Life as an army DF officer

OS119

goldie fish wrote: »

...Jammie dodgers or scones.

Jammie Dodgers are for Families Days, and probably the RLC.

Scones are, IME, reserved for the obligitary drinks at the CO's house before block leave in the Summer, where Mrs CO demonstrates how much she enjoys being 'wife of' and opening her home to 30 people she either doesn't know, who leer at her tits/arse/daughter, or she can't stand by baking the most inedible lump of concrete yet known to man.

but eat up and smile boys, because if your CO thinks you are impolite enough to indicate that his wife can't cook to save her life, then you'll spend what remains of your career being the Unit Welfare Officer at 3RRS - its like a holding pen for the Jeremy Kyle show, but with more shreiking harridens.

as Tac says, Garibaldi's are the true biscuit - flavour, texture, ability to withstand dunking... they've got everything.

OS119

gatecrash wrote: »

...These are the mysteries of the officers mess!

but which mess?

the pronouciation required in a Household Division Mess might see a man ostracised in a RE/REME Mess - in one you'd be 'one of us', in another you'd be a soft southern furry fit only to sew sequins onto the Christmass Tree...

investment

Kosseegan wrote: »

Arrive in to office. If in good humour say good morning to office staff and go to own office and sit down. Pretend to be surprised when orderly brings in tea 2 minutes later. If in bad humour, demand tea on the way in and no good mornings. Read newspapers till 11. Go to mess for coffee. Join carefully selected group according to seniority. Ignore junior officers. Pretend not to see senior officers and hope not to be ignored by them. Begin conversation by describing what a hell of a morning you have had. You haven't had a minute what with the Director of Operations on the phone twice, ( unless you are the Director of Operations), not to mention the other Brigade looking for some off the record help, urgent letters in from HQ, to cap it all your corporal is on annual leave, your CS is on Orderly Sergeant and the another NCO is on a course.
One of the recipients of this tale of woe says "The Director of OPs isn't he from County X, they made a right bags of it on Sunday." Reply by saying yes "did you see what xxx said in this mornings paper said about them, I just managed to get a quick peek before I left the office". To a chorus of "I didn't get a chance, so busy this morning" you recite the article word for word from the newspaper. One of the individuals who didn't get a chance then recites another article on the same topic article word for word from another newspaper. At that stage the Colonel coughs and there is a sudden outburst of "is that the time, I really have to dash - so busy". Back to the office to wait for lunch. Ring classmate in the other brigade and ask him where thinks xxx got the money for the big flashy car you saw outside the mess this morning. Fill in classmate on gossip till lunchtime.
Take a half day in lieu of being late on the range the previous week. Go Home.

I cant wait to join. Life is good better than being a stupid civy

tac foley

investment wrote: »

I cant wait to join. Life is good better than being a stupid civy

However, the downside is the occasional demand on your life.

Like, all of the rest of it.

tac

OS119

tac foley wrote: »

However, the downside is the occasional demand on your life....

and not being a complete nutcase - which is, i fear, the first hurdle at which our friend will fall...

investment

OS119 wrote: »

and not being a complete nutcase - which is, i fear, the first hurdle at which our friend will fall...

oh stfu..:rolleyes:

OS119

investment wrote: »

oh stfu..:rolleyes:

oh i am sorry - i must have you confused with some other 'investment' on this bored - that one was a complete fantasist/head-banging fruitcake/loonspud.

obviously, as you aren't that person and have demonstrated only a cool head and a sound grip on reality, your application will fly through...

Jawgap

investment wrote: »

My past is behind me and I recently got my firearms certificate and I have been to see the doctor about my delusions and hallucinations. I hope to become a cadet next year before I apply to sandhurst. I have a masters degree from TCD

All my questions are serious and I want some serious answers

Say it dude, go on say it........please say it.....





btw- your past is behind you -where else would it be? Out of interest where did you get that Masters in Trinity? The gift shop?

Teangalad wrote: »

Fire arm cerificate, delusions and halucinations , Seriously how is the investment lad not banned??

Ban him? you heartless soul Next you'll want to send the dog outside just because it farts.

Anyway, the following is a snip of a conversation I overheard in the Curragh once* - it involves an officer of more senior rank than a Captain, but you get the idea......

Maj. Major Major Major: Sergeant, from now on, I don't want anyone to come in and see me while I'm in my office. Is that clear?
First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir? What do I say to people who want to come in and see you while you're gone?
Maj. Major Major Major: Tell them I'm in and ask them to wait.
First Sgt. Towser: For how long?
Maj. Major Major Major: Until I've left.
First Sgt. Towser: And then what do I do with them?
Maj. Major Major Major: I don't care.
First Sgt. Towser: May I send people in to see you after you've left?
Maj. Major Major Major: Yes.
First Sgt. Towser: You won't be here then, will you?
Maj. Major Major Major: No.
First Sgt. Towser: I see, sir. Will that be all?
Maj. Major Major Major: Also, Sergeant, I don't want you coming in while I'm in my office asking me if there's anything you can do for me. Is that clear?
First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir. When should I come in your office and ask if there's anything I can do for you?
Maj. Major Major Major: When I'm not there.
First Sgt. Towser: What do I do then?
Maj. Major Major Major: Whatever has to be done.
First Sgt. Towser: Yes, sir.

Based on this exchange I'd say you're well on your way to becoming a Major, Investment. Of course that will require a major investment on your part investment in time and energy and a major investment on the part of the state to train you.

However, in the straitened times we live in, investments in developing majors, even in developing a Major Investment seem unlikely, investment. You might have better success with the Brits, they still make majors and have the money for investment in majors, meaning the chances of a major investment being made to create a Major Investment are greater there.

I'd suggest aiming for the RE, after all if it doesn't work out and the major investment needed to develop you as Major Investment doesn't come about you can leave. With an engineering qualification it would be easier to get a job as a miner - of course you'd have to start as a minor miner.........





*Disclaimer: may not have actually been overheard anywhere in Ireland

Maoltuile

Jawgap wrote: »

Maj. Major Major Major

"Major Major"? For one horrible moment, I had a flashback to my one and only encounter with the 20Bn/62 Bn (people will know the family of whom I speak!)

bluecode

While my previous post was tongue in cheek. Kossegan's has a ring of authenticity to it.

Jawgap

OS119 wrote: »

.....as Tac says, Garibaldi's are the true biscuit - flavour, texture, ability to withstand dunking... they've got everything.

For true dunkability it has to be the hobnob - also are biscuits fruit and biscuits brown still used? And is it wrong that the (very) few times I tried them, I liked them?

OS119

Jawgap wrote: »

For true dunkability it has to be the hobnob - also are biscuits fruit and biscuits brown still used? And is it wrong that the (very) few times I tried them, I liked them?

they are still about - and no, its not wrong that you enjoyed them. fruits are best, but browns are acceptable with paté (french lard for you Infantry-types).

i must admit that my own experience is that while a hobnob has the structural integrity to make a superb single-dip biscuit, the absorbancy of the biscuit means that even when the majority of the dunked portion is eaten, the biscuit can subsequently fail due to the effect of the retained Tea on the ability of the uneaten proportion of the biscuit to withstand the high-G stresses of being waved about as the holder vents forth about the delicious nature of the CO's wifes Scones...

iceage

There is a secret support group for the few who shall forever remain anonymous that admit to liking biscuit browns. They were only truly acceptable when smeared with that dodgy cheese spread that came in some of the rat packs. I'd swear blind that that stuff glowed in the dark, saw it with my own two eyes.

minidazzler

investment wrote: »

I cant wait to join. Life is good better than being a stupid civy

To be fair though, a Stupid Civvy isn't gonna become a good officer.

A good civvy maybe, but a stupid one...

tac foley

Bearing in mind the surreal direction that this thread has taken, mostly due to the moonbat 'investment' dreaming his delusions and taking us with him, I'd suggest that we bang it firmly on the head, and move quickly on.

Kafka would laff.

OS119, please bring the biscuits.

tac

minidazzler

tac foley wrote: »

Bearing in mind the surreal direction that this thread has taken, mostly due to the moonbat 'investment' dreaming his delusions and taking us with him, I'd suggest that we bang it firmly on the head, and move quickly on.

Kafka would laff.

OS119, please bring the biscuits.

tac

To be fair, his delusions are far more fun than my own. I wanna see where this goes. Anyone else get the idea this is how Baron Castleshortarse got his start?

investment

I dont give a ****e what you all think!!!....I'm more likely to become an army officer than any of you guys here...perhaps I can hide my delusions behind a key board. But I'm a different man when the time comes a calling. I dont back down. I'm a quiet man.. but I'm very fcuking dangerous.


I own a gun therefore have shooting experience
I'm a natural born leader. Captain of my Gaa team
I have a master degree
I'm physical bigger and strong than anyone i've met

cyrusdvirus

minidazzler wrote: »

To be fair, his delusions are far more fun than my own. I wanna see where this goes. Anyone else get the idea this is how Baron Castleshortarse got his start?

Dunno about the good baron, but i think every forum needs it's gimp.

Over in A&A we got a bit too heavy with getting rid of Dave and Fouga, vesty's other alter egos, so i think we should keep him here, bring him out when we want a good laugh...

His post above is a good example of how he brings a smile to the face.

OS119

investment wrote: »

I dont give a ****e what you all think!!!....I'm more likely to become an army officer than any of you guys here...perhaps I can hide my delusions behind a key board. But I'm a different man when the time comes a calling. I dont back down. I'm a quiet man.. but I'm very fcuking dangerous.


I own a gun therefore have shooting experience
I'm a natural born leader. Captain of my Gaa team
I have a master degree
I'm physical bigger and strong than anyone i've met

well i'm convinced - i mean, now that some wierdo bloke off the internet says that he's not a nutcase, and that he's bigger than me (it wouldn't be hard), and that he's got a gun, i think he'll be a success in every area of his life, and would be a valuable and inspiring leader.

investment

investment wrote: »

I dont give a ****e what you all think!!!....I'm more likely to become an army officer than any of you guys here...perhaps I can hide my delusions behind a key board. But I'm a different man when the time comes a calling. I dont back down. I'm a quiet man.. but I'm very fcuking dangerous.


I own a gun therefore have shooting experience
I'm a natural born leader. Captain of my Gaa team
I have a master degree
I'm physical bigger and strong than anyone i've met

Anyone with that kind of attitude needs his weapons licence seized.

You, sir, are dangerous. You have to realise that other people cannot and will not trust you with firearms in a professional setting.

When I was a reservist doing my stint of 24 hour, I had a young lad with me who was into his snipers. As we approached the end of our stint, we asked between us who wanted to be outside for the last rotation.

"I do" he said, with a smile & look at his issued rifle. "I just wanna feel the gun in my hands for one last time".

He was just a kid, a wimpy one at that, but that......disconcerted me. I was worried he wanted to chamber a round, which would have required me to do so as well (logically there's no situation where one soldier should chamber a round and the others not. either that soldier has seen a valid threat, in which case he needs support, or he's about to become one, in which case he must be dissuaded, or engaged if worse comes to worse.)

The fact was he was a wimpy kid looking to play soldier, and he didn't chamber a round. But you do *not* need that potential for second guessing in a firearms situation. You need to know everyone on the team will treat the firearm as what it is: a tool. A useless tool for he majority of army work, but a tool that you know *how* to use properly and *when* to use properly should the need arise.

There is no way I can verify that you will treat the firearm as nothing more than a tool, and the fact you are getting emotional about being denied it (as evidenced by your posts) suggests to me an emotional attachment to firearms that is dangerous in a professional environment.

I would feel the need to stand facing you & be prepared to chamber a round all the time. You don't need that in the Army.

Jawgap

investment wrote: »

I dont give a ****e what you all think!!!....I'm more likely to become an army officer than any of you guys here...perhaps I can hide my delusions behind a key board. But I'm a different man when the time comes a calling. I dont back down. I'm a quiet man.. but I'm very fcuking dangerous.


I own a gun therefore have shooting experience
I'm a natural born leader. Captain of my Gaa team
I have a master degree
I'm physical bigger and strong than anyone i've met

I used to think of myself as a world class Walt, but I realise having 'seen' @investment in action that I'm just scrabbling about in the mud - there are vast levels of Walt-ism yet to be revealed to me.

If you are genuinely serious about joining the Defence Forces here or the Armed Services of another country you need to read up on the personal values that are prized by these organisations and reflect on whether you possess them.

I've met a fair view NCOs and officers from the various branches of various armed forces from around Europe through a previous job, and my experience is that universally they are 'quietly impressive individuals' who immediately imbue a sense of confidence in you that they are excellent at their profession. They do this without having to shamelessly list achievements or invoke favourable comparisons at your expense, they just create an air of "I'm-pretty-fcuking-good-at-what-I-do."

They are not mouthy, boastful or insecure and apart from a propensity to throw people (i.e. young officers) over bars as part of a game, it would be difficult to find a more impressive bunch of people.

In summary, they seem to be everything your posts suggest you are not.

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

Jawgap

IrishFeeney92 wrote: »

Looks like your an insomniac too!!

It's a symptom related to his participation in "Treadstone" and "Black Briar"

minidazzler

investment wrote: »

I dont give a ****e what you all think!!!....I'm more likely to become an army officer than any of you guys here...perhaps I can hide my delusions behind a key board. But I'm a different man when the time comes a calling. I dont back down. I'm a quiet man.. but I'm very fcuking dangerous.


I own a gun therefore have shooting experience
I'm a natural born leader. Captain of my Gaa team
I have a master degree
I'm physical bigger and strong than anyone i've met

This is you HIDING your delusions? You were that kid who stood next to a wall during Hide and go seek and was surprised to be caught weren't you?

You're dangerous? To yourself and those around you. I wouldn't give you a water pistol never mind saying a real weapon.

Shooting experience doesn't matter to fcuk when applying for the Army unless you hold medals for winning shooting competitions. Otherwise you're just a gun nut.

Captain of your GAA team? When I was in the GAA they rotated captaincy, but most other clubs I know of just picked the kid whose dad was in charge of something.

A Master Degree? In what precisely? Care to put your thesis up so we can peruse it?

I doubt you are bigger and stronger than anyone you met, the image you put across is a reserves washout with a severe lack of a thyroid gland.

tac foley

Gentlemen, it took the explosion at the beginning of the universe to create each and every one of us.

Every atom in our bodies came from that unimagineable genesis micro-second.

So it's true that we are made of the very fabric of the universe.

However, as we can see here, for some of us, that 'very fabric of the universe' contains an overwhelming proportion of pure ****e.

As we have seen here displayed.

tac

DipStick McSwindler

This post has been deleted.

tac foley

investment wrote: »

I'm a quiet man total plonker.

Fixed it for ya.;)

tac

Disco Volante

investment wrote: »

I dont give a ****e what you all think!!!....I'm more likely to become an army officer than any of you guys here...perhaps I can hide my delusions behind a key board. But I'm a different man when the time comes a calling. I dont back down. I'm a quiet man.. but I'm very fcuking dangerous.


I own a gun therefore have shooting experience
I'm a natural born leader. Captain of my Gaa team
I have a master degree
I'm physical bigger and strong than anyone i've met

Oh my god, you're Lou Ferrigno.

OS119

tac foley wrote: »

Fixed it for ya.;)

tac

remarkably charitable.

investment

I'm 6 foot 1 inches

I wont be, joining the british army. Micheal collins is my hero..Last week I bought a large picture of him and placed it in my workout room. Everytime I need inspiration and motivation as I push for the burn I look at his photo

Also I have won many medals for clay pigeon shooting and 200 meters rifleing