HeartBreak.What/Who were your comforts to get you through

Mc Kenzie

Just wandering,

Everyones gone through it at some stage or another,

so i was wandering what other peoples comforts or remedies helped them bring happiness around again ??

OakeyDokey

For me it was lot of Crying, Listening to lots of motivational upbeat songs (mainly punk music), keeping busy and getting into somethings that I always wanted to do but just never got off my arse and did. Girls night outs and girls nights in. Even getting into fitness and giving yourself a new haircut etc.

I did things that helped me feel good but stayed away from the stereotypical lying in bed, eating tubs of Ben&Jerrys, listening to sad songs etc. I made sure to get social and not lock myself away from the world.

Heart break is horrible and at times it hurts more than physical pain but you can get through it.

Merkin

Talking and crying about it ad nauseum with my dear friends and family who were kind and supportive enough to listen to me I think with heartbreak it is best to let it all out rather than internalise it though. That and red wine helped.

regress

Lots of red wine.

ArtyC

alcohol, cigs and old songs until needed......followed by nights out, exercise, shopping and planning a nice trip or further in education

christmas2012

no i dont believe in heartbreaks that said though i never had any as all the ex boyfs i had were the bottom of the barell,hence why i never grieve any of them never have...i realised recently through the help of a matchmaker that my standards definately need to change..

Sauve

christmas2012 wrote: »

no i dont believe in heartbreaks.

It's great that you've never had to go through heartbreak, but believe me it does exist and it's something I hope I never have to do again.

As for getting over it OP- no wallowing. Absolutely none!
Put all your energy into being the best person you can be. Get fit, study, spend time with your best friends and family, basically anything that makes you feel good.
Oh and did I say no wallowing? :pac:

Ellsbells

I went on lots of holidays, threw myself into work and started running.

Wibbs

Moaning, feeling sorry for myself and the world, trying to figure out why, strong drink, too many nights of "oh god what/who did I do last night", sad songs, happy songs, good movies and mates, good mates. Oh and time.

Abi

Mc Kenzie wrote: »

Just wandering,

Everyones gone through it at some stage or another,

so i was wandering what other peoples comforts or remedies helped them bring happiness around again ??

When you begin a new relationship your life begins to include this person more and more in it. So when the relationship ends most people have almost forgotten what it was they were doing before they were before they met their ex, so when it ends it's a shock to the system.

Before you enter a relationship you had a routine of things you did to fill your time, it's the transition back to all that is the difficult part. Time is the healer here, and friends and family.

regress wrote: »

Lots of red wine.

And a little of this too, but do it with friends, not by yourself

lilmissprincess

I discovered tequila... Lots of crying, started a new job which took up some time and brain space, and listened to a ridiculous amount of Fleetwood Mac...

FairytaleGirl

Heartbreak is an awful thing. My last partner left me after 4yrs for someone she knew 6 weeks. I cried, drank, lost 3stone and became very bitter and angry. Then i went to personal therapy and learned to see the situation in a different way and forgave her almost instantly. Best thing I ever did. Sometimes you cant see past yor own feelings to recover.

eviltwin

I've never had the heartbreak of a broken relationship but other types of heartbreak.

Exercise, avoiding triggers, talking and talking and talking and just being generally kind to myself helped as did throwing myself into work.

Snowie

You guys are no fun, I build a shrine and then burn it followed bye lots of 80s love songs a corner and of course kleenx the stuff with alo vera because it doesn't dry my skin... :pac:

Call me crazy but you never get over your X gas or bfs its just gets easier to deal with... Eventually you forget about them its like a distant gray memory...

boomkatalog

Different methods depending on the break up.

Last break up involved a lot of crying and changing my looks. Also took up walking and made a lot of horrifically inappropriate jokes that made people uncomfortable, Chandler style.

First break up, lots of alcohol, a bit of smoking (I NEVER smoke) and generally acting like a prize moron.

I'm not lucky enough to have any close girl friends and my guy friends are crap with heartbreak so tbh I don't have anyone to pour it all out to.

cson

Simple answer; time.

Fill the void like everyone suggested already is pretty bang on too but tbh time is the only cure for it imo.

Best 10,000th post evar.

Lyaiera

Friday night: my best friend putting his arm around me and holding my hand and laughing at the film with me. Not because I was totally heartbroken, just because he thought I needed it.

What a total sweetheart.

ash23

Planning my weekends months in advance. Lots of phone calls with my friends and family. Lots of girls nights out. PLenty of crying but only in the shower. I wasn't letting myself cry all day. Chocolate and white wine galore.

