

Animord

I have been attacked three times - all in London - and the one thing I would say apart from what the others have said is TRUST YOUR INSTINCT.

If I had only done that I would never have been dragged down an alleyway in the dark with a knife held to my throat. Every time it happened I knew on some level that things weren't right. After the third time I took no chances and didn't worry about looking stupid or making an eejit of myself. Cross the road, knock on someones door, whatever it takes.

Mrs Garth Brooks

I went out with my sister during the week. She wore shoes with a bit of a heel. Im always in runners, even a plain black pair without nike logos and the likes for going out. I think its ok as im always wearing pants.

But the shoes my sister wore slowed her down. She wears her bag over her shoulder, so its hard for a thug to grab it. But I dont get the shoes. You can make a quick get away in runners.

ElleEm

I agree with loads of the above comments.
Stay alert, no earphones, hold your head high and stay aware of your surroundings/ people.
Trust your gut! I saw once on TV (prob Oprah) that if you feel someone is watching you/ following you, take out your phone and have a loud "conversation" with someone saying exactly where you are, and that you will be with them in a couple of mins, or even say you can see them up ahead, will meet them halfway there etc.

I have never been attacked, but I absorb all the things I learnt over the years and it defo makes me feel safer.

As another poster said, if you have a gut feeling something isn't right, knock on someone's door, or catch up with another pedestrian and ask can you walk with them. I actually had someone do this to me once getting off a bus.

SarahBeep!

One of the best pieces of advice I was given is walk with purpose. Head high, shoulders back.and at a decent pace. If you look like you've nowhere to be it looks like nobody will miss you. The stronger you look, the less likely you are to be attacked.

Tea-a-Maria

Don't have any tips to add for walking home,but in relation to taxis,I always call or text someone to let them know I'm on the way home, and write down the reg number of the taximan on my phone.

You hear too many stories of bad things happening to women in taxis to be complacent.:(

RacoonQueen

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

You hear too many stories of bad things happening to women in taxis to be complacent.:(

Very rare to hear of stories of things happening to girls in taxis. Could you explain this please?

Long, long time since I've heard a story regarding a taxi driver.

mood

Frogeye wrote: »

I think you may be over reacting to be honest. Not making light of your concerns or the assault on the poor girl but its extremely unlikely to happen to you. there must be thousands of women passing through that bus stop every year. You have heard of just one assault, the nature of which seems unclear ( possibly sexual, possibly a mugging, possibly some chav getting attacked by another chav. there may have a hundred reasons why that poor girl got assaulted but the chances of it happening to you are tiny in reality. Its the fear of it happening that is the problem. People are more afraid now then in the past.

take some sensible precautions and then forget about it because fear will eat you up and paralyze you.

I don't. Most sexual assults go unreported there the stats don't reflect reality.

krankykitty

mood wrote: »

I don't. Most sexual assults go unreported there the stats don't reflect reality.

And most are perpetrated by people the victim knows, as far as I am aware, not strangers on the street at night.

mood

krankykitty wrote: »

And most are perpetrated by people the victim knows, as far as I am aware, not strangers on the street at night.

Yes a high percentage are but that doesn't mean a woman shouldn't be concerned and try to be as careful as possible.

krankykitty

mood wrote: »

Yes a high percentage are but that doesn't mean a woman shouldn't be concerned and try to be as careful as possible.

No, certainly important to be safety aware. But also no need to worry out of proportion to the risk.

ElleEm

ElleEm wrote: »

take out your phone and have a loud "conversation" with someone saying exactly where you are, and that you will be with them in a couple of mins, or even say you can see them up ahead, will meet them halfway there etc.

do not do this. keep your phone in your handbag/pocket where ever,people are robbed for their phones. no point in advertising your goods.

mikemac1

Tea-a-Maria wrote: »

Don't have any tips to add for walking home,but in relation to taxis,I always call or text someone to let them know I'm on the way home, and write down the reg number of the taximan on my phone.

You hear too many stories of bad things happening to women in taxis to be complacent.:(

If you use that Hailo app you have the drivers plate number, name and photo all sent to your phone before you even get the car

Not advertising the service, just safety is one if its selling points

And I can't remember any stories in the last few years about taxi drivers attacking girls

mood

mikemac1 wrote: »

If you use that Hailo app you have the drivers plate number, name and photo all sent to your phone before you even get the car

Not advertising the service, just safety is one if its selling points

And I can't remember any stories in the last few years about taxi drivers attacking girls

I didn't know that. It's a great idea.

I felt very unsafe in a taxi once. It was about years ago but I got out of the taxi early and got a different one the rest of the way home. The driver was vert creepy and very interested in how much I had to drink. I really think I had a lucky escape.

Oh, a friend had to call the guards after a taxi driver followed her home. She got out at a pub and pretended she was going in to get away from him. He was very abusive. It's a good idea to stick to a company you use regularly if at all possible.

