Would you date/marry a religious person?

hairyprincess

As above! If you have how has it worked out?

Improbable

Would I date one, sure, have done. Marriage is more complicated as the issue on how to raise kids comes up. Would depend on whether indoctrination would be taking place or not. If not, sure. If so, then no.

Sin City

Does her sceaming Oh GOD OH GOD OH GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDD
in bed count as religious?

doctoremma

Nope. And, having had the conversation with my (new-ish) husband, we are both in agreement that a late conversion would be grounds for divorce.

fitz0

I went out with a religious girl for a while. There was some frosty moments on her part as regards the mass going or my lack thereof.

Religiousity wouldn't overly bother me in a short term girlfriend but I could never spend a lifetime with someone who believes something about the creation of life, the universe and everything so fundamentally at odds with me. I can deal with that in my friends but not in somebody who I would ideally share everything.

doctoremma

fitz0 wrote: »

I could never spend a lifetime with someone who believes something about the creation of life, the universe and everything so fundamentally at odds with me.

I'm not sure I have a problem with what they might believe, it's more the method of why they believe it, if you get my difference?

If my husband arrived at said conclusion scientifically, well, that's just a difference of opinion. However, to begin to believe in a god, which is not scientific in any way, would represent such a massive shift in my husband's entire outlook on life that I can't imagine him being the same person. Nor, rather dreadfully, can I imagine retaining any respect for his opinions (that makes me feel queasy to write).

Improbable

I may have been slightly hasty in my reply. The more I think about it, the less appealing it becomes... I guess it's something I hadn't really thought about too much because I'm not really the marriage type anyway. At any rate, I'm now leaning more towards no.

username123

It might depend on the definition of 'religious' and the nature of said religion.

There are many 'Catholics' in this country who believe none of it, but who like the cultural identification of using a church to marry, a church to have a baby naming ceremony etc....

Generally speaking though, no. I wouldnt be able to respect the morality or opinions of such a person. I am aware there are plenty of intelligent religious people, but somehow I feel they are missing some kind of 'join the dots' chip.

Chuck Stone

Depends how hot.

Am I shallow?

As a puddle.

dlofnep

Sure. But I feel that if they were overly vocal, in the preachy sense - I can imagine many arguments/debates arising from it. I couldn't envisage it as a pleasant topic of conversation. Ideally, I'd prefer a girl who's either non-practicing, or atheist. I certainly wouldn't want my child baptised/confirmed, etc..

Delirium

depends on how religious, for example strict Roman Catholic might be a problem, "census Roman Catholic" however wouldn't be a problem :pac:

Mr. CooL ICE

I went out with a very religious (non-christian) girl for about a year and although it wasn't a major factor in our breakup, it did lead to many an argument. Her religion encouraged early marriage and at 19, no feckin way was I getting hitched.

As for spending the rest of my life with someone religious? It wouldn't be a massive turn-off, but the above example was so extreme that it definitely wouldn't have worked.

It depends on how religious the person is.

Is she as religious as the average Irish Catholic? A person who generally doesn't have a clue about the religion, and doesn't really care about the religion, but still chooses to identify as Catholic. A person who only goes to mass on certain occassions, such as christenings, weddings and maybe even Christmas. A person whose worldview is not defined by their religion, and whose outlook on life is not influenced, beyond a small degree, by their religion. A cultural Catholic, in other words. I'd have no problem marrying a person like this.

On the other hand, I could never marry somebody who is devout, who is an evangelist, who is somebody whose life is defined almost solely by her religion. It may sound shallow, but I don't believe I could bring myself to respect such a person as much as I'd need to in order to marry them.

lazygal

Marry, no way. I wouldn't have married in a church or baptise children, have communions and confirmations and make the marriage vows to raise children Catholic (I'm saying Catholic because it would have been the most likely scenario). It would have been a deal breaker for me if a man was very religious.

Gbear

I'd never get married in a church or allow my children to be indoctrinated with a religion.

If the girl I was with was easy going enough to go for that it'd be unlikely she'd be that religious if at all.

Going out with someone? It'd be unlikely I'd get together with a fundie or anything but your bog standard a la carte Catholics who aren't really Catholics - or the majority of Irish people in other words - would probably be fine.

krudler

Nope, someone who is a catholic but doesnt care about it, goes ot mass for funerals/weddings etc, fair enough. but someone who actively goes to mass, is any way preachy or bases their views on the bible, not a hope.

legspin

.....I would love to see if I could manipulate the 'Catholic Guilt' in bed....

kylith

I think that being religious would be a dealbreaker for me.

fatmammycat

kylith wrote: »

I think that being religious would be a dealbreaker for me.

