Great moments in school

TheKeenMachine

When I was in first year, we were watching a video in Irish class. On the video, a middle aged man was staring at a teenage girl. Cue one of my classmates "Haha tá sé paedo priest!"
The teacher looked up, paused the video and yelled "STEPHEN!", making the whole class fall silent.
He then looked around at the class, lowered his voice to almost a whisper and said "Is paedo priest é."
Legend!

Bobby Baccala

Got into a heated debate with my geography teacher. She refused to accept the fact that Egypt is in Africa.. And she's meant to be a geography teacher. It's beyond me how the fúck she got a job.
It ended in me calling her an ignorant bitch and getting detention and a nice phonecall home.

El Guapo!

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

Got into a heated debate with my geography teacher. She refused to accept the fact that Egypt is in Africa.. And she's meant to be a geography teacher. It's beyond me how the fúck she got a job.
It ended in me calling her an ignorant bitch and getting detention and a nice phonecall home.

How did she refuse to accept it?? Could you not have just shown her a map?
And then smacked her with it.

couldntthink

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

Got into a heated debate with my geography teacher. She refused to accept the fact that Egypt is in Africa.. And she's meant to be a geography teacher. It's beyond me how the fúck she got a job.
It ended in me calling her an ignorant bitch and getting detention and a nice phonecall home.

My Geography "teacher" thought The Vatican waas the capital of Italy. When I explained it was a separate state she said "oh yeah that's right, Milan is the capital". :rolleyes:

mattjack

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

Got into a heated debate with my geography teacher. She refused to accept the fact that Egypt is in Africa.. And she's meant to be a geography teacher. It's beyond me how the fúck she got a job.
It ended in me calling her an ignorant bitch and getting detention and a nice phonecall home.

What are you on about ? Everybody knows Egypt is in the Sahara not Africa.

Crooked Jack

Not a specific scenario but those rare moments when everything would sync up perfectly and you would be walking under the stairs at the same time as a group of girls was walking up them at the crucial moment that allowed you a little glimpse of heaven.

Scarinae

One time my class was in the library working on a project. One of the guys must have been a bit bored, because he started playing with a fire extinguisher. There was a really loud *BANG* and we all looked up with a start to see the eejit clinging desperately to the fire extinguisher in pure panic while it sprayed all over the big glass windows, the computers, the other students... It was absolutely hilarious, but our teacher and the librarian were not very pleased

mikom

P4DDY2K11 wrote: »

Got into a heated debate with my geography teacher. She refused to accept the fact that Egypt is in Africa.. And she's meant to be a geography teacher.

She must have been in denile....

Knex*

I quite enjoyed my time in secondary school.

I had this teacher for English for my Leaving Cert, possibly the only teacher I genuinely couldn't stand in my six years in the school. She was one of these muffin top women, too fat for the clothes she was in and the flab would hang out over the sides, and jesus did she have some deluded notions of herself. Also, her classroom always fecking stank from the smell off her. :mad:

She'd constantly scream at people over the smallest of things and pretty much, imo, bullied some of the girls in the class. To top it all off she was atrocious at English, especially when compared to my previous English teacher and the others in the school, and would flog some of their answers as her own.

Anyways, one day she'd been harping on about Diet Coke for the entire 40 minutes and had given us some shite homework to do with writing an ad for Diet Coke. Load of bollocks.

She then, looked outside and noticed it was slightly damp, so decided to cancel the 1st year camogie training that she was meant to be supervising that day. This was a right cnut of a move as it was last class of the day and the 1st years, not allowed phones and being in a country school, would have already arranged for parents to come down and collect them. So with no way of contacting them they either had to wait around till parents showed, or go home on bus and hope that they were home before the parents needlessly drove to the school.

So, and I was fairly pissed off at this stage, she addressed the class saying "I've time now to myself, I really should go to the gym. Quick, someone motivate me"

Up shot my hand as I said, "Miss, they've got vending machines there".

Place erupted

Edit: Sorry for long post.

