Bullying in the workplace

Chairman Meow

Ages ago, like 99 or so i worked in an office where i was the only guy with a bunch of middle aged women. I wouldve been 19 or so at the time. They were absolute ***** to work with, i dont know if id go so far as to say i was bullied, but there was alot of snarky remarks and just overall a ****ty atmosphere.

Anywho, after a year and a half working there it had gotten to me to the point where i just went missing for 3 days. Didnt bother calling in sick just couldnt face going in for another day with the geebags. On the 4th day i said **** it, i better go back, so in i went. One of the bitches says "where have you been??"
so, for whatever reason i still dont know til this day, i quoted Mr Garrison from south park and said

"Well XX, i've been out fulfilling my lifelong dream"

"Whats that?"

"Hanging out and screwing hot chicks"

After a meeting with the MD and my **** manager, i was in the toilets, which had a vent that meant you could hear exactly what was being said in the womens toilets next door. My **** manager was bitching about me to some other ****, so being 19 and headstrong i said, right, thats it, walked into the canteen where i knew the MD was, said to him "Ive just heard XX and XX bitching about me, im not taking this **** anymore, see ya". And left

****ed myself up royally tho as i had no reference for a year and a half of work! Still worth it tho.

Ray Palmer

I worked with a guy who was left as a sole system architect. He would routinely give people the silent treatment over a small slight whether in work or socially. There is a list being kept of the people who have left or fired due to him. I am on that list. The manager that came in and oversaw my departure was fired 2 months after me. He contacted me and said he was sorry for not believing me at the time. In fairness he came in when I was so stressed from what had gone on I made some foolish actions. It didn't warrant being fired but they made me redundant and he said he would back me up in a labor dispute if I wanted.
15 people have left/fired/made redundant from one guy and the company can't do without him. They know he bobby trapped the systems/software. From working in many places since I have never met a more vile paranoid piece of work. I feel sorry for him because I am pretty sure he suffers from depression.

OP keep a diary and document issues. E-mail is a good way to track behaviour

Grand Moff Tarkin

It can be very fulfilling to turn the tables on people with an attitude like that and a certain sense of satisfaction at a job well done when you run idiots like that out of a job and straight to the hospital suffering from "stress".

anncoates

Surely if people witne4ssed serious bullying in the workplace, they'd try and do something? Either by having a word with the person doing it or speaking confidentially to HR?

anncoates

anncoates wrote: »

Surely if people witne4ssed serious bullying in the workplace, they'd try and do something? Either by having a word with the person doing it or speaking confidentially to HR?

Most people are sheep with no backbone. I was bullied at a job a few years ago (basically... talked about behind my back, excluded from social events, made to take on a huge amount of responsibility after only a few days, then reported to management for the few mistakes I made while trying to take on far too much) and everyone just stood back and let it happen. There were 3 or 4 ringleaders - people higher up in the company, and everyone else just did the sheep act. Perfectly nice to me when it was just us, but suddenly got frosty with me when in the presence of the bullies. Happy to chat to me over lunch, but gave me the cold shoulder the minute one of the bullies walked in. I put up with it for months until I decided to resign because I wanted to go and do something different.

Well, on my last day, loads of people came up to me and told me they were sorry about how 'I'd been treated' and that they knew it was unfair that I'd been given totally unrealistic amounts of work to do, and that people just missed the girl who I'd replaced. I told them all to go f*ck themselves, basically. That they had ALL contributed to me feeling sh*t and hating my life for that year. I could have handled 3 or 4 nasty people and the thing is that those people wouldn't have been as nasty if they knew they wouldn't get backed up.

So there you go. In my opinion, the majority of people are spineless sheep. They might not bully you, but they'll stand back and watch it happen because they don't want to rock the boat and they're thinking of themselves. Most people have no integrity at all and are looking out for number 1 at all times.

Oh and by the way, I've worked in several places where the HR people either are the bullies or are in cahoots with the bullies. So not much use reporting anything to them.