Me too.

Tipsygypsy

I can only imagine that if I were to have any sort of serious relationship with a very religious person it would end in all out war. There are too many things to disagree, most important of which (to me) would be the raising of the kids.

Thankfully my husband and I mostly see eye to eye on the religion thing.

There was a show called Studio 60 On the Sunset Strip, and I loved the relationship of two of the lead characters, she was a devout Christian and he an Athiest and some of their arguments were really enjoyable to watch. But in the long run I just didnt see how those crazy kids were gonna work it out...
And for me, if I had to face that battle over so many little things that come along, it wouldnt take long for things to fall apart.

fitz0

doctoremma wrote: »

I'm not sure I have a problem with what they might believe, it's more the method of why they believe it, if you get my difference?

If my husband arrived at said conclusion scientifically, well, that's just a difference of opinion. However, to begin to believe in a god, which is not scientific in any way, would represent such a massive shift in my husband's entire outlook on life that I can't imagine him being the same person. Nor, rather dreadfully, can I imagine retaining any respect for his opinions (that makes me feel queasy to write).

That's pretty much how I feel. That someone I love could have such a fundamentally different view of the nature of existence, one that I see as warped and at odds with reality, that would colour my entire opinion of that person. It's not even about the scientific method of deduction, I would have more of a problem with a loved one deriving their morals from an absolute being that probably doesn't exist and has never existed. Surely such morals and 'revealed truths' garnered from such a being are pure fantasy. I'd much rather a partner that could formulate an ethical code based on their own life and experiences.

Kidchameleon

Id marry anyone regardless of their beliefs, as long as they don't shovel them in my face, that goes for atheists aswell.

fitz0

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Id marry anyone regardless of their beliefs, as long as they don't shovel them in my face, that goes for atheists aswell.

SO somebody you love and share everything with would be expected not to talk to you about something so ingrained in their life? Whatever.

MagicMarker

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Id marry anyone regardless of their beliefs, as long as they don't shovel them in my face, that goes for atheists aswell.

So you'd marry someone who hates non white people, thinks they should be rounded up and exterminated and thinks there's nothing wrong with pedophilia?

Shenshen

hairyprincess wrote: »

As above! If you have how has it worked out?

Tried dating one once... it wasn't exactly a success. I might do it again if the person was just one of the sort-of-kind-of religious types, but the one I dated thought I needed instructions on the life and believes of Alistair Crowley after he noticed that I had a pack of tarot cards in my bedroom.
He then told me about a "crying icon" he was going to purchase at some cost for his prayer group... I'm sorry, I just could not for the life of me keep a straight face.

Kidchameleon

fitz0 wrote: »

SO somebody you love and share everything with would be expected not to talk to you about something so ingrained in their life? Whatever.

Where did I say they couldn't talk about it?

Hotblack Desiato

I'm in a mixed marriage. I identify as an atheist, my wife as an agnostic... ooh the rows... :pac:

Fizzlesque

I dated a Muslim man years ago, for about three or four weeks. It wasn't serious dating really, we worked together and went to the pub one evening and it started from there. We stopped seeing each other after a while and then met up by chance a number of years later and started seeing each other again. It didn't last long the second time either because I started to notice a number of things I wasn't comfortable with. He started pushing for us to live together - he'd started gambling quite heavily - he told me it was my responsibility to make sure we never had unprotected sex because "he's a man and men can't control themselves sexually but women aren't ruled by sexual urges" - the final straw came when we were having a discussion (can't even remember what it was about) and he didn't like something I said and he grabbed my face and held it tightly while holding it still so he could talk angrily at me.

These issues weren't necessarily related to his religious beliefs (he wasn't a strict Muslim, he drank, smoked, gambled and had sex with women he wasn't married to) but his beliefs did seem to have an impact on his attitude to women.

I wouldn't be comfortable dating someone religious (of any religion) these days. I spent a few years reading and posting on a religion board on a different message board forum to this one and met someone from that forum when he came to Ireland (from London) to meet me after we'd developed a friendship online. He was a Christian but said he wasn't militant about it and he'd have no problem having a relationship with someone who didn't believe. Although we didn't click romantically, we kept in touch for some time after and his previous 'not militant' stance slowly changed to the point he was evangelising all the time and became quite creepy.