Frogeye

mood wrote: »

I don't. Most sexual assults go unreported there the stats don't reflect reality.

agreed, but the OP didn't specify any details of the assault. Could have been a rape, could have been one girl pushing another girl over some tinker with his trackie pants tucked into his socks. Assault is quite a vague term but don't let the lack of details or a full story stop you over reacting!

mood

Frogeye wrote: »

agreed, but the OP didn't specify any details of the assault. Could have been a rape, could have been one girl pushing another girl over some tinker with his trackie pants tucked into his socks. Assault is quite a vague term but don't let the lack of details or a full story stop you over reacting!

I know but it is always better to be as safety conscience as possible.

Starokan

Being vigilant is the most important part of staying safe, dont be afraid to change your normal route or routine , if you feel threatened in any way by a group or individual that is coming towards you or ahead of you then walk a different direction if possible. If in a city centre or town and there is a pub or the like nearby, walk in and call a taxi or friend to collect you.

Our instincts very often serve us well in this regard, it is hard to judge and yes you can be over cautious but better safe than sorry. The danger of being attacked for both women and men is far greater at night, you can diminish the chances by staying with a group instead of walking home alone, stay away from the volatile areas such as outside fast food restaurants etc and if possible get a taxi to collect you from whatever premises you are in

LenaClaire

RacoonQueen wrote: »

Very rare to hear of stories of things happening to girls in taxis. Could you explain this please?

Long, long time since I've heard a story regarding a taxi driver.

I was attacked by a taxi driver in the states, I managed to get away but it freaked me out. I always write down the taxi number now or text it to my husband.

It is statistically rare but it does happen.

angeldelight

I think being vigilant is key. If you're walking with your head up and listening you'll get an earlier warning that something is amiss and will have time to formulate a response, rather than being engrossed in a phone call where the first thing you know that someone is following you being when they knock you flying. What my mam always told me is don't be afraid of looking "foolish" - if you feel unsafe, knock on a door, scream, run.. Don't walk along knowing in your gut that something's wrong with your head down hoping that you're wrong and not wanting to make a fuss if you are.. Gut instinct is quite often right and so what if you make a fuss and it turns out the person didn't intend you any harm - it's better than staying quiet if they do

Honey-ec

This was done to death in the wake of Jill Meagher's death. "Stranger Danger" is grossly exaggerrated and the sad truth is that if you're going to be assaulted, it's far more likely to be at the hands of a partner or someone you know.

Exercise a bit of cop on, be aware of your surroundings, trust your instincts, but live your life, for God's sake.

redappple

It's a little unfair to tell OP that she is over reacting. She is asking for advice, and although I don't agree with spreading unnecessary paranoia and fear - it's good for women to discuss this issue, if it only saves one person from being attacked or raped. A few years ago I saw a documentary which was an interview with convicted rapists. Basically they told the interviewer what would put them off attacking a woman and what would make them more likely to attack. I had a quick Google search but I can't find it, however if others can find a link it would be great.


Sometimes I work late and end up walking about 5-10 minute walk to the car park. Some things I can remember from the documentary were:

1) Carry your keys. These can be used as a weapon. The rapist said they would be scared to attack a woman carrying keys as she could gouge their eyes.

2) Contrary to other advice above, ring someone. Be seen to be on the phone to someone. Tell them you are walking from the office to the car park. I always do this. I honestly wouldn't mind having my phone robbed if it meant I was deterring a rapist.

3) I also take the route with the most people, and then the route best lit up. No point taking the well lit up route if there is nobody there.

4) Finally, if I ever find myself parked close to the office and see women walking alone to the car park late at night I offer them a lift.

These are just my ideas and I know some people will disagree with me but regardless of flashlights, keys, phones or no phones the most valuable weapon is cop on. Follow your gut instincts, if you don't feel safe, knock on a strangers door or stay is a safe place and ring someone to collect you.

LadyMayBelle

I always carry my keys on me when walking home late;I have done out of habit for years now having heard they can be used as a weapon if attacked and it could be your only chance of making a mark on someone if attacked.

Might sound funny but if I have to walk home late at night, I'll walk right down the middle of the road (not a busy road; Im in London and there's lots of residential areas I have to walk down) I walk with a purpose, no headphones, keys in hand and confidently right down the middle of the road where it's well lit and away from bushes/gardens.

Ill text my boyf and say 'Leaving X now' which gives him a rough indication as to where I should be and when. He does the same.

I have been appraoched by a girl when I was walking home one night just as we were leaving the station. She asked could she walk with me because she felt nervous on her own; it was a tough judgement call because for all I knew she could have been part of a group waiting to mug me round the corner, but I trusted my instinct and she didnt mug me, but she said was just glad there was two of us as she didnt like that walk home. I'd err on the side of caution tho.

eviltwin

I always wear flats when I am out walking alone or bring a pair with me I can change into when a night out is over.

I leave my coat open even in winter, its easier if someone grabs your arm to get out of an open coat or jacket than one that is closed tight.