Yearbook slur still haunts North Vancouver grad, 42 years later

sunflower27

This made me really angry. To think this man carried this hurt with him his whole life.

NORTH VANCOUVER -- Page 108 of Argyle secondary's 1970 annual is filled with smiling faces.

Next to each photo is a short caption about each student's memories of school and his or her goals for the future - some serious, some evidently jokes, likely inserted by the yearbook's authors. Next to the photo of Robin Tomlin, a shy, skinny teen and a victim of intense bullying, is just one word: "Fag."

The entry might have seemed funny to those who wrote it, but to Tomlin it was devastating, a culmination of the torment he had been subjected to for years in the school's hallways. Four decades later, the word still stings.

"I feel like, emotionally, they've been beating me with a stick for 42 years," he said.

http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Yearbook+slur+still+haunts+Argyle+grad/7338575/story.html

newmug

Poor fella.

Jeez, don't tell me that this, like proms, is another bad American trait that Irish schools are importing?

El Guapo!

DrDonkey wrote: »

Jeez, don't tell me that this, like proms, is another bad American trait that Irish schools are importing?

It clearly says Vancouver.

El Guapo!

sunflower27 wrote: »

"I feel like, emotionally, they've been beating me with a stick for 42 years," he said.

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??
It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago. I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you..........until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.
Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

inmyday

Wouldnt he be better off hunting down all the bullys for an apology. Go to the paper with their names and embarrass them?

Heroditas

inmyday wrote: »

Wouldnt he be better off hunting down all the bullys for an apology. Go to the paper with their names and embarrass them?

Better still, just hunt them down Deliverance/Rambo style!

sunflower27

Dean09 wrote: »

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??
It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago. I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you..........until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.
Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

I never suffered bullying as a child, thankfully, so I am in no position to say how deep this man's hurt was.

I have sympathy for the guy. Very much so.

Why exactly is this a news story? It was 40 years ago, while some things haven't changed (ignorance, bullying and homophobia), this kind of thing wouldn't happen as much now.

The thing with the bullies is that there's no guarantee they're actually still alive. Canada has excellent health care and I'm assuming this also applies to the mental health system over there (perhaps someone could verify?). You'd have to wonder why he didn't just get help, do something about this when it mattered (40 years is too late, considering that there's a possibility that staff at the school weren't even born when this event happened), and moved on with his life.

sunflower27

Dean09 wrote: »

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??
It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago. I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you..........until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.
Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

So easy to say when it didn't happen to you, eh

His daughter found it and read it, so yeah, it is still being read!

bijapos

Deleted User wrote: »

Why exactly is this a news story? It was 40 years ago, while some things haven't changed (ignorance, bullying and homophobia), this kind of thing wouldn't happen as much now.

It does exist today. Bullying for whatever reason is as bad as it ever was and probably worse for kids today.

At least years ago you could go home in the evening and feel that you have some respite from it for a few hours. With SMS, Facebook and all forms of social media it's 24/7 for some kids.

Bullies don't die away you know, they keep at it in some cases for the whole of their lives, making life a misery for whoever they decide to pick on this week or this year. I feel sorry for the guy and hope he gets some respite from the school.

Bob the Seducer

Dean09 wrote: »

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??
It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago. I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you..........until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.
Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

I'd say there are a couple of other things in play;
1. He's suffering terminal liver disease and is probably looking for some sort of closure on this.
2. In an exceptionally classy move...

the annual - including the offending entry - was plastered to the walls at his 40-year reunion.

3. His lawyer had to fight to get the entry changed in the copies held in the school's library (which the school district eventually gave in to).

bijapos

bijapos wrote: »

It does exist today. Bullying for whatever reason is as bad as it ever was and probably worse for kids today.

At least years ago you could go home in the evening and feel that you have some respite from it for a few hours. With SMS, Facebook and all forms of social media it's 24/7 for some kids.

Bullies don't die away you know, they keep at it in some cases for the whole of their lives, making life a misery for whoever they decide to pick on this week or this year. I feel sorry for the guy and hope he gets some respite from the school.

Why? They've apologized. That's all they should have to do. 40 years is too late to come back and say, "hey, I got bullied here. Give me something." You can be sure now that, following this news story, they'll be clamping down on it a lot more and making sure it won't happen again.