Galwayguy35

The great moment for me in school was the day I left the place.

El Guapo!

mikom wrote: »

She must have been in denile....

naitsirhc

Whenever your were Bricking it because you forgot a piece of homework (or just plain didn't do it) and the teacher ends up being sick that day anyways. The relief was brilliant

unknownlegend

That day someone let a dog in and it runs through the place in hysteric delight and confusion. Used to be a regular occurrence actually!

Yakult

One of our classrooms was a double room with a huge sliding door dividing it into two. One day, the teacher left the room and we all decided it would be funny to go into the the other half so we did it and wrote "Bobby Sands is back" on the blackboard. Each time she left the room we did it. That same day we put Vaseline on the doors and to hear the teachers trying to open them and then realizing theirs something on the doorknob, priceless. We got an earful from the principal that day lol.

Paddycrumlinman

In class one day, a lad, who did not give two s hits about school was messing, not sure what he was up to. The Female teacher let a roar at him and proceeded to berate him in front of all the students.

This guy is sitting back with a smirk on his face which is annoying the teacher even more. He turns around to the teacher as cool as you can and said, "Would you every go and ask me piss flaps you stupid bitch" and walked out of the class room. Female teacher was stunned and could not continue the class!

wnolan1992

My Junior Cert Irish teacher had a rather big problem maintaining control of the class, and every day without fail we would end up getting really off topic and she would end up joining in the OT discussions in English.

One day, coming up to the exams, we were meant to be learning essay vocab, when the teacher got deeply engrossed in a discuusion with three or four girls about the latest happenings in Home and Away. After about thirty minutes of this, one girl said: "Eh, Miss? Can we actually get back to this essay at some stage?" at which point the teacher completely loses it and shouts "I DO NOT NEED YOUR HELP TO RUN MY CLASS!", to which the girl replies: "Clearly, you do." :pac:



In Junior Cert science, we were doing nutrition, and how women need 1500 calories and men need 2000 (figures probably wrong but you get the point). The teacher asks "Well why do ye think that is?"

One lad says "Because girls are weaker."
Teacher: "Are they?"
Lad: "Yeah."
Teacher: "Right. Claire, come over here."
He then proceeds to make Claire (strong girl who played football for the school) to arm wrestle the lad who'd said girls were weaker, which she won, leading to much mockery.



In my LC Business class, there were only 2 guys(including me) and about 8 girls. One day, we were in a room that had an Interactive whiteboard at the front with the teachers desk, and a normal board at the back. The teacher wanted us to take down a diagram from the ordinary board, so we all turned around to face the back of the room.

When we'd taken down the diagram, she returned to the front of the class to call out some more notes, but said if we wanted we didn't have to turn around to face her. The 8 girls turned around to face the front, while the two of us guys stayed facing the back. About 5 minutes later, the Vice Principal (who was a scary bastard) walks into the room to talk to the teacher. As he leaves, he stares at us, but says nothing. Once the door closed and he had disappeared from view, the teacher said in a hushed voice: "I've just realised that the only two guys in the class are facing the opposite direction to the rest of ye..."

SEPT 23 1989

Paddycrumlinman wrote: »

In class one day, a lad, who did not give two s hits about school was messing, not sure what he was up to. The Female teacher let a roar at him and proceeded to berate him in front of all the students.

This guy is sitting back with a smirk on his face which is annoying the teacher even more. He turns around to the teacher as cool as you can and said, "Would you every go and ask me piss flaps you stupid bitch" and walked out of the class room. Female teacher was stunned and could not continue the class!

Joe Duffy?

MrJoeSoap

If you didn't experience any of the below, you didn't go to Primary School in Ireland:

1. A dog running into the school yard.
2. A student saying "mam" or "dad" instead of "miss" or "sir".
3. A student falling off a chair whilst leaning backwards.
4. Someone coming to school without their schoolbag.
5. An entire class not getting to do PE because of some sort of minor misbehaviour.
6. A school trip to the zoo in torrential rain.

Culleeo

I remember there was a girl in my year who was in a wheelchair, she had a really bad attitude problem, it was always "get my books for me, bring me to class, get my journal for me etc" always said with a scowl and never a please or a thank you from her. It started to get on peoples nerves that she had absolutely no manners.
One day, she turned to one of the lads and said "bring me to class", again without a please or a thank you.
The following day, the same again to the same lad, no please again so the lad just said **** this, started rolling her to class and if he did, he took off at speed with the wheelchair, the girl screaming in the chair for him to stop, it may be bad minded but the whole place was in stitches laughing.

Duggy747

Some dirty bastard laid a green shìte in the jacks. That's one everyone remembers, never found the culprit.

We had a guy in our school hold the assembly under siege when he threw bangers down on top of everyone from the balcony.

One of my mates threw a potato, it hit the roof, split and landed on top of the principal's head.

A gutter was blown up with fireworks.

One lad had a fetish for fire alarms and always set them off.

Toilet paper and water made a great form of a projectile to throw at each other.

cocoshovel

Scarinae wrote: »

One time my class was in the library working on a project.

Ohh well la di da!

My school was made out of prefabs and didnt even have enough chairs for every student. Nothing like coming into class on a winters morning to discover your table covered in frost!

northernpower

Had to be the times in study hall during free class, had a senile wench that used to supervise it and to get out you needed a decent excuse like going to do labs, but you'd then head in to town.

So the room would be full of students from all different years and somewhere along the back someone would start whistling the tune from the great escape, then one by one people would get up and ask to leave with a different excuse, more and more people joining in the whistling, the craic was to see how many we could get out before she copped on

Knex*

I just remembered some poor fella, still friends with him to this day, shat his pants in Junior Infants.

The smell was horrific, so bad in fact, that we all got to go out to the playground for the rest of the day. :pac:

Also, we had a computer class in primary school from around 3rd class up. I got banned from using computers for a year for bringing in a copy of Duke Nukem. All the school had was mind numbing "education" (and I use that word lightly) games so it wasn't long until there was a crowd of people around me watching and I got caught

In TY myself and a friend downloaded and distributed gameboy and snes emulators to the year so every free class or computer class was dominated with people playing Pokemon, Mario Kart and Street Fighter. Was a great year

Owryan

A chap in my year was in an electric wheelchair as well as being mentally handicapped.

If a class was coming up we wanted to avoid we would get him, bring him to the bottom of the sports field and disconnect his battery . Cue when in class : Miss , **** is stuck in his wheelchair down the football pitch" n off we would go to get him .

Or else he would need help going to the toilets so someone would go with him and while there get answers to whatever test we were doing .

Where To

We played soccer in class, basketball in class, rounders in class, any ball game you can think of in class.

Only thing is we never had a ball and played all the above with Tipp-ex.


Solvent Russian roulette.

thebaz

I had a tendency to be late for school , anyway one day , which happened to be the first warm sunny day of the year - May time , was 15 minutes late , so decided to skip first class (Irish) with one or 2 latecomers , and enjoy the summer heat , lazying / sunbathing out on the football pitch with a few smokes , our relaxation was broken suddenly by the arrival of a screaming headmaster - To the Office - more detention for thebaz

Jester252

Was in LC Biology and the teacher was talking about testosterone and woman taking testosterone when the girl beside me said so that how hermaphrodites are made. The teacher looked at her and she explained that when a woman takes testosterone she grows a penis. I could not stop laughing so I had to leave the classroom.

Another time in TG a guy found a tomato. Him thinking it was a bouncy ball hopped it off another guys head leaving him with tomato all over his head

mackg

JC business class was a bit of a joke. The subject was piss easy and whatever way the classes were divided up ours got a huge share of people who would be more interested in having a laugh than anything else. Out teacher had to put up with a lot of crap and took it fairly well most of the time but some days it did get to her.

One day especially she went off on a huge rant and you could tell she was seething, she started going roaring about how all this time she had been under the impression that she had been teaching teenagers but that she now realised that we weren't teenagers at all, we were 4 year olds. At this point one of the lads in the class stands up, waves his hands above his head and yells SURPRISE!!!.

The whole class erupted laughing, the teacher went absolutely mental. One of my favourite school memories.

wnolan1992

When I was in sixth class, there was a week or two where there'd been a lot of incidents in the school (bullying and just general misbehaviour), so the teachers decided to have an assembly where they called the entire school (which was only about 40 people but whatever) into the hall.

Then then spent the next half hour giving out about the behaviour. towards the end, they started to focus on my class. Now, I was a cheeky bastard in primary school, and I was getting fair pissed off at this stage, because a lot of what they were blaming the sixth class for was stuff that was clearly done by younger kids.

The principal started by saying: "And the sixth class, ye're always hanging around in gangs!"
To which I replied: "Would you prefer if we didn't talk to each other at all sir?"

After getting a rollicking for that, he moved on saying that: "Ye're always hanging around in doorways doing nothing! Why don't ye run around and play some games or something!".
Now, at this point I should point out that they had banned pretty much every game we ever played because people fell and cut themselves open, so I piped up: "What games should we play? You banned Tip the Can, Den to Den, (and a few other games whose names escape me.)", a point which they flat out ignored.

And to crown it off, they said at the end of the rant: "Ye are without a doubt, the worst sixth class to ever come into this school!"
So I responded: "Yeah, I remember ye saying that to my brother's class as well. And ye said it to <name>'s class after he told ye to f*ck off one evening."

So satisfying. Shame I lost my guts when I went into secondary school though.



On the plus side, on our graduation day, the principal was giving a speech, which included the standard phrase "Ye'll be missed around here, ye're one of the best classes we've ever had." to which I said: "Hey now, three weeks ago we were the worst ever!". Place erupted, and even the teachers laughed at it.

Knex*

Jester252 and mackg yer stories have me in stitches. :pac:

I'm chuckling away at the thought of them every few minutes and people in the office are starting to stare

theholyghost

Technically not in class but a lad in supervised study lit a black cat banger and threw it out the window, however, it missed the window bounced off the wall and rolled under my desk. I jumped out of my desk and ran up the class as the banger exploded and vibrated the whole pre-fab to its foundations. Cool.

wnolan1992

We also had a teacher in secondary school that was a pure legend. And he used to be in the class room next to where we had LC Irish. Our LC Irish teacher wasa scary woman (she didn't get the name Scary Mary for nothing). Every couple of days he would come into the class and say "Who've ye next lads?" we'd tell him, and he'd say "Oh, she's off today, go on off up to the library." We'd immediately get all excited and be like "Are you serious!?!?!" to which he'd just smirk and say "No." then leave the room as we all called him a bastard. :pac:


Same teacher in first year was teaching us history. One morning he came in, and his fly was down. After about 5 minutes of the class breaking their holes laughing, we finally told him. At which point he went all red, and hastened to remedy the situation.
When we'd all calmed down, he said in the most innocent of voices: "I'm sure Mrs. X would have told me anyway." at which point the room exploded once again.

juan.kerr

Duggy747 wrote: »

Some dirty bastard laid a green shìte in the jacks.

I've seen all sorts of sh1te in my life - skutters, yule logs, floaters etc but never green sh1te. Must have been St Patricks day or something?

Pdfile

removing all the toilet rolls from the first 3 jacks so the forgeiners going in for the sly fap couldn't clean their mess...


smoking in the singlle cubicals with the ciggerette resting onthe ledge out the window so if the principal or vice came in he could scream all he wants but we're goin nowhere...

good times.

El Guapo!

