Snappy comebacks

Kimia

Ladies, following on from the inappropriate remarks thread, I have another one, but I really want to know what to say back. I come from the school of snappy comebacks about a day late, which is so annoying! I wish I was one of those droll, witty characters who can shut rude people up in a very understated way but I'm not.

So my situation is I work with women who for the most part are incredibly materialistic. I am engaged and one of the women asked me straight out how much my ring cost. I was horrified and mumbled something vague but it really made me so uncomfortable. It's not a diamond so its unusual and I love it. But she made me feel like it wasn't good enough or that my fiance doesn't value me enough because he didn't get me a diamond. :mad:

So what should I have said to that? What will I say if someone else asks me?

I'm sure other people have experienced this too and as I said, i'm good at snappy comebacks days later, so I will help too!

stinkle

Ooh i used to work with people like that so i feel your pain.i found nosy questions that you don't feel like answering can be dealt with by asking 'why?'.I've found it disarms people and buys you time to think of something snappy or at least stop you from telling them too much.my mother always recommends using 'sure a garda wouldn't ask me those kinda questions'.

Those aren't v witty or snappy important afraid but they've worked for me. Congrats on getting engaged btw!

sam34

as above, I've found "why do you want to know?", "even my mother didn't ask me that" etc canbe quite effective. it puts the other person on the wrong foot and embarrasses them. also, "oh, if I told you I'd have to kill you" or even a "my personal life is personal" gets you out of awkward situations.

Mountainsandh

Horrible.
OP my engagement ring cost all of 250/300 euros, not a diamond either, but I luuuuurrrved it, and still do.

I'm French, and maybe this happens in France too but I never experienced it there, that sort of pressure, and noseyness. I'm here a long time and maybe I romanticise France, but I feel over there it's perfectly ok to do your own thing, while here, people wish they had the guts to do it, but they won't.

So I find my best way to rebuke these comments is something blunt and honest such as : "Does the price matter ? I wanted something I really liked, not something big and expensive just to impress people or do like everyone else".
Or, if you didn't choose with him : "who cares about the price, he knows me well, he knew I wanted something special, not something really expensive for the sake of showing off".

I find then that I get 2 types of responses : the women who genuinely feel the same, and agree, and seem to wish they had done the same... and the women who are a bit thrown that you're being so honest and "brutal" about it, and seem to realise that maybe they're the ones who did the silly thing. :pac:

Sorry that's not snappy really, it's just the blunt way to make them feel inadequate, after all, they started it :P

desolate sun

"I don't measure my love in dollars."

I really like the "Sure a gard/mother wouldn't ask me that!" It's so Irish and it puts a stop to that conversation.

Kimia

I'd love to use the Irish saying 'sure my mother wouldn't ask me that' but I feel it would be lost on them as I live in Canada and they are not Irish.

I also feel like if I was blunt, (which I don't mind doing), it would just make me look very defensive like I was trying to defend the fact that my ring didn't cost a fortune.

Mountainsandh

yeah, I know what you mean, I often feel I'm being defensive by reacting like that, but ... that's what I am really

Not in a "I wish I could have had a dearer ring" way, more in a "how can you be so silly" way.

Kimia

I wish more people were blunt like you! I just would hate to give them any satisfaction by having them think i really wanted a more expensive ring. I hate the fact that I care at all! It just makes me uncomfortable really.

newport2

How about just honestly replying "I don't know, I didn't buy it"

stinkle

Kimia wrote: »

I also feel like if I was blunt, (which I don't mind doing), it would just make me look very defensive like I was trying to defend the fact that my ring didn't cost a fortune.

i know exactly what you mean i was the same. The people i know who kept blabbing on about 'the 4 C's ' were the very ones who can't seem to hold down a relationship due to being v unpleasant. Are your co workers a bit insecure that way? Or even if they are married or engaged might they be put out that you're now in the limelight?

One nosy article commented on how we picked the ring together rather than him getting it in advance.i just pointed out that ill be wearing it for the rest of my life so why on earth wouldn't i be involved in something so important.she shut up fairly quickly!

Malari

I like using sarcasm

"I don't know, I'll call and ask him when he's out of that medical experiment. He's had to do a few of those to cover the costs..."

OR

"I'm not sure, but I think it was a bargain compared to the diamond tiara I'm wearing on the wedding day."

i don't know what it cost, but manners are free


my honest response would probably be "what does it matter" though; not in a defensive way, but in a "wtf kind of question is that" way
it's all in the tone and approach

Ellsbells

Oh thats so rude!!!! I would (try to) reply "Um, it was in the region of NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!"

Lyaiera

Malari wrote: »

I like using sarcasm

"I don't know, I'll call and ask him when he's out of that medical experiment. He's had to do a few of those to cover the costs..."

I'd go with this. "After eight months of surviving on brown rice with peppery water for sauce we felt we had saved enough to finally get our wedding ring."

You can follow it with, "Although now he has colon cancer and we might never get married so those months of peppery rice will be all I have to remember him by. And this really expensive ring."

meeeeh

Something like "millions" with a grin. Or: now, now don't be nosy. Again with a smile.