He left it far too late, I think.

Deleted User

Deleted User wrote: »

Why? They've apologized. That's all they should have to do. 40 years is too late to come back and say, "hey, I got bullied here. Give me something." You can be sure now that, following this news story, they'll be clamping down on it a lot more and making sure it won't happen again.

He left it far too late, I think.

What?

She did not address the district's decision not to apologize, however. It's that reluctance, more than the refusal to cover travel expenses, that sticks in Tomlin's craw.

"They won't say, 'Sorry.' All they say is 'regret,'" said Tomlin. "I want an apology.



Read more: http://www.vancouversun.com/news/Yearbook+slur+still+haunts+Argyle+grad/7338575/story.html#ixzz28bgc074y

Truley

When Tomlin learned, on a visit to the school library, that the entry could still be viewed there, he asked Argyle to alter book, but was rebuffed, he said. In fact, far from being amended, the annual - including the offending entry - was plastered to the walls at his 40-year reunion.

Jeez some bullies never grow up. From his year book photo he looks quite a handsome guy. I really feel for him.

Dean09

Dean09 wrote: »

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??
It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago. I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you..........until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.
Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

You know, reading about the daily tormenting he went through, I'm not surprised it's stuck with him. I think at this stage it's not about the yearbook on its own, it's the symbol of everything that happened. They brought it up again at a school reunion, they plastered it all over the walls again recently, and the school refuse to apologise.

Of course the bullies might have long forgotten - why wouldn't they? They weren't subjected to the bullying and they don't have this reminder.
There are still children killing themselves from extreme bullying, it's not so appalling or far fetched that a man diagnosed with a terminal disease wants to finally get an apology from the school who printed this, and try to move on before his death.

donegal_road

what more would you expect from a shower of huns who ran the first nations people off their land and herded up their children into Residential schools where they were abused, then forced the native people onto 'Reserves' where they live as second class citizens to this day.

frag420

Heroditas wrote: »

inmyday wrote: »

Wouldnt he be better off hunting down all the bullys for an apology. Go to the paper with their names and embarrass them?

Better still, just hunt them down Deliverance/Rambo style!

In deliverance didn't the local hillbillys fook the city hunters making them squeal like pigs?? Perhaps not the best idea for this hit unless he wants to validate the entry in the yearbook!!

mitosis

pussy

Larianne

Did he go to the school reunion? Why would you bother? Whether he's a 'fag' or not, those bullies will always think that about him.

I dunno, maybe because most Irish schools don't have Yearbooks, we don't understand how big a deal it is? I would have told him to burn the book and get on with his life.

Wanderer2010

I feel sorry for him, its truly sickening to think he is even NOW facing resistance from the authorities for simply requesting it to be removed completely and an apology given, Surely 42 years is enough time for boards of management etc to change hands so there would be no red-faced principals being rebuked. The fact that they are digging their heels in suggests a homophobic culture STILL exists in the culture of this school. I hope the bullies have had horrible lives as Karma, little pricks, they dont even realise the damage they cause.

El Guapo!

donegal_road wrote: »

what more would you expect from a shower of huns who ran the first nations people off their land and herded up their children into Residential schools where they were abused, then forced the native people onto 'Reserves' where they live as second class citizens to this day.

Yeah because bullying doesn't happen in Ireland.
The anti-America brigade on here gets more ridiculous every day.

Wanderer2010

Dean09 wrote: »

Yeah because bullying doesn't happen in Ireland.
The anti-America brigade on here gets more ridiculous every day.

I guess that feeling wasnt helped by the case of the girl who killed herself in an American school after months of bullying and being called "Irish pig" "potato bitch" etc and the girls/boys faced trial later on. Ironic that young American boys and girls would bully another girl for being Irish, seeing as most of their own descendants had Irish blood in them and half of them probably came to America on the coffin ships, bloody nerve of them. :mad:

El Guapo!

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

I guess that feeling wasnt helped by the case of the girl who killed herself in an American school after months of bullying and being called "Irish pig" "potato bitch" etc and the girls/boys faced trial later on. Ironic that young American boys and girls would bully another girl for being Irish, seeing as most of their own descendants had Irish blood in them and half of them probably came to America on the coffin ships, bloody nerve of them. :mad:

Yeah that was terrible. But my point still stands.....bullying happens here too.

