Adults living with their parents...

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

SusieBlue wrote: »

There's a big difference between leaving at 9am with a short commute, and not even getting out of bed until 9/10am when it might take you 45 minutes to get to work.



So are mine, I have an extremely close family.
That doesn't mean living at home forever while they pay my way is something to aspire to.
Part of successfully raising children is giving them the skills and qualities needed to move away from the nest and make their own homes.

There are just as many parents with children living abroad who are much loved & supported with great relationships as there is resentful parents with adult children living at the family home in toxic, hostile environments.

It isn't a case of distance = crap, uncaring parental relationship, and never leaving their house = good, loving, close relationship.
They aren't mutually exclusive and its a bit insulting that you're suggesting that parents who aspire to have independant children don't care about them.

Well said.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

partyguinness wrote: »

TBH I grew up in a rural community and I knew/know a good few lads from farming backgrounds. They are sheltered.

He will marry a nice local teacher/nurse/guard called Mags or Maura with her own road frontage or quota. Baby sitter on tap, no mortgage, mammy will have the spuds and chops on the go 24/7.

The parents are partly to blame (as we see it)- they need him around so happy to cater to his ever whim lest he fecks off to Australia...;)

Do you know what? There are far worse ways to live.

The thought of being in my 60s or 70s and still drudging for my children makes my blood run cold.

tylercheribini

Parents are supposed to want whats best for their offspring? If he or she is happiest staying at home and not "choosing life" then so be it.

partyguinness

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

The thought of being in my 60s or 70s and still drudging for my children makes my blood run cold.

The parents probably had it with their parents so it's all they know.

wiggle16

NeonWolf wrote: »

what I don’t get is why people want to have children , only to **** them out at the earliest opportunity?

Surely you want them around. It’s weird.

Most birds of prey kill their young if they don't fledge by a certain age. Seems to be a pretty universal thing.

SusieBlue

SusieBlue wrote: »

There's a big difference between leaving at 9am with a short commute, and not even getting out of bed until 9/10am when it might take you 45 minutes to get to work.

About 30 to 40 mins drive, I aim to be at work between 9:30 and 10am. I’ve never had to deal with any of this strict start/finish time nonsense thankfully so how early I go in varies on when I feel like getting up and later means missing the traffic which I like to do also.

SusieBlue wrote: »

It isn't a case of distance = crap, uncaring parental relationship, and never leaving their house = good, loving, close relationship.
They aren't mutually exclusive and its a bit insulting that you're suggesting that parents who aspire to have independant children don't care about them.

I didn’t mean parents of children living away don’t care about them. I meant some are so keen to drive them out into the world that they might regret it when they are far away rather than having gotten more settled in at home or in their local area if they stayed around longer .

tylercheribini

wiggle16 wrote: »

Most birds of prey kill their young if they don't fledge by a certain age. Seems to be a pretty universal thing.

Since we are drawing parallels with our distant relative animals:

https://www.nationalgeographic.com/news/2018/05/animals-mothers-day-parents-babies/

If I was a bird eating and renting for free everywhere I fly Id be gone too though.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

The thought of being in my 60s or 70s and still drudging for my children makes my blood run cold.

What drudging are you referring to?

Montage of Feck

Still living at home and saving an absolute fortune on accomadation and transport.
If I had to rent and commute, within a reasonable time, to work I'd be on the bread line.

tylercheribini

I know lads who haved moved out only to marry their mother 2.0 (laundry, cooking, even clothing chosen for them) so who exactly has "grown up"again? ðŸ˜

MondayBlues

There’s just so many scenarios here.

If there young, working, saving and get on well with their parents and the parents like having them there then I don’t see any issue. No point wasting money on rent for the sake of it. Also up to the parents if they want to charge rent but anyone I know all the bills and food are split and generally look after heating as a good will gesture. Obviously the child should know if the parents are well off or struggling and should make the decision on rent that way

If the parents want rid and no longer like having them there they need to move out.

If there out drinking every weekend and coming home scuttered then feck off and find their own place.

If there on the dole and no intention of working and getting everything handed to them then what do you do here?

tylercheribini

MondayBlues wrote: »

If there out drinking every weekend and coming home scuttered then feck off and find their own place.

Haha I live at home and its usually my parents are the ones coming home scuttered.

MondayBlues

MondayBlues wrote: »

There’s just so many scenarios here.

If there young, working, saving and get on well with their parents and the parents like having them there then I don’t see any issue. No point wasting money on rent for the sake of it. Also up to the parents if they want to charge rent but anyone I know all the bills and food are split and generally look after heating as a good will gesture. Obviously the child should know if the parents are well off or struggling and should make the decision on rent that way

If the parents want rid and no longer like having them there they need to move out.

If there out drinking every weekend and coming home scuttered then feck off and find their own place.

If there on the dole and no intention of working and getting everything handed to them then what do you do here?