Call Me Jimmy

Frito wrote: »

Would just like to add to those bullied that as well as documenting dates and comments of the bullying itself, it's worth considering sending emails soon after you have any face to face or telephone contact with managers or HR personnel about the bullying. This should include a synopsis of your grievance and any advice/action to follow, plus any dates they will meet you regarding the matter. For example,

Dear HR personnel,
Further to our meeting yesterday in which I outlined my concerns re X's behaviour in the workplace as follows...
I believe this constitutes bullying in the workplace (reference relevant policy). I understand that according to policy, you will be embarking on X course of action and have advised me to do X during this process. I await further contact from you on such date as agreed.
Yours etc

This is helpful should you feel HR have mismanaged the situation as it provides an electronic record of the minutes of any meetings you have should you need to go above your employer. It's easy to dispute what was said in meetings or phone calls, but if you email the minutes, they can reply should they dispute it. And if they don't reply, then it's harder to dispute later.

This is great advice and is what I would do. My dad deals directly with this type of situation in his job day in day out and documenting the bullying is extremely important.

But for a lot of people the management know the people involved too well and do little. That is why it is just as important to document meetings with management. Be very clear, ask them what they will do, what they want you to do and when it will be resolved.

If nothing actually changes you can bring documentation of what was said back to management and make it clear that it has not been resolved and ask the same questions. Document this meeting. If still nothing changes go right above your direct management with this documentary evidence of the bullying AND the lack of adequate action from the your manager.

At this point if nothing happens or the situation gets worse imo you are on a war footing because you have limited options, you obviously need your job but you also have the right to work without bullying. A lot of people think about just quitting and finding a new job. This is a good idea if your circumstances can allow for it and you can get a good reference for your work. One person mentioned how he left and was without a reference for a year and half's work. Situations like that are definitely the time to get legal. Before you quit you have nothing to lose because you were going to quit anyway. At least if you explore legal avenues you can attempt to finally put an end to the bullying and continue your job, ensure a good reference at least or get compensation allowing you the financial flexibility to seek another job.

Document everything. Good luck.

tipptopper

tipptopper wrote: »

There is this lass is my place of work who is attempting to bully me. She has previous for this kinda thing, she bullied the guy in the same position before me out of his job, seemingly the chap was ready to take his own life before he walked, such was the **** he had to endure from her.


I’ve taken over from him and was immediately warned by a person I became friendly with when I started what had happened the other guy so I knew the warning signs. I’m in the job 3 years and not a problem until say the last 2 months when I started to notice little jibes.

I’m never late for work ever, in fact I’m nearly always a half an hour early, I like to get settled, have a cup of tea, that sort of thing, but the minute my pc hits 5pm, I’m out of there like a shot.

So over the past 2 months she been sayings things like “oh, his on the runway, stand back and let him out” or “must be time, himself is away” or “leaving already”.. Stupid things I know but that’s how it started with the last guy, little things to start off with to get inside your head, the it gets worse gradually over time.

This is in front of other people in the office, I’m lucky enough I have my own office, she and 5 others are in an open plan just off mine, so when I step out of my office, it’s then she starts. Loves to be heard, tries to get everyone to have a little skit at my expense.


Things came to a head last week, I was going to Manchester for a meeting so didn’t need to arrive in the office till 10am, had it cleared with the MD so everything was fine. Walked in to the office to the following:


Her; (jokingly but serious if you know what I mean) what time do you call this coming in to work, why haven’t you rang in?? she starts to laugh, looking at everyone for a reaction.

So, after all her snide comments this was my chance to put her in her place I’m thinking once and for all.

ME: Beth, the day I have to answer to you in this office will be my last, I don’t answer to you, you’re not my boss, keep your nose in your own business and out of mine ok?

By now the silence was deafening, I could feel everyone’s eyes burning a hole in the back of my head, general manager included.

So I keep going now I’m on a role;

Beth for the past 2 months or so I’ve listened to your snide comments, I believe you are known for this type of conduct in the past, you bullied the last guy out of his job but I can tell you this much, you won’t bully me. So passing snide remarks about what time I leave at and trying to get a laugh from the others at my expense can stop right now, if I hear 1 more snide remark, I’ll be reporting it in writing to the MD, is that clear..


She was as red as beetroot at this stage, her mouth ready to hit the floor, she actually couldn’t speak so I walked to my office and closed the door.
Since then, general manager asked me if I wanted to make a complaint, he said he can’t stand her and was delighted I put her in her place.