Angry, "girl power" type music

A vast array of flings with unsuitable men. A large number of mistakes to distract myself.
Blocking both my ex and his ho on facebook so I wouldn't be tempted to cyber stalk.

Steamer

Going it through it right now, it sucks. A good cry does help and some good friends willing to listen.

Maple

-ranting at the world
-crying until I threw up
- smoking
- listening to Damian Rice 'accidental babies' until I cried so much I couldn't see
- lots of tortured scribbling in my diary
- listening to alanis morrisettes 'at that particular time'
- later it involved nights out and daft flings with unsuitable boys who I adored but would never want to take things further with.

Mostly it was time and allowing myself to grieve instead of tellin myself that I shouldn't feel a certain way.

Sonics2k

- Jack Daniels
- Tobacco
- Johnny Cash
- Sing along

Ilyana

Pouring my heart out to friends and family helped; keeping it all in would have led to my brain exploding.

Unsurprisingly, going to a wedding two days later did not help whatsoever!

Caribbean Cat

Running!And lots of it!
I hit the gym big style just to keep my mind occupied, lost 3 stone in the process and got a body I never thought possible.It was certainly worth it to see the look on his face when he saw me again:cool:
I also did the wine/crying/talking/unsuitable boys thing...I think it's the process....but time is the only thing that will heal, unfortunately,because I'm still not over the git:(

pinkpigs

Lots of red wine, shopping, nights out with the girls, wine and I think some more shopping for some more shoes. Then getting a plan together to get on with living the rest of my life!

P.P.

Eve_Dublin

What I actually did is not what I would advise (drinking too much, bottling it all up and talking to nobody about it, sitting in listening to horrifically sad music, not eating and losing a shed load of weight, playing back a voice message on phone repeatedly, reading old emails from them, keeping in contact with them) but I'm ready for it now if it happens again.

I finally did cop on after about 5 months and got my hair chopped (apparently that's the number 1 thing for a woman to do when she's dumped), left big, scary, lonely, London and went travelling on my own for a year and cut the contact. I think the best thing to do is to make some very positive, dramatic change in your life, like give up smoking or start running or start a new hobby. Do something that makes you proud of yourself and gives you reason to like yourself again.

xDramaxQueenx

Crying, one day allowed to just cry them out of your system.
New hair.
Hook up with somebody else.

The Big Red Button

I cried for about five days solid.

No lie. Sat in my apartment, alone, and bawled my fucking eyes out. Didn't sleep, didn't eat. Nothing. Just cried. 24/7.

Every now and then, in those few days, I'd ring a friend, and bawl down the phone to them. They'd listen to me rant and cry, and insist on coming over, I'd tell them not a chance in hell. Was in no fit state to face anyone.

In time, nail varnish helped. So did cooking. So did work. Anytime that involved time and effort and focus.

Proper heartbreak is not something you get over. It's something that will always hurt, but you eventually get round to accepting it and living with it.

Honey-ec

Time. It's a cliche, but like most cliches, it's a cliche because it's true.

But while you're waiting for time to do its thing: alcohol. I don't care how politically incorrect it is to say it; I'm a firm believer in drowning your sorrows.

Eve_Dublin

Honey-ec wrote: »

Time. It's a cliche, but like most cliches, it's a cliche because it's true.

But while you're waiting for time to do its thing: alcohol. I don't care how politically incorrect it is to say it; I'm a firm believer in drowning your sorrows.

It does help at that time of drinking but the downer the next day is horrific.

Whippersnapper

Accepting it's over is the main thing. Then surround yourself with people who make you feel good. Do things you could never do while in the relationship. Learn to enjoy your own company and learn to be happy in your skin.

AnnyHallsal

Talking to the most supportive people in your life

Remembering the worst part about the relationship/them

Minimising contact as much as possible

Doing new things that don't remind you of them

Focusing on what you stand to gain from the break up

And then in some moments none of that really helps and you just have to remember a day will come when it will. It's really an appalling almost unbearable pain but you survive it and it becomes like a bruise.

ArtyC

Baileys amd brandy poured over icecream-Ben and jerrys

AnnyHallsal

I'd also add Boards itself. For some reason reading PI threads can have a therapeutic effect. Maybe because you see other people going through similar, and much worse.

supermouse

I would never wish heartbreak on my worst enemy. It's one of the worst experiences to go through and as some posters have said, you never completely get over it, the pain just dulls.

I spent 5 months being a fool, drinking to oblivion, crying myself to sleep, wailing to anyone that would listen, hooking up with boys years younger than me. looking back now I was definitely on the path to self destruct.