By your logic, you could say the same about Ireland. How dare we be racist towards immigrants when the irish emigrated to every country on the planet and we're scattered all over the world. The cheek of us!
See what I mean? I just think the "Anti-America at all costs" attitude is laughable.

El Guapo!

donegal_road wrote: »

what more would you expect from a shower of huns who ran the first nations people off their land and herded up their children into Residential schools where they were abused, then forced the native people onto 'Reserves' where they live as second class citizens to this day.

Also, I forgot to add......Vancouver is in Canada.
Geography fail.

GeograFail if you will.

Wanderer2010

Dean09 wrote: »

Yeah that was terrible. But my point still stands.....bullying happens here too.

By your logic, you could say the same about Ireland. How dare we be racist towards immigrants when the irish emigrated to every country on the planet and we're scattered all over the world. The cheek of us!
See what I mean? I just think the "Anti-America at all costs" attitude is laughable.

Im not seeing the Anti-America vibe here as much as you say but in my defense Im not here too often so it could exist..

Well, yes, only the truly moronic would hate other nationalities who live here based on their skin color alone. The problem is when people make some valid points about how much beneifts foreign people get, their jobs etc etc, they are jumped on for being "racist" when in fact they are just trying to make some points but the PC crowd jumps on them like a pack of rabid dogs!

juan.kerr

Reminds me of this thread: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?p=81122657 and Ghandees sister. Althought I'm beginning to suspect that he doesn't have a sister.

donegal_road

Dean09 wrote: »

Yeah because bullying doesn't happen in Ireland.
The anti-America brigade on here gets more ridiculous every day.

Im not being anti American, I was referring to the residential schools program for first nations children which was a movement in Canada, where this story is based.

El Guapo!

donegal_road wrote: »

Dean09 wrote: »

Yeah because bullying doesn't happen in Ireland.
The anti-America brigade on here gets more ridiculous every day.

Im not being anti American, I was referring to the residential schools program for first nations children which was a movement in Canada, where this story is based.

Well in that case I was mistaken. I thought you were talking about the Native Americans. Apologies for the mix-up.

El Guapo!

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

The problem is when people make some valid points about how much beneifts foreign people get, their jobs etc etc, they are jumped on for being "racist" when in fact they are just trying to make some points but the PC crowd jumps on them like a pack of rabid dogs!

I fully agree with you on this point.

super_furry

The man is dying, don't know if many people picked that up but the story says he has terminal liver disease. What's wrong with him trying to right this wrong and get a proper apology before he dies?

El Guapo!

super_furry wrote: »

The man is dying, don't know if many people picked that up but the story says he has terminal liver disease. What's wrong with him trying to right this wrong and get a proper apology before he dies?

But why is he wasting time and energy on this when he could be spending whatever time he has left with family and friends.
What's an apology gonna do for him anyway? He's just going to spend his final days filled with bitter resentment fighting a pointless battle when he could make better use of his time.

Mickeroo

Is it even the same staff that was in the school back then? If they aren't why would the present staff apologise for something they didn't do?

Also asking the school to pay for his travel expenses was a bit much imho. I feel for what happened to the guy (been bullied myself in the past) but he should let it go and enjoy what little time he has left with his family.

Neyite

I was bullied throughout national school, and for those of you who were lucky enough to never have experienced it, let me tell you it stays with you. I'm 37 now, and still find it hard to fully trust female friends (it was all girls who bullied me) but its much better than it was when I was 20 years younger. Its not something you can "get over" easily. You move on, but you wonder why you were the target, and you learn at a very young age how cruel humans can be to each other.

At least back then, I could go home after hours of abuse witnessed daily by the teachers who supervised the playground, and cry in my mothers arms. These days, kids have mobiles, facebook, and there is no escape - you only have to look at boards and see the keyboard warriors who are braver behind a computer and are far crueller than they would be face to face.

My mother tried, she really did, to get the situation resolved, but back in the 80's the schools didnt have anything like an anti-bullying policy. Furthemore, the children who were the main instigators were the offspring of the better-off families in the area, with some of their parents on the board of directors for the school. Their kids were saints, naturally :rolleyes:.