Needless to say there has been no more snide remarks and is as nice as pie. Bullies of course are cowards when you stand up to them, they **** themselves when they are brought to task. They are weak pathetic people who try to pick on people they think are weaker than them to boost their own ego.


Stand up to these ****ers, don’t let them walk on top of you. Life is too short to let a c.u.n.t bring you down to their pathetic level.

Thank you if you are still reading this long post, it felt good reliving that day

Following on from my above post and the bout of bulling I was subjected to, I had another incident very recently where the purchasing manager, a man in his 50’s came in to the office one morning. He on very friendly terms with all the ladies, slagging, banter and the like.

My office is tucked away from the open plan office, lo and behold I over hear him slagging me off, having a great laugh at my expense. Sitting at my desk and thinking to myself; that ****er is laughing at me.

By jaysus my blood pressure was at an all time high with temper so I left my office to follow him down to his office on the factory floor. I enter the open plan where the laughter is easing off so I ask the women; “having a nice laugh at my expense are ye”
Silence, as I stared them out of it before walking out the door to confront this wanker.


Straight down to his desk and the conversation goes something like this;

Me; Dave, did I just hear you having a laugh and a snigger at my expense
Him; it was a joke mate, it was a joke (everything is “mate” with the English folk)
Me; do I look like I’m ****ing laughing, do I.. trouble about working in this place is it’s full of two faced ***** and you’re the biggest one. If I ever hear you speaking about me or mentioning my name to anyone in here again, I’ll take you outside that door and kick the living **** out of you, do ya understand what I’m saying


Stupid dick nearly **** himself. I went straight to the MD and reported it, spent nearly 4 hours in his office, reported the bitch herself as well. He was disgusted. I went home and took 2 weeks off “sick”


When I came back it was a totally different place to work. Your wan now knocks before she comes in to my office and the dick himself is still a dick, afraid of his ****e to even salute me now.


I’m not saying I handled it the right way but I had enough and snapped. I was prepared to walk out of my job that morning and probably would have had only the MD and the HR manager convinced me otherwise. I had enough of that fat bitch and her snide remarks every time I opened my door and now this was something I certainly didn’t need or deserve.

I’m honest, a good worker, never miss a day and keep myself to myself but still well able to have a laugh and a joke when needs be.

As countless people on this thread have stated, stand up to these spineless ****ers and don’t let them ruin your life. It only takes 1 confrontation with them to make them **** themselves, do it, stand your ground and don’t let them walk all over you.

Wanderer2010

I think if i have learnt anything about the workplace and bullying is that there is always a ringleader who dominates the rest in their clique, this person is who you need to stand up to if you are getting hassle, it usually stops the bullying or at least makes them think twice about picking you as a victim.

Another thing I have learnt is that most managers are spineless cowards when it comes to taking on a bully, I mean really snivelly cowards. They can be the toughest boss ever when it comes to pushing you for deadlines, delegating work etc but the second you mention you feel bullied they stare at their feet, shuffle and try to excuse the bullies behavior. I have seen managers excuse female bullies with "she has a stressful home life" "her daughter is sick" "hormones" etc, never mind the fact that they can be hostile, scream at you, exclude you etc etc until you dont feel like even going to work anymore, which is downright wrong in my opinion. A bully is a bully, male or female and if you think managers will back you then think again.

Most managers just want you to put up with the bullying as they would rather a high turnover of people than confront the rotten source of the bullying. Its one of those things in life where you have to state to them that they are being a bully and if they ever do it again you will report them, whatever the fallout might be. In my experience its the management who are half to blame. Try getting a male boss to crack down on a female bully, never gonna happen.

Ray Palmer

At one point I explained to the ass I was working with not to curse at me again. He started going on about how I was very sensitive to cursing. When I explained I had no F*** problem with curing it was being cursed at he started asking for examples or checking in the middle of discussions.

It got to a ridiculousness where I had to send him an email saying if he could not understand my view he should refrain from curing in my presence. If he need clarification about conversations he could email me and I wound explain the difference on request. I rarely curse so if he found I did he could ask me to explain.