I cut contact with him 3 months after our breakup and it sped things up a bit. A couple of months later I was starting to feel normal again. However, looking back on it now, I can honestly see a period of about 18 months immediately afterwards the break up that I was anything but myself. I believe my actions directly after the break up led to more destruction than the actual breakup itself.

If I ever go through anything similar again my first port of call will be a councillor. I discovered a lot of thing about myself since that time, and one of those most valuable lessons is that in times of stress, I need to talk to someone.

Oh, now in answer to your OP (sorry for getting sidetracked!) exercise, friends, travel and chocolate

Wompa1

Threw myself into work and became a bit of a prick. Going to have to work on the latter

dave3004

Im "once bitten twice shy".

Was heartbroken once and will never let myself be that vulnerable again.

Napper Hawkins

I became an obnoxious, weird, aggressive, drunk, self hating asshole and was on a dangerous slippery slope of self destruction that I will never forget for as long as I live.

Worst experience of my life so far? Definitely. But I learned so much from it that I'll never allow myself to lose the plot like that again.

My deepest sympathy for anyone going through this ****e.
You'll get better eventually.

Ilyana

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

What I actually did is not what I would advise (drinking too much, bottling it all up and talking to nobody about it, sitting in listening to horrifically sad music, not eating and losing a shed load of weight, playing back a voice message on phone repeatedly, reading old emails from them, keeping in contact with them) but I'm ready for it now if it happens again.

That's the way I went when my ex and I broke up the first time. I was an absolute wreck - and I broke up with him! We got back together, it didn't work and now I have to readjust to life before I met him.

The hardest thing for me is disentangling his life from mine. After nearly three years, everything reminds me of him. Right now, seeing a counsellor (for other things also), Ben & Jerry's, and having some new hobbies lined up will be how I cope with it.

As for drowning one's sorrows, it seems like a good idea at the time. Not such a good idea when you're wailing down the phone to your ex at 5am, drunk as a skunk on cheap vino.

Eve_Dublin

Ilyana wrote: »

As for drowning one's sorrows, it seems like a good idea at the time. Not such a good idea when you're wailing down the phone to your ex at 5am, drunk as a skunk on cheap vino.

Argh the memories!! They buuuurn! Funny how I can laugh now at those drunken, pathetic phone calls from parties where I should've been enjoying myself. Never thought it'd get to a stage where I could laugh at my behaviour.

Ilyana

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Ilyana wrote: »

As for drowning one's sorrows, it seems like a good idea at the time. Not such a good idea when you're wailing down the phone to your ex at 5am, drunk as a skunk on cheap vino.

Argh the memories!! They buuuurn! Funny how I can laugh now at those drunken, pathetic phone calls from parties where I should've been enjoying myself. Never thought it'd get to a stage where I could laugh at my behaviour.

That phone call usually follows a horrible kiss with some creep, and you're despairing that your ex was the only decent, good looking man in the world!

In general, I think it's important to eventually find a balance between remembering someone fondly, but not pining for them.

And maybe not listening to 'your song' for a couple of months!

thequieterone

my best friend was there when i wanted. she gave out stink about him while i spent time defending him (like a fool!)
i had few nights out letting off steam , let my best (guy) friend tell me what a plonker he was and assure me he wasnt good enough for me.
Ate loads, luckily xmas happened so i had an excuse.
Talked loads and loads and loads.
Keep yourself distracted as much as you can.. anytime u find yourself alone you'll just think about it. so get out and do something with anyone.

Augmerson

Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough and my sisters. Don't know where I'd be without them!

Honey-ec

Ilyana wrote: »

As for drowning one's sorrows, it seems like a good idea at the time. Not such a good idea when you're wailing down the phone to your ex at 5am, drunk as a skunk on cheap vino.

Thankfully I never did that. I wouldn't give the prick the satisfaction.

Ellsbells

Honey-ec wrote: »

Thankfully I never did that. I wouldn't give the prick the satisfaction.

Yeah I am the same as you. I would never chase someone who finished it. If they managed to say the words it over, begging isnt going to fix what was wrong.

kylith

My dogs. They cuddle up when I'm upset, and as far as they're concerned I'm always right.

Augmerson

Honey-ec wrote: »

Thankfully I never did that. I wouldn't give the prick the satisfaction.

Easier said than done unfortunately. For some of us, it's hard to let go, especially if you've been with someone a long time and have a lot of genuine feelings for them. It depends on the circumstances. If it's anything like "I met someone else/cheated" along those lines then whoever it is can **** 100% off. Now that I'm 28 and a bit more mature though, if someone broke it off, I'd just say OK and try and move on, as they obviously (or should have) put some thought into their decision...but I am getting off topic!