Yearbook slur still haunts North Vancouver grad, 42 years later

El Guapo! · 07-10-2012 12:32PM

super_furry wrote: »

The man is dying, don't know if many people picked that up but the story says he has terminal liver disease. What's wrong with him trying to right this wrong and get a proper apology before he dies?

But why is he wasting time and energy on this when he could be spending whatever time he has left with family and friends.
What's an apology gonna do for him anyway? He's just going to spend his final days filled with bitter resentment fighting a pointless battle when he could make better use of his time.

Mickeroo · 07-10-2012 12:36PM

Is it even the same staff that was in the school back then? If they aren't why would the present staff apologise for something they didn't do?

Also asking the school to pay for his travel expenses was a bit much imho. I feel for what happened to the guy (been bullied myself in the past) but he should let it go and enjoy what little time he has left with his family.

Neyite · 07-10-2012 12:38PM

I was bullied throughout national school, and for those of you who were lucky enough to never have experienced it, let me tell you it stays with you. I'm 37 now, and still find it hard to fully trust female friends (it was all girls who bullied me) but its much better than it was when I was 20 years younger. Its not something you can "get over" easily. You move on, but you wonder why you were the target, and you learn at a very young age how cruel humans can be to each other.

At least back then, I could go home after hours of abuse witnessed daily by the teachers who supervised the playground, and cry in my mothers arms. These days, kids have mobiles, facebook, and there is no escape - you only have to look at boards and see the keyboard warriors who are braver behind a computer and are far crueller than they would be face to face.

My mother tried, she really did, to get the situation resolved, but back in the 80's the schools didnt have anything like an anti-bullying policy. Furthemore, the children who were the main instigators were the offspring of the better-off families in the area, with some of their parents on the board of directors for the school. Their kids were saints, naturally :rolleyes:.

When I was 19, one of the bullies apologised for her behaviour as a child, and it was wonderful to hear, and we put it behind us. When I was 27, another one of them met up with me and apologised and again, it felt wonderful that this woman acknowledged how she hurt me, and how guilty she felt all those years for what she had done to me. Both of us carried that bullying to adulthood, and finally we were able to put it behind us.

If I turned up at my 40th reunion and saw what this man saw, I would have done exactly the same. I have a son now and if he ever bullies another child, I'll come down on him like a ton of bricks. It will never be acceptable or excusable to me. Ever.

end of the road · 07-10-2012 03:38PM

Dean09 wrote: »

Ok I know bullying is terrible and I feel sorry for the guy if he was tormented while he was in school, but come on.......42 years later and it's still his yearbook photo that "haunts" him??

yes, whats your point, sometimes things do effect people but i suppose the likes of you wouldn't know that would you.

Dean09 wrote: »

It's one word in a yearbook from nearly half a century ago.

yes, it is, doesn't make any difference, obviously it has effected him probably with other issues to do with his school meaning he can't get on with his life no matter how much he may like to.

Dean09 wrote: »

I'm sure nobody reads it anymore and I'd be pretty sure the bullies from school have long forgotten about you

well obviously people have read it if it was put over the walls at his reunion and if its the case his daughter read it, maybe these bullies have forgot him, if their just generally nasty people who have no regrets for what they did, if they were decent people they would say sorry at least.

Dean09 wrote: »

until you decided to give an interview to a newspaper and drag it all back up again.

and good for him, he was right to tell his story, at least its a real life story, but i suppose you feel what such and such celeb is up to would be more important, even over there.

Dean09 wrote: »

Stop being such a drama queen and looking for attention. 15 mins of fame and all that.

who the hell do you think you are, your obviously a nasty piece of work who thinks everything is to do with fame, money or being a drama queen, maybe you think those who were abused by priests or others are drama queens? hay i bet you do.

tolosenc · 07-10-2012 03:44PM

donegal_road wrote: »

Im not being anti American, I was referring to the residential schools program for first nations children which was a movement in Canada, where this story is based.