A few weeks later I dropped a monitor on my foot and cursed. Seconds later I got an email asking for an explanation. I ended up with 3 gig of e-mails just on cursing from him. All because he was abusive to me when I disagreed with him. He claimed I threatened him when I said "Do not speak to me like that again" after a year he brought this up as a threat from me. I had every e-mail he sent me and how he constantly replied to me avoiding the managers in the emails. replies such as "Idiot do it this way" "YOU ARE WRONG" "NO" " I am busy" "WAIT" . Doesn't sound so bad but considering he wouldn't talk to me and these replies were for information after a week or more it was really aggressive.

I am really glad I have not seen him since because I would put him in hospital. Even worse is I saved his ass when we were out many times before he took a permanent dislike to me. Every time he caused the argument with strangers once I knew the guy and it was very difficult to explain why not to beat the hell out of him other than I worked with him.

old hippy

anncoates wrote: »

Surely if people witne4ssed serious bullying in the workplace, they'd try and do something? Either by having a word with the person doing it or speaking confidentially to HR?

From mine own experience, HR are toothless and try to play down incidents. I can't go into too much detail, except to say it is astonishing what some people can get away with.

gozunda

old hippy wrote: »

From mine own experience, HR are toothless and try to play down incidents. I can't go into too much detail, except to say it is astonishing what some people can get away with.

Unfortunately bullying behaviour is still being ignored and as you said often played down by management and HR - currently there is no proper legislation to deal with workplace bullies - more or less everything is left up to the discretion of the company - which more often or not means that the bully is maintained and the victim is expected to suck it up. Time that bullying is classed as an offence against the person and legal prosecution may brought against the bully where there is a proven assault and the victim has suffered actual harm. I reckon that this will come about eventually but it will require a new understanding of what bullying really is and the impact it can have.

mufcboy1999

What would you do in this situation?

take note of his car if he's got one and slash his tires or put a brick to the windscreen as bad and scummy as that sounds imo bullying is one of the worst things you can do to a person, thats getting off lightly too.

marnie d

I've recently had an incident with bullying in the workplace.

I started over 2 years ago, I'm the only female in that department, and for ages I tolerated being ignored, excluded, walking into the office to be met with dirty looks, and being singled out for mistakes made etc. I had a confrontation with one of my seniors when drunk on an unofficial staff night out, and he eased off me after that, and gradually the rest or them calmed down a bit too. I never thought of this as bullying at the time, but a friend from outside of the workplace said that they sounded like bitchy high school girls, which they did act like.

One of the guys, who I only work with occasionally, got worse over time. He would very loudly point out all my mistakes to anyone who would listen, including people from different departments. He spoke to me like I was dirt, if I asked for something simple, he made it very, very difficult for me. Others heard the way he spoke to me and stood back with their heads down, looking disgusted, but not standing up for me. Eventually I went to my seniors with the problem (including the one that I had the earlier issue with), and they told me to go to my boss. My boss said that he would have a word with him, and the lad did improve slightly after that. But not for long, he was unbelievably rude on one day in particular, I had to go to my boss again, and he brought it to HR. The next few days I worked with this guy, he was fine. (We mostly ignored each other, and were civil to each other when words had to be exchanged.) I don't know how long this will last for, but my boss has told me that if he acts up again to get straight on to the phone to him.

I'm so glad that something was done about it, I wouldn't have handed in my notice over that prick, but there were times when I was very close to doing this, and I can't believe I put up with it for as long as I did.

Ray13

I wish I had come across this thread last year, can't say too much but very recently won my case against ex employer, who dismissed me after years of trying to stand my ground and stop the bad treatment. Extremely strong judgement against employer. Feel free to PM me.

lufties

Ray13 wrote: »

I wish I had come across this thread last year, can't say too much but very recently won my case against ex employer, who dismissed me after years of trying to stand my ground and stop the bad treatment. Extremely strong judgement against employer. Feel free to PM me.

Well done Ray and congratulations, I left Ireland a few years ago but was bullied there in my professional life there, as someone mentioned earlier in this thread, people are spineless and look out for number one. I was mainly ridiculed by older staff who had a chip on their shoulder, and thought it was their given right to disrespect me because I was young and didn't kiss up to them

Its funny because it was a good job with a good company(job for life really), but working with miserable arse lickers, made it unbearable for me. More fool me for giving up the handy number, Although since then I've gained vast experience travelling, and will soon be returning close to home to take up an even better employment.