To be honest, I find Christianity quite creepy (a view that developed and solidified from years of reading/posting on the message board forum I mentioned above) and try as I might not to let that colour my view of anyone who believes (in particular ardent believers), it always seeps in. Not so much someone I was just friends with, but definitely a potential romantic partner. I was internet dating this summer and got a few messages from men who had "Christian, and somewhat serious about it" on their profile (the bit that gives a choice of answers in relation to beliefs, so they weren't their words per se) and it was an instant turn off for me. Sorry to use the word 'creepy' but that's the word that always comes back to me when I try to articulate my feelings on the subject.

CL7

My fiance is a census Catholic. She's more spiritual than religious. I guess she needs to believe in something at this moment in time. We have agreed that we will tell our (future) kids the truth and let them decide for themselves. Sometimes I worry about what lies ahead but I have to believe we'll be fine because I'm crazy about her.

iguana

Quite a few posters on this forum, who make well thought out, rational contributions to many discussions have pagan or Buddhist spiritual leanings. Do most people who are saying no to religious partners see that in the same way? As most of the comments so far have referred to Christian or Islamic religions.

Fizzlesque

iguana wrote: »

Quite a few posters on this forum, who make well thought out, rational contributions to many discussions have pagan or Buddhist spiritual leanings. Do most people who are saying no to religious partners see that in the same way? As most of the comments so far have referred to Christian or Islamic religions.

No, I wouldn't see pagan or Buddhist spiritual leanings as off putting - I probably should have qualified my comment - I had the Abrahamic religions in mind.

Northclare

I would date maybe,but not marry.
I don't believe in marriage.
Marriage is a religious sacrament,and anything similar is almost like a hybrid of the original.
Im more spiritual than religious.

Hotblack Desiato

Marriage is only a religious sacrament in the eyes of a believer and when the appropriate mumbo-jumbo is spoken by the appropriate person in robes.
A civil marriage is a legal contract, a public statement of intent and commitment before one's friends, family and society.

We got married in a registry office, they expressly forbid religious music etc. (presumably because of divorced cultural Catholics who would otherwise try to make it into a quasi-religious ceremony :rolleyes: ) and to suggest that we were looking for something analogous to a religious ceremony in any way is totally wrong.

I believe it is important that people can express their commitment to each other in a way which is recognised by society and the state and which has nothing whatsoever to do with any religion.

philologos

Fizzlesque wrote: »

No, I wouldn't see pagan or Buddhist spiritual leanings as off putting - I probably should have qualified my comment - I had the Abrahamic religions in mind.

Interesting, why do you think you would have more objection to the supernatural beliefs of Christians and Muslims than those of pagan and Buddhists? I don't see why these faiths get an exemption from your opposition to supernaturalism?

This topic has been interesting because I think the feeling is mutual. As a Christian I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who understands who I am, and who would share in the mission of living and speaking for Jesus in daily life. It's also an obligation for those who follow Jesus to do everything to His glory, and to encourage others to do the same. That is especially true of family.

username123

iguana wrote: »

Quite a few posters on this forum, who make well thought out, rational contributions to many discussions have pagan or Buddhist spiritual leanings. Do most people who are saying no to religious partners see that in the same way? As most of the comments so far have referred to Christian or Islamic religions.

I feel the same way about all religions or belief systems. Again, 'leanings' is a broad term, perhaps there are people who like the notion of certain Buddhist ideas for example, and that is different to someone who lives their life with their Buddhism as the defining structure or philosophy.

But anyone who believes in things that cannot be proven by science and lives their life around that belief system would be a no no for me.

eviltwin

No. I have two friends who are very devout Catholics and I find that difficult enough at times so I can't imagine being married to one. My husband is a Catholic but non practising but even at that it has caused conflict where the children are concerned. I think if I was doing it again I'd prefer someone atheist.

Fizzlesque

philologos wrote: »

Interesting, why do you think you would have more objection to the supernatural beliefs of Christians and Muslims than those of pagan and Buddhists? I don't see why these faiths get an exemption from your opposition to supernaturalism?

This topic has been interesting because I think the feeling is mutual. As a Christian I would want to spend the rest of my life with someone who understands who I am, and who would share in the mission of living and speaking for Jesus in daily life. It's also an obligation for those who follow Jesus to do everything to His glory, and to encourage others to do the same. That is especially true of family.

Hello philogos, the part of your post I've put in bold probably best sums up my reasons for being so definite in my feelings regarding the Christian and Muslim faiths. As far as I'm aware (and my knowledge of those with pagan and Buddhist beliefs isn't exactly comprehensive, so I may be wrong) pagans and Buddhists aren't obliged to persuade others to believe what they believe.

Also (again, as far as I'm aware) pagan beliefs and Buddhist beliefs don't presume humans are sinners in need of forgiveness (a concept I find particularly repugnant) or issue warnings of dire consequences after death if one hasn't chosen to be part of their particular belief system.