When I was 19, one of the bullies apologised for her behaviour as a child, and it was wonderful to hear, and we put it behind us. When I was 27, another one of them met up with me and apologised and again, it felt wonderful that this woman acknowledged how she hurt me, and how guilty she felt all those years for what she had done to me. Both of us carried that bullying to adulthood, and finally we were able to put it behind us.

If I turned up at my 40th reunion and saw what this man saw, I would have done exactly the same. I have a son now and if he ever bullies another child, I'll come down on him like a ton of bricks. It will never be acceptable or excusable to me. Ever.

end of the road

Dean09 wrote: »

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??

yes, whats your point, sometimes things do effect people but i suppose the likes of you wouldn't know that would you.

Dean09 wrote: »

It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago.

yes, it is, doesn't make any difference, obviously it has effected him probably with other issues to do with his school meaning he can't get on with his life no matter how much he may like to.

Dean09 wrote: »

I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you

well obviously people have read it if it was put over the walls at his reunion and if its the case his daughter read it, maybe these bullies have forgot him, if their just generally nasty people who have no regrets for what they did, if they were decent people they would say sorry at least.

Dean09 wrote: »

until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.

and good for him, he was right to tell his story, at least its a real life story, but i suppose you feel what such and such celeb is up to would be more important, even over there.

Dean09 wrote: »

Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

who the hell do you think you are, your obviously a nasty piece of work who thinks everything is to do with fame, money or being a drama queen, maybe you think those who were abused by priests or others are drama queens? hay i bet you do.

tolosenc

donegal_road wrote: »

Im not being anti American, I was referring to the residential schools program for first nations children which was a movement in Canada, where this story is based.

Speaking as a Canadian, since when is Canada not in America?

Rigol

Well I suppose the article is something of a small vengeance, at least people around the world will know who the real heartless dicks are. Let those responsible live with it. If they won't make even small amends, a small token of humility, after reading about how it hurt him then theyll have that to carry.

El Guapo!

end of the road wrote: »

who the hell do you think you are, your obviously a nasty piece of work who thinks everything is to do with fame, money or being a drama queen, maybe you think those who were abused by priests or others are drama queens? hay i bet you do.

Don't be ridiculous. You have no idea who I am or anything about me. So don't make stupid assumptions about me.
I gave my initial opinion on the story and that's what it was...my opinion. Just because it differs to yours doesn't make me a bad person so I'd appreciate it if you didn't try make me out to be one.

Madam_X

donegal_road wrote: »

what more would you expect from a shower of huns who ran the first nations people off their land and herded up their children into Residential schools where they were abused, then forced the native people onto 'Reserves' where they live as second class citizens to this day.

That's like someone in Canada hearing about a bullying case in Ireland and saying "What else would you expect from a shower of taigs who abused children in church-run institutions?" Utterly irrelevant in other words. Bullying happens anywhere - pointless trying to use it to score xenophobic points.

Re this guy: seems he's over-reacting imo, but then, i haven't a clue what reality has been like for him or the full ins and outs of the story, so I certainly wouldn't be stating what he should do/think or that he's looking for attention.

oppenheimer1

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

I feel sorry for him, its truly sickening to think he is even NOW facing resistance from the authorities for simply requesting it to be removed completely and an apology given, Surely 42 years is enough time for boards of management etc to change hands so there would be no red-faced principals being rebuked. The fact that they are digging their heels in suggests a homophobic culture STILL exists in the culture of this school. I hope the bullies have had horrible lives as Karma, little pricks, they dont even realise the damage they cause.

The only reason I imagine that he is facing resistance from the school authorities could be on two grounds. 1) High minded resistance to rewriting history (unlikely) or 2) Resistance because a change would be an admission that there was a wrong done to him and he would then be entitled to some sort of compensation.

UCDVet

I don't understand....what resistance is he facing?

The district would reprint the page with a revised entry of Tomlin's choice, insert it into any copies of the annual it possessed and even provide a copy to the North Vancouver museum and archives. It would also provide Tomlin with 20 copies of the changed page for his own use.

Seems more than fair to me.

But no, he want's an apology from someone that wasn't involved in the incident and $5k for his travel expenses?

Giselle

UCDVet wrote: »

I don't understand....what resistance is he facing?



Seems more than fair to me.

But no, he want's an apology from someone that wasn't involved in the incident and $5k for his travel expenses?

I think expressing 'regret' at the incident is different from apologising though.