Honestly, I don't think I could ever work in Ireland again, we are a country of me feiners with limited resources regarding employment, therefore coming to work each day means watching your back and trying to stay one step ahead of everyone else. People in the irish workplace are very cliquey and form groups while sneering at people outside the cosy clique. Cead mile failte my hole:mad:

Ray13

lufties wrote: »

Well done Ray and congratulations, I left Ireland a few years ago but was bullied there in my professional life there, as someone mentioned earlier in this thread, people are spineless and look out for number one. I was mainly ridiculed by older staff who had a chip on their shoulder, and thought it was their given right to disrespect me because I was young and didn't kiss up to them

Its funny because it was a good job with a good company(job for life really), but working with miserable arse lickers, made it unbearable for me. More fool me for giving up the handy number, Although since then I've gained vast experience travelling, and will soon be returning close to home to take up an even better employment.

Honestly, I don't think I could ever work in Ireland again, we are a country of me feiners with limited resources regarding employment, therefore coming to work each day means watching your back and trying to stay one step ahead of everyone else. People in the irish workplace are very cliquey and form groups while sneering at people outside the cosy clique. Cead mile failte my hole:mad:

I know, well done on your progress, I made the decision to go self employed, I was left with no reference after 6 years of an unblemished record, I was dismissed for gross misconduct for a farcical reason (can't say for identity purposes) and ex employer began almost stalking me afterward they dismissed me, the bully couldn't let up...From nepotism, illegal covert monitoring, falsification of documents (intercepting and editing mails), covertly recording meetings and personal phone conversations, withholding investigation reports, intimidating witnesses and falsifying their statements, this crowd really took the whole packet of biscuits! I was terrified to stand up for myself, lost my job over it, and Ex employer took advantage of recession to frighten and intimidate staff, as they knew we would find it impossible to find employment with a similar salary.

lufties

Ray13 wrote: »

I know, well done on your progress, I made the decision to go self employed, I was left with no reference after 6 years of an unblemished record, I was dismissed for gross misconduct for a farcical reason (can't say for identity purposes) and ex employer began almost stalking me afterward they dismissed me, the bully couldn't let up...From nepotism, illegal covert monitoring, falsification of documents (intercepting and editing mails), covertly recording meetings and personal phone conversations, withholding investigation reports, intimidating witnesses and falsifying their statements, this crowd really took the whole packet of biscuits! I was terrified to stand up for myself, lost my job over it, and Ex employer took advantage of recession to frighten and intimidate staff, as they knew we would find it impossible to find employment with a similar salary.

Again, hats off to you. Its amazing how bullying has become the norm these days especially in the private sector. I can imagine how people are expolited in Ireland during this never ending recession.

Ray13

lufties wrote: »

Again, hats off to you. Its amazing how bullying has become the norm these days especially in the private sector. I can imagine how people are expolited in Ireland during this never ending recession.

Yeah the court system has a huge backlogs as a result. The one thing I would like is a sincere apology and a reference but I guess that's never going to happen. At least the stress is over and I'm happy that justice was done.

kerry4sam

Thanks again ^^^ Everyone who has shared their own experience on here. It's pure shameful and hurtful that bullying and indeed harassment is so wildly present in this country, but a true testiment to the cowardly heads-that-be that nothing is being done to take it serious (and indeed the long-term damage being caused to individuals), never mind to assist those who are victim of this behaviour!

Ray13 wrote: »

I wish I had come across this thread last year, can't say too much but very recently won my case against ex employer, who dismissed me after years of trying to stand my ground and stop the bad treatment. Extremely strong judgement against employer. Feel free to PM me.

Wow, well this is one blast from the past I was not expecting this morning. Thanks for resurrecting my thread here to share your own experience.

I am happy that you have received justice and I hope that you are feeling more confident in yourself these days

It is doubtful though that any apology will ever be forth-coming for anyone who has been bullied as those who who bully will always find some excuse to justify their devious behaviour.

lufties wrote: »

Well done Ray and congratulations, I left Ireland a few years ago but was bullied there in my professional life there, as someone mentioned earlier in this thread, people are spineless and look out for number one. I was mainly ridiculed by older staff who had a chip on their shoulder, and thought it was their given right to disrespect me because I was young and didn't kiss up to them

Its funny because it was a good job with a good company(job for life really), but working with miserable arse lickers, made it unbearable for me. More fool me for giving up the handy number, Although since then I've gained vast experience travelling, and will soon be returning close to home to take up an even better employment.