I can be really rude to people and my people skills aren't great but in this case I think there is no need to be aggressive, just say something jokingly and they should leave you alone after that. And stop feeling guilty for not having expensive ring, as long as you like it, it doesn't matter.

Oh and congrats. So how much was the ring?

krudler

best way to stop nosy bints asking stupid questions is to say something that stops them dead in their tracks.

"so how come you've no kids yet?"
"we love anal too much!"

eviltwin

Cheek of her! I have some very cheap gifts from my husband when we were broke and couldn't afford much, one of them being a ring from Argos, its worth nothing and I'm not sure of the cost but when people comment on how "mean" he is I always reply "what does it matter what it cost, its priceless to me".

prettyinpink

If I told you I'd have to kill and just stare at her, I'm pretty sure she won't ask you anything ever again

Lyaiera

Dip your chin to your neck, stare out with sly eyes and say, "Our souls!"

Neyite

It really depends on the situation - you can be cheekier to friends or flatmates but with work colleagues its better to remain professional - even if they are far from it!

I'd go with "Gee" *look a but puzzled* "I dont remember the cost, as soon as I saw this one it was the one for me, why?" and flip the question back at them - its polite, but you are still pulling the nosy bint.

my usual fallback one (said when nosy parkers started wondering about marriage/babies etc "thats a bit of a personal question to ask someone, dont you think?" delivered in a nice even tone with a bit of a stare at the end to put them on the spot with the question being flipped back on them!

krudler

"It did cost a lot, but I'm paying him back in blowjobs"

no more questions about prices for you then.

lazygal

Something I've been doing for a while now is just not responding and letting the comment 'hang' in the air.


My father in law is one for 'banter' which is really slagging and bullying by any other name. So now if we have the inlaws over for dinner and he makes one of his smart remarks on the food, wine or our house, I just don't saw anything and let the comment 'hang'. It's remarkably effective. We have a penchant for a particular red wine, and he started on this the last time, making fun of it and saying we'd have to broaden our tastes, did we know there were other wines, etc (fancies himself as a bit of a wine guru) and what did we say? Nothing. Just let the comment dissipate, didn't joke along, and he was the one left floundering to fill the silence created by his poor remarks. He's engages in this type of communication less and less now, as I think he's copped that I'm not going to laugh along with someone who's slagging me. I do the same with my mum, who can be cutting at times.

Red Hand

You're just being lazy, lazgal.:P

Not a good come back person myself. I do often play innnocent at times...totally innocent until the person feels uncomfortable.

Rocket19

desolate sun wrote: »

I really like the "Sure a gard/mother wouldn't ask me that!" It's so Irish and it puts a stop to that conversation.

Yeah, I love it!
I think the "why do you want to know?" or "it's none of your business" responses are a bit unnecessarily harsh. I'd feel a bit awkward saying that tbh, even though I do feel the question is quite inappropriate.
While, of course, it's nosey, most people mean no harm really. I think some people just lack tact/common sense, but in most cases, don't intend to be rude. If they're persistent in asking, obviously they should be told to gtfo, but in most cases people are just trying to make conversation/show interest.

Lyaiera

Look them straight in the eye and say, "I'm asking the questions here." And then go back to work.

Frito

Tell her you're worried it's a blood diamond and bite your lip nervously. Bonus points for referring to your fiancé as Mr Grey.

Hillmanhunter1

Tell her you'd prefer to haver fake diamonds and real orgasms rather than the other way around!

pickarooney

"One... Million Dollars"
Or in terms of organ tissue, half my heart and a long term lease on my vagina.

Faith

While the question is rude, I think some of the suggested responses here are worse. "Why do you want to know" is extremely rude and defensive. Personally, I'd just smile enigmatically and say "Enough" and leave it at that.

newport2

Smile sweetly at her and say:

"I honestly don't know, I'd be too polite to ask"

Tabitharose

I'd respond to a question like that with either "Pardon?" or "Excuse me" and when the question was repeated, explain sweetly that it wasn't that I hadn't heard them, I'd just been giving them a second chance to rethink such a rude question.... that or leaving the question just hanging.... that can be fun too

Eve_Dublin

I'd probably say something along the lines of, "Wow now that's interesting! Is that question considered acceptable in your culture? Where I'm from it'd be considered quite rude. Huh!" and then walk off.

Toast4532

Faith wrote: »

While the question is rude, I think some of the suggested responses here are worse. "Why do you want to know" is extremely rude and defensive. Personally, I'd just smile enigmatically and say "Enough" and leave it at that.

I have to agree with this.

Some of the responses in this thread are over the top, rude and unnecessary.

Yes, the question your co-worker asked is rude, but there are replies in this thread which are far more rude IMO.

sam34

Faith wrote: »

While the question is rude, I think some of the suggested responses here are worse. "Why do you want to know" is extremely rude and defensive. Personally, I'd just smile enigmatically and say "Enough" and leave it at that.

it doesn't have to be rude, it depends on the tone of voice in which it's delivered. a quizzical look, while saying mildly and conversationally "why would you want to know that?" is neither rude nor dismissive.

cruais

A so called "friend" asked me if my diamonds where real diamonds, so I told her he got it out of a lucky dip bag! :rolleyes: