Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Girlfriend used to be a prostitute <Mod Warning Post 1>

Options
13»

Comments

  • Options
    #62
    ViveLaVie
    Registered Users Posts: 984 ✭✭✭ViveLaVie


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    Could your girl friend not have claimed dole?Quote]

    Full time students cannot claim the dole until they are finished college.


  • Options
    #63
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    ViveLaVie wrote: »
    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    Could your girl friend not have claimed dole?Quote]

    Full time students cannot claim the dole until they are finished college.

    I did not see the part where she was in college, apologies.

    Still no excuse to become a prostitute, it's ridiculous. No self respect.


  • Options
    #64
    fungun
    Registered Users Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭fungun


    Sleeping with lots of people/becoming a prostitute does not necessarily equal lack of self respect.
    It may mean that for you, it may mean that for a lot of women, but she made a decision based on her set of thoughts/morals and it is impossible for anyone to know what was in her mind. You cant judge this without knowing her.

    It all comes down to OPs/girls feelings, most peoples advice is worthless in this situation. Some ppl could deal with it, others couldnt, i could - but I might have to move away to get away from the 'i slept with yer one' brigade. But its all about what the OP feels.


  • Options
    #65
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    fungun wrote: »
    i could - but I might have to move away to get away from the 'i slept with yer one' brigade. But its all about what the OP feels.

    It's a sad state of affairs when a couple feel the need to move away in order to avoid bumping into the several men your girlfriend has slept with !

    Why should the OP settle for this? There are so many decent women out there.


  • Options
    #66
    Mr. Loverman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Mr. Loverman


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    find a girl that has self respect. I am sorry but your girl friend does not have any.

    In fairness, that is rubbish.

    Just because she does not conform to your morality does not mean she lacks self respect.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #67
    fungun
    Registered Users Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭fungun


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    It's a sad state of affairs when a couple feel the need to move away in order to avoid bumping into the several men your girlfriend has slept with !

    Why should the OP settle for this? There are so many decent women out there.

    I agree, he shouldn't have to move away, but he may want to to avoid having to deal with people like you judging them as they cross the road.


  • Options
    #68
    Beruthiel
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 42,362 Mod ✭✭✭✭Beruthiel


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    It's a sad state of affairs when a couple feel the need to move away in order to avoid bumping into the several men your girlfriend has slept with !

    Why should the OP settle for this? There are so many decent women out there.

    You've made your very obvious, judgmental point clear.
    It's of no help to the OP however.

    Lets get back to giving the OP some helpful advice people.


  • Options
    #69
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    I typed out a huge post in reply to this thread but accidentally deleted it ! Stress.
    I don't have the energy to type it all out again so just a few points I'd like to contribute.

    OP, prostitution is by no means a valid excuse to make money. I know several people who are up to their eyeballs with stress not been able to afford their mortgage etc. Do you think for one second that they may be even considering prostitution? Hell no.

    There's a documentary on prostitution in Ireland which will be shown on 3e on Wednesday night. It's worth having a look at. Brilliant documentary. Most of the girls in it say they turned to prostitution because "they enjoy sex" and its an "easy way to make money". Could your girl friend not have claimed dole?

    Point is, would you like to spend your life with this girl, walk down the street with her knowing lads will be pointing saying "that's your one from the brothel. I bedded her". Of course not.

    Move on and find a girl that has self respect. I am sorry but your girl friend does not have any.

    And to those saying "she was decent enough to tell you, acknowledge that". Oh wow, pat on the back for telling your boyfriend you used to be a prostitute". Bottom line is, you would have found out down the line, and she knows that. So she had no choice but to tell you.
    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    ViveLaVie wrote: »

    I did not see the part where she was in college, apologies.

    Still no excuse to become a prostitute, it's ridiculous. No self respect.


    Excuses, excuses, excuses....did it ever cross your mind that maybe she doesn't have to make excuses for her past?

    Also, its interesting that you judge her, yet the "friends" who boast about "bedding" someone (be it a prostitute or otherwise) are not judged so sharply. Frankly, the opinion of anyone who boasts about bedding a woman, whether she was paid or they were dating etc wouldn't matter a damn to me.


  • Options
    #70
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    It's a sad state of affairs when a couple feel the need to move away in order to avoid bumping into the several men your girlfriend has slept with !

    Why should the OP settle for this? There are so many decent women out there.

    You're right of course. Anyone who makes a mistake should not be allowed to pursue a happy relationship ever again :rolleyes:


  • Options
    #71
    Mr. Loverman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Mr. Loverman


    OldNotWIse wrote: »
    You're right of course. Anyone who makes a mistake should not be allowed to pursue a happy relationship ever again :rolleyes:

    I find this concept very interesting.

    Making mistakes all the time is part of being human.

    Where did this idea of perfection come from?

    Perfection is nonsense. None of us are perfect. In fact, we're all just a bag of messed up **** trying to be happy and safe.

    We should feel empathy and kindness for people who make mistakes; not anger!


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #72
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Mr. Loverman wrote: »
    I find this concept very interesting.

    Making mistakes all the time is part of being human.

    Where did this idea of perfection come from?

    Perfection is nonsense. None of us are perfect. In fact, we're all just a bag of messed up **** trying to be happy and safe.

    We should feel empathy and kindness for people who make mistakes; not anger!