Honestly, I don't think I could ever work in Ireland again, we are a country of me feiners with limited resources regarding employment, therefore coming to work each day means watching your back and trying to stay one step ahead of everyone else. People in the irish workplace are very cliquey and form groups while sneering at people outside the cosy clique. Cead mile failte my hole:mad:

Ah lufities, I am sorry to also hear of your own experience. I've no experience in working abroad so I don't know how cowardly or lenient other countries are to bullying in the workplace.
I hope you are doing better though and are somewhat able to put some of the hurt to the back of your memory?!

I've had some really bad days as a result of my own experience (one day was this).
These alleged 'professionals' that I volunteered for are devious, to put it mildly. I would not trust any if put in-front of any in a Court any time in the future and will outline exactly why I have no confidence in what they have to say in a Court.
The bullying and harassment I had to endure took years from my Dad watching what I was going through and it is for him that I will fight for justice in my situation until either I die or I receive Justice.
These cowards, devious, un-trusthworthy alleged 'Professionals' have no business doing the work that they do on a daily basis considering their lack of respect for the core values such as respecting other individuals in the workplace.

Wanderer2010

What I see a lot of is management mocking the staff who dont fit into the norm of football and laziness. And if not openly mocking then they just agree or go along with the people who are spreading the gossip, there seems to be no stopping or reducing of nasty gossip in some workplaces, where the minority who dont fit in have no comeback or means to complain as the majority of grievance or HR complaint procedures arent worth the paper they are on and are merely a means to identify people who are not a "good fit" for the company and should vacate as soon as possible so as to leave the alpha bullies there running the department/company. Very sad.

KyussBishop

Ray13 wrote: »

I know, well done on your progress, I made the decision to go self employed, I was left with no reference after 6 years of an unblemished record, I was dismissed for gross misconduct for a farcical reason (can't say for identity purposes) and ex employer began almost stalking me afterward they dismissed me, the bully couldn't let up...From nepotism, illegal covert monitoring, falsification of documents (intercepting and editing mails), covertly recording meetings and personal phone conversations, withholding investigation reports, intimidating witnesses and falsifying their statements, this crowd really took the whole packet of biscuits! I was terrified to stand up for myself, lost my job over it, and Ex employer took advantage of recession to frighten and intimidate staff, as they knew we would find it impossible to find employment with a similar salary.

Wow that's quite an unbelievable range of abuse that you had to put up with there; fair play for sticking through it and putting them through court.

This kind of stuff I think should end up in newspapers really, to show people just what some companies really are about - that kind of abuse is unacceptable, and should get much wider coverage; I reckon it's still a common enough thing in Ireland.

I wonder if there are any organizations or support groups surrounding workplace bullying issue like this? (I don't just mean legal support, though that would be interesting to know too, but maybe organizations for publicizing the issue - especially determining the scale of it, acting as an outlet for support/whistleblowers, and lobbying on it)

On the support side, it's exactly the kind of thing there should be stronger support of unions for.

Ray13

KyussBishop wrote: »

Wow that's quite an unbelievable range of abuse that you had to put up with there; fair play for sticking through it and putting them through court.

This kind of stuff I think should end up in newspapers really, to show people just what some companies really are about - that kind of abuse is unacceptable, and should get much wider coverage; I reckon it's still a common enough thing in Ireland.

I wonder if there are any organizations or support groups surrounding workplace bullying issue like this? (I don't just mean legal support, though that would be interesting to know too, but maybe organizations for publicizing the issue - especially determining the scale of it, acting as an outlet for support/whistleblowers, and lobbying on it)

On the support side, it's exactly the kind of thing there should be stronger support of unions for.

Thanks, as it was RC rather than labour court, the recommendation isn't published but now that RC had strongly ruled against them, although I would love to put all behind me and focus on positivity I haven't ruled out a civil case for stress which would bring it to public attention, and what I mentioned is just half of it, can't say much more at this stage.