What’s wrong with coming home scuttered? You would need a calculator to add up the number of times I’ve come home scuttered, often with a lift from one of the parents

MondayBlues

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

What’s wrong with coming home scuttered? You would need a calculator to add up the number of times I’ve come home scuttered, often with a lift from one of the parents

Ha, some wouldn’t give a crap but others would be stressed out worrying so if your parents are all right with it, no harm

tylercheribini

All depends on family dynamics,each to their own,live and let live,comparing this generations social mores to what was expected in the past is a nonsense.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

NeonWolf wrote: »

what I don’t get is why people want to have children , only to **** them out at the earliest opportunity?

Surely you want them around. It’s weird.

There's having them around and then there's the prospect of having them live with you as adults indefinitely.

I know for me I wanted to move out as soon as I could so that I could have complete independence (great relationship with parents but I just wanted to go my own way).

This motivated me to work every hour I could and save my a** off so I could buy my own place while relatively young (21).

I would expect that at least by the time college is completed and they have a job that they would WANT to start looking for or working towards their own place so that they can enjoy the freedom of living independant of their parents.

In the meantime I would absolutely expect another working adult in the home to contribute to the costs of running that home, it helps prepare them for the real world and responsibilities.

antimatterx

I don't pay rent, but I give my folks money when they need it, and buy stuff for the house as well as do stuff around the house.I save 80% of my wages though.

I know the value of money, I certainly don’t waste it.

youknowitstrue

guitarzero wrote: »

get up around 9,10, .

You sure do like a lie in!
You are unemployed, so you have no excuse to not follow the plan outlined below.
Here is a fool proof plan to get you out of the house and spending the night away from home .
Forget about staying up late watching TV , playing video games, get to bed by 10 and set the alarm for 6am.
Get up and get out of the house for a run/walk or bike ride.
Gym membership is cheap, get one and and be in there at 730am, work out like you have a mission, the mission is to get in the absolute best possible physical condition you can.
Fruit and veg is cheap, so is chicken breasts in Lidl/Aldi, thats all you eat.
Come the Christmas party season you will be looking good, and have the pick of the opposite sex.
You will be spending less time under your mothers roof and in the bedroom of your latest sexual partner.
Good luck and God speed.

pgj2015

youknowitstrue wrote: »

You sure do like a lie in!
You are unemployed, so you have no excuse to not follow the plan outlined below.
Here is a fool proof plan to get you out of the house and spending the night away from home .
Forget about staying up late watching TV , playing video games, get to bed by 10 and set the alarm for 6am.
Get up and get out of the house for a run/walk or bike ride.
Gym membership is cheap, get one and and be in there at 730am, work out like you have a mission, the mission is to get in the absolute best possible physical condition you can.
Fruit and veg is cheap, so is chicken breasts in Lidl/Aldi, thats all you eat.
Come the Christmas party season you will be looking good, and have the pick of the opposite sex.
You will be spending less time under your mothers roof and in the bedroom of your latest sexual partner.
Good luck and God speed.

what was that $hit?

Sunny Disposition

Don’t think there’s anything wrong with kids living with their parents in theory but it is probably better if they move out by the time they are early 20s or so. It’s nice to have your kids around, but probably better if they are somewhere nearby than right under your nose.
Realistically most people will feel a bit more freedom if their adult children aren’t under their roof.

tonycascarino

On one hand you have people out renting, having their independence but spending everything they have and saving nothing.

On the other hand you have adults staying at their parents home that bit longer but saving money to eventually own a place of their own.

Personally I would think that option two is much smarter in the long run.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

partyguinness wrote: »

The parents probably had it with their parents so it's all they know.

God, that’s depressing.

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Macy Salmon Squeegee wrote: »

What drudging are you referring to?

Ah now, don’t play dumb, Nox. Considering your extensive posting history on the topic, let’s not get coy. Drudgery is menial household work. What do you think I’m talking about? You’ve spoken about your mother doing your laundry, your getting dinner handed to you and your expectation that your parents will provide free childcare AND do some weekend babysitting. That drudgery. Nobody is happy to do extra laundry.

Potential-Monke

I'm 36, worked as a Garda for 9 years, had a mortgage and a 7 year girlfriend. The girlfriend was saying she didn't want kids, but I knew she did, so I ended the relationship on those grounds (she has since married and had a kid). For many reasons, I quit being a Garda and started life "anew". Due to an unaffordable mortgage and other debts, I had to move in home for a while to get a job and get myself sorted for moving out. That was 2016. Now it's 3 years on, and I'm still living at home.

Why? Makes sense. Both my parents are in their 70's, and i'm the tech guy in the house. I sort out the TV, internet and phones, and help with any problems they have there. I do chores, cook dinners, and generally help out when needed. It makes sense for me to stay there and try and get out of debt, and makes sense for me to be there to help with their golden years.

I've said it many times, that if I'm in the way or intruding on their life, I will move out, but they kinda don't want me to at this stage, as the mother said, everything would be gone except for RTE if I leave. So i'm kinda stuck, but willingly stuck too. I don't mind, yeah i'm a bit of a man child, but I pull my weight. It's also given me a deeper insight into their lives, and I'm surprised they managed to last 49 years married! XD

I wouldn't worry about living at home as an adult, especially if it works out for all parties involved and neither side is taking advantage (although, it'd be ok for the parents to take advantage, it is their house at the end of the day!).