Speaking as a Canadian, since when is Canada not in America?

Rigol · 07-10-2012 03:47PM

Well I suppose the article is something of a small vengeance, at least people around the world will know who the real heartless dicks are. Let those responsible live with it. If they won't make even small amends, a small token of humility, after reading about how it hurt him then theyll have that to carry.

El Guapo! · 07-10-2012 03:50PM

end of the road wrote: »

who the hell do you think you are, your obviously a nasty piece of work who thinks everything is to do with fame, money or being a drama queen, maybe you think those who were abused by priests or others are drama queens? hay i bet you do.

Don't be ridiculous. You have no idea who I am or anything about me. So don't make stupid assumptions about me.
I gave my initial opinion on the story and that's what it was...my opinion. Just because it differs to yours doesn't make me a bad person so I'd appreciate it if you didn't try make me out to be one.

Madam_X · 07-10-2012 03:56PM

donegal_road wrote: »

what more would you expect from a shower of huns who ran the first nations people off their land and herded up their children into Residential schools where they were abused, then forced the native people onto 'Reserves' where they live as second class citizens to this day.

That's like someone in Canada hearing about a bullying case in Ireland and saying "What else would you expect from a shower of taigs who abused children in church-run institutions?" Utterly irrelevant in other words. Bullying happens anywhere - pointless trying to use it to score xenophobic points.

Re this guy: seems he's over-reacting imo, but then, i haven't a clue what reality has been like for him or the full ins and outs of the story, so I certainly wouldn't be stating what he should do/think or that he's looking for attention.

oppenheimer1 · 07-10-2012 03:56PM

Wanderer2010 wrote: »

I feel sorry for him, its truly sickening to think he is even NOW facing resistance from the authorities for simply requesting it to be removed completely and an apology given, Surely 42 years is enough time for boards of management etc to change hands so there would be no red-faced principals being rebuked. The fact that they are digging their heels in suggests a homophobic culture STILL exists in the culture of this school. I hope the bullies have had horrible lives as Karma, little pricks, they dont even realise the damage they cause.

The only reason I imagine that he is facing resistance from the school authorities could be on two grounds. 1) High minded resistance to rewriting history (unlikely) or 2) Resistance because a change would be an admission that there was a wrong done to him and he would then be entitled to some sort of compensation.

UCDVet · 07-10-2012 04:03PM

I don't understand....what resistance is he facing?

The district would reprint the page with a revised entry of Tomlin's choice, insert it into any copies of the annual it possessed and even provide a copy to the North Vancouver museum and archives. It would also provide Tomlin with 20 copies of the changed page for his own use.

Seems more than fair to me.

But no, he want's an apology from someone that wasn't involved in the incident and $5k for his travel expenses?

Giselle · 07-10-2012 04:51PM

UCDVet wrote: »

I don't understand....what resistance is he facing?

Seems more than fair to me.

But no, he want's an apology from someone that wasn't involved in the incident and $5k for his travel expenses?

I think expressing 'regret' at the incident is different from apologising though.

Regret means they're sorry he suffered. Apologising means acknowledging that the people who acted in loco parentis acted wrongly, and that he was allowed suffer by those people.

I'd want the apology, and I genuinely hope this man gets it and can leave this life with some closure.

Canard · 07-10-2012 04:59PM

I don't know, but I think a lot of people aren't thinking about the whole picture. It wasn't even just seeing it plastered on the wall after all those years - can you imagine how awful it must have been to see it in the yearbook the first time? And all for what, five minutes of amusement for whoever did it? The casual cruelty of bullying is, to me, part of what makes it so awful.

I say fair play to him. Bullying is something that never really goes away; it took me years to get over the bullying I experienced in primary school and it was absolutely horrible living through it, I dont think its something anyone who hasn't been bullied can fully understand. I can't believe they won't just change it for him...do they want to look like assholes? It'd almost be like getting bullied all over again by refusing to change it, or an acceptance that what happened to him was okay.