In TG there was a store room at the back of the class that had all sorts of shíte in it for the metalwork class etc.
Anyway, there were these small heavy beanbag things about the size of your hand and when the teacher left the room we used to think it was great craic to throw them at each other. They were heavy enough and there had been quite a few busted noses over the years.
So we were throwing them around one day when I cracked the quiet lad in the back of the head with one. He stood up and threw it at the speed of a pro baseball player, totally missing me and flying out the door. All we heard was a bang and someone scream in agony. Turns out it was the fat little TG teacher. He took it right in the stomach and was rolling around the floor begging someone to call an ambulance. Nobody did.
It's kinda bad now when I think of it but the whole class went hysterical with laughter.

pablomakaveli

Remember one of the lads in sixth class bringing a playboy into school. In the boys bathroom there was a hole in the ceiling for accessing the attic which had a cover over it. Anyway this lad decided to leave the playboy in the attic so at the end of every school day the first thing all the lads would do was rush into the bathroom.

Dont think the teachers ever copped why 15 lads all suddenly needed to go to the bathroom at the same time.:pac:

Where To

pablomakaveli wrote: »

Remember one of the lads in sixth class bringing a playboy into school. In the boys bathroom there was a hole in the ceiling for accessing the attic which had a cover over it. Anyway this lad decided to leave the playboy in the attic so at the end of every school day the first thing all the lads would do was rush into the bathroom.

Dont think the teachers ever copped why 15 lads all suddenly needed to go to the bathroom at the same time.:pac:

Misread this as 'ladyboy' and pissed meself.:pac:

Duggy747

juan.kerr wrote: »

I've seen all sorts of sh1te in my life - skutters, yule logs, floaters etc but never green sh1te. Must have been St Patricks day or something?

A darkish green log of a shìte with a pitch black tip to it, like it was some ice lolly brewed in the depths of hell. Somebody amongst us needed to see a vet...........probably.

The lad who discovered it let out an awful shriek when he went into the cubicle, that was as hilarious as the shìte itself.

Shane-KornSpace

In Irish class. I farted rather loudly and the whole class laughed. The teacher assigned them homework of 200 lines of "I will not laugh at farts in class".
one of my mates the only one to do it.

In science class and.one of the scumbags was acting the shiite.
Teacher:.Sit down!
Student: theres no where to sit!
Teacher: *picks up stool* Sit there!!!! *throws stool from top of the class to.the back, just barely missing the diickhead.

pity he missed. legend of a teacher.

pablomakaveli

Where To wrote: »

Misread this as 'ladyboy' and pissed meself.:pac:

na. We didnt start bringing ladyboys to school til 6th year.

mauzo

Oh god where to begin.

When I was in 3rd year, we were in an absolutely kip of a school building. It was disgusting, no heating, toilets were the smoking areas etc. Because it was our junior cert year a few of us went to night study, from 4.30-7.30. We'd get a break at around 6. The place would be pitch black at this stage, only light on would be that corridor and wherever the cleaners were cleaning. I cant explain how great this school was for hiding in!

So one evening, during the break of night study me and a friend went off and started annoying the cleaners. They'd plug their hoover in and go around the corner with it, we'd unplug it and put it in the girls toilets, or in the bins. Its awful when i think back on it now.

One day, me and the same friend as above went to Bcool in dundrum and bought these pre preinted post it notes. Had messages on them like your mistress called, she wants her knickers back etc. We left them on all the teachers desks during the break of night study. F*ck me did we get into trouble for that one!!!

Same friend again, came over to my house and he tried on one of my dresses as a joke. I sent it to another friend....and the next day the whole school had seen it I felt terrible!! We laugh about it now though!!

Theres so many more, my school was always in the papers over sh*t it got up to, the teachers were worse than the students in fairness. The principal was in the paper recently over stalking one of the teachers to make sure she was going on home visits lol she was the home school liason officer like!!! :P

Knex*

Wacker The Attacker wrote: »

I almost got suspended for farting in a tech drawing class. It was a huge ripping fart that the whole class could hear

Many a drawing was ruined with the dreaded squiggly line that day I'd say!

Wacker The Attacker

Shane-KornSpace wrote: »

In Irish class. I farted rather loudly and the whole class laughed. The teacher assigned them homework of 200 lines of "I will not laugh at farts in class".
one of my mates the only one to do it.