It's possible there would be elements of those belief systems that I'd find impossible to accept, if I were to get involved with a pagan or a Buddhist, but I'm currently unaware of them, and so have (as yet) no strong negative thoughts and feelings towards them.

If anything, the little I've read or heard of those two belief systems is more likely to resonate with my own personal mish-mash of ideas of what life is about and how I can be a better person during my time on this planet. The opposite is true of what I've read or heard about Christianity and Islam.

All that said, I still have no desire to align myself with any of the many religious options there are to choose from. Be they pagan, Buddhist, Christian or Islamic. And I definitely wouldn't want someone in my life who felt it was their duty to persuade me otherwise.

fitz0

Kidchameleon wrote: »

Where did I say they couldn't talk about it?

You're right, I made a poorly judged leap in your argument.

If you're happy to spend your life with someone who thinks you will burn for eternity, that's fine with me. Even if they don't shovel that in your face, if they are Christian or Muslim and adhere to the traditions of those faith, that is what they believe will happen regardless of whether they are overt in it or not.

Gregor Samsa

Would you date/marry a religious person?

Only if it was the Pope.

Turtwig

phutyle wrote: »

Only if it was the Pope.

You do realise the Catholic concept of marriage is to have sex with the aim to reproduce children?

Sarky

You saying the Pope can't have babies?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sFBOQzSk14c

Turtwig

I really need to watch that movie again.

nozzferrahhtoo

philologos wrote: »

It's also an obligation for those who follow Jesus to do everything to His glory, and to encourage others to do the same.

Speak for yourself. I have met Christians who see no such obligation. One girl I spoke with recently sees Christianity as a way of life for herself for example. She does not proselytize, preach, convert, or encourage anyone to do anything. She is in fact horrified at the notion.

Instead she relies heavily on the "By their fruits you will know them" way of thinking from the Bible and merely represents her faith as best she can without talking about it or selling it.

If someone asks her about her faith, as I did, then she will answer openly and honestly. She will tell you what things she thinks her faith tells her to do or not do.

She never however goes around telling others what is sinful, right, wrong and so forth. Her faith is personal, a personal guide on how to live her own life, and she uses it in no way to influence the actions of others or to encourage others to do or believe anything.

So lets stop pretending you speak for all Christians shall we, when clearly you do anything but, and many Christians are everything from horrified to vicariously embarrassed by you and your representation of both yourself and the faith you claim to share with them.

CerebralCortex

Who in their right mind would want to get married in the first place anyway? :pac:

Northclare

CerebralCortex wrote: »

Who in their right mind would want to get married in the first place anyway? :pac:

Lol It's bad enough getting married in the first place,but the second time round is worse.

I don't believe in marriage,im quite content being single and able to mingle

CerebralCortex

Northclare wrote: »

Lol It's bad enough getting married in the first place,but the second time round is worse.

I don't believe in marriage,im quite content being single and able to mingle

People change over time, I don't see fidelity as a virtue, especially if both parties have no more interest in each other.

Northclare

That's true.

Napper Hawkins

Dealbreaker.

Massive turn off and that goes for fundi (looper), moderate (bets hedger) and Census (weak willed/minded).

Doctor DooM

nozzferrahhtoo wrote: »

Speak for yourself. I have met Christians who see no such obligation. One girl I spoke with recently sees Christianity as a way of life for herself for example. She does not proselytize, preach, convert, or encourage anyone to do anything. She is in fact horrified at the notion.

Instead she relies heavily on the "By their fruits you will know them" way of thinking from the Bible and merely represents her faith as best she can without talking about it or selling it.

If someone asks her about her faith, as I did, then she will answer openly and honestly. She will tell you what things she thinks her faith tells her to do or not do.

She never however goes around telling others what is sinful, right, wrong and so forth. Her faith is personal, a personal guide on how to live her own life, and she uses it in no way to influence the actions of others or to encourage others to do or believe anything.

So lets stop pretending you speak for all Christians shall we, when clearly you do anything but, and many Christians are everything from horrified to vicariously embarrassed by you and your representation of both yourself and the faith you claim to share with them.

She's obviously not a true Christian, though.

nozzferrahhtoo

Doctor DooM wrote: »

She's obviously not a true Christian, though.

You forgot to put a "TM" after that

sbsquarepants

I wouldn't be too bothered if they were of the typical irish a la carte religious persuasion, but if they were actually properly religious then no - i wouldn't chose to spend my life with someone whose fundamental core beliefs i find so bizzare.