    I agree (sorry my sarcasm may have been misdirected, or rather, uncalled for. I was speaking from a place of anger, brought about by all the self-righteous comments on here) :rolleyes:

    I think its just human nature to judge others in order to validate our own worth, and possibly this what's going on here. Don't get me wrong I am not one of these "oh poor prostitutes" preachers (in fact an opinion that I have stated before is that if we are going to ban the purchase of sex, we should ban the sale of it also - why not clamp down from both sides to be fair?), but people are going on ridiculous here about this womans past.


  • Options
    #73
    Mr. Loverman
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,001 ✭✭✭Mr. Loverman


    I understood your sarcasm. :)

    And I agree judging is how people validate their own worth.

    Back on topic:

    Another thing I find interesting is the concept of the line in the sand.

    Where is the line?

    For me it might be here, but for you it might be over there.

    How many people are truly honest about their past?

    For example, there has been a chlamydia epidemic in Europe for about 30 years. Why? Because so many people are having unprotected sex. But you know what? Whenever a thread about unprotected sex comes up on Boards.ie nearly everyone claims they only ever have protected sex, and many claim they force their partners to get tested for STIs. My arse they do.

    You know what? I think people are full of **** about their private lives and their past. So i think people need to learn to be more forgiving and to see past things such as sexual history. Really, really now, are things like being a prick more acceptable than having had X amount of sex partners?


  • Options
    #74
    Cheeky_gal
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,166 ✭✭✭Cheeky_gal


    Beruthiel wrote: »

    You've made your very obvious, judgmental point clear.
    It's of no help to the OP however.

    Lets get back to giving the OP some helpful advice people.

    Excuse me but I am entitled to have an opinion. I am giving my advice to the OP just like everyone else, just because you don't agree with my views doesn't entitle you to isolate me from the thread.


  • Options
    #75
    OldNotWIse
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,468 ✭✭✭✭OldNotWIse


    Cheeky_gal wrote: »
    Excuse me but I am entitled to have an opinion. I am giving my advice to the OP just like everyone else, just because you don't agree with my views doesn't entitle you to isolate me from the thread.

    We're all entitled to have an opinion (even prostitutes btw), but we are not entitled to use said right as a scapegoat for throwing judgements around.


  • Options
    #76
    Taltos
    Registered Users Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    Can I one final time remind everyone of the purpose of this charter and the seriousness we view breaches in our charter.
    If someone has no constructive advice please don't post, PI/RI is here for advice - not discussion.
    Finally - arguing with a mod in thread is a bannable offense - this time we have issued an infraction, but any further breaches of our charter on this thread will result in an immediate ban.

    Thanks
    Taltos


  • Options
    #77
    Scanlas The 2nd
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,144 ✭✭✭Scanlas The 2nd


    Feisar wrote: »
    gerryk wrote: »
    Wow. Seems to me that you might be making some pretty big assumptions on this girl's sense of ethics.

    Look from what we have been told she was having sex with up to 10 punters a night for money. Many prostitutes claim it is like allowing themselves to be raped, stick the game face on and get it done. This girl had no problem with it apparently. So sex is hardly that big a deal to her. That's how I'm drawing that conclusion. Now, you may argue she is now in a loving relationship and committed and it's different. That's another way of looking at it, sure. Nevertheless it's not like my point is completely out of left field.

    Cheating is about lack of integrity, I haven't seen evidence of this in this girl. She chose to have sex for money with willing men, no one was harmed. She was honest and upfront about her past which is evidence that she does have integrity. Just because sex isn't a big deal to someone doesn't mean they will hurt the person they love by cheating, that would be a big deal.


  • Options
    #78
    discus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,049 ✭✭✭discus


    Mr. Loverman wrote: »
    For example, there has been a chlamydia epidemic in Europe for about 30 years. Why? Because so many people are having unprotected sex. But you know what? Whenever a thread about unprotected sex comes up on Boards.ie nearly everyone claims they only ever have protected sex, and many claim they force their partners to get tested for STIs. My arse they do.

    And plenty of people on boards.ie are claiming that they would stay with a new partner if they found out that they were previously a prostitute. My arse they would.


    <Mod Note: Poster banned for ignoring mod warning>


  • Options
    #79
    kjl
    Registered Users Posts: 3,127 ✭✭✭kjl


    Hi OP,

    I have been in a similar situation myself, a girl I was seeing told me that she had done some prostitution work and I was a little taken back at first. I was even more upset when she told me that she was still doing it at the start of our relationship (We weren't exclusive at the time)

    I then realised that this was a very hard thing for her to tell me. I understood money was tight and when she explained the whole situation to me I felt better about it, but there was a nasty feeling about the whole thing.

    I know it seems like a really hard thing to deal with but and at first I was very upset about it, but bit by bit I learned to accept it and I realised that she was still the same person I fell in love with.

    We did break up but nothing related to this.


  • Options
    #80
    a fat guy
    Registered Users Posts: 800 ✭✭✭a fat guy


    OP, I think that her part in this situation has come to an end and now it's up to you to become strong enough to shoulder the burden with her.

    I've been doing a bit of thinking since I first saw this thread and I believe now that the majority of any troubles that will come about from what your girlfriend has done are external, by which I mean will come from other people.

    But they do not matter in a relationship that does not involve them.

    This will be one of the most difficult things you'll have to do in your life if you choose to go through with it, but I believe that once you have cleared your mind of questions like "What if an old customer see's us?", "What will they think?" and "What if everyone finds out?", then you will stay with her.

    In the end it is your choice. You have been dealt a burden that almost no-one else would have to deal with and honestly, you truly do not deserve the negativity that comes with it.

    Take your time, clear your mind, and do what you want to do.

    Good luck!


Advertisement