In science class and.one of the scumbags was acting the shiite.
Teacher:.Sit down!
Student: theres no where to sit!
Teacher: *picks up stool* Sit there!!!! *throws stool from top of the class to.the back, just barely missing the diickhead.

pity he missed. legend of a teacher.

I almost got suspended for ripping a fart in worzel walsh' tech drawing class

dodderangler

2nd year after detention from my cockeyed idiot of an Irish teacher I came in the next day with a freshly caught trout and left guts hangin out and launched it at his face during morning break
He Never knew who did it
Waste of a trout but well worth seeing guts and blood role down his cheek
He was always a prick to me anyway

Wacker The Attacker

Knex. wrote: »

Many a drawing was ruined with the dreaded squiggly line that day I'd say!

One of my proudest academic achievements

Knex*

dodderangler wrote: »

2nd year after detention from my cockeyed idiot of an Irish teacher I came in the next day with a freshly caught trout and left guts hangin out and launched it at his face during morning break
He Never knew who did it
Waste of a trout but well worth seeing guts and blood role down his cheek
He was always a prick to me anyway

Wonder why

mauzo

What ratemyteacher has to say about my maths teacher....all true lol

Math-Now that he has his teaching job it seems he doesn't realise that he has to teach. his personal habits are disgusting loud farting, overt nose picking and when he hurt his back his hygienic went down

he picks his nose

Must be the worst teacher I ever had, cant explain, unclear, totally hopeless. Not patient and picks his nose... gross

he does be more excited to hear that bell when the class finishes then you do...he took days off to play in golf tounaments
:pac:

and the tech graph teacher
Is that ok son, ye?" ...he looks like mermaid man from spongebob...bra and all...

Barbieliveshere

This thread is brilliant been laughing the whole way through:pac:

Anyway when we were in 6th class the teachers used to always step outside the door for a chat. Earlier we had collected conkers in the yard and were throwing them around the room, while the teacher was in the hall yabbering away. You know the kind of spikey skin the conkers had on them well one of the girls had hit me fairly hard with one of those so i picked it up and fired it at her with some strength... only to watch it fly past her and out the door of the classroom and crack our teacher in the forehead with such force.I will never forget the look of shock on her face... HILARIOUS! Got detention for a while for that. Very entertaining though!:pac:

Wacker The Attacker

I was a bit of a nerd in the school in the sense that I was quite good at quizzes. My school had a quiz team that I was on for about three years. I had a serious crush on for my french teacher who just happened to be the teacher who ran the team. She entered us into a pub quiz near UCD one night in UCD which we won. I ended up slightly drunk and had a crack at her. It almost worked too. Thankfully for both of us she kept it a secret and it didnt get around

Kirby

Why would a secret need to be kept about something that "almost worked". You need to re-think that story.

13whatsername

We had this vice-principal for most of secondary school who we have many funny memories of, but there's one that'll always stick out in my mind.

To get the full impact of the story, I should describe him a bit. In his sixties I'd say, had a really soft, creepy voice, very touchy-feely type. Basically, if ya didn't know better a bit of a pedo! The fact it was an all girls school didn't help matters.

Anyway, at one point in sixth year there were a few robberies, some money taken out of lockers and the likes. This vice of ours came into our class to give the usual lecture, they're very disappointed, they've cctv footage, etc. Despite the fact that they knew who was responsible, he said he'd give the culprits a chance to own up, that he wouldn't name names infront of everyone. This would be fine except for his choice of word to portray this:
"Now, I don't want to finger any girls...publicly."

The door hadn't even closed behind him before the entire class, teacher included, had eruped in laughter that lasted a fair portion of the class. To make matters worse, he went around to the three other classes on at that time giving the exact same speech. Obviously, it received much the same reception.

Most would swear he hadn't a clue, but he was retiring a month later so some of us suspect he knew well what he was up to and just was making the best of his time left