Mickeroo · 07-10-2012 05:07PM

Patchy~ wrote: »

I don't know, but I think a lot of people aren't thinking about the whole picture. It wasn't even just seeing it plastered on the wall after all those years - can you imagine how awful it must have been to see it in the yearbook the first time? And all for what, five minutes of amusement for whoever did it? The casual cruelty of bullying is, to me, part of what makes it so awful.

I say fair play to him. Bullying is something that never really goes away; it took me years to get over the bullying I experienced in primary school and it was absolutely horrible living through it, I dont think its something anyone who hasn't been bullied can fully understand. I can't believe they won't just change it for him...do they want to look like assholes? It'd almost be like getting bullied all over again by refusing to change it, or an acceptance that what happened to him was okay.

They didn't refuse to change it, quite the opposite actually.

Canard · 07-10-2012 05:13PM

Mickeroo wrote: »

They didn't refuse to change it, quite the opposite actually.

Whoops, I just picked that up from reading the other posts. Even still, it took a long time and there was no apology.

UCDVet · 07-10-2012 05:30PM

Patchy~ wrote: »

Whoops, I just picked that up from reading the other posts. Even still, it took a long time and there was no apology.

He wants an apology from John Lewis, the Superintendent who had nothing to do this bad thing that happened 40 years ago.

I'm also sure the Superintendent's correspondence went past the hands a lawyer and that he was advised directly NOT to take responsibility for what happened as that would be seen as an admission of guilt.

"I cannot take responsibility for the actions or lack of oversight by staff over 40 years ago," wrote Superintendent John Lewis, in an attached letter. "However, I do wish to express to you that I understand your concerns, and regret that you had such a negative high-school experience. I also regret that the yearbook was published in the manner it was by those involved."

Personally I think the guy is taking it way too far. The school is willing to fix the yearbooks and give him 20 copies. He might say he just wants an apology but what he really said is he wants several thousand dollars and a flight to the school, where he can be personally apologized to, by some guy who had nothing to do with his bullying.

That seems ridiculous to me.

Larianne · 07-10-2012 05:55PM

Neyite wrote: »

If I turned up at my 40th reunion and saw what this man saw, I would have done exactly the same.

I don't understand why someone would want to go to a school reunion having been bullied in school?? I sure as hell would never go to mine. Those **** are still the same **** and will still assume I'm however I appeared to be back then.

I would like to say be able to say fair play to the bullies who apoligised to you years later Neyite, but I'd say they were doing it more for themselves rather than for you.

It is quite sad how this man has never got over the bullying and how now, with a terminal illness he's wasting his time and energy on something he will never get.

sunflower27 · 07-10-2012 06:06PM

Perhaps as a grown man he wanted to go to his reunion to show them he wasn't afraid of them.

I can totally understand that sentiment.

Seaneh · 07-10-2012 06:20PM

Dean09 wrote: »

It clearly says Vancouver.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vancouver,_Washington

There's a Vancouver in the US as well.

It's a ****hole for the most part, but it does have the best ice cream in the world.
http://www.icecreamrenaissance.com/

Larianne · 07-10-2012 06:23PM

sunflower27 wrote: »

Perhaps as a grown man he wanted to go to his reunion to show them he wasn't afraid of them.

I can totally understand that sentiment.

In school, you were stuck in the same class with the same people because you had no choice. Choosing to go to a school reunion to be stuck in the same room as the people who bullied you years ago doesn't make sense to me.

Why should he have to prove anything to them?

07-10-2012 10:39PM

The school's behaviour is terrible, disgusting. Just write to the man and apologise. It's fairly obvious what they need to do.

sunflower27 · 08-10-2012 12:07AM

Larianne wrote: »

In school, you were stuck in the same class with the same people because you had no choice. Choosing to go to a school reunion to be stuck in the same room as the people who bullied you years ago doesn't make sense to me.

Why should he have to prove anything to them?

It doesn't have to make sense to you.

Yearbook slur still haunts North Vancouver grad, 42 years later

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