Dial Hard

tonycascarino wrote: »

On one hand you have people out renting, having their independence but spending everything they have and saving nothing.

On the other hand you have adults staying at their parents home that bit longer but saving money to eventually own a place of their own.

Personally I would think that option two is much smarter in the long run.

They're both choices and I would suggest neither is "better" than the other. People make the choice that's right for them. Some people value privacy and independence in their 20s and 30s more than the idea of "eventually" owning their own place. And it isn't necessarily an either/or situation either. Plenty of people manage to rent, save and then buy. In fact it was the norm for decades. It just takes longer. I guess the toss-up for people is whether they'd prefer to live as an adult and wait that bit longer or stay at home and get to ownership that bit quicker.

Heckler

I posted my situation about 4 years back. Marriage breakdown so out of that house. Was made redundant the same year. I continued to live in various places for a while. Moved back home to go to college for a year as I was living about 20 miles away and my family home is just a 5 minute drive away from the college so it made sense.

I got a job in the meantime but it doesn't pay the best. I can't afford a place on my own and in my mid 40's I couldn't be arsed house sharing. I did that with friends before and it was a chore. To do it now with complete strangers not a hope.

Its just me and my mother and while its not probably ideal for either of us its working out ok. Shes in her mid 80's and while in good form I can see day to day how she needs a hand doing various things. I didn't do right by my father before he passed so I'm going to stay where I am and try my best to do better by my mother as she gets on.

I pay my way "rent". I run my own car, pay my VHI, pay for the TV, broadband, do my own laundry, cut the grass, hoover and clean the house etc. I was the main cook when I was married but yeah the mum insists on making the dinner so yup I do get fed every day !

Peoples circumstances differ wildly so I'd be slow to judge anybody who may be living with their parents beyond what perceived to be the social norm. There may well be a very good reason for it other than them being a "Mammys Boy/Girl".

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts

Obvious Desperate Breakfasts wrote: »

Ah now, don’t play dumb, Nox. Considering your extensive posting history on the topic, let’s not get coy. Drudgery is menial household work. What do you think I’m talking about? You’ve spoken about your mother doing your laundry, your getting dinner handed to you and your expectation that your parents will provide free childcare AND do some weekend babysitting. That drudgery. Nobody is happy to do extra laundry.

I really can’t see how such a big deal is made out of laundry and a dinner, both of which are being done anyway. some extra items added into a wash that’s going on anyway or an extra chicken breast thrown into a curry or few extra patatoes added to the pot makes zero difference.

What would make no sense to me would be the people saying they expect those living at home to do their own cooking, would they really throw on the family dinner on the evening and not make enough for the person coming home and expect them to cook for themselves. I’ve no issue at all cooking myself for everyone but I’m rarely home from work before 7pm and it’s often later so it would be too late to start a dinner for everyone.

Dial Hard wrote: »

. In fact it was the norm for decades. It just takes longer. I guess the toss-up for people is whether they'd prefer to live as an adult and wait that bit longer or stay at home and get to ownership that bit quicker.

I don’t know where it was the norm but not in Ireland, living at home until married and moving out into your own home was the norm.

Wasting loads of money on rent if you don’t have to is madness. I really don’t get this “live as an adult” stuff, like what’s so great about struggling to pay rent and save when you could
Live at home and be in a much better financial position (probably for the rest of your life). Also many people just like living at home, I really don’t get why some people are in such a rush to move out.

ldy4mxonucwsq6

Some posters seem to believe they are doing their parents a favour by staying at home well into adulthood.

I wonder if the parents were asked, would they feel this way too?

Fair enough if parents need extra help or care but doesn't seem to be the case if parents are continuing to cook, clean and do laundry.

riclad

Some adults may live with their parents ,in order to save a deposit for a
house, or while they are in 3rd level education .
I see no harm in that as long as you have a plan to leave home at some point.
Wages have no gone up in line with rent or house price,s in some area,s
or citys like dublin .
Young people now spend more on rent than students did in the 80,s or 90,s
as a proportion of their income .

Potential-Monke

Alora Big Driver wrote: »

Some posters seem to believe they are doing their parents a favour by staying at home well into adulthood.

I wonder if the parents were asked, would they feel this way too?

Fair enough if parents need extra help or care but doesn't seem to be the case if parents are continuing to cook, clean and do laundry.

I do some of the cooking and cleaning, but likewise so do my parents. They're both retired, but doing absolutely everything for them would only leave them to sit on the couch and watch tv, which would be bad. They need to remain somewhat active. I offer to do everything, but likewise I understand the importance of them staying active, so I won't fight when the mother tells the father to wash the floors (I vacuum). Sometimes the father will ask me to help with cutting the lawns, but he likes to do it himself. The lungs let him down unfortunately.