Regret means they're sorry he suffered. Apologising means acknowledging that the people who acted in loco parentis acted wrongly, and that he was allowed suffer by those people.

I'd want the apology, and I genuinely hope this man gets it and can leave this life with some closure.

Canard

I don't know, but I think a lot of people aren't thinking about the whole picture. It wasn't even just seeing it plastered on the wall after all those years - can you imagine how awful it must have been to see it in the yearbook the first time? And all for what, five minutes of amusement for whoever did it? The casual cruelty of bullying is, to me, part of what makes it so awful.

I say fair play to him. Bullying is something that never really goes away; it took me years to get over the bullying I experienced in primary school and it was absolutely horrible living through it, I dont think its something anyone who hasn't been bullied can fully understand. I can't believe they won't just change it for him...do they want to look like assholes? It'd almost be like getting bullied all over again by refusing to change it, or an acceptance that what happened to him was okay.

Mickeroo

Patchy~ wrote: »

I don't know, but I think a lot of people aren't thinking about the whole picture. It wasn't even just seeing it plastered on the wall after all those years - can you imagine how awful it must have been to see it in the yearbook the first time? And all for what, five minutes of amusement for whoever did it? The casual cruelty of bullying is, to me, part of what makes it so awful.

I say fair play to him. Bullying is something that never really goes away; it took me years to get over the bullying I experienced in primary school and it was absolutely horrible living through it, I dont think its something anyone who hasn't been bullied can fully understand. I can't believe they won't just change it for him...do they want to look like assholes? It'd almost be like getting bullied all over again by refusing to change it, or an acceptance that what happened to him was okay.

They didn't refuse to change it, quite the opposite actually.

Canard

Mickeroo wrote: »

They didn't refuse to change it, quite the opposite actually.

Whoops, I just picked that up from reading the other posts. Even still, it took a long time and there was no apology.

UCDVet

Patchy~ wrote: »

Whoops, I just picked that up from reading the other posts. Even still, it took a long time and there was no apology.

He wants an apology from John Lewis, the Superintendent who had nothing to do this bad thing that happened 40 years ago.

I'm also sure the Superintendent's correspondence went past the hands a lawyer and that he was advised directly NOT to take responsibility for what happened as that would be seen as an admission of guilt.

"I cannot take responsibility for the actions or lack of oversight by staff over 40 years ago," wrote Superintendent John Lewis, in an attached letter. "However, I do wish to express to you that I understand your concerns, and regret that you had such a negative high-school experience. I also regret that the yearbook was published in the manner it was by those involved."

Personally I think the guy is taking it way too far. The school is willing to fix the yearbooks and give him 20 copies. He might say he just wants an apology but what he really said is he wants several thousand dollars and a flight to the school, where he can be personally apologized to, by some guy who had nothing to do with his bullying.

That seems ridiculous to me.

Larianne

Neyite wrote: »

If I turned up at my 40th reunion and saw what this man saw, I would have done exactly the same.

I don't understand why someone would want to go to a school reunion having been bullied in school?? I sure as hell would never go to mine. Those **** are still the same **** and will still assume I'm however I appeared to be back then.

I would like to say be able to say fair play to the bullies who apoligised to you years later Neyite, but I'd say they were doing it more for themselves rather than for you.

It is quite sad how this man has never got over the bullying and how now, with a terminal illness he's wasting his time and energy on something he will never get.

sunflower27

Perhaps as a grown man he wanted to go to his reunion to show them he wasn't afraid of them.

I can totally understand that sentiment.

Seaneh

Dean09 wrote: »

It clearly says Vancouver.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vancouver,_Washington

There's a Vancouver in the US as well.

It's a ****hole for the most part, but it does have the best ice cream in the world.
http://www.icecreamrenaissance.com/

Larianne

sunflower27 wrote: »

Perhaps as a grown man he wanted to go to his reunion to show them he wasn't afraid of them.

I can totally understand that sentiment.

In school, you were stuck in the same class with the same people because you had no choice. Choosing to go to a school reunion to be stuck in the same room as the people who bullied you years ago doesn't make sense to me.

Why should he have to prove anything to them?

Sunny Disposition

The school's behaviour is terrible, disgusting. Just write to the man and apologise. It's fairly obvious what they need to do.